Different People

When someone tells you that they are different, please believe them. You can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. You can be raised in a loving home and still grow up feeling unloved. Challenges of being different makes others question how you view life because they will never see the bigger picture.

Most normal people are afraid of failure. Different people embrace failure and use it as motivation to better themselves. When you change your questions from who to what you will understand that the only person you need to convince is yourself. It is not about life rejecting or hurting me but rather just how bad do I need it in my life in order for me to commit.

Love brings out another side in every one of us. Good or bad I really don't know but this much am sure. I don't know anyone else the way I know myself. It is not what you won't do , it is what I won't put up with. People who are different don't take the term/word us in relationships seriously. By us it usually means  I, Me and Myself. I am not worried about you, am worried about me.

Different people will only stop the day there is no longer magic and they will end up viewing you just like everyone else or even worse ie the enemy. Don't ever stop being special in the eyes of a different person because then they will resent you and everything else you represent. 

Different people will never hide who they truly are to stroke your ego. They are open minded and very opinionated. If they have nothing polite to say they will simply smile or walk away avoiding eye contact. That is a dangerous sign because what it means is that they have you all figured out.  Different people lack in areas they can't explain because their minds know beyond what their eyes see. Different people seek things that are beyond normal because that is their #RealityCheck.

The Man After My heart

He had me at a mighty man of wealth. That left a smile on my face while questioning how wealthy is wealth?  And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers and her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.

And, behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The Lord be with you. And they answered him, The Lord bless thee.

 All I know and can take from this is that here is a determined woman who did everything she could not for herself but for her mother in law and still it wasn't enough because her hap was to light on a part belonging to him  *God has a sense of humor* and in the midst of her hard work and struggle behold he came. Wait, say that again .....he came. He not only came but the way he addressed his reapers humbles my heart. The respect between Boaz and the reapers amazes me like it was that one of a kind moment so much so that the conversations they had, had to be written in the bible. That in itself tells me what kind of a man and leader Boaz was. A man after my heart. 


Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this? Its as if something stronger than his spirit drove him there. He was focused and even safe to say he knew what he wanted because immediately he took notice of her in such an overwhelming way he just had to know her. Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens . Boaz was very protective of her and you can tell secretly he wanted her all to himself. To me this is the most romantic story in the entire bible. 

The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust. Are there still men who do this? Bless the women in their lives? 

My definition of wealth thanks to Boaz is not only knowing God but fearing and having a relationship with him. That is what makes this man stand out to me and the most desirable.  I believe deep down Boaz had been praying for a Ruth because when he saw her he knew exactly what to say and do. 

Just like this mysterious love story we all go through life battling things that seem like they are weighing us down just like Ruth. The truth is whatever you have been praying and working hard for in a weird way will cause your answer to appear like a Boaz. And, behold it will come .  Like Ruth I pray you wont miss your opportunity of redemption and blessings because it won't come in an obvious way that's why you need to trust your heart and listen to that still voice because unlike your eyes it sees and already knows. 

The book of Ruth happens to be my #RealityCheck  

July Tease

Baibee am a lover not a fighter but the only time we will ever fight will be in between the sheets. When you turn me I will toss me. You strike me like the kind of man who speaks a foreign language when angry yet the squeeze me hard when excited. I have never been here before . I am typing hoping that this finally registers to your mind that am your type.

I am a product of love so be sure I cannot make this passion up. I know my body acts like it is not interested but the conversation my eyes have with your heart is enough to speak world peace and bring restoration to mankind. See our kind of love is the envy of stars . We don't need the moon all we need is a room ...... On second thought we would light it up with flames of forbidden chemistry and spiritual oneness not to mention sexual healing......

People ask me why am single. The truth is I have been waiting for someone to awaken the silent voices and give meaning to inspiration. I am not vulnerable I am sure. I am not comfortable I am eagerly anticipating the day our souls will have a conversation again. Who knows maybe this time we will dance as our hearts provide the music and our deep breaths will guide our hands. 

Everyone wants the success story of how you got that big break but am different. Refreshingly different *smile* . I want the story of how the process left you feeling vulnerable  so much so that you were willing to give up but you didn't. Why? What made you hold on? What motivated you to fight alittle more? Who?

Whatever makes you happy do it. I am not out here chasing you, am only submitting to my heart. Anyone can handle your good side but I want to fall inlove with your dark side. The one you keep telling yourself that it is your best kept secret. If I can understand you at your worst then baibee I can applaud you at your best but until then I need your soul to trust my heart.

