March, you were too MUCH

March, you were too MUCH. I don’t take any day nor every lesson for granted. I allowed myself to feel more. Both happy and sad moment which led to not holding back the tears but watching them roll down my cheeks. I was afraid and scared of the truth. It’s when I beat myself down the most. 

I took a surprising chance which taught me something about myself. When left with no choice, I always find a way. I am a different lady altogether. I am more calm and more aware of myself and my surrounding. Of my words, intentions and actions.

If asked to be described myself, I would almost immediately talk of the old me that’s what am assuming but in all honesty, I would tell you about me in this very moment. See what I was attracted to before, doesn’t do it for me anymore. What bothered me, I find really amusing. Am at a point where it’s not about others anymore. I believe that people can and do change as a living testimony but I don’t have the grace to stick around. The old me would have entertained and tolerated such but am not sticking around for such. Whatever such is.

I am so focused on myself and the people I love and care about. I want and need more of that. I am very intentional and prioritizing them but more so myself. March got me asking questions and stepping up. I don’t have nor wish to crush on anything or anyone ever again. Am done.

Listen, I am going where no one wants to go. The I like you, are you available for a date? I like that car, am going to purchase it. I am going to use the word like very cautiously from now henceforth. What I don’t like won’t be stated out loud. I will just politely walk away.

I am finally matching up to my personality and character. I have had ample experiences and will still continue to learn but I have to appreciate and applaud myself because so far so good. It’s alright to be emotional and not too strong sometimes #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Only I can fix

I don’t want to live in the hype of the “I love you. No I love you more” bubble. If I do, I will end up high on short commitments in search for the same “first encounter” and as soon as it dies down or wears off, am out. I want to stick around, own my mistakes and stay after.

I have been on my own for years so sharing or giving rather allowing someone to have an opinion and take it well in a mature manner already feels like I am in a relationship. Sometimes, it’s way easier to think things through than to actual talk them out. The power of the tongue.

Everytime I try to bring the secure walls I built around me down, I end up adding more barriers to keep everyone out. To some extent, I became rigid. Working on yourself is an inside job and it is not easy nor a one time thing. Understand it’s an I situation. Only I can fix.

Raw conversations and thoughts would make life more easier. My number one priority has to be communication. This is real life. One of two things will happen. People will either agree or disagree. Regardless, own your truth and work on yourself #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

It gets better but first reality

Have you ever had an encounter with people whose purpose was to ensure you stayed down. That their words cut you deep enough to leave open wounds. That their presence stung you enough for you to cave and accept defeat. This is a throw back blog. It gets better but first reality.

Everything you do is wrong. Everytime I get such memories am sure better is on it’s way. It’s that windy dust that comes right before it rains. It just doesn’t rain, there is always a sign that indicates that rain is headed your way. Some wisdom dawned on me yesterday.

Some people are so unhappy with themselves that instead of working on their hearts and minds, they tend to take it out on everyone else. Not just on anybody ladies and gentlemen, think this through, it’s always someone who reminds them of what they don’t and can’t have. PREACH!!!

Your existence and presence irritates their entire being. They can’t stand you. They don’t like you and worse off don’t understand why everyone else does so they make you their “purpose” and ensure they “try” and convince everyone else that you are not the real deal.

This doesn’t feel like a blog. Lord, am preaching. They want what you have because they know they don’t have it in them to do it the way you do. A toast to people who make it appear to damn easy so much so that when others try, they fail miserably *cheers*.

I always say if you have it naturally, even when you take a break or decide to branch out perhaps from a company or group, you should be able to bounce back and make it seem like you never lost it to begin with. But if you are struggling with creativity, you never got caught.You never look good trying to make someone else look bad but on rare occasions, you have got to let them understand that unlike them you don’t make loud barks baibèé because when you bite you only stop when you see blood. You are dangerously good at anything you do.

I am here to encourage you not to allow anything or anyone talk you out of having a fabulous life. Let’s not limit ourselves in terming it as year or years. Heck am still doing a lot of growing and up. It’s a continuous process. One thing I keep telling myself is this, no matter how well put together someone else appears, no one has two lives. You can’t pause you life to come be a better me. If you know of any human who is privileged to have multiple lives, we need an urgent meeting because I need their secret seeing as I can barely keep up with my own life.

