I Am Willing 2017

I don't want to come off as important but my readers are important to me and although I don't know any of you personally or maybe I do, you deserve my undivided attention whenever I get the chance to blog. Happy New Year Checkmates. We have been granted yet another year to get things done, mend broken relationships,  forgive, make mistakes and learn from them , have new beginnings but above all LOVE.

I intended to blog earlier, I even saved a draft and had a juicy story in my head but I knew the right words rather blog would come to me. It reminds me of everyday life. You know what you want and even how to get it but have you ever felt like the timing was not right? I had to hold myself back just to be sure that when I write and someone reads this tonight they will have faith and a little hope to hold on.

I don't have resolutions or maybe I do and am secretly in denial *laughs* but  I have discovered that my zodiac is very interesting. I am an aquarius woman and boy have I had a good laugh discovering and rediscovering things about myself . It's not for everyone but if you ever have a bad day or just lost please do your inner you a favour and Google your zodiac and thank me later on.

My theme for this year is simple, I Am Willing.  As long as God is in it baibee am the lady for the job. Please step aside. As long as my heart is in it best believe that am in it to win. As long as I have faith it's possible. As long as I have hope I am willing to wait.

Tonight, am willing to slow down and admire the stars. It's such a beautiful night to be someone's #RealityCheck right? Gotta go *wink* 

Goodnight.

2016 summary

As we bid 2016 goodbye let me start off by thanking God for being God over this great nation and an amazing father to me. He has watched me make mistakes and so lovingly corrected me. He has listened to my cries, prayers and shenanigans. He has been patient and so gently guided my paths. His will was done. For every heartbreak, pain and loss dear God I thank you. For each new day,  gain and win Father I humbly thank you.

I would like to thank my bestfriend for keeping a #RealityCheck on me regardless of whether I needed to hear it or not. Girl, you rock as always. I would like to thank my family for being crazy because without you I would not have a voice or an opinion. I would like to thank the people I met along the way and have become good friends and thank those strong enough to leave mylife with lessons to take with me as I journey through.

2016 was my year as I have testified and will live to testify. Damn it feels so good to have a breakthrough when you have been broken down for a while. I got answers to my questions. My biggest accomplishment was not getting a paycheck although I worked hard for it but it was God restoring me. When God came through for me when I needed him before, during,  then and even now, He answered.

I apologise if I didn't live up to societies expectations but it wasn't about my status or what I brought to the table rather it was about what God was bringing to my table. He prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies. When you experience God's presence baby you stop complaining and you start explaining to those going through the same or worse situations that God has got this. He has your back.

I have learnt that when you let God fight your battles, darling He leaves you speechlessly inlove.
When your life is silent, God is talking on your behalf. When you sit, God stands up to your mountains and commands them to move. When you humble yourself , He honors you. When you are loyal to your faith in God, He does marvellous wonders.

My wait has paid off in ways the naked human eyes cannot see. I have been rewarded with peace , joy and happiness that makes me understand that I have never been alone. God never left my side, I was just in a hurry to get the promises He made me.

True victory is when you meet with those who hurt you and still show them love and walk away smiling. It shows it stopped being about them and about who you became when they left.

I Can Only Hope

I would text and tell you that I miss you but then I would only end up disappointed if you didn't text back. By now you must be used to my cheap act and secretly as annoying as it is I pray it's a turn on ... I can only hope. 

Don't think that I don't pay attention. I act busy truth be told but we both know am one hard working lady but sometimes I just use work as an excuse to not be disappointed. Am married to my work, I don't have time to date , am just figuring things out, am at the peak of my career , next month, next year , I will make time I promise. Those are some of the excuses I have used and still use as well as so many independent ladies out there. 

When you read this, you will assume it's you or someone else. Maybe, maybe not. You do try sometimes and others times if am being honest you come off as blind as a bat. I know of ladies who can share this blog because somehow its everything they always wanted to air but wondered how. We all work so hard to provide and have just enough to give back but Christmas or rather the festive season has a way of making us go and admit to things we don't often talk about. 

We are all scared of being vulnerable enough to say rather ask for what we really want. No one wants rejection so no one is willing to take a leap of faith into the unknown. This Christmas I wish all my readers the courage to walk away from what if and start walking towards what is. May God grant you enough strength to receive as much as you give. It's not selfish to expect or love when others are hurting. For those of you putting your lives on hold, life is about experiencing and making mistakes and learning from them. 

To everyone who has made an effort to change in a positive way, someone sees it even though they might not walk right up to you and applaud you. To those who have closed their hearts from pain and loving again, you can't unteach the heart what it already knows. To those terrified of change, a day like this last year you said the same thing but if we check your records we'll let's not even go there. 

Life is short because we assume there is always going to be tomorrow or another chance to live , makes things right or progress. Let's start shedding happy tears celebrating each other's success. Above all let's get our priorities straight by putting God first in our lives and allowing his will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptations but deliver us from evil. 

Dear Heart, "Are you happy and if not who makes you happy?" And that is my #RealityCheck 

Seasons greetings checkmates!

Focus On Now

Self motivation is hard especially if you are the creative kind. Every now and then we want to feel encouraged not necessarily by the good book *bible* or people who have been there but a different kind of inspiration. 

Men and women of God are good for the spiritual fulfillment but sometimes even when you don't want to admit it, you want that emotional touch if not a financial miracle. 

Now that we are in the festive season there is so much to work and deal with. The most affected areas during this time of the year are the emotional and financial aspects. They both drain you directly and indirectly. I don't know about you but I want to shop until I drop. The only question I want to be asked is; "Ma'am how may I serve you?"

I want to save and reward myself both at the same time. So I am coming up with a budget that I will hopefully stick to. Forget New Years resolutions am focusing on now. I will work with what I have and not what I hoped to have and see if I can make a #RealityCheck out of it. 

Sounds crazy doesn't it? Well if it wasn't, I wouldn't be the lady for the job so let me work on it and let you know how it unfolds. 

Seasons greatings checkmates 

My testimony. .. My One Day

Anyone who knows me knows that there is nothing rushed about my faith. I am a fool for God. Now don't think that just because I am a believer or Christian it guarantees that I will abandon my faith and live life the way society wants. I am a rebellious and ratchet fool who will show up minutes later but will get the job done.

Where do I begin? Have you ever lowered your standards just to fit in the humble cycle? To just belong for a season see how life is like from that 'humble' perspective? I did that mistake but knowing myself it wasn't a mistake but a learning experience. I went for something I didn't want but the mistake was I prayed and asked God to give me the grace for it. Listen, don't weigh God down with your downgrades EVER. I should have prayed for world peace but having a stubborn spirit I wanted God to break any better mentality I may or might have adopted along the way.

I also asked for clarity. Have you ever found yourself in a routine? You wake up motivated only to come back at the end of the day previously on lost. As though your life has no purpose that is how my bestfriend would put it. She is very wise. To me clarity comes with sight so your eyes and heart are the victims of what your mind is feeding you. By that I mean, for your eyesight to be clear you will need to get rid of the impurities by shedding afew tears every now and then. You have got to admire how I cover up my way of showing my emotions with such poetry.

By now you should know I am talking about two stories and this is the third one. The reason why I insist that my bestfriend is the second most wisest lady on the face of the universe is because she taught me how loving God is a priceless investment. You know how you can be so broke am not talking about being temporarily out of money but you only have life which is free but if it wasn't, you wouldn't afford it. I am talking about where you don't start prayers with Our Father Who but rather Oh God Why? Everything looks like a punishment. Have you ever been broken and desperate in prayer that you found yourself demanding then negotiating with God. You start off strong praising and adoring him then you sleep, wake up in tears screaming until you black out then you find yourself whispering God let your will be done at the very end. If you have never gone to such extremes you have never wanted it bad enough.

I was taught the art of tithing and giving. At first it was hard. I mean I was unemployed for a while then you are asking me to take breadcrumbs of a pay and tithe. Girl, our Lord understands. It's my time I used to justify to not have to tithe but in the end I would do it as she was the only person who believed in me. Have you ever had that one person who saw something in you when all you see is what society disapproved? Again if you have never experienced this, perhaps this is not your kind of blog.

