Saturday Series

Everyone deserves the kind of relationship my parents have. I have watched The Notebook time and again but in my humble opinion I believe my parents have figured and conquered true love. In a world where majority of the people are working smart and not hard, this blog will only speak to old fashioned souls.

I have had my share of Google to research on relationships but it only leaves my mind more confused and heart convinced that am all alone in this. I am in this world but I am not of this world. My body is here physically but I can't tell you want goes on in real life. I am here but I am not there.

I tend to overworry sometimes which is wrong. My work is to enjoy the life I am blessed with each passing day. Whatever happens tomorrow will happen but not today or this very minute. That's where most of us brilliant human beings especially ladies go wrong. How we allow past disappointments draw us to this insane conclusion, "It won't work out". With such an approach and negativity ofcourse it won't.  So I will be the first to admit I have been wrong for doing everything I am supposed to do right yet walking with doubt in my mind. My heart knows the truth, it always has but my mind is tired of having to keep believe it will work out someday.

Someday huh!?

Why not today?

Simple, just because you have rather get a dream, you just don't go to sleep and wake up the next day the CEO. You need training and experience and guidance to get you there. So to my soulmate out there, today I woke up missing you. I ate, drunk and if I had extra I would go shopping. I don't know what tomorrow holds who knows I could wake up not liking you or replacing you with some available eye candy 😆. My point is, until the day whatever magic that lies deep within us together happens, I will still have rehearsed conversations, be sarcastic and sadly wait for you.  It's sad because I don't know where I should go wait (laughing hysterically).

All I know is that it will feel like a Saturday Series when we meet. It's like we have know each other our entire lives and we are just catching up and somehow magically, it's no longer a wait but a reality. We will be each others #RealityCheck

So Much

I have been deliberately not blogging. Now that I finished reading #LetLoveHaveTheLastWord Commons book, I have come to this conclusion, whatever I set my mind on, I can and will accomplish. I really wanted to take my time with it. Would I have finished reading it in a day or say two hours, sure, but since it meant something to him, I wanted it to mean something to me. True enough as I read on, I pictured myself, someone I cared about and above all the truth. My truth. 

I won't lie and say I have changed yet perhaps I have become worse but this much I will acknowledge, if I come across something that needs to be changed, I will act on it accordingly with silence, words and actions.

I am learning on how to be present and be very alert at this particular moment. Not everything bad is bad. What's the lesson behind each passing day, week, month or year? What's my attitude with and without it? Would I like me if I wasn't me? Who and what am I attracting in my life? Do I stay and try and improve or do I graciously bow out of it.

This is not even a #RealityCheck because so much awaits me

Reflections

I will be sharing how #LetLoveHaveTheLastWord is slowly impacting my life. So many realizations as I self reflect. Starting from the beginning would mean not being in the very moment that very feeling made all my senses aware of what is slowly happening to me. It is amazing how someone else’s honesty hits home.

I am drawn to honesty whether it’s less or more of my expectations. Listen, that is your truth and I respect you for that. Does it make me view you less or more? Not at all. It is what it is and I like you for trusting me enough to open up.

Page 64 when he writes all of this because of one song. I currently have two songs on repeat. My favourite 2019. God I can’t get enough of them. Both songs got me very vulnerable. See in page 60 he writes ask yourself why you no longer believe in love. At the end of the answer , a face will appear in your mind. Back to real life please allow me to ask this,”why do you believe in love?” At the end of the answer, again, a face will appear in your mind.

I have been inlove and I am inlove with myself. I slowly feel that now where I am at in my life I am willing to allow myself be vulnerable with not only love but with others as well. Presented with a male version of myself yes, I could see myself settling down and taking on the rest of life with him. I usually don’t care but I do want to care. I have been selfless with myself and now I want to share that with everyone else.

Thank you Common for that #RealityCheck.

I have never gotten back half of what I give out.

I have been here before. I have done this. I am not sure if I have blogged this before but being a #Truesday I must live up to my first name.  Why haven't I blogged rather why haven't I been consistent? I was broke not on vibe or inspiration but financially. It's being broke that got me here in the first place so let's just say,  whenever I have it, it feels like am on vacation so now am back home. So it's safe to say rather for you are the reader to assume being broke keeps me humble? No having more than I require keeps me humble. I have mastered being broke and using it to make it work in my favour.

The many guys I have liked and they have been quite alot had me thinking. I have only dated two guys in my entire life though I doubt if the first one really counts as I was still in high school but he asked (what a gentleman) so yes two. After my second real relationship I met afew more what ifs but none of them really stood out.

My lesson is this. I finally realised that I have always "killed" who I am to belong.  Let no one fool you. We all want association but we desperately feel the need to belong. Badly! Shiro I know you will read this and please don't even think of reminding me of how I really insisted on belonging *laughing but in an embarrassed manner*. This is my truth. I have always loved and will forever love cars. I have older brothers but I always joke and say secretly am sure my dad wanted me to be a boy. I got my passion from him. I understand my dad owned a jeep and quite the bachelor life right before he met my mum but sold it. As a little girl, I loved cleaning our Peugeot 504 and as soon as I was done I would start the engine and imitate how my dad made faces while driving.

In highschool I was more into games than I was with my education. And all the men who thought I was an honor student left, unfollowed and blocked all my social media accounts. Beautiful!! Sarcasm is an effortless gift. For those slow men out there, I was kidding about the men not the education part *laughing sheepishly*. Please try and keep up. OMG! That's it. That's my point right there. I have spent all my energy on different relationship(s) trying to keep up with them and get this, none of them ever "killed" who they are to keep up with all of me.

I have never gotten back half of what I give out.

#RealityCheck 

That is why I have chosen to be single for this long. I apologise to all those amazing gentlemen out there but I have nothing to offer you if all you have to offer is brokenness and being emotionally unavailable. I am not the girl for you.  I can't save you leave alone encourage you back to life. Life is too short to wait around for the day someone will hopefully see you the way you need to be seen. I don't mind living in a simple home but both of us not getting enough of each other each passing day. I want to laugh for the rest of my life. Let's question everything else but not one another or why we are both here. My biggest fear is waking up one day and realising that I have fallen out of love with the man I saw myself dying beside. I deserve the kind of love where even when I say am done and about to leave, he holds my hand and walks out with me in search for whatever it is I feel I miss. Even when we are old and very unattractive, we are the envy  of young people. 

If I never do anything right before my parents and God, it's my prayer and desire to be found by my soulmate and together our souls will awaken a love so strong and true, we will teach and heal the world with the true meaning of falling inlove.

Other than all that, everyday I live to inspire myself. I have said this before and I will keep repeating it, everything else is just icing on the cake but not the main ingredients . I am the main ingredients and without me there can be no cake. Yum!!!

Julying Truesday

To all the single men out there, today I am here to help. Let’s establish where you have been going wrong. I need you to be very honest with me here. Help me help you. Damn! For a quick second I almost believed myself hahahahaha. Seriously though let’s begin now shall we:

Lowering my imaginary reading glasses as the entire room smells of me....

When was the last time you were in a relationship? If a month ago or say two days ago,I have the solution for you. Yours is a very simple case. You are a certified man whore.There is no cure for that. You need condoms or vasectomy for the sake of those naive girls out there .Next

When you walk into a room, do people immediately notice you, ignore you , shown the way back out or none of the above? Assuming you like ladies, do they find you attractive or must you make a statement to draw their attention? On a scale of 1-10 what am I working with?

*waits patiently* .....

Crickets

Listen, ugly is okay as long as you have a handsome bank account. That’s the word on the street so am just stating facts here. If you are good looking chances are your bank account is fucked up!You simply live off other men. Again, am just stating facts. seguimos juntos? I don't speak Spanish I just Googled that *laughing* . Or maybe I do. You will never know.

