May I

May I,

I can’t stop you from being attracted to me because then it would mean I stop being myself which is impossible so I have decided to take it upon my honest self to state my truth. Financially,I am not even close to walking into my favorite store without having to introduce myself leave alone wanting the main designer custom make an outfit specifically for me considering we are friends like that.

That might take years which am not guaranteed by The Almighty so let me rephrase, that will take GOD to get me from admirer to ADMIRED! To all the brave young men (younger than me) stepping up to try and land a date with me. As flattered as I am, child, I have been praying for a MAN and NOT TO RAISE ONE! I have done that in the past for someone else so speaking from experience I REFUSE TO BE A STEPPING STONE.

The least I can do is encourage you indirectly with my social post least you claim I led you on. No, on the contrary, am running away. I am way too broke to be a cougar so my few coins are to ensure my survival is not as brutal as society exaggerates. I am currently working on myself figuring out what really makes me happy and what I need to improve on. So you see, am basically not putting my life on hold but living it.

I just wish and hope that these legible gentlemen out here are fixing themselves as well. You know how they say when you work on being the right man, the right woman will find you? Yeah, am not one of those right woman either reason being I will not find you. So how about we both work on each other separately then somehow if our paths are meant to cross, we will wee what happens next. Until then, am making the most of now, right now!

Speaking of #RealityCheck wow,  that was refreshing.

Still

I just got hit with the you have changed talk. You are calm, younger, healthier and happier. Don't mind if I  take in all these compliments . Again, I can't help but smile.  Are you sure you are not on drugs? Or broke up with your boyfriend because you are different? I understand what I am being told yet deep down I can't stop giggling. This was one of my resolutions this year. When you are one with your soul, you get to experience a certain level of superpower called still. Psalms 46:10  read that beautiful scripture. The son of bigfoot (movie) when his father taught him how to slow down thats when it came to him. I love animation movies though most of my family members don't understand why? Hopefully, my future husband will if not we might as well start signing those divorce papers now.

I am the happiest I have ever been this year. Thanks to so many things I have had to stop , improve on and tap into. I am still learning and looking forward to so much more if not better. Situations whereby before I would go apeshit, I have learnt the art of ignore. Truly ignorance is bliss. The only thing I am troubling myself with is, why am I doing this? Is it a want, need or luxury? On a scale of importance, how do I prioritise this?

This year, just slow down because everything you though you needed to get through life, has always been inside you but you have been chasing the wind instead of listening to it. Stay alive, love and whatever it is don't forget to make the most of every opportunity. Live each day as it comes and try as much as you can to listen to yourself.

When you stop chasing it, it stops running away. Oh, what you want rest assured is also out there wanting you back.  What you give is what you get. We serve a good and mighty God like that. You might have good intentions but that doesn't make you a good person, at the same time, most of you might come off a certain way though with questionable tendacies.

I am not here to advise anyone just stating my current #RealityCheck

Much in March

Oh the world is not ready for March. The golden possibilities that will unfold this month leaves my mind blown to such an extent I feel like going mad. Basically,  it's everything I have been talking about exceeding my expectations. I can't explain but this much I know, March is not for everyone.

It's an eye opening month. Some of you will experience the good from far but far from good moments while few of you will be taken aback by the simplicity infront of you which will turn out to be the very thing you needed to take the next step in your lives and the rest of you will have a homer simpson moment; you won't get it!

I can't explain but it will happen all too quick.

March will be one #RealityCheck no one saw coming

DM Me

I am easily inspired. Nevertheless, I always find myself holding back.

Hi stalker. We are all gifted differently. We all know of someone who has more than one social media account if you are not that person already. If you are reading this while laughing, hi, you are not alone.  Today's blog is inspired by someone who sent me a friend request on instagram. I literally want to meet this person. I am assuming it's a man, rather I am hoping to God it's a man if not which I am hardly ever wrong so help me God all I can say is ,"if it's a girl/lady , Kindly have yourself checked in a mental institution." Thank you.

