You know where to find me

If you are looking for your bestfriend, baibee you know where to find me.
If you are looking for honesty, I will be cruel but you know where to find me.
If you are looking for answers, seek God and He will show you where to find me.
If you are looking for true love, look inside you and your heart will know where to find me.
If you are looking for encouragement, you definitely know to find me.
If you are ever in doubt or stuck on what to do next, you know where to find me.
If you ever need reminder of who you are, you know where to find me.
If you know with everything in you am all you want and need, you know where to find me.
If you are ever afraid or insecure nothing else will ever matter because you know where to find me as I have experience of being a bestfriend, honesty , found answers seeking God, true love, encouragement,  I have been in don't and stuck on what to do next, I will constantly remind you, knowing everything in you am all you want and need to silence the fears and insecurities.

What am trying to say is, there can never be me without a you.

You know where to find me #MyMagazineThoughts

Year Of Royalty

Happy new year checkmates!!!!

This is it. This is where it all unfolds. It's the beginning of a new decade so let's all take a minute and write down our vision boards. You know how they say everything you want is on the other side of fear, that's not what's holding me back. Honestly speaking, what is holding me back is money.

I can save my entire life and still not afford anything on my vision board. I am currently in Kenya I mean, where else do you expect to find me? Every good acceptance speech, I have learnt, starts with a sense of humor and the truth. I don't hate my life, I just refuse to accept my financial status. So this year, am moving forward from God will provide to James 4:2 . I am going to be very specific. See where I am at *Kenya* is not where I intend to be throughout this year God willing. As comfortable as the KSH or KES Kenyan Shilling is, am craving international currencies.

My birthday falls on the brokest month on the entire calendar. Wow! Am all fired up 😂😂😂.... hip hip hooray. Story of mylife!!!! Seriously ladies and gentlemen am being sarcastic .... It comes with being an aquarius 😆.  Now, this is how you know you have hit fuck it financially, when you can't afford shit!!! You find yourself going all, oh well next time or I really don't need that. Ofcourse you do! Everyone does. There is no such words as too expensive. These are words, sentences and phrases we immediately need to exempt from our minds and mouths in 2020.

Listen, this is how you turn broke talk to better: I can afford it but it's not a big deal if I don't  ..... 2020 attitude

Moving forward, that's what we need to keep rather I will tell myself this #YearOfRoyalty . See no evil, speak no evil and evil will not affect your life. This is a different year. I spent the last decade working on myself. I covered it all bitterness, anger, frustration,  negativity , loneliness you name it. Now am here. I am present to live a pleasant life to God, myself and those embarking on the same moving forward process.

It's hard, that's why I am the lady for the job. If it were easier, it wouldn't make this much difference. This is the year of being assertive. Why do you go to school? To learn. Why do you learn? To apply it in reality. It's the year of three (3) . Some of you are in school a.k.a new to all this , majority are learning a.k.a trying to figure life and themselves out ,very few are applying the acquired skills because they are busy comparing or competing with those in school or those that are learning. They have lost their identity being everywhere trying to be like everyone else they see or meet along the way. The rest are living life. Making the very best of what they have and what is brought their way. 

Yesterday is gone. I only know of today while I am hopeful for a bigger, brighter and better tomorrow. One reading this would disagree in the sense of you can't live your life being happy. Sweetheart, when you have spent nearly all your life being knocked down and breaking away from disappointments in life the only other option is happiness.

This year, teach yourself to accept a helping hand. Teach yourself to laugh again, see the magic in life the way you once did, to accept heartfelt or no apologies and be fine with it. Teach yourself to love again.

Don't change who you are just because the world around you is falling apart. It takes more bravery to be a sheep than it is to be a Wolf. 

This is January a.k.a my birthday month and this happens to be #MyMagazineThoughts or in a familiar language my #RealityCheck

#MyMagazineThoughts

#MyMagazineThoughts

I like the sound of that. My magazine thoughts. I am not sure if I want to start another blog or start selling my ideas, all I know it sounds magazine worthy.

When you fall inlove, you don’t use sophisticated vocabulary to express yourself. You use words from the heart like I miss you. I want and need you in my life. You make life much easier because loving you, falling inlove with you is the best thing that happened to me. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Where have you been all my life? There are so many buzz worthy editors and writers out there with the right qualifications. I am just a passionate writer who speaks from her heart. No fancy wording or pictures to capture the moment. I am a blogger inlove with her words and I hope the reader reading this feels that special message from my heart, head and fingers to your open mind.

Breaking up is hard. So is staring a blog. In most cases there is no what next but one thing that is certain, there has to be an ending. It is easier to stay and fight. It it easier to postpone that dream or to do list than actually go for it. I am not that lady. I see it, I dive into it. Let’s deal with the consequences later on. Right now am in bed day dreaming of how 2020 will put in a smile on my face but I had to pause those beautiful thoughts to blog.

This just came to me. I guess that’s how you find yourself achieving greatness. You are in the middle of your little madness and then boom, it comes to you. I read my own blogs all the time. Maybe one day, someday, any day now, this will be a #RealityCheck and #MyMagazineThoughts to travel and discover the world and share with you my experiences.

Happy holidays checkmates!

Believe it, see it, become it

Halo December

I will briefly express my thoughts. What you term as beautiful especially when it comes to social media is what I define as basic. I am a supernatural species that is on this Earth but not of it.

In the wise words of Oprah Winfrey ~I know what is for you will come to you.

My life is not meant for anyone alive to understand but I am alive to serve a higher purpose other than to live, love and enjoy life.

Your work is not to figure out your life. Your work is to simply ask God ~ Steve Harvey

What comes to you naturally? Perhaps that could be your gift all along. And to think you were busy celebrating others so much so that you lost sight of your own.

That's what social media is making us believe indirectly. Since he or she is doing it so well, why should I bother with my own gift? As long as you wake up each day, have the same passion you had for it the following year, until you unwrap your gift it will forever be in your mind hidden but never forgotten.

Happy holidays checkmates.

Some of you don't need any more material gifts to unwrap this December,  you just need to pay attention to the voice inside you and unwrap the gift you keep postponing just because it looks the same with someone else's. Sure, theirs might get money back or a million likes or buzz worthy attention, perhaps if you start paying attention to yours you will discover there us more deep inside you that you have been dismissing just because it is different.

Don't compare your starting point with someone else's end game. That's where we all go wrong. It might take a day, a month , a year or ten years!!!!! Hey, that's the #RealityCheck of life. Don't be afraid to pursue yourself tirelessly.

Until the next blog, remember, it is your gift that will ensure you fulfill your vision. Believe it,  see it, become it.

Happy Birthday

We are living in an era where waiting is a luxury and most people cannot afford it. I mean, why wait when you can make things happen. After all, God will bless the work of my hands, right? Allow me to share my hero with you.

When my parents were just new in this whole marriage experience and commitment, they had no idea of what to expect. Nine months later, they found out that their lives were no longer just bond by their love. A miracle from heaven was in their arms and her smile changed everything that they thought would be hard was erased by just one golden cry,look and  hug. On this day years back my big sister decided to tighten their love and then henceforth they became a family.

I am so proud to call you my big sister and friend although don't expect me to open up about everything after all you need you to let me grow up on my own but so far you have been a blessing.Today being thanksgiving day I have so much to be grateful for and more especially you so I raise a glass to toast to God for bringing his very own angel to come watch over us in person.

What do you give someone who has it all?  You pray  for them, be the best you can to make them proud and you love them with everything in you.I love you and no matter how many times we will ever disagree you can forever count on me.I can never repay you so instead I will allow God repay you on my behalf. May He breathe love, presidential favor,health, wealth,abundance in your life and everything you love.

