who or what comes in my life

I am embracing my soft side. The one I always feel the need to protect not knowing it’s my hidden strength. I am better when I smile. For the longest time pain has been my motivation to keep fighting and write yet when am happy am vulnerable enough to allow inspiration and peace in.

Am an extremely needy lover. I know they say Aquarius ladies don’t show emotions which can be true but it’s because we never get enough reasons to let our guards down. No one is willing to take the time to understand you leave alone let you be you. So like a tortoise 🐢 we hide.

You know how they say when you are loved right, baibèé when you learn to love yourself right, no one can take that power away from you because it’s from deep within yourself. You remain to be happy with or without them. You still get to be you regardless and that’s important.

I believe that’s why people don’t want to try again or fall inlove again because it took a while to be “normal” again. You can’t dictate and say you will only give half of yourself. It doesn’t work like that. Atleast not for me. I don’t know about anyone else but I have ever gotten lost in someone else’s identity. You neglect yourself in going above and beyond for the other person.

 There is compromise then there is foolishness. 

I never want to lose who I am no matter who or what comes in my life. I still get to be me #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Mixed emotions.

And that is why I love the way I love as if I have never been hurt or betrayed. I know pain. I have been in and out of pain on several occasions yet still I endured. Pain, sadness and sorrow almost robbed me of life. It took everything else like joy and years I will never get back.

There is nothing I can do to turn back time or relieve the past no matter how many times I tell myself there was more to be done. I am done being unfair to myself and those who are present willing with open arms to create memories NOW. I have had a taste of weeping.

 I choose joy

You only start living when you choose another way of life. Let the memories be just that, beautiful lessons. It took living with hatred, anger and bitterness to get me to love. I was tired of being tired cycle and nothing making sense. So one day I found myself smiling again.

I had isolated myself and now that I was done being sad I wanted different. I didn’t want to give it a name like happiness or love. It was too soon. I was lost and confused. Torn and overwhelmed. I wanted in on happy and out of sadness. 

I had to learn on my own. 

Mixed emotions.

Am here to calm those nerves. It’s perfectly normal to kinda want to go back or when someone says something that comes off as offensive which actually isn’t, you are tempted to protect yourself and crawl back to the previous pain. I assure you, that’s not the case dear. It’s fear. You are just afraid of being hurt because you know how long it took even though part of it will never heal completely. You feel as though you will never be the same again. You want to be who you were before the pain. Again, this is very normal. 

Don’t be ashamed or feel less.

Just promise yourself to never look back. Not everyone wants to see you fail, after the pain, everyone God sends your way is here to see you win. There will be a few blocks yet such is life. Don’t let that stop you either. Fulfill your purpose and love yourself. That’s it baibèé

I will finish with this, you didn’t miss your time just because you were hurting. People don’t understand the power of God. While you were hurting, He was preparing the right people to align themselves JUST IN TIME TO MAKE YOU SMILE, LAUGH AND FALL INLOVE YET AGAIN.

differently yet pain is pain

When you are done being sad, that is when your life changes. The only question that plays on repeat is will I ever be happy again? Slowly and with time. All I can tell you is this, you will get there on your own. One day you will wake up and find yourself smiling again.

The pain won’t sting as much but the scars of fear and doubt will frequent. It will be strange seeing yourself differently as worrying had taken center stage in your life for so long, it felt normal.

You won’t forget and will even feel guilty for slowly slipping away from familiar. The hardest part will be trust. Trusting yourself will be a battle between the mind and the heart. Thank God for time. It will drag itself to adopt your inadequacy and still move on for others.

We all suffer differently yet pain is pain. It leaves the usual “bad feeling” and even a glimpse of hopelessness. I say all this to comfort and assure anyone who is sad and is done being sad, the sun will still shine. You will smile again. Perhaps not soon but you,yes you darling will get a reason to believe and hope again. 

You will be presented with yet another opportunity to fall inlove again.

 This time, you won’t be the one to put in all the work. This time sweetheart, someone else will go the extra mile for you #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

I am my own inspiration

I have worked on myself this year. 

The same energy and passion I put into everyone else by delivering encouraging messages and constantly having conversations on my own made me realize I could put my effortlessly vibe into something called a podcast.

If you have ever received any of my messages you will agree that this lady can talk rather text. What can I say, it’s not only in my brain but my fingers as well. These babies can type. It comes to me as I type as am doing right now. It’s never planned or scheduled. I guess it’s a natural gift because I can’t explain how I do what I do and how exciting it makes me. I know what angle and words to choose and turn that into something meaningful. I will not term myself as a writer but I can do this all day long. 

Sometimes I have to hold myself back. 

It overwhelms me

I can have a one person conversation and not get bored. I love listening to myself and thoughts. Listening to my podcast excites me. You should see me correcting myself and laughing at my own sarcasm and jokes. I am brilliantly hilarious. 

I like myself. 

I am my own inspiration.

Everyone needs help and this year I am showing up for myself. I didn’t know I had it in me until I tried it. If you are good at something and it comes to you so easily and continuously, allow me to point it out to you that you ma’am/sir have it. So #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

I was simply “saving” myself

I am writing a heartfelt apology to everyone in my present life and future. I have been working on healing myself and unteaching my mind everything I had and have allowed it to consume especially the negativity. Ladies and gentlemen, am sorry.

I didn’t notice the opportunities around me because I was training myself on how to identify what opportunities are in the first place. When you change from it’s only meant for others to I am allowed to have that? From asking that to practicing it.Familiarizing myself to now accepting it as my own truth. I am sorry for the many times I have had to walk away from situations because I was protecting myself from either being hurt or allowing it anger me.

I was simply “saving” myself.

I have always had to defend myself so someone else offering me any kind of help made me feel weak, inferior and helpless. I need you to understand that I have had to do life all by myself and it has worked perfectly but now it is starting to overwhelming me.I don’t know how to ask for help because the minute I expect it, people somehow seem to either not show up or disappear. That left me very guarded and I ended up putting up walls again to protect myself. I am not only apologizing for taking the time and my time to recognize how to better myself by being a more consistent friend but I am so sorry for making you believe that I was ready to receive the love back though I truly wasn’t ready. I have given myself permission to love and accept again without limitations but I forgot that I too need the love back.

I have never been here to be honest. The people I was used to, were quick to take and leave that I never quite got the chance to expect or receive anything else in return. That’s why I am now more hesitant to lend a hand because having to help feels like I am dealing with someone from the past which is not the case. I am truly sorry and now that I am aware of that, am working on it as well. I am doing my very best in teaching myself how to welcome kindness back into my life. I am slowly understanding that others are very intentional in staying.

Strange but true. 

It’s exciting and confusing. 

It’s a battle between my heart and my head. It has nothing to do with you. Forging me for using this break up line but it’s not you, it’s me. I am sorry. Am not pushing you away, am just offering you my #RealityCheck

I am opening up myself to the many possibilities of now and what the future holds. I was hoping both of us could teach each other while learning from our mistakes and hopefully grow together. This is me now asking and being very intentional #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé