keep believing

I am hopelessly lost. Everytime I listen to this song I feel like there could be light at the end of the tunnel but the minute the song stops so does my heart stop beating for this undying feeling.I am calm and patient but not even time can help me wait forever for this cloud over my head move or just rain. Have you ever gone out of your way for everyone yet it feels like no one else is willing to step down for you to just live in the moment.You can only give until you end up feeling drained and empty. Like you have offered everything you could yet it wasn't enough to stop a bad thing from happening or to change the ways of evil.

So weighed down and tired of being so positive while all life ever does is beat me down and force me to stay down. I have gathered all I can while down but no matter how good I try to be it seems bad always has a hold of me. No escape whatsoever. I am trapped in my own mind. The walls are not only closing in but stoning me unconsciously. I can only be a super lady for a while until I finally realize that I need some serious saving.

People doubt that your thoughts can create reality for you - Oprah .So what happens to my faith?What becomes of that beautiful belief? Do I still sit or continue telling people that if you hold on to what you believe in initially life will find a way to bring it to pass. I do not doubt because it has taken forever to get here but I doubt because am human and even I want mine on earth and not when I go to heaven. Time is a healer but isn't this very same time that makes the impossible possible somehow with a little help from up above.

How can something so beautiful be so wrong? How can something so undefined be forbidden? How can waiting for so long rob you of what you thought was your reward for being loyal?All I know is I have a lot of unanswered questions that somehow I care not for the answers for they have taken a decade to unfold on their own.Like everyone else am willing to make a withdrawal when I don't see the benefit. One thing I have been assured is that when running after your destiny, life demand that you pick up the pace. Like Dr. Maya Angelou I prepare myself so as to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud.

My greatest challenge is allowing the same kindness I show to others being shown to me. Accepting that there are good people with good intentions who just want to be part of your life with no expectations just that you allow them help you. All you have to do is wake up and breathe and they will take it from there. Crazy huh!? I know I doubt it as well but I have been proven wrong. God allows bad things happen to good people to prepare you to where he wants you to be. No amount of pain or loss can stop him from fulfilling his purpose in your life. When you are calm and he sees you are ready then he can entrust you with his promises.

It doesn't matter if all your enemies have succeeded and that their success has left you mad and bitter. That was not God's intentions to leave you broken but he had to break you and mold you into the man or lady you are supposed to be or already becoming. I keep telling myself that when God refines you, the process leaves you feeling like he cut through your flesh with a double edged sword. You have to be in line of who he created you to be so it might be a little uncomfortable but the sooner you get it and stop resisting is the day the process will ease up.

I don't know what the future holds all I know is this cannot be it. There is more and better and that like Condoleezza Rice I can finally say,"I could have done better but under the circumstances I did okay." I will keep believing and doing good even though my efforts look as though they are in vain but somehow like 27dresses I know everyone I have been there for will celebrate my big moment.