If you are average looking with a royalty bank account you will survive amongst these hawks & hyenas of ladies who are with you to prosper themselves financially just don’t be picky after all you are not that appealing to look at either. It kinda is a fair game if you ask me. It takes two to tango. Wrong intentions will always attract the wrong crowd. Common sense sir,  common sense!

If you are mind blowing gorgeous that ladies practically throw themselves at you without you having to chase them, that right there is the problem. They already have high expectations especially financially. So you find yourself living way beyond what you can afford aka LOANS!!! No matter how simple you think you look someone out there will always have butterflies everytime they see you. Don't stretch your budget to accommodate a temporary fling. Work for it that way, you will appreciate everything about her. Stop being chased and start chasing realistically.

My point is simply this, men, you have been viewing and going into the dating game with the same game plan expecting better results. We are all born exceptionally beautiful and handsome. This has nothing to do with physicality. If all you are after is beauty then you might as well walk up to her with your bank statements. This blog is for the men who are done with one night stands, meaningless not this year type of relationships. I am talking to men who are after the real deal. Men who see past the make up and your perfected crafts. Men who just want to have a decent conversation without worrying if she might rob you or second guess himself just because she doesnt laugh at your jokes. First of all why would you be with someone who doesn't get your sense of humour effortlessly? What madness is that? Stop trying to over enhance what’s already visible.

And last but not least, this is my definition of a broke man. Most of you lack dreams that’s why you always end the relationship too soon or years later when you realize she didn’t have a dream either. Her work is to improve on what you have already presented her. Don’t be empty!

Let me leave with this quote from Jesse Duplantis,"A broke man is not a man without a nickle,  but a man without a dream." How is that for a #RealityCheck.

Celebrating Gentlemen

Today am celebrating all the gentlemen out there who have had to make life changing mistakes but then came back to their senses somehow when the lady you loved walked out and your mother didn't quit praying and kept waiting at the door for the day you would come back home year in and out. It takes a strong man to pick up his brokenness and failure because clearly, you were worth the wait.

The man you are and becoming today is who am applauding.

Let's have a proud moment of silence.

Oh wow!!!!  *smiles*

It wasn't easy especially for you because  you thought you were making progress while deep down you were slowly killing everyone who loved you.God has your dreams in place and rewards awaiting . Now that you are home where you belong being the man He created you to be, know  that he will indeed shower you with yet another chance to bless you with true love , a fast forward and will give you all what the devil stole from you.

What took you so damn long?

Ops! It had to take a #RealityCheck huh!?  No worries.

Stay blessed our future lovers, husbands and fathers to the next generations.

Embracing my testimony

I have been avoiding this blog but I have to embrace my testimony. It took over seven (7) years *I can't seem to get the right words* . I am avoiding to state the correct amount of years because I don't believe in shaming people no matter how much they lack character. That's on you sweetheart.  Whether this blog helps anyone out there or not, frankly speaking, today it is not about you but me. This is personal.

No one is born insecure but sometimes you find yourself a victim of your circumstances. When someone or people hurt you for doing the right thing, you automatically become insecure. The most dangerous decision anyone can ever make is abandoning who you are, what you believe in to accommodate the version of who "they" make you believe and say you are or should be. Did anyone get that? That is morally wrong on so many levels.

There was never a night that I didn't I ask God why He allowed this to happen to me. When I was done crying, I would cry some more just to get some sleep coz I could feel myself slowly loosing my mind.  Have you ever had God take you from bad to worse and as if He wasn't finished to the worst. Being taken from disfunctional, to functional to now purpose has been a real #DaddyDaughterAdventure.  It didn't make sense then but now looking at it from this open minded intentional view is slowly clearing my mind.

