Broken Mentality

After years of being dismissed and people expecting me to stay down, wisdom creeped up on me. I have been walking around with a broken mentality. My heart healed years ago and God has been waiting on me to figure that out.

Am sure am not the only one who is guilty of experiencing some if not all of the above. Dismissed maybe because they don't know me or they have someone in mind. Still that doesn't make me a less candidate or the right to beat myself  down believing everything thrown my way. For that I apologise to myself for having dragged that foolishness way too long. As for people expecting me to stay down, yeah that will never happen. Take it up with God child.

I have grown rather I have been forced by circumstances to grow and embrace change but it's entirely up to me to make it positive or negative. I like this quote, "Pain changes people, it makes then trust less, overthink more and shut people out." I am guilty of that because I have been walking around with a broken mentality. See my heart moved on years ago but the memories have been holding me back triggering my mind to think that I am not okay but in actual sense I am good to go. I have been for years! I have just been allowing myself to carry on as if am a victim of good people finish last, it's not the right time, if this was God I would know...... Basically anything to stop me from moving forward emotionally. I have been waiting for God yet God has been waiting for me to get my act together.

One more quote to get you motivated is this," There are some men out there who will come into your life to HELP restore and heal what was broken."

Ladies, please note the key word is HELP!!!! How do you fix something that’s not broken or assist someone who doesn’t need leave alone can admit they are not okay? Other than that man loving you the best way he knows how he has a higher purpose and it's not you. How do you expect to be in a relationship when you have never committed to knowing what it is that you really want. Date yourself first. No matter how many scriptures you quote and how many times you fast and pray, your will never get a man who will restore and heal something that was never broken. With a broken mentality I assure you, you won't even know a good thing even when it walks in your life.

Love God, forgive yourself then give yourself permission to receive the kindness you have been giving everyone else. That was just a bad break. Start including yourself. Stay present in your own life. Show up. Nothing is broken. Put it on repeat and watch it become a #RealityCheck

An open love letter from my disappointed self

I want to start off by thanking you for being vunrable enough to share this letter with those that know you, are trying to understand you and those that are too scared  to admit that they are going through the same process.

Writing this will automatically mean that I have lost but that's where I come in and assure myself  that sometimes success comes even in the smallest of wins. But no one wants a petty win. For it to qualify as a win it has to have some substantial value right? See everytime I find myself  thinking this, it's my fear getting the best of me.

What of my dreams?

*pauses with balancing tears*

It's okay to not be okay sometimes.

*in almost a whisper* I can cry that disappointment away but no matter how loudly or heartedly I do it won't change the fact that I still believe in dreams.

Exactly!!!

Come rain or sunshine, morning or dawn, sunrise to sunset , the sun , moon and stars do any of those change the fact that the sky still remains the sky?

That's how loyal and faithful God has been over mylife.

When I asked, He gave me
When I didn't ask, He still provided.
When I didn't expect,  He still surprised me.

Why do I still call them disappointments when in actual sense that was my will over my life and not God.

And so I pen this open love letter from my disappointed self

Listen,
God loves you. His plans over your life surpass your dreams. Why do you walk around with your head held down with shame just because by the looks of it others are "ahead?". You will never be perfect because then you would never need God and that's why He is a jealous God. If He thought you needed "your dreams" fulfilled He would have. There's what you see for yourself then there is what God has for you. 

No one knows you better than your disappointments. Everytime we come knocking you down you always find a way to pick yourself up. You are one tough lady. Instead of walking beating yourself down because materialistically speaking you have nothing to flaunt you carry on as if you have this golden life.

Thank you for teaching me hard lessons that have molded me to be better and come out the bigger person.

I love the valuable lessons you carry with you each time as God's way of letting me that I sm getting too comfortable.

I haven't denied you of the good just because of afew bad breaks. On the contrary, the bad always comes with you good. If anything you should be thanking me because my job is to ensure you are well equipped to handle the good. 