If you have nothing to offer, no one would be paying attention. My question to myself is always simple, Njeri are you seeking attention or is what you are naturally good at drawing in attention? Hold yourself accountable for your own life and live #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Full on the inside

There are so many people out there who are full yet empty. By that I mean this. You can’t be succeeding, catching big breaks yet instead of encouraging the rest of us hopeful people with your story, all you keep taking about is your haters and how everyone kept and keeps you down.

Personally, it not only makes me question your victory but you as an individual. You have everything going for you, where are you getting the energy to be this toxic? It’s like winning an award and your entire speech is about people who haven’t been supporting you. It’s alarming

If it didn’t cost you, you won’t mind fucking yourself and it up. After all, you don’t understand its and your own value. For those of us who keep paying the price and having to wait, the thought of it happening scares us more than it excites us. Why? We can’t afford to fuck up!

All I ask especially to myself now that God made sure I came out through that dark tunnel, I don’t focus on everything else around me but on why I was granted a chance to be here. I have to make it count. It has to be worth it. It’s about how far I have grown and improved.

I want to look back and be proud of myself. Not on the achievements but on the person I have become and continue becoming. I just want to look back and say, you know what, I like me. Wait, that’s me?Damn! Full on the inside #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé

You can never lie to your heart

If I happen to end this as a blog, well and good. If not, as long as I get this out there, am happy. Each day presents us with different surprises and desires. I have discovered this about myself ever since my birthday, what I liked yesterday, I am no longer attracted to today.

As soon as my truth leaves my mouth and I pull my lips together, it’s out there. What you choose to do with that information is no longer my responsibility. It’s how I feel the next day that matters. That’s why I can like as many men as there are to like and wake up the following unbothered by all. I am more afraid of not expressing myself as opposed to what and how you think about me. It’s down to how I feel about you or certain situations. Before I felt this urge to silence my opinion to offer the other person a voice but not anymore. I say this with a smile on my face, I understand. I hear you, but I understand myself more to offer you my maturity and grace you with my absence. Life is too precious to waste it when you sell yourself short of what you truly are valuable over. 

You can never lie to your heart. It always knows.

What you invest you eyes and ears on matters. I have been receiving plenty of that of late and my heart is full. When you are in the right environment mentally, you are like a flower. You slowly start to open up gracefully at your pace and blossom radiating a certain beauty.

When a man is inlove there is a certain level of vulnerability he gives away without having to say a single word. The way he looses his breath when she walks in, stops everything he was doing to just stare at her in awe like it’s the very first time he met her.

From admiration to adoration to holding her on an imaginary pedestal. Having endless conversations in his head but the one thing that gets me is this, how he gives her the final how did I get this lucky in almost in a whisper, God I love her look #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

There is MUCH in March

I have come to this realization that majority of the Aquarius lady articles are from a hurt or disappointed point of view. You cannot embrace a new relationship with old expectations and experiences. You have to go at with the innocence of a child. It’s Saturday, so lets blog.

Happy new month. There is MUCH in March.

I cannot speak on behalf of other Aquarius ladies but I was born on the 28th of January and this is my blog on myself. Am not a morning person. Reason being, I prefer staying in my dreams longer as opposed to dealing with real life issues and people. I am only a morning person on special occasions. Am straightforward as opposed to beating around the bush. If I ever check up on you know that you are very special to me or I can sense something is wrong. Otherwise, the usual greetings, followed by the same old boring have a good day dia is utter rubbish and comes off rather pretentious to me. Don’t ever dia or dear me. It immediately registers in my brain you are up to no good. Am a word person and I know when people are throwing irrelevance to sound accommodating when in actual sense they are just selfish pricks.

It’s not that I am cold, I am simply not interested in whatever else is going on around me. I am very observant but I willingly choose not to participate because according to my quick analysis, it’s not worth it. What’s the fun of it, if am not going to enjoy it? Yawns!!! It’s like being approached by a serial dater. I don’t want to be another collection in your gallery. It’s more or less being in an abusive relationship expecting to change him. The same way you would classify that as sheer madness is the same way I view certain situations.

I am very emotional. I just don’t show nor share that side unless you know me on a very personal level. I have had people and I see so many out there pulling the victim card to get ahead in life. Believe it or not there are those who survive off pity and get a kick out of it.

That am not romantic? You think you can beat me at romance? Let me see you try. I don’t need to post nor pose in a certain manner for men to find me alluring. Baibèé, actions speak louder than words. Enough talking, lets dive into it shall we?

I am polite but am not a social butterfly as they say. Life of the party? I don’t even party. I look a certain way but am the complete opposite. I am extremely complicated yet there is so much to look foward to so #LetFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé