From bread crumbs to highly favored

I have a feeling God is about to change my status from *cricket sound*  to that of a fountain. From lack to plenty. From checking my account balance to owning several banks. And all the doubters and critics fall down laughing. Very good. Consider this my pre speech.

I usually refer to God as a one second kind of King.  He comes through just before I am able to process a thought. I would like to take this opportunity not to thank the people who have encouraged me but spread the encouragement to someone else out there.

So, when did I get my big break you may ask? I didn't. ...rather I haven't because it's not based on what you term as a big break. I have always had a big ego if that helps. There are those few who walk around knowing all they have to do is make that phone call and fortunately am not one of them. To me I always look at negativity as a hidden opportunity to push myself further. Sure, I have had afew yes along my journey but that didn't excite me the way being told no or worse being brushed aside gave me life. I thrive off the word no.

Wake up each day knowing no one owes you anything and only God can pay you back.  That way you will stop expecting so much from man and relying entirely on God. Please for those of you who will be in my very same shoes or even worse and feel like if only I can reach out to this lady, my life will change because in a way she understands, please don't.  This is me shedding some wisdom that as I harvest some of you will be planting. Different seasons.  Everything is a process. Where I can, I will help and where I can't understand its beyond me. Go's is trying to teach you a valuable lesson. 

I hope you use my story to stay encouraged and confident that if God came through for this what most would term as undeserving villager (as if viewing me less will stop God from blessing me) He surely will deliver you not because you are more worthy but you have earned his trust. I am a not asking you to be happy for me either but don't allow my blessing take away from the truth that I am still the same old character with the same personality with a little bit more going her.

I didn't change, I just went from bread crumbs to highly favored that's the enchanting #RealityCheck

Cheers!!!

Be the last

In a world full of lust, I just want to be the last. Being first only means you are ahead but it doesn't guarantee of getting there. It's a stepping stone but not the final destination. Excuse my God if HE intentionally takes his time when it comes to his daughter because I am not only a fragile masterpiece but an exceptional handful. When you are friends with someone there is that loyalty and trust that comes naturally so believe me when I say, I have been less of a friend because I have doubted the process and haven't represented our friendship in a humanly envious way.

There is a difference between people worrying on your behalf and them ruling you out. That's why when I walk in a room I am no longer offended when people stare. If anything, they should.   Listen, if you have to announce your arrival or make your presence known, baibee you are in the wrong room and might I add, wrong crowd. Greatness doesn't shout, it's immediately identified. It's like an electric shock. I will not even expound on that, only the wise will get it.

I am at the last stage. While everyone else is rushing to set the pace, I am taking a step back. You will not miss any detail because the true colours of people only show when the norm fails or in this special case succeeds. I would rather fail miserably than wait for the right time, day or year to end up showcasing my foolishness all in the name of fear.

As I mature, I am now aware of how important grace is and it only comes with perseverance. There are certain values one should never expect from certain individuals. If your reasoning from  then and now is no different, are we not allowed to accept that this is who you truly are and not expect more?

This year, I am embracing people as they are. Don't miss out an opportunity trying to act less than smart. If it doesn't challenge you, it won't grow you. If you don't work hard for it, you will easily give it up. Opportunities are everywhere so instead of fighting for the same old spotlight with a I will do better mentality, do what comes to you effortlessly and maybe then, you will have an audience of people who get you.

Find your rythem. God's timing is the best. Don't be in a hurry just because you are last to get in the game be it work or relationship. Why would you want to be the reason someone cries to God every night while they could be thanking him for bringing you at the last minute? What makes a movie is not how they meet in the beginning and fall madly inlove but how they fight and find a way into each others arms and lives once again.

You could have had a rough childhood but don't allow that to define your end. You can change all that because your story is not written off because the good book says the last shall be the first and the first last for many be called but few chosen.There will always be someone who will not agree with you and someone who will value your opinion.

There is nothing wrong with being last and this is my #RealityCheck.

Dear Selfish Men,

Dear Selfish Men,
It is with deep sadness that I have to write this letter because I am tired of having this conversation in my mind.  You are amazing and I both applaud and appreciate your effort but you are taken.  It takes someone who is broken and mature to embrace this ugly truth. You want me, and I want you just as bad but you are taken.

I recognise that I am living in a man's world with submission traits in me but I refuse to participate in this joke. I understand life is short but why must I end mine to better yours? Why must I put my dreams on hold to support yours?

Married men, stop that! You made a vow to God to love her yet you are out here causing her to face some serious jail time for murder knowing very well you won't leave her. Let me break it down here real quick. If you can't honour God the giver of life by keeping your word am I supposed to assume you will give me the world with your unhappy soul? If you can't make her half that happy and yet she somehow completes you and looks to you for everything after everything you have put her through do you think I will be faithful to you the minute I learn you are less of the man you come off to be? Child please!

Gentlemen in relationships, please stick to familiar and if not end it. You can have your cake and eat it too right? Baibee, am clay! Under alot of pressure I will break. Listen, we are all created differently. Not everyone is looking for happily ever after because if you did you wouldn't settle for half the deal. I refuse to move in with you until you marry me. This is not playing hard to get or having unrealistic expectations. If we both want different things that's okay but denying myself the opportunity to find someone who understands my silence and intentions doesn't necessarily mean I am naive or dumb.

I call you selfish because you either already have that happiness or have tasted it. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. I would hate to discourage you but the reality is you are not Solomon in the bible.  Fix your relationship with God first then work on your life. No feast for kiundu. If you are ashamed of your marriage I am not a shrink nor a priest. Again, go to church and have your pastor advise you on that. If you and the one on probation are constantly on this on and off relationship and you are tempted to test the waters by seeing other people while on break, I am not a game nor a stadium.  No one here is your cheerleader.  If you think what you are used to is either old or boring sir, I am ten times worse.  You think she is not trendy, I am stone age.  Don't do it. Don't gamble your life away by thinking you are missing out because in actual sense you have everything you need right infront of you. You just need to spice things up.

Selfish Men,  please make it work. If you think she is old, guess who aged her by giving her his problems and supporting you through thick and thin. If am being honest, you don't deserve her. Neither do you deserve me. I can never take over or match up her standards both good and bad. She took the time to know you.  I don't have that prestige and patience to tolerate you. When she says she understands she is secretly looking for ways to put a smile back on your frown. If I say I understand, it simply means I am looking for your replacement.

Don't start something you won't finish.

Let's allow people who are not committed a chance to be truly happy.

You are not a bad person for wanting more but you are going at it in a very self centred selfish way.

Yours sincerely,
#RealityCheck.

Everyone has their own opinion

This year I faced my biggest fear. I went to see a dermatologist after several years of self observations, trial and fails. The only reason why the thought never crossed my mind was because of HOUSE..... the series. Listen I was never to go in having whatever it is say simple menstrual pimples on my face only for the doctor to be like ,"How are you even alive?". *sarcastic side eye*

When I say I am not loyal to products I mean exactly that. I will use anything and everything as long as it is expensive and smells good. They say cleanliness is next to godliness so far that's my excuse to purchase more than I actually need. So does that mean all I have to survive on is carrots and water? *laughing it off* ofcourse not silly. Although I have to be in a serious relationship with water.

I blogged this a while back, but I don't understand influencers on social media who very well know that they are out to make quick money yet mislead naive victims like the younger me to use make up to get clearer results. What a fool I was. Such desperation . Thank God my face didn't blow up. Everyday my bestfriend keeps reminding me of that sad day I kept telling her "zinaisha " Kiswahili for "clearing."

This blog is to remind myself that no matter who says rather swears by any given product unless I have tried it on my own and I consult from a professional, I will never buy into social media hype. The same goes for the posts and pictures online. Unless I know you personally or its officially on Google "acha" that is Kikuyu a very romantic language though the word means NO in English.   *smiles*

Listen,this is my argument. If you can afford an expensive beauty product, you can sacrifice the same amount to go consult a doctor regarding the same. Don't be blinded by quick results only to suffer later on. Take time on yourself and understand your entire being. There is an important legal principle that says ,"ignorance of the law is no excuse. " I had to quote it reason being it serves as a #RealityCheck

Oh, how am I doing so far? Good things come to those who wait. It's a process and yes there is progress. Everyone has their own opinion

The ten year challenge got me thinking....

