Everyone has their own opinion

This year I faced my biggest fear. I went to see a dermatologist after several years of self observations, trial and fails. The only reason why the thought never crossed my mind was because of HOUSE..... the series. Listen I was never to go in having whatever it is say simple menstrual pimples on my face only for the doctor to be like ,"How are you even alive?". *sarcastic side eye*

When I say I am not loyal to products I mean exactly that. I will use anything and everything as long as it is expensive and smells good. They say cleanliness is next to godliness so far that's my excuse to purchase more than I actually need. So does that mean all I have to survive on is carrots and water? *laughing it off* ofcourse not silly. Although I have to be in a serious relationship with water.

I blogged this a while back, but I don't understand influencers on social media who very well know that they are out to make quick money yet mislead naive victims like the younger me to use make up to get clearer results. What a fool I was. Such desperation . Thank God my face didn't blow up. Everyday my bestfriend keeps reminding me of that sad day I kept telling her "zinaisha " Kiswahili for "clearing."

This blog is to remind myself that no matter who says rather swears by any given product unless I have tried it on my own and I consult from a professional, I will never buy into social media hype. The same goes for the posts and pictures online. Unless I know you personally or its officially on Google "acha" that is Kikuyu a very romantic language though the word means NO in English.   *smiles*

Listen,this is my argument. If you can afford an expensive beauty product, you can sacrifice the same amount to go consult a doctor regarding the same. Don't be blinded by quick results only to suffer later on. Take time on yourself and understand your entire being. There is an important legal principle that says ,"ignorance of the law is no excuse. " I had to quote it reason being it serves as a #RealityCheck

Oh, how am I doing so far? Good things come to those who wait. It's a process and yes there is progress. Everyone has their own opinion

The ten year challenge got me thinking....

This being my birthday month, ofcourse it's a big deal considering I have so much to celebrate. The ten year challenge got me thinking. I thought I had it all figured out. It was pretty simple,  I would land a job as a stewardess, earn way more as the years progressed, fall inlove with the pilot, drift apart go back to school and study law in UK, be a well renowned criminal lawyer, become the most sort after Bachelorette , break afew hearts here and there , settle for a better male version of myself, outgrow his love, advance to becoming a judge, quit after five years then finally leave it all behind to become a relationship counsellor. So, where was God in all this?

It's good to dream heck I dream need I add daydream all the time but from the now me, the evolving, maturing because I still have so much to learn, accept and let go of, it looks like my priorities were fudged up big time. I lived life acting like God was my PA.  He had to make it happen.  So you know what He gave me instead, brokenness. He had to break me because part of growing requires humility. You don't get to choose your blessing, baby He does. It being cute and all, it would have served the wrong purpose. I now know it.

It didn't stop me from dreaming. As a matter of fact He had to get me to a point where He does entrust me for his will to be done in mylife. Getting God to trust you is like no friendship I have ever encountered. It's not for the weak at heart. I can write rather hire someone to write a book on my behalf on that alone and it would be a best seller.

I am a living testimony 2019 because those ten years have forced me to stay when all I prayed for was to leave. I have learnt so much that half the time I think I sound like a broken record repeating myself. It's not for others though, it has been a #DaddyDaughterAdventure.  Alone it's impossible. If you could have told me ten years from now I would be happily single I would have opted for the easy way out. Don't get it twisted I would be dead and forgotten.

The top lesson in mind as I blog has to be patience. I blush at the very thought of what awaits.  If this is what ten years does to my soul what of twenty more? * pauses and thinks* I will be graceful and wise beyond my years. That is a beautiful vision. I can already see myself walking at night on my well lit driveway admiring the trees with a warm shawl wrapped round me like a baby and in almost a whisper asking God, "How did we get here?" Laughter follows.

Ten years! I finally understand. When you stop chasing things and chase God instead, YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF. The person you get to fall inlove with each passing day, pleased to introduce to others while learning in the process. There is nothing wrong with wanting a better life and lifestyle but it's your intentions that move God to either bring it to pass or change you for the best to come. Now that is what a call a #RealityCheck.

I know it's out there! I know he is...

This is how you know that you have matured. When you read your old posts on social media and make faces. I am not talking about love faces sorry Trey Songz rather the lemon test on babies faces. Good God what is that and why was I even allowed to experience that? But I understand and this is why. I was still walking around so angry from disappointments in life. What threw me off more is the kind of energy that I had allowed myself to be around.

Looking back at that one update and those desperate comments from human beings who were less than smart led me to this beautiful realisation that I was stuck emotionally. I actually do feel so sad for that part of me that had to endure all that. What people don't understand is that one right disappointment can leave you stuck. If I was a man would I date the younger me from that post? No!

The lady I am today can openly admit and share my failures not for social influential gains but like I have repeatedly written, this blog is cheap therapy. I am my worst critic, my own fan and biggest encouragement. I am a three lady 2019. I laugh at society because you can't beat someone whose only choice is to win because most of my life I have been stuck. Having said that, how many people are still guilty of being stuck? Especially in relationships why would you feel the need to overprove yourself?  Perhaps I am shamelessly naive or delusional but shouldn't it feel like home and not a house? Shouldn't I be myself around you after all you complete me right?