Tonight darling, tonight am all about you because you are not only my enchanting truth but my #RealityCheck. 

Cold Decency

As I sit in the dark listening to some Banky W - Made For You reflecting on how my day was half hungry, tired and excited I cannot help but have a Cold Decency. Earlier,an Uber driver *man* in his late fifties or rather came off that way was kind enough to give me a heads up that the world will end in 2022. I knew what I had done wrong. If you meet me for the very first time I am very welcoming with my beautiful smile and warm hi. I come off inviting although in actual sense am not. There is a difference between being polite and overly entertaining.I come off flirtatious and very interested. Real quick ask me your name and I will laugh because am busy being your co-driver, day dreaming and analyzing you in my mind.

I have heard of devils but today I rode with one. The little church girl in me was ready to put her Sunday school skills to the test. What got my attention is when he said that with so much corruption and theft they wont have time to even enjoy the money. Immediately I started day dreaming. What do you mean like I haven't had a chance for a decent first date, kiss and long drive home. I haven't met the one for me yet. We haven't had that it moment yet, argued to a point of breaking up to making up. Crap, I haven't met his annoying friends and he my disapproving bestfriend. He hasn't even asked me to be his girlfriend. We haven't even re watched deadpool  *fuck*.


In the midst of even a silly moment that is when you realize what is really important. It is what it is because you know what you cannot force someone or anyone to see you in the way you see yourself. The big question is who is this someone? So darling today you did cross my mind rather you are the motivation behind my hard work. Its easier assuming you are miles away, in a different country to stay sane and am sure am not the only one who thinks this way.

Today love hit home and it left a cold decency. You are not a bad person but sometimes you come off cold. You want to be normal and have average dreams or expectations but you can't because you know whatever you want is out there thus forced to be decent.

I Love Old Fashioned Men

Hi Checkmates. Being celibate is hard. It is a choice, my choice and not a trend. I know myself inlove rather I have experienced just how rebellious and stubborn I am when in a relationship. To be completely honest meeting the right man scares me because then I have to practice what I preach. I worry alot. What if I wait too long in the relationship and God forbid he suddenly dies without having explored me?

This is about to go deep but then it wouldn't be a #RealityCheck without going where no one wants to go. I don't mind being vulnerable and naive both at the same time if anything I can't wait for those beautiful sweet and white lies. I am afraid of saying no when in real sense I want it and you in unfathomable ways. Hey,you are not the only one having blue balls here ..... my 'girl' is ready to speak in tongues because the 'holy ghost' in her is literally on fire.

Everytime I go on social media and I read whats happening I am like trust me you don't want to know. I am an unconventional lady so even on your naughty days you can't keep up with my filthy side. I want to be boring for now until the right moment and person present themselves both at the same time. I have a thing for cowboys. The easiest way to 'get laid' gentlemen is by simply being that a gentleman. The way they come off all respectable doesn't make them less of men but more attractive and responsible. Italian men are romantic thus every woman wants to be with a man who adores her.

I am not asking you to be either but give me something to work with. A sneak peak of what I should expect. A preview..... goddamnit .....anything ...... I need a man who wants to be with me and respectful enough to understand that it will take more than flowers, traveling,looks, cars and a last name to impress me. Child, its 2018 and I still love old fashioned men who open doors, apologize even when they are right and take their time to understand, woo and express themselves in a loving manner. 

Imagine Yourself Inlove

Having waited for so long to say those words and not in a sentence but to someone face to face will be reliving a dream. I am so used to telling God so it would feel weird telling rather having to share that intimate word with an actual human being. I love you ....wait ....I am inlove with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have all admired someone at one point in our "miserable lives" I mean honestly looking back at it .... Have you ever tried to explain how good looking someone was back in the day compared to now? You just want to pull them aside when its really dark , shake them up and be like what happened? Like there is no saving your looks child *damn* and to think you did all that for them to end up becoming the brand ambassador of "Eww Fuck No".

The last person I said that to turned out to be a totally different person. See at that particular moment when I said it, it felt real and I meant it. This is not coming from a bitter place but from a better one. When he left, sorry when I left .....the ugly truth that would tear any human down is having to admit that you were cheated on and was left with no choice but leave ....so, when I left rather when I realized that he and I had different dreams and views on life I promised myself to never use the L word ever again. He is an incredible man to someone else perhaps that is why he fell short of my expectations because even at his best he openly admitted that he never felt like he quite deserved me. So if he is out there and happens to read this, thank you, you were right and damn right you are welcome. I was taught to leave people better if not bigger than I met them. So if you failed that's entirely on you.