Your humility and beautiful heart speaks of grace. Happy Birthday birthday and may everything you have planted, you get to harvest it a thousand-fold . May your cup overflow and may God smile down on you this beautiful day and season. May He overwhelm your heart.

Today, you serve as my #RealityCheck

I hit a dead end

I don't know how many people will relate to this blog but this much I am sure, I must share my truth as it is everything inclusive of what I have to offer.

This happened to me the other day and I must admit it scared me. For a minute I had to calm myself down and play back everything I have done and every decision I have ever made to confirm if I am still a good person.

Have you ever been desperate? That day, I hit a dead end.

There are two types of people as I have come to understand. Those who rely on help and those who do it themselves. When you are used to having others say put in a good word for you or make that call on your behalf, that doesn't make you a bad person. Perhaps and please don't get me wrong, you don't have that push in you to do it yourself to begin with but that doesn't mean you don't have it in you to turn things magical.

The other kind of people who for some weird reason freak me out , is my kind. The ones who wake up and do it with no expectations but determination to just try. Have you ever met someone who is so confidently wrong yet they are right? You always find such people smiling.

We all have the same intentions so I have discovered. It's how you go about it that makes you stand out! My point of desperation is this. When you are created to allowing help it makes it hard to step out and do it yourself and when you are created to go get it, it makes it hard to accept help. The day any of the these two will try and do the opposite it will leave your nervous system confused and afraid.

Take it from me, you will fail miserably at it.

If you are going to step out or accept help, you must be willing to put in more time than once. Is it worth it? Do you have such luxury of time to do it?

I don't know about you, but I will continue to scare myself. How often do I scare myself you might ask? All the time *laughing sheepishly* . That's how I started this blog in the first place.

So do it especially if it scares you, because you will give your absolute best when fear is involved.  Let that be your #RealityCheck

You will......

Childhood trauma. That’s the description I was looking for. We all suffer from this. Mine is this. If I am not needed then I am not loved.

So I took time off everyone else after a very bad breakup which led to depression and I turned something hurtful to something meaningful . I decided that despite the fact that nothing made sense, I would make sense. If nothing else mattered, I would matter. So I accepted that number one, I wasn’t what he wanted or needed. My mission rather my role in his life was over. Here is the thing about pain, it doesn’t matter if you have a PHD or certificate level of education. At one point in your entire life, you will have to go through it. It doesn’t mean you are dumb enough to fall for it but actually smart enough to learn from it.

I took time.

I gave myself space. 

If you love something, let it go and if it comes back to you, it was yours to keep. We all want to hear and believe that. But what if it never comes back? Not many people talk about it not working out when you sat there and waited. When you whispered a prayer and shed a tear or two hoping the good Lord would turn things around. Was it your fault? Did you give it your all? Was there anything left to say or do? But most importantly, did the one thing you felt deeply about, want you back? Damn! I never thought of it that way.

You have to be the thing you are asking for. Praying for. Waiting on. If you want love,be love. Date yourself. Take yourself out. Treat yourself the way you wish for someone or others to and I promise you, in becoming that, you will find yourself wanting more that what you eventually hoped for. Did you read that right? You will find yourself!!!! You will......

You have been looking for yourself all this while. That's the key to all this. It's not what they say or how they act around you that will determine how open you will become but rather how you act and say will let them know what and how to expect it. *takes a moment*  That was deep.

So the next time , oh, there will always be a next time.....in the wise words of Songs of Solomon 8:4 Daughters of Jerusalem,  I charge you , do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. 

Why?

Because you will have overcome your childhood trauma.

It wasn't your fault. Forgive they that hurt you.  And most importantly forgive yourself. 

It's time to let go and use your pain to inspire others and yourself by allowing it to be a stepping stone.

When your heart is ready, it will beat and love again as if it never broke or hurt. You will fall madly, deeply and wisely inlove though this time, you will have learnt to love yourself first and be okay with any outcome it brings your way.

Happy November checkmates ❤