Mixed emotions.

And that is why I love the way I love as if I have never been hurt or betrayed. I know pain. I have been in and out of pain on several occasions yet still I endured. Pain, sadness and sorrow almost robbed me of life. It took everything else like joy and years I will never get back.

There is nothing I can do to turn back time or relieve the past no matter how many times I tell myself there was more to be done. I am done being unfair to myself and those who are present willing with open arms to create memories NOW. I have had a taste of weeping.

 I choose joy

You only start living when you choose another way of life. Let the memories be just that, beautiful lessons. It took living with hatred, anger and bitterness to get me to love. I was tired of being tired cycle and nothing making sense. So one day I found myself smiling again.

I had isolated myself and now that I was done being sad I wanted different. I didn’t want to give it a name like happiness or love. It was too soon. I was lost and confused. Torn and overwhelmed. I wanted in on happy and out of sadness. 

I had to learn on my own. 

Mixed emotions.

Am here to calm those nerves. It’s perfectly normal to kinda want to go back or when someone says something that comes off as offensive which actually isn’t, you are tempted to protect yourself and crawl back to the previous pain. I assure you, that’s not the case dear. It’s fear. You are just afraid of being hurt because you know how long it took even though part of it will never heal completely. You feel as though you will never be the same again. You want to be who you were before the pain. Again, this is very normal. 

Don’t be ashamed or feel less.

Just promise yourself to never look back. Not everyone wants to see you fail, after the pain, everyone God sends your way is here to see you win. There will be a few blocks yet such is life. Don’t let that stop you either. Fulfill your purpose and love yourself. That’s it baibèé

I will finish with this, you didn’t miss your time just because you were hurting. People don’t understand the power of God. While you were hurting, He was preparing the right people to align themselves JUST IN TIME TO MAKE YOU SMILE, LAUGH AND FALL INLOVE YET AGAIN.