I haven't robbed you of your dreams instead I have been preparing you from your will to usher in God's will.

You have been walking around with a heavy heart and viewing things from an ungodly perspective.

Now open your eyes and let your heart guide you to where your blessing lies.

I love you way too much to watch you ruin the greatness within you.

Now arise and shine.

Yours Loving,
You had it all figured wrong.

An open love letter from my disappointed self

I want to start off by thanking you for being vunrable enough to share this letter with those that know you, are trying to understand you and those that are too scared  to admit that they are going through the same process.

Writing this will automatically mean that I have lost but that's where I come in and assure myself  that sometimes success comes even in the smallest of wins. But no one wants a petty win. For it to qualify as a win it has to have some substantial value right? See everytime I find myself  thinking this, it's my fear getting the best of me.

What of my dreams?

*pauses with balancing tears*

It's okay to not be okay sometimes.

*in almost a whisper* I can cry that disappointment away but no matter how loudly or heartedly I do it won't change the fact that I still believe in dreams.

Exactly!!!

Come rain or sunshine, morning or dawn, sunrise to sunset , the sun , moon and stars do any of those change the fact that the sky still remains the sky?

That's how loyal and faithful God has been over mylife.

When I asked, He gave me
When I didn't ask, He still provided.
When I didn't expect,  He still surprised me.

Why do I still call them disappointments when in actual sense that was my will over my life and not God.

And so I pen this open love letter from my disappointed self

Listen,
God loves you. His plans over your life surpass your dreams. Why do you walk around with your head held down with shame just because by the looks of it others are "ahead?". You will never be perfect because then you would never need God and that's why He is a jealous God. If He thought you needed "your dreams" fulfilled He would have. There's what you see for yourself then there is what God has for you. 

No one knows you better than your disappointments. Everytime we come knocking you down you always find a way to pick yourself up. You are one tough lady. Instead of walking beating yourself down because materialistically speaking you have nothing to flaunt you carry on as if you have this golden life.

Thank you for teaching me hard lessons that have molded me to be better and come out the bigger person.

I love the valuable lessons you carry with you each time as God's way of letting me that I sm getting too comfortable.

I haven't denied you of the good just because of afew bad breaks. On the contrary, the bad always comes with you good. If anything you should be thanking me because my job is to ensure you are well equipped to handle the good. 

I haven't robbed you of your dreams instead I have been preparing you from your will to usher in God's will.

You have been walking around with a heavy heart and viewing things from an ungodly perspective.

Now open your eyes and let your heart guide you to where your blessing lies.

I love you way too much to watch you ruin the greatness within you.

Now arise and shine.

Yours Loving,
You had it all figured wrong.

Petty is very necessary

Hi,
Let me explain. You know how when you get your big break everyone wants association? Personally I wouldn’t know because am not there yet.

Now you know how no one wants association because your life is at a stand still,that is me right there.

There are two types of people. Those who only tell their story the minute they are successful and strangely me who talks about her often disappointments.

When I say petty is necessary this is what I mean. Those who will question your success and those who constantly question your slow progression. Either that was way too fast or why is it taking her so long to make money moves.

The good news is that whether you accomplish or stay the same there are people who are assigned to mold your character. If you are new you will find yourself throwing pitty parties wondering why you are not being celebrated. I have to say I am one fortunate lady who happens to not only be strong in her faith but have a very supportive small circle of people who love God beyond their flesh.

Sometimes it gets to me and I find myself acting less than smart (petty). Allow me to term people who are doubtful of you enablers and not obstacles. This far is all God and more so the necessary pettiness that broke my narrow mentality and forces me to grow up.

Like in any construction site you need a plumb bob. It’s not who walks in or out of your life but rather who you are that determines where you are destined to be. Sometimes bad things happen to good people not because they deserve unnecessary drama but like a plumb bob to streamline you . So you see, petty is very necessary.

How to deal with petty

You need to identify it first and what it represents. Sometimes you will need to ignore it and other times you will be forced to address it just to remind yourself that silence is not a sign of weakness.

Like creative criticism take it and learn from it but don’t dwell least you forget your purpose. If you don’t have a positive circle to share with, be that positive person to yourself and if bad ever turns to worse get a pen and paper and write down your thoughts: If positive keep, if negative burn it.

As much as petty is necessary,please  protect your sanity. So now evaluate your life and ask yourself this, are you the petty or are you going to use that petty  and turn it into something pretty?

Talk of a petty #RealityCheck

May I

May I,

I can’t stop you from being attracted to me because then it would mean I stop being myself which is impossible so I have decided to take it upon my honest self to state my truth. Financially,I am not even close to walking into my favorite store without having to introduce myself leave alone wanting the main designer custom make an outfit specifically for me considering we are friends like that.

That might take years which am not guaranteed by The Almighty so let me rephrase, that will take GOD to get me from admirer to ADMIRED! To all the brave young men (younger than me) stepping up to try and land a date with me. As flattered as I am, child, I have been praying for a MAN and NOT TO RAISE ONE! I have done that in the past for someone else so speaking from experience I REFUSE TO BE A STEPPING STONE.

The least I can do is encourage you indirectly with my social post least you claim I led you on. No, on the contrary, am running away. I am way too broke to be a cougar so my few coins are to ensure my survival is not as brutal as society exaggerates. I am currently working on myself figuring out what really makes me happy and what I need to improve on. So you see, am basically not putting my life on hold but living it.

I just wish and hope that these legible gentlemen out here are fixing themselves as well. You know how they say when you work on being the right man, the right woman will find you? Yeah, am not one of those right woman either reason being I will not find you. So how about we both work on each other separately then somehow if our paths are meant to cross, we will wee what happens next. Until then, am making the most of now, right now!

Speaking of #RealityCheck wow,  that was refreshing.

Still

I just got hit with the you have changed talk. You are calm, younger, healthier and happier. Don't mind if I  take in all these compliments . Again, I can't help but smile.  Are you sure you are not on drugs? Or broke up with your boyfriend because you are different? I understand what I am being told yet deep down I can't stop giggling. This was one of my resolutions this year. When you are one with your soul, you get to experience a certain level of superpower called still. Psalms 46:10  read that beautiful scripture. The son of bigfoot (movie) when his father taught him how to slow down thats when it came to him. I love animation movies though most of my family members don't understand why? Hopefully, my future husband will if not we might as well start signing those divorce papers now.

I am the happiest I have ever been this year. Thanks to so many things I have had to stop , improve on and tap into. I am still learning and looking forward to so much more if not better. Situations whereby before I would go apeshit, I have learnt the art of ignore. Truly ignorance is bliss. The only thing I am troubling myself with is, why am I doing this? Is it a want, need or luxury? On a scale of importance, how do I prioritise this?

This year, just slow down because everything you though you needed to get through life, has always been inside you but you have been chasing the wind instead of listening to it. Stay alive, love and whatever it is don't forget to make the most of every opportunity. Live each day as it comes and try as much as you can to listen to yourself.

When you stop chasing it, it stops running away. Oh, what you want rest assured is also out there wanting you back.  What you give is what you get. We serve a good and mighty God like that. You might have good intentions but that doesn't make you a good person, at the same time, most of you might come off a certain way though with questionable tendacies.

I am not here to advise anyone just stating my current #RealityCheck

Much in March

Oh the world is not ready for March. The golden possibilities that will unfold this month leaves my mind blown to such an extent I feel like going mad. Basically,  it's everything I have been talking about exceeding my expectations. I can't explain but this much I know, March is not for everyone.

It's an eye opening month. Some of you will experience the good from far but far from good moments while few of you will be taken aback by the simplicity infront of you which will turn out to be the very thing you needed to take the next step in your lives and the rest of you will have a homer simpson moment; you won't get it!

I can't explain but it will happen all too quick.

March will be one #RealityCheck no one saw coming