How old are you?

How old am I?I don't know old enough to knock some senses into your thick skull or just knock you out.So how is that for an answer?Forget the fact that most if not all men at one point ask you this which is not annoying but when a lady asks he unless she is either my banker , therapist, lawyer or doctor, this does nothing for me. Is it that you are concerned of how old I am or asking that to annoy me. Most shallow and by shallow am sure someone somewhere agrees with me that such a question is irrelevant. Asking me just to make yourself feel younger and more accomplished be it at work or at a social gathering proves to me that I was right about you all along. No wonder I have never liked you.Anyway, good luck trying to pull the forever super sweet sixteen look grandma. Have you ever noticed that most ladies who tend to ask this are usually the ones who are insecure and old looking. Like seriously you are twenty one perhaps your ego is that long but not your face honey.Go easy on the make up...it should highlight your features not leave you looking like you are the face of Halloween in January. Trick or treat clearly to all of us who have met you it was a delightful trick.

To all the mother-in-laws and nagging relatives, get a hobby and quit picking on good ladies who bring more to the table than you often give them credit for.I know you wish you son was dating a hot Brazilian model with an Ethiopian face and a waist of that of a nail.Darling the apple doesn't fall far from the tree so unless you are a perfect example don't cloud your mind with thinking you know what is best for he. He is a grown man if not he wouldn't be having sex or let me guess you are always a speed dial away from guiding him on how to get his love on. Seriously though I plan on being a mother one day and I pray am not the monster-in-law kind. Whatever makes my children happy, I will respect it even though their spouse will have to prove to me that they are there for all the right reasons.Like that is something I expect and will respect from any mother wanting the best for her son but not dictating who she thinks is the best for him. Listen, you can't live your life and live your childrens lives as well.You might end up either messing up or loosing out on both. 

Finally,quit meddling in my life. I love you but don't get it twisted I will kick you to the curb even though we are related. If I don't insist on knowing everything about you then I expect the same respect.I get that you are concerned that I am not getting any younger but that will only lead me to getting into a meaningless relationship  just to get you off my back.That wouldn't be fair to that man or myself. Just do you and trust that I can do me.If God didn't entrust me enough to be team me, am sure he would have made things different so why are you trying to fix something that doesn't need fixing? If men grew on trees I would be gladly pluck one and take him home or cut a branch and go some  but it is not.

It is only frustrating when people make you their business yet their lives are far from being better. Don't use me as an excuse for why things are not working out for you.Since I can't disrespect you by telling you even though it is the right thing to do, I will leave it here for you to read and re-read it over and over again until you realize that age is just but a number.I maybe thirty five and immature or twelve and mature.Bottom line is life is not a respecter of age so why are you trying to define me by how old I am?

Then next time you ask ,"how old are you?" I will gladly respond old enough to do me

If it were not for the internet you would be reading a mind blowing blog about what is currently going through my mind but oh well, that is for another day.I should have saved it on word but when you are working on something juicy the last thing on your mind is saving it.You just want it all out immediately kinda like serving it while it is still hot.

How to get my passion back?Don't get me wrong now but there is nothing exciting about reliving old flames again. To those of you who keep assuming if I had to do it all over again like literally I assure you you would mess up big time. Even if given the chance to relive yesterday, I guarantee you that not only would you make the same mistakes but relive it worse.Which got me thinking if I were to wake up as a socialite, that very same night I would be pronounced dead.Think about it.I am not accustomed to that kind of life style, not judging by the way but I would over do everything. I would drink, smoke, inject and do all sorts of fun filled live in the moment shenanigans.To compensate for the various times I wished I already had such ...money and fun.

Dating or going on a date...wait back up ....accepting an invitation to go out on a day in itself is already a big deal.It feels like a full time job.I job I wouldn't wish upon my very worst enemy .... or maybe I would just to amuse myself. Listen, if you aren't a sadist as far as people you don't like goes, congratulations you are their dart board. Everything negative and bad they always blame it on you and even worse even though life doesn't look up for them atleast they have you to laugh about. True story so quit living in a bubble.Where was I?Oooooooh dating. Goodness even the name itself leaves a bad taste in my mouth.Cable lies alot.They make you believe that there are plenty of fish  out there well to be honest only the odd looking fellas are left in that wagon.No offense but it kinda seems so. All the fine looking brothers are happily married, flashing their wedding bands like you were too little to late.Damn you! Let's not be selfish here, lets not forget gay men are trying to fight for their rights.With all due respect, it's not enough I have to compete with a gazillion other ladies out there young, my age , older and now men ...oh please sit down he-she.

