I have never gotten back half of what I give out.

I have been here before. I have done this. I am not sure if I have blogged this before but being a #Truesday I must live up to my first name.  Why haven't I blogged rather why haven't I been consistent? I was broke not on vibe or inspiration but financially. It's being broke that got me here in the first place so let's just say,  whenever I have it, it feels like am on vacation so now am back home. So it's safe to say rather for you are the reader to assume being broke keeps me humble? No having more than I require keeps me humble. I have mastered being broke and using it to make it work in my favour.

The many guys I have liked and they have been quite alot had me thinking. I have only dated two guys in my entire life though I doubt if the first one really counts as I was still in high school but he asked (what a gentleman) so yes two. After my second real relationship I met afew more what ifs but none of them really stood out.

My lesson is this. I finally realised that I have always "killed" who I am to belong.  Let no one fool you. We all want association but we desperately feel the need to belong. Badly! Shiro I know you will read this and please don't even think of reminding me of how I really insisted on belonging *laughing but in an embarrassed manner*. This is my truth. I have always loved and will forever love cars. I have older brothers but I always joke and say secretly am sure my dad wanted me to be a boy. I got my passion from him. I understand my dad owned a jeep and quite the bachelor life right before he met my mum but sold it. As a little girl, I loved cleaning our Peugeot 504 and as soon as I was done I would start the engine and imitate how my dad made faces while driving.

In highschool I was more into games than I was with my education. And all the men who thought I was an honor student left, unfollowed and blocked all my social media accounts. Beautiful!! Sarcasm is an effortless gift. For those slow men out there, I was kidding about the men not the education part *laughing sheepishly*. Please try and keep up. OMG! That's it. That's my point right there. I have spent all my energy on different relationship(s) trying to keep up with them and get this, none of them ever "killed" who they are to keep up with all of me.

I have never gotten back half of what I give out.

#RealityCheck 

That is why I have chosen to be single for this long. I apologise to all those amazing gentlemen out there but I have nothing to offer you if all you have to offer is brokenness and being emotionally unavailable. I am not the girl for you.  I can't save you leave alone encourage you back to life. Life is too short to wait around for the day someone will hopefully see you the way you need to be seen. I don't mind living in a simple home but both of us not getting enough of each other each passing day. I want to laugh for the rest of my life. Let's question everything else but not one another or why we are both here. My biggest fear is waking up one day and realising that I have fallen out of love with the man I saw myself dying beside. I deserve the kind of love where even when I say am done and about to leave, he holds my hand and walks out with me in search for whatever it is I feel I miss. Even when we are old and very unattractive, we are the envy  of young people. 

If I never do anything right before my parents and God, it's my prayer and desire to be found by my soulmate and together our souls will awaken a love so strong and true, we will teach and heal the world with the true meaning of falling inlove.

Other than all that, everyday I live to inspire myself. I have said this before and I will keep repeating it, everything else is just icing on the cake but not the main ingredients . I am the main ingredients and without me there can be no cake. Yum!!!