Imagine myself inlove? You are asking me to betray my heart and be vulnerable. Fine. First of all, I am a free spirit. As long as it is not illegal rather incriminating because I don't believe in following any rules other than common sense I am all in.I am old fashioned at heart. I do believe in love at first sight. When you know you know. No matter how amazing you are to those around you only the one for you can see past the show you are always putting on without having to say a word. I believe that true love can conquer it all even death. Stuck in a world where society is consumed with titles and material achievements my heart is slowly giving up. Witnessing loveless marriages where the two can't even be friends or respect each other in public. 

The one for me is out there. Trying to convince himself  that he is happy and that this will work out. I can almost picture that "delusional man" changing everything about himself that makes him exceptional for her to fall helplessly for his lost mind *hahahaha that poor girl*.  If that doesn't work he will be forced to take it out on afew other good ladies *I apologize on his behalf* until he hits rock bottom and decides to wait upon God who will lead him to me. Tell me though baibee was all that rejection really necessary? You are one hilarious man wherever you are.That is one of  the questions I am eagerly waiting to ask him while we laugh ...... God needed you sober/mature enough to appreciate his masterpiece. Anyone who chooses to spend the rest of his life with me is a mad man.  The one for me is a gentleman who is very hardworking and takes himself way too seriously (take a chill pill will you). He likes his women the way he likes his drinks strong with a little slap and pinch . Did I mention he is naughty .....(laughing sheepishly). I mean lets not allow all that experience you got out there go to waste .... *wink*... That beautiful beast will be insecure and both his eyes and his body language will be a pleasure to witness.  He is calm, thoughtful , gentle , compassionate yet with a temper (I will love making him mad). He is out there getting his ego stroked with afew lies from people he secretly cant stand and when its late he quietly has conversations in his head cursing them out. He is bipolar but aren't we all indirectly. 

The one am inlove with has to be the missing screw in my head.No we will not finish each others sentences. He will feed off my sarcasm and my opinion will be his aphrodisiac. Its not what I say but rather how .....am cursed with such a beautiful gift .....My presence will be enough to cause him to change from ordinary to extraordinary. To everyone else he is superman because they are always in need of saving but am the only one  who knows his true identity.  Clark Kent is sexy.That man can gerrit ... all of it .... Everything I need to know about him he already is giving it away with a simple stare .....

I hope you read this as you are preparing to go make yet another beautiful mistake responsibly or later on when she proves to be good from far but far from good. May it ignite a fire in your soul only my heart can put out. I am everything you have been praying for and much more. When you meet me your heart will let you know that there is something familiar about  me yet so refreshingly different.

Until then my scrumptious beast of a man, am off to get afew stories of my own after all life has to go on with or without you in the picture and that is my #RealityCheck

Darling,....... no its not a man

Happy New Month Checkmates. As always a toast to new beginnings, friendships and levels of blessings *cheers*. There is nothing wrong with enjoying material things but being materialistic is another ballgame. I hate compliments because most of them are based on how you look and not who you are as a person.I am yet to meet someone who wants to get to know me genuinely.

People who know me celebrate how far God has brought me while people who don't know me assume it's a man behind all this. First of all who is this invisible man? Don't get me excited for nothing child. I have heard this bullshit over and over again to a point I have to educate rather correct hypocrisy because it's selective. You are glowing .... whatever that man is doing let him not stop. No I will not lie and say am glowing from drinking eight glasses of water and working out. If am being honest someone spiked my water and I believe her aim was to make me look like a toad. She reminded me of Margaret Thatcher that if they attack you personally it means they have not a single political argument left.

A while back I posted that I had hormonal imbalance because I thought my body was reacting differently to something I ate. Whatever substance was used to spike my water was pretty good I have to admit because it took me almost three months to get me here ... glowing ... so thank you bitterness... see I would call you sweetness but we both know you leak of bile. Sometimes a low blow is a blessing because it keeps you focused and prepared for anything.

You think my eyes dance when I am smitten, baibee , you should see me when I am dismissed and considered a write-off . God has had to break, shake me up and polish me for such a time as this. I like who I have become and am becoming each passing day. The old me needed validation but now as long as I have a voice and use it to uplift others that is more than enough.

Darling,........ no its not a man. Speaking of a man in the words of Steve Harvey you have to let a man see what he can get but you have to make him imagine what he can have. I am meanwhile working on myself before I can let him see what he can get. What am I giving in the first place? Now that is a good #RealityCheck