The fear of going on a blind date especially when the two of you have been chatting is how this person truly looks like.Is he as handsome as he comes off across.Does his character match up his enticing words or was he copy pasting this entire conversation? You look nothing like the man I imagined or should I blame it all on my mind? Is this where you get to throw the you had high expectations card?

Certain things that really bother well irritate the skin out of me.Asking me the same old boring questions like how have you been?Where do you live?Do you have more pictures?Are you on Instagram?Can we hook up on the weekend? Seriously gentlemen you better come up with something interesting from what you have already gathered about me not using the same 'get her' game.Understand this with each lady comes a different game plan.Someone of us..well myself, I have mastered a thing or two so avoid the above DON'TS. Like what part of being private don't you get.If there is anything to tell I will but until then don't push it.Most men tend to do that, well I have observed.Trying to rush everything or getting to know her in a day. Take your time. Do your back ground check on her. After all that is why you chase besides what fun would it be if I gave you all the information?

Give me something to be passionate about and I will by all means submit.

Darling,

I have always wanted to write a romantic novel. A book entailing everything I have had to go through would be a best seller no doubt but for now am taking one step at a time....Jordin Sparks... I love music and as I write along you will understand well get the idea am desperately trying to put across.

Darling, while you were away, I tried to forget you.While you were miles away I convinced myself that what I felt for you was a crush that left the day you boarded that plane. Before you even left, I had already missed you.I wish I was lying just to get a smile on that handsome face but am not so instead I am hoping your heart skips a beat. I was mad and I still am...mad... both about and at you. How dare you linger in my mind as though my life without you has no meaning?How dare you just up and leave and say nothing?What am I supposed to do with all these feeling? What am I supposed to tell my heart? I want to bite, slap and kiss you all at the same time. Yes, you got me in a bitter sweet mood.

Nothing makes sense when you are not around. Nothing is hilarious anymore for sadly your annoying presence is not here. I don't miss you, I can never miss you, am not supposed to miss you, how can I miss you, goodness I miss you.If you ever ask me if I did I will deny it.I want to text but I can't, I want to call but it is not in my place, I want to write but am sure you will just make fun of me while laughing then dismiss it so instead I will 'blog it' hoping one day you will realize that I may not have told or shown it but at some point in my life, you mattered. 

I want to be the first person you see when you get back even though I wasn't the last person you saw when you left. My bestfriend always assures me that it is never a one woman or man show. Somehow am hoping she is right and that deep within that great wall of china (your heart) past your ego and pride you atleast cared.

I have drastically lost weight over thinking about you.It is not even healthy anymore.I need to pull myself together.How do I do it you may ask?I will tell you how, I always whisper to my heart that even though he may not be the man for me, a good man will find me the same way he found another.Selfless love is the worst.It has nothing to win if you ask me for in most cases it always looses.Growing up I always felt out of place.Like I did not belong and that no one would ever get me.I was not wrong. So the only way I could survive was being in my own little world. I did not rely on peoples opinions or advise for at the end of the day good or bad I was the one to suffer the consequences. 

Being a tomboy ...climbing trees instead of playing dress up or with dolls I wrestled with my brothers.....To date I still prefer comfort over fabulosity.  Not to contradict myself that I don't wear dresses or 6inch heels I do, I can even run in them all day long but I just like dressing up in baggy pants on the weekends, a torn t-shirt and rubber shoes be it converse or Bata rubbers.Having to put on make up feels like decorating a cake.It is already beautiful but what is with all the icing and sugar.Too much sugar if you ask me.Unless it involves an official or special occasion I look like your average plain Jane. I am easily dismissed for being a natural looking lady.

Most of my friends growing up were guys so at times I get why a man would feel like I am hard headed and stubborn.I am not easy to please for most men tend to apply the same game on me.Using their titles to get the girl which by the way gentlemen is a turn off to most of us genuine ladies.We go for the simple things like how you laugh at our jokes, notice the little things about us...To me it is not what you have to offer but the manner in which you are offering it.When you feel as though what you are offering is not enough shows rather proves just how insecure and vulnerable you are. 

So main squeeze while you were away, I did some thinking out loud.I am still the same old ridiculous me.Nothing has changed just that you weren't around to witness me being me. With or without you,life went by , still is going on and will continue to go on. Don't get me wrong you make me better but even on my own am good.So you see you do add value to my life.You matter and still will matter even though you cease to be in my life.I want the best for you so if by now it hasn't lingered in your mind that I have been your best kept secret just between you and yourself, I wish you nothing but happiness.

Welcome back, it may not be the arrival I was hoping for but atleast you are back safe and sound.The only gift I can give you are my kind words.Anytime you need a reality check, I promise to be blunt.

While you were away something deep inside me awakened and there is no turning back.I am glad you never said goodbye because at the back of my mind I know we will forever have a see you later. 

 Now am doing the one thing I like the most..... Just like music I can't tune you away or turn this feeling low enough 

Lost for words

There are certain situations you go through and go like now what? More or less the Riri song what now .... Forget the firm punch in the stomach am talking about you are left feeling like a neglected painting. Well hang on the wall yet no one  wants to stop by and just observe you.... figure you out... At the moment that is how I feel. 

Writing is my therapy. I am hardly in foul moods that is because am always thinking and thinking gets to me to write. Indeed my thoughts inspire me so you could say I am my own inspiration. 

How do you compete with facts? How do you defy your own heart? How do you  balance the brain to agree with the heart? My head is faced with reality yet my heart is lost in hope. Hanging on to heaven knows what.

The timing is wrong. The situation is complicated and the parties involved are too proud to admit that something is wrong. I am always prepared so I hate surprises altogether. Am never surprised in a good way rather always end up disappointed . Does anyone else relate? 

Right now I will believe just anything negative to justify the fact that am not willing to fight but walk away. Am looking for a way to out my thoughts without having to explain why or answer to anyone . Ofcourse am scared of being wrong. The old me would have imagined the situation away but you realize as you mature you don't postpone problems. You solve them head on then move on and life continues.

I don't want to grow up. I want to act like a teenager and have someone else take the blame for it. If that were the case I would not be here writing this. I am not immature leave alone irresponsible so incase anyone else is going through the same shenanigans well then this is what we will do. Nothing! Stay in your lane and if things decide to unfold let them so until then, you are stuck here with me ... for now anyway. 

If it is true then it will be beautiful if not get a shovel because things are about to get ugly. Feeling good and looking good won't be as a result of having a carrot and a glass of water. 

That bikini will not wear itself now will it? Time to eat and look fabulous 

😘

My very first

Allow me to laugh at myself because what I thought and what I got is sheer entertainment. I always lived in a bubble. If being a dreamer had a face I would be the ambassador no doubt. At a tender age I always knew that one day I would write. Nothing to do with politics or cooking although I can't get enough of my own cooking .... Self confidence people self assurance is the only thing you can reward yourself with for free. Well either that or criticism. 

I never read Nancy Drew books but romantic novels had a way of polishing up my literature. It's not in the way the author wrote the words but how he knew where to place each occurrence as I read along. How his hands .... Her heart throbbed in her throat ... How they both locked themselves in the barn and through their eyes made love without having to undress each other...did I mention it was raining .... It always rained *damn it* 

I knew when I wanted my first kiss and with whom. It happened so fast that I hardly had the time to get my moment to relive what I read years ago. All I can say though, is that he taught me well. To date I have mastered the art of it. Not because I have enrolled in a class but I have learnt the secret is in teaching each other with your spouse.

I was young, curious and immature then but now I want my first date to be perfect .I don't want anything fancy or extra expensive which will leave an echo in your bank account. This is how I view it. Since we are both working and mature why act like a bunch of morons trying to impress each other with layers of make up on on my side and a loan from yours just to make a statement. 

I have maintained myself this far so my problem is not how you will afford me but take over from me having to maintain myself. I want the date simple and meaningful. I just want him to go out of his way creatively and impress me in ways that don't involve money. 

