I was simply “saving” myself

I am writing a heartfelt apology to everyone in my present life and future. I have been working on healing myself and unteaching my mind everything I had and have allowed it to consume especially the negativity. Ladies and gentlemen, am sorry.

I didn’t notice the opportunities around me because I was training myself on how to identify what opportunities are in the first place. When you change from it’s only meant for others to I am allowed to have that? From asking that to practicing it.Familiarizing myself to now accepting it as my own truth. I am sorry for the many times I have had to walk away from situations because I was protecting myself from either being hurt or allowing it anger me.

I was simply “saving” myself.

I have always had to defend myself so someone else offering me any kind of help made me feel weak, inferior and helpless. I need you to understand that I have had to do life all by myself and it has worked perfectly but now it is starting to overwhelming me.I don’t know how to ask for help because the minute I expect it, people somehow seem to either not show up or disappear. That left me very guarded and I ended up putting up walls again to protect myself. I am not only apologizing for taking the time and my time to recognize how to better myself by being a more consistent friend but I am so sorry for making you believe that I was ready to receive the love back though I truly wasn’t ready. I have given myself permission to love and accept again without limitations but I forgot that I too need the love back.

I have never been here to be honest. The people I was used to, were quick to take and leave that I never quite got the chance to expect or receive anything else in return. That’s why I am now more hesitant to lend a hand because having to help feels like I am dealing with someone from the past which is not the case. I am truly sorry and now that I am aware of that, am working on it as well. I am doing my very best in teaching myself how to welcome kindness back into my life. I am slowly understanding that others are very intentional in staying.

Strange but true. 

It’s exciting and confusing. 

It’s a battle between my heart and my head. It has nothing to do with you. Forging me for using this break up line but it’s not you, it’s me. I am sorry. Am not pushing you away, am just offering you my #RealityCheck

I am opening up myself to the many possibilities of now and what the future holds. I was hoping both of us could teach each other while learning from our mistakes and hopefully grow together. This is me now asking and being very intentional #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé