Learning the art of listening

Ladies, we all suffer from one serious disease. We only talk when we want to and not when we are supposed to. Take for instance back when I was in a relationship, my ex would practically beg me to converse with him but due to my self made range although at times it was necessary I would go all silent. Like I had nothing to say which was a lie because anyone who knows me am not speaking on behalf of other ladies after all we all have different personalities and characters so am the kind that has a conversation with you in my mind first then counter your words reason being I already assume I know what you already want to say. 

 

Old habits I know. I guess that is most men avoid arguments. They already saw this coming so instead of their egos being bruised they would rather not show up at all. No one is to blame but ourselves ladies. 

So am vowing to adopt this new trait called listening. I have worked on being patient rather God has put me in my place. That is how most of us have ruined it for ourselves ladies. We hear but we don't listen. Don't go asking your female friends what they think you should do although their opinion counts but at the end of the day guess who endured the consequences you and only you. Like I said learn to listen. 

The only person who has pretty much most of the answers is that man that you are not willing to give a second thought when all you do is breathe steam in and fire out. Enough of the diary of the black mad woman incase you haven't noticed you were never the main character. 

Earth to us ladies and a harsh reality check, while you are busy not paying attention,another is busy spending his money. Gee, I wonder why? Because she listens to him. Even though you feel like pinching the skin off his flesh rush to the bathroom and clear your head. Have a moment or two, calm yourself down by asking yourself this, you see a future with this man? Is he worth it? If so, then you need to get your act together and listen keenly to what this man is trying to communicate. If not don't be mad when you see him replace you with that so called, "home wrecker" . How did she break something that was already broken? How do you fight for a man who is not there with you yet? 

To all the men I have not heard before, am sorry I was wrapped up in my own ego to even pick up the phone to text a simple halo leave alone am sorry. 

Now I not only see you but am ready to hear, listen and learn. Baby steps 🐾

That is my #RealityCheck 

YourThreeOnThree

I have invented perhaps not an original thought but I am taking this new challenge on. #YourThreeOnThree  #RealityCheck. If you are a guy ask your female friends three words that best describe you and if you are a lady ask three men for three words that best describe you.Then be honest with yourself and take a long hard look in the mirror then write down three words that best describe what you see when you look in the mirror.

If you are single then that is what most men think and see ad far as you go so either its a good thing that raises the bar or explains why you never keep a relationship more that three months or as soon as you *give it up or give in* the man/men never stick around.

If you are taken that is what the rest of society sees and expects and what sadly or luckily your 'better half' sees.In other words that is what you have been attracting. That should explain why if you are female,ladies have been giving you a hard time as far as your relationship goes and if a man other men have been treating you as far as your girlfriend goes.

7:43

All my life I have felt like a DUFF Designated Ugly Fat Friend well not literally but somehow I felt fat in a skinny way. Hilarious now but not for the most part of my life growing up. I always felt like an outside because deep down I knew I was different.So I chose the easy way out. To not be visible. I chose the tomboy lifestyle. That way I would avoid all female drama and I would get to know what guys go for after all I would kinda be like one of them. I have got to admit having more male friends growing up was not what I had pictured. I thought it would be easier being ignore but it just made ladies hate on me. In a way I felt bullied. Unfortunately or should I say fortunately most of the guys I ended up being friends with were either popular or handsome. The most sort after guys in primary, high school and collage. Life took a turn from being difficult to being a nightmare.

I was raised in a christian home but thanks to the harsh environment at school I was forced to be bad. The only way I could prove to these ladies that I was not interested in their 'men' was to be rude to the very same guys. I understand the female species because I am one but the using numbers to divide and conquer even for a tomboy is tough. It is an emotional experience one that no human being should be put through. The truth is, ladies especially the girlie ones are mean reason being they think they are better than the rest of us female species. I have to hand it to them because at some point they had it going on, the cute guy, the popularity and everyone liked them but that was then and this is now.

Now that I have matured, I assume I have things have changed. Again, thanks to my career I cannot show up in sweats at my work place so I have to make an extra effort to look the part. I have to maintain the company image. But the minute I get home, its back to my hoodies and buggy pants. I just want to be me at the end of the day. Back to the maturity bit, so I have developed. Those shy curves are no longer shy and you can tell my back from my front. I am a woman or so I keep telling myself. So now the guys who I consider to be friends end up liking you and things become weird simply because I don't feel the same way.

The only disadvantage of being a tomboy and this is major is we always take our time to like a man. we know what we want and always wait for what we want and then go all out for that man. We are too loyal. I wish there was a way I could be like other ladies at times. Expect him to top up my airtime, ask for cash  but I am reminded by my self made ego that throughout my life I have self taught myself to be independent. Its not that I don't want to rely on you but I am used to doing things on my own having to answer to no one and the truth is am afraid if I start expecting you to step in and take charge you might get bored and leave and then what becomes of my broken heart? How do I teach myself to not expect your call when all I do is turn and toss checking well hoping you will text? I can't allow myself to go through that. Not again anyway.

The minute our trust is broken trying to win us over is a waste of time. All I will ever see is your betrayal. All I will ever wait for is for the day you will up and leave again. So I met this guy and like I had said my kind waits. I patiently waited for this one and six years later she shows up in my life. Long story short, I ended up feeling rather becoming someone deep down I knew I would be. He made me bring out the best in me. He ended up making me bring down the walls I had built around myself and I will forever be thankful he showed up just in time. He and I are on different time zones and separate as far as the East is from the West.It turns out all this while I have been trying to make him see the real me but the more I tried the further we drifted. I have never wanted to prove myself to any human being like the way I wanted for him to see me through my eyes.

When life served me a reality check as far as this man is concerned I was in denial. Like any woman I made excuses for him. I tried to justify his actions. Then when life slapped me with yet another reality check, I became angry. At myself for not realizing it sooner, at him for putting me through such unfair situations and society because it kept rolling its eyes at me. Then I became afraid. I was afraid of loosing the only real person I had come across after waiting so long so I bargained just so he could be part and parcel of my life. Them it dawned on me. when did I become this lady? Since when do I allow myself feel so humiliated and desperate.?I will call it as it is. Since when do I settle? Slowly but sure I have come to accept that some people are meant to be in your life for a season. I choose to see the best out of this situation because at the end of the day even though things didn't unfold as I had hoped for, I will not stop being me .I am passionate and caring and trying to put on a don't care attitude clearly only brings out the bitter in me. My motto in life is to be better with not only myself but those around me.

Sadly, I hope to never use these words on him in particular ," seasons change, people don't'" because that will cause me a somewhat kind of pain. He was a big deal but even big deals can't deliver big breaks. I am comfortable in my own skin and considering the fact that I am a straight woman time and again I will want to change my weight the same way I change my hair. There is nothing I can do about my height even with twelve inch heels. I love who I see when I look at myself in the mirror every morning. I see a tomboy who is hilarious, humble , beautiful and talented. I am a blessed human being who has so much to offer herself and the rest of the world. I shouldn't have to prove myself to anyone least of all a man. He if he is out there should adore me just the way I am. He should see me past my fancy or baggy clothes. He should be taken by my character and personality and not the shade of lipstick on my lips.

And that is my 7:43 #RealityCheck

6:16

No one understands what one goes through or half the things you are forced to digest.The sacrifices you make even when you don't feel like being there for anyone but you still do anyway because that is who you are.You always have to put a brave face on and act like nothing ever bothers you when deep down you just want to scream in the middle of nowhere and exhale.The things that keep you going are the far you have come, the loved ones in your life and the God given promises. We and by mean I , I hold on to a little faith. It's not much but it gets me hoping again.

I am anti bullying. Watching people look down on others just because they assume they have more power over you or basically have been made to believe that indeed they are better than you. That is the kind that I always whisper to myself ," practically another life wasted on an ungrateful human being". It almost makes me want to visit a grave yard and see all the hopeful lifeless bodies lying on the ground.People who had so much to offer yet robbed of life. Bullies bring out the worst in me. The minute they make you question if being good pays off because to be honest being bad is a free pass for them.They always do what they want and in most cases get away with it. Unfair but that is one way to look at it.

The thing about bullies is they are always fake. Trying to live out their lives through others. They have to sound convincing otherwise they are irrelevant. They feed on lies and give lies. They are parasites who creep in on unaware victims for they offer you a sense of security. Bullies are always available. Heck even real friends don't show up at times but bullies are always there crushing the parties, making plans and are always busy doing nothing. Bullies are never sober. How can they when reality reminds them of the ugly truth? So any day is beer day.

I don't know how you can survive a bully but all I know is the minute you identify them, expect nothing good. My advise ," act the fool with them"Don't  entertainment nor allow them intimidate you because that is all they are after, instilling fear. Don't run. Running away has never solved anything instead face them boldly and let them know that you not only mean business but are here to stay.They are smart but you are not the one drunk in the illusion of being someone else so that makes you even smarter. Bullies are petty and sad. That is all they are ever good at. Trying to fit in someone elses shoes. Try walking in your own shoes if you can dear one.

 What you are doing is not intimidating but its called bullying and it has to stop. Bullying has to stop now!!!


That is my 6:16 #RealityCheck

Reality Check: .......................Am Just not There With You ...

Reality Check: .......................Am Just not There With You ...: Hi #Checkmates.A conversation I had a while back just left me inspired.Having to talk about an issue you promised yourself in you head like ...