So this wonderful human being went ahead and created an account to "spy" on me. It's how this person did it that stood out and got my attention. Two days to my birthday I can only imagine the conversation this person had with himself *fingers crossed* like this lady first of all is full of herself and I agree. When have I never been full of myself? Where is that emoji 😞. Have I ever tried hiding it? I will go futher and conclude that this "man" has a crush on me *fdl*. 

I don't know what's more intriguing being a brutally honest person or having a private account. I have said it before I am not that interesting atleast not on social media but in person, I am no rock star but I will rock your world ..... what a weak goof line 😂😆.  This person has taken the time to learn what I like. From one curious person to another, I am flattered and respect your one day craft but I still have to block and report your account.

Someone told me the next time you see me say hi and we will see where it goes from there. What a clown!! That was just my ego being bruised and I respected that. Unlike that human, tell you what, send me a DM and I will be sure to respond to that instead.  I am sure you are on twitter and usually get information from there so hopefully you will read this blog and stay open minded.

Just be yourself.

You have inspired this and made my day though I have to hand you a #RealityCheck

From bread crumbs to highly favored

I have a feeling God is about to change my status from *cricket sound*  to that of a fountain. From lack to plenty. From checking my account balance to owning several banks. And all the doubters and critics fall down laughing. Very good. Consider this my pre speech.

I usually refer to God as a one second kind of King.  He comes through just before I am able to process a thought. I would like to take this opportunity not to thank the people who have encouraged me but spread the encouragement to someone else out there.

So, when did I get my big break you may ask? I didn't. ...rather I haven't because it's not based on what you term as a big break. I have always had a big ego if that helps. There are those few who walk around knowing all they have to do is make that phone call and fortunately am not one of them. To me I always look at negativity as a hidden opportunity to push myself further. Sure, I have had afew yes along my journey but that didn't excite me the way being told no or worse being brushed aside gave me life. I thrive off the word no.

Wake up each day knowing no one owes you anything and only God can pay you back.  That way you will stop expecting so much from man and relying entirely on God. Please for those of you who will be in my very same shoes or even worse and feel like if only I can reach out to this lady, my life will change because in a way she understands, please don't.  This is me shedding some wisdom that as I harvest some of you will be planting. Different seasons.  Everything is a process. Where I can, I will help and where I can't understand its beyond me. Go's is trying to teach you a valuable lesson. 

I hope you use my story to stay encouraged and confident that if God came through for this what most would term as undeserving villager (as if viewing me less will stop God from blessing me) He surely will deliver you not because you are more worthy but you have earned his trust. I am a not asking you to be happy for me either but don't allow my blessing take away from the truth that I am still the same old character with the same personality with a little bit more going her.

I didn't change, I just went from bread crumbs to highly favored that's the enchanting #RealityCheck

Cheers!!!

Be the last

In a world full of lust, I just want to be the last. Being first only means you are ahead but it doesn't guarantee of getting there. It's a stepping stone but not the final destination. Excuse my God if HE intentionally takes his time when it comes to his daughter because I am not only a fragile masterpiece but an exceptional handful. When you are friends with someone there is that loyalty and trust that comes naturally so believe me when I say, I have been less of a friend because I have doubted the process and haven't represented our friendship in a humanly envious way.

There is a difference between people worrying on your behalf and them ruling you out. That's why when I walk in a room I am no longer offended when people stare. If anything, they should.   Listen, if you have to announce your arrival or make your presence known, baibee you are in the wrong room and might I add, wrong crowd. Greatness doesn't shout, it's immediately identified. It's like an electric shock. I will not even expound on that, only the wise will get it.

I am at the last stage. While everyone else is rushing to set the pace, I am taking a step back. You will not miss any detail because the true colours of people only show when the norm fails or in this special case succeeds. I would rather fail miserably than wait for the right time, day or year to end up showcasing my foolishness all in the name of fear.