My first date .... I just want it to be about you and me. To not talk about cliche things like where do you work ... Live ... Where you went to campus blah blah blah enough of that madness. Talk of things that will make me laugh. I promise to be myself. Hey I will even show up with a non padded bra *laughs* you know just to be real and myself. 

I want my first date to get you thinking damn she is not what I had in mind leave alone what I go for but I have to keep her in my life. Like seriously where has she been all my life? If that were to happen then to me I will have had a perfect first date where two mature strangers decided to be friends.

Simply me... Take it or leave it

I am not a writer or a professional blogger so don't expect perfection or words which will leave you speechless wondering to yourself ," am I that illiterate?" I am in a relationship with Google .... Not that I doubt myself but it's always safe to get a second opinion. 

I tell it like it is even though so many have taken this the wrong way but truth be told I am not responsible for what you hear but rather what I say. To an extent of them asking, " how are you even friends with her?" I will tell you how, by simply walking up to me and saying hi. Let me take it from there. 

While you are busy criticizing others, know that they are busy returning the favor by planning on how to see to it that you not only fail but remain a failure. You may be bad but there are worse and sadists out there. Note to self...NOTED!

I am always myself and that to me is more than enough. Like I always tell gentlemen, if by now my character and personality have not left you breathless indeed as much as I don't drink, a good make out session of heated passion won't change your mind of how you "view" me. If anything I will have lowered my self worth just to make it easier for you to realize am not worth it. 

If I have no intention of being in a serious relationship with you believe you me I will walk away. I always tell my best friend that I don't mind being the bigger man in any situation. Instead of picking a fight , I would rather go eat or work out ... like I said am ridiculous well ridiculously awesome.

If I like you, I will not hesitate to show my appreciation and loyalty. If I don't like you professionally I will be on my best behavior to not stoop to your level but rather make you come to my level. You may not like me but you will respect me regardless ... Oh I will be sure to give you something to respect me over.

If I don't like you, I will not even make eye contact. To me you simply don't exist. so why waste my perfect vision on a wall while I can admire a gentleman in a suit? Female drama rubs me off in all the wrong ways.so I avoid them all together but if need be well... am always in it to win until the very end.

I am everything you think I am. A fool when inlove, overprotective, obsessed with achieving goals and targets, ambitious, a lady, a tomboy anything you name it. Depending on who is asking I always play along but never allow a situation define who I truly am. 

The one thing that people don't ever get a chance to know about me is that am very spiritual. My relationship with God always comes first. He is my everything for everything I have is his. I am simple yet sophisticated in my own unique way. 

Each lady is special in her own beautiful way so the thought of generalizing me as "you women" has and will never sit well with me. 

 

I don't expect much other than the very same thing I give out. I am simply me so take it or leave it.

Christmas miracle

That is all am waiting for, a Christmas miracle. When you have done all you can then the only thing left to do is surrender. Let it go.... Let things be. All you can do is just wait for an intervention but in my case I prefer a miracle. 

I was watching the ultimate gift movie and it hit me, that is how I have made it this far. By getting rid of all my cheerleaders and prioritizing my true friends. I get that am not the smartest person in the room but with the company of people who bring out the best of me, I end being better than I short saw myself. 

I can't say my inspiration is gone but when you see the only person who made your days on earth less annoying it kinda feels like a kick in the behind. I don't even want to over think the situation because as a lady am allowed to not only change my mind but over think things that just should be left alone. But that only happens when we seek the truth... Answers!!!!

I don't want designer shoes, outfits or bags. I don't really care about the festive feast. I don't want to attend the Christmas Eve in church acting like am so thankful yet deep down I feel like yet again decades later God you made me wait just to spend Christmas alone. Well not alone alone but you get what I mean .

I am just holding my last 2014 breath for a Christmas miracle. I don't want a special delivery from the North Pole heck am in Nairobi Kenya can Santa clause even trace that down? As for what I want am sure the world can wait for I have been extra good this year so I deserve all the best things life has to offer humanity . 

My exceptions and reality are two different things so all I wish...hope for.... is change. Just a simple difference from what people term as "kawaida" . Am done with the routine .... 

Roll in the next month please ....🎄🎁