we are all looking for a connection

It’s Saturday. I know you know what day of the week it is. Am not going to blog. I have just woken up. Am in an honest state of mind. I will never lie to myself like that. This is not liar liar. Am not Fletcher Reede. No more excuses. I guess am blogging then. I am extremely cautious when it comes to how I present myself. I carry myself as a very ethical lady atleast that’s what I think am putting out there most of the time. So when men come onto me in a sexual manner am offended.

This is what I have come to realize about myself. When I really like a gentleman, I dress down. Am more comfortable in jeans, vest and sneakers. My party has never been on the outside. It’s always on the inside. Let that sink in. You figure it out. Am not going to expound. Am not a man. I don’t know what goes on in the minds of men. From the few strands of hair on my head to my satanic toes, ain’t no one is created like me out there. I have sarcastic answers for everything. Even when I say I don’t know, trust me, I know.

We are all looking for a connection. The type of connection where you don’t have to say much for the other to understand. That bestfriend and soulmate rare bond where you think alike. Feel each others pain and always know what to say to get through life.

So when a random man tells me on meeting me the first or second time am sexy that throws me off. Am a basic dresser and come off as one of the guys with a different honest opinion. How is that sexy? Sexy in my female humble opinion is making an effort. I stopped making an effort. Gentlemen, what kind of vibe are you picking from me? I don’t understand why every man I meet on saying hi eventually turns it into a sexual thing. Where am I going wrong? There was this guy, this one was not okay in the head. He took it upon himself to call me. It was work related then he followed it up with a text. Check your WhatsApp only to find erotic pictures of himself with a caption,”Do you like it? Is it big enough for you?” I threw up a little in my mouth and threw my phone in the dustbin. I think when I got home, I cried. I didn’t understand why I was attracting mannerless pricks. I hate confrontations especially from a less than smart person which was devastating. I never led nor attracted him so why was life sending me unfair situations.

Some people struggle with self esteem, am always fighting off mannerless men. The more rude I am the more determined they become. So I decided to flip the script and be cautiously nice. Story of my life turned to  #MyMagazineThoughts

leave Your Mark

Let’s go back to the basics. Manners. When you walk into a room do you remember to say hello? If it’s people you don’t like, hey am not judging. Am right there with you. Maintain your peace ✌🏾. It’s amazing how a hi changes things. It warms up the environment. Yes, am blogging

When was the last time you said thank you? Even after paying for services rendered or purchasing something do you remember to intentionally warmly say thank you. Have you ever taken the time to look at the smile or shock on the person’s face? I do. Try it. See how you feel after. When someone goes out of their way for you, do you return the favor or it immediately registers in your mind you are that important? Flattery will get you everywhere especially when used the right way. Timing is key. Let’s use this example below 👇

You: Hi Njeri. How are you? 

Me: Hi. I am good thank you for asking. How about you? How are you today? You look amazing 😉 incase no one has mentioned it. 

See that’s not trying too hard. That’s coming off friendly in a polite way. That either triggers a conversation or good vibe

That’s what happens when you walk into a room even when you are having a bad day, the positive energy somehow finds its way back to you. Don’t just do good. Be good. I know of days I could have really used that goodness in my life. So I started it with myself.

When you wake up in the morning think of something you really admire and like about yourself. Cheer yourself up with that. Take your flaws as well and learn to work around them. Stay true to yourself even when the world around you changes. Being odd is ridiculously awesome.

Leave a lasting impression when you walk away. Have a good day. Have a delightful day. Have a wonderful day. It’s going to be okay kind of talk. That is what makes you memorable. Don’t be forgettable. Leave your mark. One day, it will make a difference #MyMagazineThoughts

#SundaySermon

We don’t serve a God who recycles . We serve a God of order. That’s why things are messy & seem out of place. This is a new decade thus new strategies. New platforms, new faces , new ideas, new perspectives. The one thing that is constant is NEW #SundaySermon

Don’t be stuck in and on the old & miss out on new opportunities. You can’t rely on what used to work before to a new unknown. This is the new reality. That old season is over. Stop holding on to closed doors when there is an open door open in front of you.

You can’t recognize the open door as it’s NEW. Don’t approach it with old ways. Those days of staying comfortable are over. You are not doing anything wrong but you are meant to move but you won’t unless your old routine fails #SundaySermon

Don’t be hard on yourself as you are doing the best you can. You thought what you had was the best? Wait until you get the hang of the NEW. The more you resist the harder it’s going to get. Think of the possibility NEW brings with it. NEW beginning. A fresh start #SundaySermon

I didn't walk away

There is something I was supposed to tweet on but I forgot. I felt it so strong but I didn’t know how to go about it so I ignored it. I shouldn’t have done that. Now I have a second chance to blog on something personal yet motivational. Are you ready? Read on 👇🏾

The most hurtful thing then when someone I considered a friend said this to me. You remind me of nene. Why? I asked. She is so loud and ghetto. *spear to my chest* fast forward to today. I don’t know about anyone else but have you ever viewed a certain situation differently. Have you even seen someone who reminds you of a “I have been here before” moment. That nasty taste that makes you forget for a quick second of how far you have come to not be who you used to be? You find yourself angry then all of a sudden quiet. Then your mind goes blank.

Now that am calm and have regained my uniqueness, I can do what am good at. Turn that bull into shit. It’s a good thing. Let’s address the negative remark from my less than smart former friend. I would like to thank her. Genuinely say thank you even when I can’t stand her. Thanks.

Am from the village and proud of it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I mean if am a byproduct of ghetto and God has made someone out of me, there is something there. That keeps me grounded from allowing the immediate go to my head. I see it as a gift of humility.

Everytime am in doubt I always listen to what people say about me. Correct me if am wrong but isn’t nene married to a billionaire. So you see that in me? That’s how you see me yet I had it all wrong? You see a man of substance putting a ring on this? Girlllllll

The I have been here before scares me as I know how it ends. I stand to lose. Or do I? Is it recalling losing when God offers you better? That’s why something calmed me down. That was winning whispering only this time I listened. I didn’t walk away.

How can the odds be against me when I have been prepared and equipped with exposure for years? Shame on you fear. Shame on you for trying to scare me away when am ready for this moment. If it weren’t for it all, I wouldn’t share #MyMagazineThoughts

MERCY!!!

On Saturday’s I blog. Not that I want to but I have to. Do you ever have those moments where you have this feeling that someone is supposed to communicate but they don’t. I spend most of my time on Google trying to figure out some of these random thoughts I get. Those moments where it feels strange but clear. Am still in bed waiting for it to be a good morning. Being a lady sometimes sucks. I am trying to figure out how to wake up and prepare breakfast. This would all be different if I was dating.

After a night of heated passion and total satisfaction ofcourse my soulmate would be delighted to serve me breakfast in bed. Am talking about bringing his entire being to life the previous night so much so this morning he would offer me options in my breakfast. I like options. Then would come the awkward part. So, when are you leaving my house? He wouldn’t definitely say it but am sure he would feel it to a point he would kinda show it with his eyes. That would be the end of our relationship. Am weird. Let me explain

Am not the clingy type so I expect him to be aggressively possessive. There are two types of ladies. One who invites herself over to your house and now me, the unless he invites or is somehow sick, I will never show up. Even when he invites me over, i will never show up but knowing I have an open invitation excites me. Unless he comes and gets me, again i will not show up. Am sturbborn like that. Anything that requires my presence is of uttermost importance. If I avoid business meetings and these are sources of making me money, you think I will show up to a random residential for a “good time?” Are you demented? What? Wrong lady sir. Am not available and ever will be.

Am not a car yard where you will depreciate my value making it hard for the next man. The day I will show up in my soulmates house, he will have checked right everything on my list. Boy do I have a long list. I call it the list of possibilities. Everything he is can I match up?

Am intentionally celibate. Don’t ever get it twisted. I could be sexually active but am not. I don’t want a basic relationship with basic benefits. Where is the fun in that. I am saving myself for my soulmate. Listen, am talking about a man .....With just his presence my entire body shivers in excitement. Him being alive is sexy. He is so good it makes me wannabe so bad but just enough for him to notice. He doesn’t need to say much as his eyes already got me weak and running to him. MERCY!!! A type of intimacy which makes everyone uncomfortable. A type of love which only God can use to restore humanity to mankind. Such purity and intensity. An exchange of mental, spiritual and emotional bond which can only be explained by onlookers. Being lost in each other’s minds and words it’s draining yet refreshing. It’s bonkers yet makes perfect sense. A telepathy, a once in a lifetime love. We haven’t met yet we feel familiar and fond of each other. Our bodies don’t know each other yet our minds have explored one another’s soul. It’s not about sex. Our level of love making will only be explained as a bestseller novel. It’s that’s healing. That will be the overall gift to each other.

I already have a speech prepared to thank everyone in his life who have held him down. From God, to his family and his exes. Thank you. Thank you all. You have played your part tremendously. I thank you all.

So, is there such a man? Yes. Does he exist in real life? Yes. Have I met him? Yes. Am I still single? But Ofcourse 💯. Am I still celibate? Happily because I know good things come to those who wait. Do I like him? Yes. Enough questions as these are #MyMagazineThoughts

Who asked you?

Gentlemen, let’s have a very open and honest talk. There is a gentleman who has made my day with his bravery. When you say hi to me and immediately ask for my number, that is bold. I like that. I have even told him outright.

Gentlemen, when you tell a lady you like what you see I honestly don’t know what response you expect. Personally, especially if am not attracted to you, am sure the conversation that follows next, I will take it south. I will never lead anyone on if am not interested. I  believe in being respectful so if you offer me a compliment which I can’t offer back, I will humbly stay quiet in the hope of you will read inbetween the line. But if I happen to laugh and accompany it with am honest opinion like you are shameless, take a hike.

I know some people are using the pandemic as an excuse to misbehave. Times are hard but not that hard to endorse desperation. It’s a new decade and not the end of the world. Make smart decisions. If you want to show off, please make sure the person you are out to impress buys whatever bullshit you are selling. The materialistic talk is one I avoid. When he told me he was just from parking his car, my mind went in on him. Who asked you? Parking at a free zone?

See giving you my number is not a big deal but starting a conversation is. I could already tell he is the kind to talk a good game but in actual sense you don’t even know how the game is played in the first place. Things got worse from there. When mr. Wannabe called, minutes later he ran out of airtime. What a joke!!! It’s when he called back and insisted that I would be calling him soon which led me to blog. If I ever call you man or woman, you must have my undivided attention otherwise

I can be very immature but am more impressed by maturity. Be yourself and hopefully someone will appreciate you. Meantime, we are not teenagers so let’s cut to the chase. I like, good, if not I keep it moving. It’s still a beautiful desiring day ahead #MyMagazineThoughts

Am torn and confused

How amazing is our God though. Even when you are having a crappy day, His love still shines on. I thank God that He is not man. He is so selfless that it humbled me this beautiful morning. I serve a godly God who is such a loving father and perfect gentleman. God is not man to be petty or be dismissive. Do you know what it takes to control the entire universe? God. We are all His. He loves us equally. Whether you have more or less, we are all equal in His eyes. God doesn’t have leave days. He is constantly working

Even with this pandemic He has ensured there is day and night. His blessings have been unconditional. He hasn’t abandoned us even when we have fallen short His mercies have embraced our doubts. We serve a fearless God. He owns the world. He makes time for you and me. So when I am having a gloomy day, I always remind myself of his faithfulness. His love . His patience with me. His promises to me. He doesn’t owe me anything but yet He is always my strength and shield. That’s when I acknowledge His presence more. In silence, He is the loudest

When things don’t look up, learn to look up. Literally. That’s where your help comes from. When you feel defeated, that’s when He shows up and shows off. He has sufficient grace and enough angels to watch over us. Weeping may endure for the night but Joy comes in the morning.

Each morning wake up grateful and thankful even when all you want to do is throw in the towel. Talk to God. Be honest with your feelings. Like you know what God today I don’t feel I have it in me to fight. Am exhausted. I gave it my all yet still am disappointed. I need you more today than I did yesterday. I don’t have fancy scriptures to appease you. Ama kneel here and allow my heart speak on my behalf. I am better & stronger than this but today is a little harder. Speak on my behalf. Where do I go from here. Am torn and confused.

When you find enough strength to leave the house, when you look around you and have anything just something to be thankful for, when you can find the courage to whisper a thank you in the midst of your troubled thoughts, that’s when you realize why you are who you are.

It starts making sense. The reason you have held on to your truth. The reason why God and you have this father son or father daughter relationship going. Why He has brought you this far. Why He gives you just enough to keep you going. Why He is God over your life. You start seeing things His way and not your willful ways. Then He can entrust you with more. He is equipping you for what lies ahead. You can’t pack and leave when faced with difficulty. He is molding you for the very same thing you have been praying for. He loves you that much more to not fuck it up. If you serve a might God why do you expect cute results? You must represent Him well and cute is not what He has in mind. You are beautiful or handsome but He needs warriors not worriers.

Remember that always #MyMagazineThoughts