As I mature, I am now aware of how important grace is and it only comes with perseverance. There are certain values one should never expect from certain individuals. If your reasoning from  then and now is no different, are we not allowed to accept that this is who you truly are and not expect more?

This year, I am embracing people as they are. Don't miss out an opportunity trying to act less than smart. If it doesn't challenge you, it won't grow you. If you don't work hard for it, you will easily give it up. Opportunities are everywhere so instead of fighting for the same old spotlight with a I will do better mentality, do what comes to you effortlessly and maybe then, you will have an audience of people who get you.

Find your rythem. God's timing is the best. Don't be in a hurry just because you are last to get in the game be it work or relationship. Why would you want to be the reason someone cries to God every night while they could be thanking him for bringing you at the last minute? What makes a movie is not how they meet in the beginning and fall madly inlove but how they fight and find a way into each others arms and lives once again.

You could have had a rough childhood but don't allow that to define your end. You can change all that because your story is not written off because the good book says the last shall be the first and the first last for many be called but few chosen.There will always be someone who will not agree with you and someone who will value your opinion.

There is nothing wrong with being last and this is my #RealityCheck.

Dear Selfish Men,

Dear Selfish Men,
It is with deep sadness that I have to write this letter because I am tired of having this conversation in my mind.  You are amazing and I both applaud and appreciate your effort but you are taken.  It takes someone who is broken and mature to embrace this ugly truth. You want me, and I want you just as bad but you are taken.

I recognise that I am living in a man's world with submission traits in me but I refuse to participate in this joke. I understand life is short but why must I end mine to better yours? Why must I put my dreams on hold to support yours?

Married men, stop that! You made a vow to God to love her yet you are out here causing her to face some serious jail time for murder knowing very well you won't leave her. Let me break it down here real quick. If you can't honour God the giver of life by keeping your word am I supposed to assume you will give me the world with your unhappy soul? If you can't make her half that happy and yet she somehow completes you and looks to you for everything after everything you have put her through do you think I will be faithful to you the minute I learn you are less of the man you come off to be? Child please!

Gentlemen in relationships, please stick to familiar and if not end it. You can have your cake and eat it too right? Baibee, am clay! Under alot of pressure I will break. Listen, we are all created differently. Not everyone is looking for happily ever after because if you did you wouldn't settle for half the deal. I refuse to move in with you until you marry me. This is not playing hard to get or having unrealistic expectations. If we both want different things that's okay but denying myself the opportunity to find someone who understands my silence and intentions doesn't necessarily mean I am naive or dumb.

I call you selfish because you either already have that happiness or have tasted it. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. I would hate to discourage you but the reality is you are not Solomon in the bible.  Fix your relationship with God first then work on your life. No feast for kiundu. If you are ashamed of your marriage I am not a shrink nor a priest. Again, go to church and have your pastor advise you on that. If you and the one on probation are constantly on this on and off relationship and you are tempted to test the waters by seeing other people while on break, I am not a game nor a stadium.  No one here is your cheerleader.  If you think what you are used to is either old or boring sir, I am ten times worse.  You think she is not trendy, I am stone age.  Don't do it. Don't gamble your life away by thinking you are missing out because in actual sense you have everything you need right infront of you. You just need to spice things up.

Selfish Men,  please make it work. If you think she is old, guess who aged her by giving her his problems and supporting you through thick and thin. If am being honest, you don't deserve her. Neither do you deserve me. I can never take over or match up her standards both good and bad. She took the time to know you.  I don't have that prestige and patience to tolerate you. When she says she understands she is secretly looking for ways to put a smile back on your frown. If I say I understand, it simply means I am looking for your replacement.

Don't start something you won't finish.

Let's allow people who are not committed a chance to be truly happy.

You are not a bad person for wanting more but you are going at it in a very self centred selfish way.

Yours sincerely,
#RealityCheck.