How long am I willing to wait? As long as it takes to get God's attention. I am holding on to the fact that there is a One Day but the one I love the most in the bible happens to be in the book of Ruth. My name, JUST then! Early Sunday morning I woke up, set my tithe aside and JUST when I was about to leave I heard it. Give me more. I always try to out loud the whispers by praising and worshipping. You know am a fool for you God. I know you do but you can give more. I don't mind adding a thousand or two. More!!! Jesus more? Okay. A little more. That is when a let out a sigh ... Lord I know this is the much you want me to give so I will stop there. Deep in my spirit I knew I had to give twice more but have you ever had plans rather a been on a tight budget and the Lord asked for it all. I stopped and rebuked the devil for trying to steal my finances by sending me a spirit of confusion. I felt it again so I prayed and asked God that if truly that was his will for me give everything in my purse that he shows me a sign.

I left confident that God was clear on me "not to give anymore than I planned". Towards the end of the sermon the preacher confirmed my fears. He even went ahead and gave the example of how chimpanzees love nuts and how easy it is to catch them. Some of you are holding on to nuts when God is asking you to trust that you let go of nuts for him to give you something better.

What was meant to be yours will find its way. What God intended to be yours will be owned by you debt free but there is a price to pay. You will have to stand out, at times alone with God, have faith and the hardest process of all WAIT.  God's timing is impeccable.

In the words of my beautiful mother, baby this is just the beginning of what awaits you. And this I my #RealityCheck.  My testimony.  Keep the faith checkmates. 

My love letter or is it?

My dearest Love,
I know it is unusual for a lady to write a letter leave alone a love note to a man in this day and age but when you meet me you will understand that there is nothing usual about me. I am not alone ...oh no am in excellent company but I just had to leave everyone and everything to come write you a love letter.

I have seen you but we haven't met officially yet. When we do, I will know without a doubt that it is you. Perhaps wherever you are life and facts have convinced you that you are happy. But deep in my heart and in mind, I tell myself that you are far from being close to happiness. Not to get my words twisted but it is never a new year until you have celebrated Christmas. Baby I am the ultimate gift. I am a handful so am guessing you are the sober one. You take yourself way too seriously *chuckles* .

I miss everything about you. I am jealous that wherever you are you get to laugh and that I am not the one making you laugh. I want to learn everything there is to learn about you. Your embarrassing moments , your first kiss, who broke your heart, the times you went broke , your first job and how you were underpaid *how dare they humiliate you* 😂😆 

Did I say this was a love letter or I miss you long note. I was just checking up on you.By now am sure you are used to me and this happens to be my #RealityCheck

I see it, I see you

I see the pain in your eyes. The pain that you try so hard to hide. I see it and I see you but you don't because it has clouded your judgement and has made you believe that everything in life is a competition. Everything in you races to win and must win if not you look for ways to bring others down.

I see bullies, I see you all. Making life a living hell for others just to feel good. You are not mad at the world, you are mad at how you have presented yourself to it. I see you when you think no one is watching how you hide and cry then put on the show you have learnt through the years to save face.

I see you fame cravers. Just because you have had a light bulb moment you assume everyone knows your name. You have to keep up appearances so you do the unthinkable to those blind enough to manipulate. I see you and I will deny you the one thing you crave the most... recognition.

I see you ordinary Joe and Jane. I applaud your silence but no one will ever appreciate your skills if all you do is hide your potential in the name of its not the right time. Tell me when has it ever been the right time?

I have a gift. I see and so I will see the greatness on your behalf but I can't act on it. I see and I try to understand but I can't make you see what I see so you see its not really up to me. I am only responsible for what I see because then am feeding my mind directly and indirectly with positivity,  possibility and probability.

I choose to see because I have already created a need deep within me. Finally I got an answer to "How do you do it?" Easy I see. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean am foolish enough to give up on something others can't see. When you see every part of your body sees. So when you lose sight of it, you don't lose touch of it. That little sparkle of having seen keeps the fire alive of becoming your dream.

What do you see when you look at yourself? I see and that is my #RealityCheck