Bits of me

The one thing that people don't know about me is that I love cooking. This is not a common Kenyan girl thing or a tribe to be specific a Kikuyu traditional thing that a woman's place is in the kitchen. Believe it or not, I love being in the kitchen alone. Cooking is an art just like making love. Listen, for those of you who are rolling their eyes and thinking what is this lady talking about? Stop that. Quit fooling around and searching for the quick "fixes" and please allow me help save that little dignity left in you. That's the good news . The bad news is after reading this you might have to give up your old habits *sorry*.

I read something interesting about myself rather my star Aquarius. Am not a professional but cooking is like being in a committed relationship. None of them has ego problems and they both are ready to submit to each other both emotionally and physically with such a romance that is even envied by the angels of heaven...... Ask Oracle

You don't want to prepare a meal just because you can but because you want to. Like romance there has to be foreplay..... you have already pictured the end result which gives you total satisfaction but the process leaves you tired, sweaty yet excited for more perfection because at that particular moment you own it all ..... you are in your element...... a student turned master .... a goddess . You don't need to measure any amount of water if any or taste to know if the spices or salt is just right ....you already know

When I cook it gives me so much joy knowing that I am serving from the heart because in my mind I have envisioned that I am cooking for the love of my life. Please note this is all in my mind and that the only thing that is real is my cooking *try and keep up* where were we, oh yes,  he has just invited me over and after playing hard to get for several months I finally give in. I come looking like dessert but first thing first I change into something more comfortable..... his official shirt *to make him believe am in charge* and socks on.... Good food, good God let's eat ....

Have yourselves a #RealityCheck Checkmates.

When your mind is set to "explore"

It's hard saying no to your body when your mind is set to "explore". If only life was this simple. Where I would walk up to my "to do list" line of men and handle that shamelessly. The friends with benefits sounds amazing only that the lady always ends up hurt directly or indirectly.  Act like a lady, think like a man was a good movie but then again this is real life. How do you play a gentleman in a man's world isn't that setting yourself up for not just failure bur epic failure?

Being a lady is hard. Having to walk away from something you want at that particular moment shows how self disciplined one is. Ask any woman. Sometimes you want to be normal but deep down its a struggle coz the only normal thing about you is your humility. A woman with high standards is her own biggest challenge.

Horacio Jones says," I like being alone. I have control over my own shit. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person,  you are competing with my comfort zones." I may come off boring judging by the way I choose to present myself to you but if you can assure my comfort zone that my dignity will still be intact by the time you get to know the real me perhaps am everything you have been praying for.

See not all that glitters is gold. Only few land the real deal simply because pressure creates diamonds.  Fire refines gold. Let me just serve you that simple #RealityCheck checkmates.

And on a Monday

Oh it feels good to be wanted...... and on a Monday!  Most people hate having to do anything constructive after the weekend whether it was epic or just a stay at home lazy and cheat on your diet kind of thing. Not me though. I love Mondays. That's when everyone else is in a bad mood and am just there taking in the real them *am the worst I know*.

I will quote my bestfriend seeing as tomorrow is her birthday...... ,"Don't ever be afraid of asking for what you really want". Only my bestfriend knows the real me. I am the selfless kind who robs herself to build others up. Am not too proud to ask for help but I just don't know how to ask.

Sometimes I don't want to blog. I just want to copy paste the character of an aquarius woman and call it a day. Most of the time am like what's the fucking need though *middle finger in the air* ✌.

You know how on social media you post something stupid hoping no one reads it and they end up surprising you. Today was that day. Part of me is cheering it on like stalk on sir while the inner shy me is slowly building up walls. Like what the actual fuck ..... you are scaring me. I overthink and over question everything. I talk myself into a situation and at the same time talk myself out of it. Anything to get you to give up.

Today I understood why after having waited for so long for the right man, anyone would settle for Mr making an effort. Unlike Mr right, this gentleman serves you a #RealityCheck..... He is there cracking jokes that Mr right should be in your head and making you feel all sorts of electrifying giddiness *goddamn it stop that* . You know how they say it's lonely at the top? It's lonely everywhere especially if your heart is still searching and knows what it wants is still very much so out there.

It feels good to be wanted and there is nothing wrong with a little attention rather encouragement along the way but focus on the prize ahead. That's my Man...day..... Get it!?

I had to figure it out

You know how they say it's not you it's me, I had to serve myself a #RealityCheck.  Damn I have matured.  You have to take time off especially social media to know what you are communicating. If it's not inspirational it's of no use to me. Just because it's not on instagram , Facebook or Twitter just to mention afew doesn't mean my life is boring. I am learning to keep up but at the same time taking a step back to live and actually enjoy the moment. Perhaps the younger me needed validation but the older me is so into my small circle and the people around me willing to make a difference.

I am not in a hurry. It can wait. It's not about doing the right thing but listening to that voiceless shy inner me that I keep putting on hold. Just because I don't agree with 99% of society doesn't mean I am a bad person. I am that 1% who is brave enough to question facts and draw my own conclusions. While everyone else is asking why am out here loving every moment of why not.

Everyone is after the good life but only those with discipline and passion are willing to put in the extra effort. There are two types of people  1. Those who take pride in the prize 2. Those who take pride in the process of achieving the prize. If I have not earned it, I will not appreciate it.  If I wait for it for too long by the time I get it, it's value will not go to my head because I have had time to prepare for it to a point where I felt it will not happen. That's what I want. That element of surprise in such a way it will not draw unnecessary attention is priceless. When everyone else has dismissed your dreams and you in the process then it happens is a masterpiece to me because then the chosen few will be there to celebrate with me.

I serve a God who not only has a sense of humour but very strategic. Am all about that life now. The do it now yet slow down let me appreciate it all days and nights.

Tomorrow not tonight

Lately I have been suffering from procrastination. Not for lack of inspiration but something urgent comes up and I end up prioritising that instead. I need to write down and not assume in my head it's on my today's agenda. Enough about me, how have you all been? Assuming my multiple personalities are my audience *looks away ashamed* .  In my mind I always picture a very good looking legible bachelor in his early forties say 42 because anything older than that has to be classified as robbery with violence ie he is trying to rob me of what's left of my youth which in English means I don't trust you.  Again, let's not make this all about me *laughing sheepishly* .......

Being single for so long and please get me right am not talking about people who have been alone for a few hours or months yet they feel like life is so unfair and brutal. This year marks nine years not being in a relationship. So when I blog that I know what I want it means I have been selfish enough to learn what I like and what I don't.  What I have had to tolerate and what I won't. Have I tried going on a few blind dates ofcourse and they have ended up teaching me that I am horrible at opening up.

Understand that when you are comfortable enough to trust someone else in terms of a relationship in my case a man, *notice how I wrote a man not the man* you allow yourself to be vunrable enough to go the extra mile to play the part girlfriend both physically and financially yet you end up breaking up, you feel broken. Not just emotionally but in your mind at that particular time and while healing you feel as though no one else is ever worth that much effort. So you stop and you become this shy person who is too scared and fragile to put themselves out there again.

Being single for so long makes you take for granted how sexy you truly are. Not that you are not but because your mind has led you to believe that man/woman no longer finds you attractive enough to take a chance on you thus left leaves you questioning the obvious. Think about it. How many people do you compliment  in a day and they end up acting surprised? Have you ever stopped to see their reaction? Their body language tells you everything you need to know at that particular moment. There is nothing wrong with pulling a regular look on the inside but when you go lingerie shopping and zoom in on yourself....... Whoa! That's a hallelujah moment for me.

Do what makes you feel sexy. But don't risk your life and health trying to prove a point to a very hostile society. For me what exudes sexy is not your image because frankly speaking everyone looks good in their own unique ways and styles but confidence stands out. I have been working on myself on the inside and now am open minded to reflect it on the outside. I hope the world is ready for a game changer because like I always say different is so refreshing.

Pleasant night checkmates because am about to be someone's #RealityCheck ✌

Gentlemen

I don't want to blog so that means I must. Why is it that am only inspired to blog on Thursdays? The long drive home always gers me thinking. To those of you who assume I am too honest wait until the get into my head. Well that was lame. Look, it has been a long, sunny day. I am tired yet am trying to prove a point to myself. I better dream with Mr wonderful after this. Again, I am not self impressed.

Is it that I have unrealistic self set standards or no man will offer to "weekend bag me?" The thoughts have crossed my mind several times until tonight I decided am going to do something about it. Blog ofcourse. Wait, what did you have in mind? Are you kidding me? There I go again with my morals.

I have had this observatory talk with my bestfriend and she always tells me the reason why she would never be that kind of lady not that it's a bad thing but because she simply fears God. Personally, I have never met a man worthy of the consequences good or bad. Honestly do I get offers yes but would I ever consider any of the men who try and throw in a steal of a hilarious moment no.

If the man I am attracted to was not as established as he is would I still be interested? Truthfully,  no. The reason why ladies are either looking for their fathers or brothers in life partners is SECURITY. As a lady you shouldn't have to ask for it, it's common sense. It comes with the package right? Listen, am no love leave alone relationship therapist so go figure out what you want then go for it. But don't settle too soon just for the sake of what it readily available people.

I blame the legible bachelors out there making these single, vunrable ladies move in too fast. I mean how dare you! I can only imagine he already has a well paying job, owns a car hopefully not a Toyota 😂😅😆 a decent vehicle ...I will blog about my kind of machine later on not now *Bugatti* and all the men left the room 😄 Where was I (back in the village .....See what I did there) oh yes a motor vehicle and lives in a serviced apartment. You pick her up after having worked on her hygiene thoroughly, buy dinner and drinks on your way and then when you arrive it's business as usual. 

Can you imagine spending a night with someone you have nothing in common with leave alone an entire weekend. Goodness gracious that is torturous. Why would you do that to yourself? So you listen to music on your way, have small talk with sexual tention building up, the ackward laughter followed by the long sighs, the eye to lips stare and bite game like can we just get this over and done with already. That's quarter the night. On arriving ladies, his house exceeds your expectations. Him being well put together got you interested but now his accomplishments are a sign. Girl!!!!!!....... He is the one.

Gentlemen, if you know that God had blessed you with so much material earthly riches don't even think of introducing a lady to your life leave alone your lifestyle. She wasn't born obsessed you fed and made her believe she already owned half if not all of it. Don't do it bothers don't do it. Act broke. See if she will show up or step up. Until then let this be #TheEnchantingTruth. Goodnight checkmates.

Thursday Thoughts

Yesterday was Valentines Day and boy was I surprised. Whenever I come across something and someone I like, I usually take my time to enjoy everything they have to offer before I outgrow them. It's sad but then again it's life.

I had a mama I made it moment but then being my shy silly old self I kept that God moment way down low. I started to write the day I realised that I never belonged. It was hard because as a child, we all want to belong both at home and out there but I never fitted in anywhere. I have always had a directors imagination where dramatic , fictional and romantic scenes came to life in my mind so I left Earth and created my own little world. Positive thoughts and seeing the best in any given situation is the order of the day.

I have high self set expectations for myself and those I consider differently refreshing. I have intentional amnesia and hearing. My eyes are well trained to only grace greatness and my voice used to speak greatness into existence. I speak brokenness fluently yet I am blessed with words which can melt the pain away. There is nothing normal about my insanity. I notice everything especially the unspoken yet I am perceived as detached and aloof.

Anything you need to know about me is in my writing and eyes. So simple yet complicated. Reading This Was A Man by Jeffrey Archer assures me that I wasn't wrong. Such a life exists. I didn't make it up, you just had to get there.

I am humbled. You know how you hear God can change your life in a split second from zero to hero. I have taken ample time to love myself selflessly and nine years later I am still learning to love myself right. The only thing I don't know is what God has planned for me but as long as each passing day He grants me a chance to experience a new day and He is constant and has and will always be God above all others I WILL CONQUER. 

A win is a win regardless of whether it looks nothing close to what is expected but having fought the odds, taking that bold step, making an effort and leaving your comfort zone to me is THE ULTIMATE WIN.

#TheEnchantingTruth 2018