R-E-A-L-L-Y take it in

Everyone is in their own world right now. Uncertainty everywhere. Luxury is good but personally with unpredictability hovering those cars keys won’t laugh back at my silly jokes. Tomorrow is the new unknown future so all I ask is a little intervention from hope and love. I feel desperation kicking in. That’s when I need my sanity the most. To silence the now mentality. Or perhaps that’s the fighting spirit in me letting me know I still have some fight left in me. Don’t give up! Don’t give in! Silence the world outside and listen to inner peace.

Those lucky enough to have someone by their side during this pandemic to hold, embrace and assure them that everything is going to be alright, don’t take it for granted. Appreciate every kind gesture you get and return it back . Nothing is guaranteed . The solo ladies and gentlemen out there, I call you brave. Those strong enough to not use this pandemic to fall back into all habits,I celebrate you all. Keep going. Focus all that energy on achieving the impossible in trying times. You are remarkable. It will pay off eventually.

Last but not least there is me. I don’t know how I do it. It’s who I am purposed to be. Inspirational yet pretty messed up. Everyone who has experienced a blow in life knows that staying down only helps you strategize and come back strongest.

You know how we all joke and say welcome to the rest of your life? Baibèé this is it. This is the beginning of the rest of our lives. Some will be in denial and search for what was. Others will be stuck in what is. The rest will merge forward and never look back.

So, anything you have been uncertain of, that relationship, job or lifestyle, it’s all about to change. Lack has a way of showing us what truly matters. Spending time with someone/something gives you insight of who/what they really are. Ain’t it funny how things work themselves?

All in all, not all is lost. There is so much left. We were just swamped with getting ahead in life we forget to live. What is the significance of slow motion? There is something in life that requires our undivided attention. For us to R-E-A-L-L-Y take it all in.

Those are my #MagazineThoughts turned to a #RealityCheck

Do Not take too much time....

So much anger, hatred and bitterness overwhelming many lives. You have every right to be angry, disappointed and frustrated. You don’t expect others to feel or understand you by walking around bitter and hatred. Take time off and allow yourself to grieve. Let it all out. DO NOT TAKE TOO MUCH TIME BURIED IN SORROW. It will just rob you of time and what’s left of your life. When faced with sadness or loss, sometimes we find ourselves throwing away the good times and memories it brought with it.

The many missed opportunities to make the best of the worst. Rediscover yourself. Stop observing others and start living life intentionally for yourself. If no one reports their life to you every morning, why are you giving them the benefit of a doubt with yours? Take a month off. Better yet two. Okay fine, take half the year off. Now, hear me out. Come December 31st 2020, what will you tell your hopeful self? Do you think it’s fair you keep postponing your own happiness by allowing setbacks hold you back?

You have really convinced yourself that life hates you that much that’s why you never seem to catch a break. See you can’t feed yourself negativity and expect positivity in return. How would you know it if you keep blocking generosity with anger, peace with hatred. Goodness aren’t you tired of being tired all the time from years of self carried burdens? It’s like trying to fill a broken vase with water. The only thing that little water will attract is dust & afew mosquitoes. What’s attractive about that?

There was more to life before your anger and there will be more to life after. The constant words here being THERE and MORE TO LIFE. Only one thing standing in their way, you. Don’t be so consumed with the present least you forget the past. Again there is yet still more to come. People will outgrow you eventually. God won’t. People will give up on you, God hasn’t. He knows how to speak your language fluently that’s why only you understand your own pain well enough. It’s never the end until you have fulfilled your purpose.

Unless you start focusing on your own wins, you will always compare your life to others. Competing with others won’t prompt your success. The world is already hungry so don’t allow it to swallow you alive by hiding behind fear, hatred and bitterness. Do your best and leave the rest to God. Sometimes God takes too long. No that’s you wanting God to direct your life according to your timing. Where are you going in a hurry? Everyone else is on planet Earth. I mean this literally, “Come back to Earth”. Someone needs you.

You are someone’s #RealityCheck. So much for my #MagazineThoughts

It's May, if you may

How much effort I put into something tells me just how much value I have placed either on an item or someone. I have become extremely cautious with my generosity not because I hardly ever get it back but am done with phase investments. Let’s break it down.

If by the following week, though a day is enough for me to already know, I look at you and start losing respect for you internally, am done with you in my books. The only thing I can offer you is maturity and a few kind words if need be. I took the time but I can’t lose anymore. I used to go all out when dating. Now am not. Neither dating nor making an effort. I have developed a man thought process. Sure I like you, ama clean myself up and smell good coz am attracted but am not purchasing any new item. No sir!

I keep asking myself this. Is there a man out there who likes me enough to even purchase a new pair of boxers, change his cologne or even buy a new suit to impress me? It’s almost May. As a matter of fact, it’s May, if you may. See what I did there? Ofcourse not! Why would you. If it’s not broken why fix it? Am sure that’s what running through the mind of most men as they read this. Because it matters. It makes a difference. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks but I say you can’t teach a new trick to an old dog.