I am from watching a very educative romantic movie. Not to be misquoted but in my opinion the best kind of love is when both of you are mature. Busy wondering what next in your lives if not careers. My mission 2019 is to achieve that level of maturity whereby when presented with the perfect job, relationship or purpose I will humbly bow out or accept it. You know what this is everything I have always wanted but someone else needs this more than I do. There are so many good men out there but I don't want to camouflage myself to appear good for them to spot or accept me. I just want for it to unfold beautifully on its own. Like we might start off on a bad note but that will only spark something assuring deep inside you to let you know that's my insecurity acting up. You are not just good but me good. I know it's out there. I know he is.

How many people are walking around stuck doing the right thing for everyone else but it's not happiness fulfilling? 2019, are you happy? Why are you still stuck in okay when you can be fantastic. What you find yourself doing passionately should come naturally. The same with love. Some days you feel like a superhero and other times you just want to be saved. There must be consistency for it to work from both parties. 2019 chanel in your inner maturity and have an honest conversation with your heart and mind. It will lead you to your #RealityCheck

Its 2019 yet people have given up on love

People have given up on love but not me though. I am out here not only swimming but doing backstroke moves in my own madness. A party of one please! Thank you. Happy new year checkmates. 2019 is a year full of love. As have been the years before and years after but there is some magic for those crazy enough to believe it. What are my resolutions?  To be alive, stay alive and live like I am alive. It's a three kind of affair for me.

As we unwrap this marvellous year, there are moments I will share on social media. One it's not what I am saying  but rather two it's why I am saying it that matters. It's a year full of untold mysteries and game changing puzzles. I ushered in this year inlove. Everything about me feels so warm and welcoming. I am open to all possibilities this life has to offer. I have known myself to be a soul kind of lady but this year I go deeper. Most will confuse my confidence with arrogance. If it's not in line with my happiness it deserves my silence.

Listen with your eyes. Only the brave will work to keep it. My song 2019 happens to be by one talented man by the name Musiq Soulchild ~ yes  . The entire song leaves me feeling so vunrable  so let me share some of my favourite lines PEOPLE DON'T STICK AROUND,  BUILD YOU UP THEN LET YOU DOWN , I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE BEEN BURNED , HONESTY IS WHAT YOU DESERVE,  SO THAT'S WHAT I AM GIVING YOU ..... SO WHEN THE WORLD AND THE ODDS ARE AGAINST US , YOU WON'T HAVE TO QUESTION. .......CAUSE I AM MORE ATTRACTED TO WHAT'S INSIDE OF YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GUESS, THE ANSWER IS YES.

Words have power. Those above leave me feeling both empowered and humble. Why are people giving up so easily? Is it because what they want doesn't exist or they are simply settling for what they have come across? Why!? You cannot change another human being unless they are willing to change on their own.  Listen, you have it. You have always had it but you have been trying to convince the wrong people. You are an ocean but you have been living as if you are a pothole praying for it rain , waiting to be filled.

Some of you this year will need to be reminded of how amazing you are without you even trying too hard. You are hilarious. What you say makes perfect sense. If you must fail to get over that fear then by all means fail but don't postpone that dream any longer. Don't complain if you are not going to do anything different about it. Some of you need to divorce and break up with social media and go work and fix your personal lives. Don't just say you are someone's friend this year be a true friend. I will not like your instagram pictures not because I am jealous of your new car instead I will dive into your DM and ask the brutal questions? I saw you new car, congratulations but I saw something more which drew my attention...... Why are that sad? The reason why I used the example of a car is because I love cars.

Live your truth ladies and gentlemen.

Be bold 2019.

Ladies, don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Baibee am not saying you have drained what's left of my youth but what are your intentions with me this year? Some of you could be waiting just to end up being a stepping stone or worse a helper to the one *laughing sheepishly* true story. Gentlemen,  I am not a man but I have dated and have brothers as well as male friends so please don't say you want a decent lady while your out there warming your manhood in any available open hole like respect yourself. This is not hip-hop so stop hopping around grasshopper.

No amount of success, connection or wealth can buy back health and life. All your life you have been a life is too short and YOLO for the last ten years. Same song different partner. Same strategy with worse results. Forget your titles and influence on social media, who is the real you? Are you using the avenues you have been given to compensate what the basic you lacks in reality? Do yourself a favour this year, choose yourself.

This is how to test if you are happy on your own. Are you doing what everyone else is doing or are you so wrapped up in your own world everyone else wants in on the action? Everyone is the boss of their life but how authentic are you? Before you like or retweet ask yourself this, "Does this reflect who I am or am I hoping to attract what I am after?". 2019 let this be your #RealityCheck. 

Enjoy the rest of your year checkmates.