Spousal heartbreak

It's amazing how a simple heartbreak can screw up your entire mindset.  From hugs and kisses to its just me and my liquor store blues.  It hurts more when you are the one giving more of yourself in terms of time, money and moral support.  You tell yourself and even manage to convince the entire world they need you and that life without you would be hard. Where are they now? So you see life does go on even without you or them in the picture.

We all look for that one reason to keep us going. For most women, they find comfort in their babies and men their careers.  As long as he has a job , earns a decent salary , plays his role as the supportive husband and father he is sure no matter what kind of hell he puts this woman through in his mind he knows she will never walk away. She needs him. That is his assurance card . His way of comforting himself that she loves him.

The relationship ended before it even began. The chemistry was short lived. Let's be honest ladies you stopped being attracted to this human being the day it dawned on you that it's too late to walk away. You are in too deep and by that I mean, you can't go back not after the show you have been putting on. Let's face it,  no one wants to purchase an old car with fresh paint on it. That is how most women beat themselves down infront of a mirror.  I am too old to be competing with young blood and let's not forget that no man or his family will accept a single mother.  So you stay. After all you are the mother of his children. He will never abandon them or you.  That is your way of defining it as a solid partnership.

Slowly both of you are dying. You are not even friends. You can't even get past a halo without arguing. It works though. The routine is your new normal. He compensates with expensive gifts while she acts like a teenager inlove to save face. Now that is what I call a spousal heartbreak.  You may not say it but as society, we can see it.

And that is my #RealityCheck.

22:48 April 2016

I don't understand women. I am one but at times I feel as though am a man. Some of the things women do out of insecurities leaves nothing to desire or admire about them. Single women want to be in relationships while as those fortunate enough to land a good man end up treating him like garbage. 

Why would a woman insist on going back to the very same place she couldn't stand? What men don't know is that the very same women they are dating are busy putting on a show trying to prove to the single women that they are missing out yet they end up hanging out at the very same joints they 'loathe'. Please make me understand.  Are you acting ungrateful,  mocking those who are not in your social status or is the villager in you finally getting the best of you so you can't help but go back to your roots?

Never apologise for being blessed. I know I won't.  Forgive me if I never go back or dress like I used to just to save the humility face.  There is nothing wrong with driving a Ferrari and owning multiple businesses. There are so many secret millionaires who still associate with people beneath them not because they want to be praised but because they have not allowed fame and money rob them of their true character and personality. I wish women took the same amount of time and money to invest in themselves inwardly as they please men outwardly. 

My Monday Mix

I am just from reading an interesting article from a man's perspective.  His last remark was ladies there is nothing you are missing out on. It is true that we ladies love details. I happen to self crown myself as the ultimate mistress of every detail.  The reason why I am fixed on hearing anything and everything a man has been up to is not to secretly compete or feel better than what else is out there but I want to truly listen to what he is not telling me. Have you ever heard of its not what you are saying but rather how you are expressing yourself when saying it? That is all I ever need to know.

Men are known to fake words and sometimes conversation to save face but the one thing we all can't fake is our emotions. Ladies learn to stare that man deep into his eyes and slowly watch him calm down, get all nervous and look away. In my own opinion I believe men are terrified of women who pay attention. They don't know what to do with a good woman so they end up hurting the ones they truly love and act polite to those who don't care about them. The one lady who only calls him when every other letter in the alphabet has gone broke or silent on her. Forgive me for what am about to write but truly you deserve the title she has branded you... CLOWN. You sir are the laughing stalk of her girl circle. You are not the life of the party, no, you are just the coal to keep the shisha going.

What are you talking about? They love me! No sir, they tolerate the fact that you make life easier by showering them with money and occasional gifts and they in return communicate four times a month if you are lucky. By four times I mean every weekend and guess who is buying? You deserve it because deep down such men assume and ignore a perfectly good conversation with "a plain Jane" because to them these kind of women don't look or dress the part. They are not public figures. They may not rock six inch heels *they don't see the need to doll up* but they can get you laughing from morning till noon. Most of them don't club not because they are boring but don't see the need of "wasting money on other men and women who don't even like you to fit in".

So I have come to this conclusion.  The only reason why any man would frustrate a practically good lady is not because she is not enough , it is because he is insecure. Deep down he knows that if he was to introduce her to his friends they would date her. The more he spends time with her the more inspired and motivated he becomes. He is falling for her. That can't happen so the first chance he gets, he screw her over into thinking she has done something wrong. She is not the problem rather he is and being the silent kind, she let's him be and slowly starts to put up walls to keep any other man away. That is how a broken man drains a good woman emotionally without abusing her physically or verbally.  Silence in itself is an answer.

And that us my #RealityCheck. Goodnight checkmates. 

Saturday thoughts

Good morning checkmates. We are all curious and looking for heaven knows what but what really gets my attention is when either I want it bad enough or someone else does. Am talking about Access Denied.  The less information you have the more you want. This is a bad habit which can easily result to stalking, Kidnapping and murder.  Depending on how psycho you are. We are all crazy but someone of us know how to dress it up with make up, expensive clothes/shoes and a designer perfume. I am a lady so that is how I would do it.

What I have just discovered is that just like there is no such thing as bad publicity, giving full access to someone who wants it bad enough or is rather obsessed with you/being better than you only makes them end up looking like a fool. Living like you have something to hide makes it interesting for people to want in in your circle. 

If you are the one chasing information then it means you not only admire them but want to learn more of what makes them stand out. To me that is enough to let me know that you acknowledge that I have something special either you aspire to own or others have been talking about.  When you are happy and wrapped up in your own little world, people notice.  When the very same people who think they have it going on reach out, that is when you realise that you are doing something right. Don't deny them access because at this particular moment they are obsessed with you. Pull a reverse psychology on them. Wise people always act the fool.

It is scary and exciting both at the same time. Information is power and what you do not know won't hurt you but in most cases there is nothing to find. Use what you find to better yourself and not try to belittle the master.

In conclusion that is what I call paranoia. It's never what it seems and that is my #RealityCheck.

Thankful Friday

We so often go to God in prayer covered in tears and sorrow seeking comfort and breakthroughs.  So this day lets not forget to give thanks for the far God has brought us. We lost hope and faith but somehow down on our knees we felt renewed.

Dear God,
Thank you for taking me in when no one else did. Thank you for believing in me even when others laughed at my dreams. Thank you for having a plan and a future for me even when I look back and think, someone else should have taken my place. Thank you for blessing me even when I don't feel I deserve it. Thank you for your will because mine is nothing but a careless whisper of words. Thank you for loving me even though I grew up not being shown love. Thank you for protecting me even when I thought I could handle it on my own. Thank you for letting me live even when those around me died.Thank you for lifting me up when all I could cling on was a rock. Thank you for my health, health scares and healing. They drew me closer to you.

Thank you for the disappointments because then you are teaching me that I can rely on you. Thank you for being a perfect gentleman and always opening new doors for me. At times you spoil me too much. Thank you for being my source of inspiration through the bible  and life experiences. Thank you for those who left me when I was in the process of discovering who you have called me to be because honestly speaking they cannot handle any of the success you have granted me. Thank you for the delays because they have taught me to be patient and tolerate others like and worse than me.  Thank you for your sufficient grace. Thank you for favour.  Thank you for new mercies and mornings.

Thank you for being you and allowing me serve you and still be me. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for the far you have brought me. Thank you for then, now and right this minute. Thank you for allowing me to live this long and to finally understand and see WHY ME! You have excellent taste and you knew I had it in me all along. Thank you for the loss, heart breaks,  foolishness and self inflicted madness.  It was all to glorify you. Thank you for your angels and that there is a heaven. Thank you for the last minute show up just when people started talking and for the never ending miracles.  I have made mistakes but I myself am not a mistake.  You had me well planned out. I am the sperm that won *laughs*. That is why I never give up and am determined to win.  It's in my DNA.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,
MY#RealityCheck

22:47pm

It has been an incredibly long day. Something or someone got you through it. Let's not take it for granted that inspiration and a little hope goes a long way. No one may thank you for putting a smile on their face(s) or for encouraging them with a simple hi, I miss you or even a silly meme. 

In some weird way today both you and I made a difference and that is all matters. It may not go down in the guiness book of records but someone somewhere silently considers you a new friend.  Don't stop. Keep doing you. We don't know what tomorrow holds but today,  we did good.

Starting off this month on a thankful note. Thank you for being you even when no one else is watching. You still keep it real and one day someone will walk right up to you or include you in their thank you speech. Just when you think that no one notices , the eyes do they just have a hard time saying it back.

Have yourselves a calm, warm and love filled night checkmates.  And that is my #RealityCheck

Note to self

Learn how to bounce back because beating yourself down or lying on the ground doesn't slow down time. Beating yourself down is just an excuse to not try and fix your life. It's your life... yours to make or break. No one is asking you to be perfect or be a saint about it but use what you already have to mend what is already broken. Don't dwell on what's out of reach , grab what is presented before you and use it as a stepping stone.

Some days will feel like you should throw in the towel and others worse than before. Everything takes time. God took his time to create you. You need to take the time to heal, grieve and walk on. What will people say? what they have always said.

Every past year in your mind was supposed to be your big break and it wasn't. so make this one count. Don't do what you have always done. Make a difference. You deserve to leave your mark this time round. So instead of sitting all confused lost in I don't know, ofcourse you do and much more, finish or start a project and fix your full attention on it until it's complete.

It's time. It's your time . And that is my #RealityCheck

What to do

I don't know what to do. As women we are powerful and always know how and where to invest. That is not the case when it comes to matters of the heart. The same woman of steel is unable to tell a man no face to face. Not just any man, ladies we all have that one man who we find it hard to "disaapoint". We always come through . When he reaches out we immediately adopt the "he needs me" mentality.  Now let me ask you ask this, "does he do the same for you? "

I don't know what to do with my feelings.  I am a relationship expert or so I tell myself secretly but when I am the "victim" the light at the end of the tunnel somehow disappears.  The problem so I have come to discover is that the minute you become attached,  you loose.  So how do you have one and not show? I don't know. 

Perhaps if we all combine the knowledge we have from experience then we might come up with a solution or worse. All I know is that I don't know. And that is my #RealityCheck.