Happy Birthday

We are living in an era where waiting is a luxury and most people cannot afford it. I mean, why wait when you can make things happen. After all, God will bless the work of my hands, right? Allow me to share my hero with you.

When my parents were just new in this whole marriage experience and commitment, they had no idea of what to expect. Nine months later, they found out that their lives were no longer just bond by their love. A miracle from heaven was in their arms and her smile changed everything that they thought would be hard was erased by just one golden cry,look and  hug. On this day years back my big sister decided to tighten their love and then henceforth they became a family.

I am so proud to call you my big sister and friend although don't expect me to open up about everything after all you need you to let me grow up on my own but so far you have been a blessing.Today being thanksgiving day I have so much to be grateful for and more especially you so I raise a glass to toast to God for bringing his very own angel to come watch over us in person.

What do you give someone who has it all?  You pray  for them, be the best you can to make them proud and you love them with everything in you.I love you and no matter how many times we will ever disagree you can forever count on me.I can never repay you so instead I will allow God repay you on my behalf. May He breathe love, presidential favor,health, wealth,abundance in your life and everything you love.

Your humility and beautiful heart speaks of grace. Happy Birthday birthday and may everything you have planted, you get to harvest it a thousand-fold . May your cup overflow and may God smile down on you this beautiful day and season. May He overwhelm your heart.

Today, you serve as my #RealityCheck

I hit a dead end

I don't know how many people will relate to this blog but this much I am sure, I must share my truth as it is everything inclusive of what I have to offer.

This happened to me the other day and I must admit it scared me. For a minute I had to calm myself down and play back everything I have done and every decision I have ever made to confirm if I am still a good person.

Have you ever been desperate? That day, I hit a dead end.

There are two types of people as I have come to understand. Those who rely on help and those who do it themselves. When you are used to having others say put in a good word for you or make that call on your behalf, that doesn't make you a bad person. Perhaps and please don't get me wrong, you don't have that push in you to do it yourself to begin with but that doesn't mean you don't have it in you to turn things magical.

The other kind of people who for some weird reason freak me out , is my kind. The ones who wake up and do it with no expectations but determination to just try. Have you ever met someone who is so confidently wrong yet they are right? You always find such people smiling.

We all have the same intentions so I have discovered. It's how you go about it that makes you stand out! My point of desperation is this. When you are created to allowing help it makes it hard to step out and do it yourself and when you are created to go get it, it makes it hard to accept help. The day any of the these two will try and do the opposite it will leave your nervous system confused and afraid.

Take it from me, you will fail miserably at it.

If you are going to step out or accept help, you must be willing to put in more time than once. Is it worth it? Do you have such luxury of time to do it?

I don't know about you, but I will continue to scare myself. How often do I scare myself you might ask? All the time *laughing sheepishly* . That's how I started this blog in the first place.

So do it especially if it scares you, because you will give your absolute best when fear is involved.  Let that be your #RealityCheck

You will......

Childhood trauma. That’s the description I was looking for. We all suffer from this. Mine is this. If I am not needed then I am not loved.

So I took time off everyone else after a very bad breakup which led to depression and I turned something hurtful to something meaningful . I decided that despite the fact that nothing made sense, I would make sense. If nothing else mattered, I would matter. So I accepted that number one, I wasn’t what he wanted or needed. My mission rather my role in his life was over. Here is the thing about pain, it doesn’t matter if you have a PHD or certificate level of education. At one point in your entire life, you will have to go through it. It doesn’t mean you are dumb enough to fall for it but actually smart enough to learn from it.

I took time.

I gave myself space. 

If you love something, let it go and if it comes back to you, it was yours to keep. We all want to hear and believe that. But what if it never comes back? Not many people talk about it not working out when you sat there and waited. When you whispered a prayer and shed a tear or two hoping the good Lord would turn things around. Was it your fault? Did you give it your all? Was there anything left to say or do? But most importantly, did the one thing you felt deeply about, want you back? Damn! I never thought of it that way.

You have to be the thing you are asking for. Praying for. Waiting on. If you want love,be love. Date yourself. Take yourself out. Treat yourself the way you wish for someone or others to and I promise you, in becoming that, you will find yourself wanting more that what you eventually hoped for. Did you read that right? You will find yourself!!!! You will......

You have been looking for yourself all this while. That's the key to all this. It's not what they say or how they act around you that will determine how open you will become but rather how you act and say will let them know what and how to expect it. *takes a moment*  That was deep.

So the next time , oh, there will always be a next time.....in the wise words of Songs of Solomon 8:4 Daughters of Jerusalem,  I charge you , do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. 

Why?

Because you will have overcome your childhood trauma.

It wasn't your fault. Forgive they that hurt you.  And most importantly forgive yourself. 

It's time to let go and use your pain to inspire others and yourself by allowing it to be a stepping stone.

When your heart is ready, it will beat and love again as if it never broke or hurt. You will fall madly, deeply and wisely inlove though this time, you will have learnt to love yourself first and be okay with any outcome it brings your way.

Happy November checkmates ❤