When you break up in any relationship, growth is the next obvious step right? Wrong!!! Whomever moves on first wins atleast that's what society made me believe so he moved on ten (10) days after cheating on me and not with the same lady. Sometimes bad things are not necessarily bad because instead of handling it in a more mature way, this son of a woman threw a petty festival on social media and to add fuel to the fire this old fashioned wild goose of a girl joined in. That's when I got a why did I get married moment and wanted to beat the living 💩 out of her by getting out all that anger I felt towards the both of them but instead I used to walk around with my head held down because I felt I had lost. Everyone God sent my way was for a specific season and no none of them was a good man to compensate the unfair situation.

The one person God has assigned to be in my life for not only several reasons for difficult seasons to date is my bestfriend. I brag about her most if not all the time because if you met her you would understand. To me, my bestfriend is the epitome of grace. Before all this hard life lessons, I considered myself a free spirit. Nothing ever bothered me. See, I forgot how to be graceful because I allowed bitterness to get the best of me. There are people who God brings in your life to remind you of your purpose. It's not just to fall inlove, live the good life and have the best of everything but to serve God with the little and much awaiting. Was I trust worthy then? No! If he brought me my soulmate right after that break up my only intention would have been to prove that I had upgraded. When they talk about me behind my back and attack the one thing I hold dear the most (faith in God) what will you do? Confront them, abuse the , fight them or do the unthinkable and walk away? It has been a show me process that God has had to use to break me down, rough me out, burn the rough edges, smoothen me out then finally polish me out.

This year I have bumped into the two of them though on separate days. Whoever said the best revenge is to look good wasn't wrong. See, God had to get rid of the immature whispers that kept me doubtful and fearful. I have always known that I am it but of late I have been living like it. All I could think of was ,"please God, not today. I don't need that negative energy around." To my surprise even demons behave in the presence of greatness. #Facts!! am just humbly stating #Facts!! Thank God for selective hearing and amnesia because all I did was say hi back then walked casually away. If I was him, I would have walked away hurt because I could tell he wanted to have a conversation but I had already disappeared from the scene and that's when I knew he was playing some Usher music "There goes my baby." in his head. Yup! God did that *laughing sheepishly*

Ladies, be very careful who you are busy admiring and what you are after because you might just end up getting it only to find out that it was a pest after all. Just because the one he is with at that particular moment doesn't meet your expectations doesn't give you the right to dismiss you because it is never what it seems.

Dear future boyfriend/husband/soulmate, the one before me was there for a reason and for that particular season. I am not here to act like I am better than her and don't think that you will get with me to prove a point to her or society as well. Don't be the old immature me. I could have if I wanted to date around as I hoped to meet you but I am out here waiting because I know you are worth the best verion of me flaws and beauty. The only thing I will say this about your ex if you allow me is that she was wrong in hurting you but I am glad she did because then you wouldn't appreciate of how God has had to mold me morally, mentally, physically and spiritually to become a good enough woman to love your heart right. If anything, I thank God for your ex. Thank you girl, that was the only way he would have allowed you to walk out of his life. Thank you Jesus!!! Hallelujah!!!!!

Two week ago, I met my ex's missing rib (I am being very sarcastic). Keeping it Njerified all the way. I genuinely felt so sorry for her. When I saw, I just wanted to say hi to her but when I looked into her eyes and her body language I saw it. She had the same look I had everytime I used to bump into them . She had regret, bitterness and brokenness.  He fell short of her expectations because she got in it for the wrong reasons one of them being finances. Girl, you should have dated me because I was the one who used to provide financially but you were too blind to bring yourself to me the way he saw me. A good person. Nothing scars more like getting what you want but never getting them emotionally to see you the way that you want to be seen.

That's my testimony. I am embracing my testimony. God has been good.

I loved and I lost but I can't wait to love and be found. Soulmate, you aren't ready for this kind of love, affection and attention. In the words of Cassie in me and you,  ," you've been waiting so long, I'm here to answer your call." Cheers to the future.