This being my birthday month, ofcourse it's a big deal considering I have so much to celebrate. The ten year challenge got me thinking. I thought I had it all figured out. It was pretty simple,  I would land a job as a stewardess, earn way more as the years progressed, fall inlove with the pilot, drift apart go back to school and study law in UK, be a well renowned criminal lawyer, become the most sort after Bachelorette , break afew hearts here and there , settle for a better male version of myself, outgrow his love, advance to becoming a judge, quit after five years then finally leave it all behind to become a relationship counsellor. So, where was God in all this?

It's good to dream heck I dream need I add daydream all the time but from the now me, the evolving, maturing because I still have so much to learn, accept and let go of, it looks like my priorities were fudged up big time. I lived life acting like God was my PA.  He had to make it happen.  So you know what He gave me instead, brokenness. He had to break me because part of growing requires humility. You don't get to choose your blessing, baby He does. It being cute and all, it would have served the wrong purpose. I now know it.

It didn't stop me from dreaming. As a matter of fact He had to get me to a point where He does entrust me for his will to be done in mylife. Getting God to trust you is like no friendship I have ever encountered. It's not for the weak at heart. I can write rather hire someone to write a book on my behalf on that alone and it would be a best seller.

I am a living testimony 2019 because those ten years have forced me to stay when all I prayed for was to leave. I have learnt so much that half the time I think I sound like a broken record repeating myself. It's not for others though, it has been a #DaddyDaughterAdventure.  Alone it's impossible. If you could have told me ten years from now I would be happily single I would have opted for the easy way out. Don't get it twisted I would be dead and forgotten.

The top lesson in mind as I blog has to be patience. I blush at the very thought of what awaits.  If this is what ten years does to my soul what of twenty more? * pauses and thinks* I will be graceful and wise beyond my years. That is a beautiful vision. I can already see myself walking at night on my well lit driveway admiring the trees with a warm shawl wrapped round me like a baby and in almost a whisper asking God, "How did we get here?" Laughter follows.

Ten years! I finally understand. When you stop chasing things and chase God instead, YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF. The person you get to fall inlove with each passing day, pleased to introduce to others while learning in the process. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better life and lifestyle but it's your intentions that move God to either bring it to pass or change you for the best to come. Now that is what a call a #RealityCheck.

I know it's out there! I know he is...

This is how you know that you have matured. When you read your old posts on social media and make faces. I am not talking about love faces sorry Trey Songz rather the lemon test on babies faces. Good God what is that and why was I even allowed to experience that? But I understand and this is why. I was still walking around so angry from disappointments in life. What threw me off more is the kind of energy that I had allowed myself to be around.

Looking back at that one update and those desperate comments from human beings who were less than smart led me to this beautiful realisation that I was stuck emotionally. I actually do feel so sad for that part of me that had to endure all that. What people don't understand is that one right disappointment can leave you stuck. If I was a man would I date the younger me from that post? No!

The lady I am today can openly admit and share my failures not for social influential gains but like I have repeatedly written, this blog is cheap therapy. I am my worst critic, my own fan and biggest encouragement. I am a three lady 2019. I laugh at society because you can't beat someone whose only choice is to win because most of my life I have been stuck. Having said that, how many people are still guilty of being stuck? Especially in relationships why would you feel the need to overprove yourself?  Perhaps I am shamelessly naive or delusional but shouldn't it feel like home and not a house? Shouldn't I be myself around you after all you complete me right?

I am from watching a very educative romantic movie. Not to be misquoted but in my opinion the best kind of love is when both of you are mature. Busy wondering what next in your lives if not careers. My mission 2019 is to achieve that level of maturity whereby when presented with the perfect job, relationship or purpose I will humbly bow out or accept it. You know what this is everything I have always wanted but someone else needs this more than I do. There are so many good men out there but I don't want to camouflage myself to appear good for them to spot or accept me. I just want for it to unfold beautifully on its own. Like we might start off on a bad note but that will only spark something assuring deep inside you to let you know that's my insecurity acting up. You are not just good but me good. I know it's out there. I know he is.

How many people are walking around stuck doing the right thing for everyone else but it's not happiness fulfilling? 2019, are you happy? Why are you still stuck in okay when you can be fantastic. What you find yourself doing passionately should come naturally. The same with love. Some days you feel like a superhero and other times you just want to be saved. There must be consistency for it to work from both parties. 2019 chanel in your inner maturity and have an honest conversation with your heart and mind. It will lead you to your #RealityCheck

Its 2019 yet people have given up on love

People have given up on love but not me though. I am out here not only swimming but doing backstroke moves in my own madness. A party of one please! Thank you. Happy new year checkmates. 2019 is a year full of love. As have been the years before and years after but there is some magic for those crazy enough to believe it. What are my resolutions?  To be alive, stay alive and live like I am alive. It's a three kind of affair for me.

As we unwrap this marvellous year, there are moments I will share on social media. One it's not what I am saying  but rather two it's why I am saying it that matters. It's a year full of untold mysteries and game changing puzzles. I ushered in this year inlove. Everything about me feels so warm and welcoming. I am open to all possibilities this life has to offer. I have known myself to be a soul kind of lady but this year I go deeper. Most will confuse my confidence with arrogance. If it's not in line with my happiness it deserves my silence.

Listen with your eyes. Only the brave will work to keep it. My song 2019 happens to be by one talented man by the name Musiq Soulchild ~ yes  . The entire song leaves me feeling so vunrable  so let me share some of my favourite lines PEOPLE DON'T STICK AROUND,  BUILD YOU UP THEN LET YOU DOWN , I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE BEEN BURNED , HONESTY IS WHAT YOU DESERVE,  SO THAT'S WHAT I AM GIVING YOU ..... SO WHEN THE WORLD AND THE ODDS ARE AGAINST US , YOU WON'T HAVE TO QUESTION. .......CAUSE I AM MORE ATTRACTED TO WHAT'S INSIDE OF YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GUESS, THE ANSWER IS YES.

Words have power. Those above leave me feeling both empowered and humble. Why are people giving up so easily? Is it because what they want doesn't exist or they are simply settling for what they have come across? Why!? You cannot change another human being unless they are willing to change on their own.  Listen, you have it. You have always had it but you have been trying to convince the wrong people. You are an ocean but you have been living as if you are a pothole praying for it rain , waiting to be filled.

Some of you this year will need to be reminded of how amazing you are without you even trying too hard. You are hilarious. What you say makes perfect sense. If you must fail to get over that fear then by all means fail but don't postpone that dream any longer. Don't complain if you are not going to do anything different about it. Some of you need to divorce and break up with social media and go work and fix your personal lives. Don't just say you are someone's friend this year be a true friend. I will not like your instagram pictures not because I am jealous of your new car instead I will dive into your DM and ask the brutal questions? I saw you new car, congratulations but I saw something more which drew my attention...... Why are that sad? The reason why I used the example of a car is because I love cars.

Live your truth ladies and gentlemen.

Be bold 2019.

Ladies, don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Baibee am not saying you have drained what's left of my youth but what are your intentions with me this year? Some of you could be waiting just to end up being a stepping stone or worse a helper to the one *laughing sheepishly* true story. Gentlemen,  I am not a man but I have dated and have brothers as well as male friends so please don't say you want a decent lady while your out there warming your manhood in any available open hole like respect yourself. This is not hip-hop so stop hopping around grasshopper.

No amount of success, connection or wealth can buy back health and life. All your life you have been a life is too short and YOLO for the last ten years. Same song different partner. Same strategy with worse results. Forget your titles and influence on social media, who is the real you? Are you using the avenues you have been given to compensate what the basic you lacks in reality? Do yourself a favour this year, choose yourself.

This is how to test if you are happy on your own. Are you doing what everyone else is doing or are you so wrapped up in your own world everyone else wants in on the action? Everyone is the boss of their life but how authentic are you? Before you like or retweet ask yourself this, "Does this reflect who I am or am I hoping to attract what I am after?". 2019 let this be your #RealityCheck. 

Enjoy the rest of your year checkmates.