So Romeo, if you are expecting a beauty who will blow your mind away, that’s why we keep passing each other on these rather busy streets. Get your list of image expectations and burn it. Then come down to earth. Put the liquor down because you will need to be sober to notice me. For me, my time is too expensive to waste it on someone who is not willing to yield results. The try and error is over. You are either who/what I want/need or not. Not just in a man but in everything am doing. What doesn’t make me happy is not worth doing.

Gentlemen, if I show up please take it very seriously because I never show up. If I smell extra good, don’t hold back the compliments because am here for it. You only get one opportunity in life, please leave a lasting impression. Take advantage of it positively.

That is #MyMagazineThoughts serving as a constant #RealityCheck

Make an effort

I am thankful for love ❤️. No matter how many times you give it away, you are never left empty. So people who walk around holding on to it for dear life really amaze me. Why would you be afraid to be free? Love frees you from fear. 2020, you should give love a chance

I am not suggesting you walk around telling people you love them. That’s missing the whole point. Holding it in does nothing for your soul either. It’s not everyday you wake up falling in and out of love so if you can feel it, embrace .For those who have taken the time to heal and date themselves in the process, don’t be unfair to yourself. Get back in the game. Unless you plan to fall for the same person who hurt you before, give yourself the benefit of a doubt. It’s going to be different and scary but isn’t that what a leap of faith is all about. Trying something else yet believing it will work it. Don’t push or force it. Let it work itself out. Don’t rush or walk away, stay and be in the moment.This time don’t just be with anyone, be selfish enough to be with someone who actually meets you half way. Write down the qualities you want in him or her. At the same time write down what you intend to offer them.Evaluate the value they are going to bring in your life. As a man you must provide. Figure it out. Don’t say women only want men with money. Try key word try and make ends meet. Let her meet you doing something. Make an effort goddamnit.

Turn a hobby into a career

As a lady, don’t just sit and look pretty. Go back to school and get an education or be street smart. Be a gain not a pain. Be his source of strength, advisor or business partner. Be involved and on the look out for new opportunities to capitalize on. Be an asset . His asset

Last but not least, fall inlove. Love as if no one ever broke your heart. Love as if it’s your first encounter with this mysterious word and world it has to offer. Love blindly not holding anything back and wisely to not cross the line between sanity and insanity. Don’t love because it feels like a movement, love because your heart is ready to embrace the presence of someone else. Dare yourself to give it your all not in the hopes of it MUST work out but rather it WILL work itself out.
Promise yourself this. Until you are sure, you will not say you love someone when in actuality all you want is a quick fix to get you through afew rough and tough nights and days ahead.

The next time you say I love you regardless of whether they will say it back or not, you will have been bold enough to love again. Before long, you will have settled down with the one who will fall madly, deeply inlove with you.

#MyMagazineThoughts

Njerislife

Sometimes, tears help to clear my vision. I don't just write to become another writer or blogger. I share my experience(s) in the hope of someone somewhere, not making the same mistake (s).  That's one way of learning. I have shared afew good blogs but this is not only personal as so are the rest but this one, ..........

Before things get better, they become worse!

That's how my story seems to unfold atleast after those six painful years. Some days I fasted and when reality overwhelmed my faith, I just wanted to eat my heart out. Sadly, the more I ate, the thinner I became. How could I gain weight as I lacked sleep, was miserable and very unhappy. I am good at hiding my pain. No one but my bestfriend knew as sometimes I called her in the middle of the day broken some more in the washroom where later I would leave feeling energized and ready to face life.

Something beautifully bad happened. Another disappointment. So shortlived. I was sure that was God. Was that God? In all honesty, that was me trying to help out God. I got impatient. So he gave me patience the rough way. Oh, I changed, have changed and will continue changing.

Later that year, I decided to have a heart to heart talk with God. So I wrote him a letter. When you want something bad enough, you will draw strength from people's stories and testimonies. You will actually find yourself doing what they did. Does it work? Sometimes. What matters is where you place your hope and believe in. Then in some weird way, your energy will start engaging the very same thing you are after. It's not a one day or week thing so, how badly do you want it again? That's how much more time and dedication it will require.

If this is your first time reading my blog, hello there, my name is Njeri but I prefer the way I say it as opposed to how you will pronounce it. I introduce myself as if am a "This Is It Moment." Take me or leave me. You have heard of reality, right? Pleasure to meet you because am it.

I know God answers prayers but at that particular moment I needed to be sure. So I wrote God an honest prayer. I bared my soul out. Then wrote the qualities Boaz; the man I wanted. He has to be taller than me with heels on. I went ahead and quoted Ruth 2:1 a mighty man of wealth. A gentleman,a legible bachelor and not a married man. A man who will understand my relationship with God and the gifts He has placed inside me. I don't want a man with kids or baby mama drama. God give me a male version of myself. If not give me a man who has been everywhere and is now ready for me in his life. A man who will give me romance and passion. The one I can't live without. My soulmate. The list went on and got more detailed in ways I can't share or remember. If such a man doesn't exist, why do I walk around feeling like he does? If no man will have me, you can send my guardian angel in a handsome male form as he already knows me. I promise to stay celibate until marriage. That is how I would know he is the one. Besides they say the third time's a charm.

I love love. I am a hopeless romantic. I live for pick up lines, corny and cheesy ones. I pretend to dislike thoughtful gestures like receiving roses, chocolates, PDA, cute nicknames though deep down that's all I want and imagine every single time I meet a man I like. How often do I meet a man I like? Twice a decade if am lucky.

That December, I purchased afew magazines for my bestfriend as she loves fashion trends and staying motivated by reading factual stories of real men and women. I on the other hand love cars and live in my own world where I laugh at facts and live to prove them wrong. We balance out each other. That's what I respect and like about our friendship. She is the sane one while I take so much pride in being the insane one. She has a way of putting others to ease while I have a way of making everyone uncomfortable with my sarcastic remarks. We have different struggles individually though we always find ways to encourage one another and somehow laugh at ourselves.

In the middle of one of those low days, she sends me a text. There is this guy..... I didn't respond. I let out a sigh and immediately cried. God, is my life this pathetic that my single friend has to burden herself with my problems. As I turned and watched myself in the mirror the crying came to an end. Expectations vs reality. Good God am ugly when I cry. That's why the crying stopped. I scared myself. Then I started laughing. I gathered enough courage to reread the text again and thought to myself it can't be that bad. It must be Tyrese. I was obsessed with his music and the way he spoke about his love for God, you wouldn't blame me. Was he finally coming to Kenya? Being a video vixen was definitely out of the question as the only curve on my body is my neck. Seriously, I am built like a Ga Noi chicken breed (why me Lord, why?) . Am practically a utility pole. Long story short, am bohemian.

The following year, I traced this son of a woman everywhere on social media and dove into his DM. Before interacting with him, he already had half the credentials I was looking for in my letter to God. That's when I went and tore the letter. I was going to like this one. My friend already approved him as opposed to my previous mistake of a man and I use that term man very lightly as his actions read of that of a young immature teenage boy. The second time we texted, I felt something. Or perhaps celibacy brought forth a hot flash of thirst in me.I had never come across a gentleman like him before. Atleast thats how they all start out. He was different. I felt different.  I didn't sleep that night. Envisioning him saying to me what he had texted with a deep voice and proper grammar. The villager in me giggled.  That's when it dawned on, I really liked this one.

I needed more information. More conversation. More of him basically. Who hurt this man? I wanted to know her and go thank her in person. There is a God!!! As I sat there and pretended to feel his pain, deep down I was hopefully that life would look up. In my mind I was singing ... I want yo' body, need yo' body, long as you got me, you won't need nobody .....

Don't you dare judge me.

I kept our conversations clean so he got bored. That's what I told myself. I even gave him my number but he never called. I finally gave up. Okay, he stopped texting back. So I had no choice but to stop texting. Not the usual ranting these young hormonal girls do it.... whatever I didn't even like you .... No! When you are in the presence of a gentleman especially one who was "vunrable" to let me in somehow, you conduct yourself in a lady like manner. Don't just tell him there are good ladies out there, show him by rising to the occasion and leaving like one. Make it look amicable.

Two months to Christmas, we decided to have a girls night out. Thank God I was buried in work so I never used to think about my mystery man. My only regret was not getting to meet him in person. I always told myself if I ever did,  I would say hi to him in Kikuyu.

You know where to find me

If you are looking for your bestfriend, baibee you know where to find me.
If you are looking for honesty, I will be cruel but you know where to find me.
If you are looking for answers, seek God and He will show you where to find me.
If you are looking for true love, look inside you and your heart will know where to find me.
If you are looking for encouragement, you definitely know to find me.
If you are ever in doubt or stuck on what to do next, you know where to find me.
If you ever need reminder of who you are, you know where to find me.
If you know with everything in you am all you want and need, you know where to find me.
If you are ever afraid or insecure nothing else will ever matter because you know where to find me as I have experience of being a bestfriend, honesty , found answers seeking God, true love, encouragement,  I have been in don't and stuck on what to do next, I will constantly remind you, knowing everything in you am all you want and need to silence the fears and insecurities.

What am trying to say is, there can never be me without a you.

You know where to find me #MyMagazineThoughts

Year Of Royalty

Happy new year checkmates!!!!

This is it. This is where it all unfolds. It's the beginning of a new decade so let's all take a minute and write down our vision boards. You know how they say everything you want is on the other side of fear, that's not what's holding me back. Honestly speaking, what is holding me back is money.

I can save my entire life and still not afford anything on my vision board. I am currently in Kenya I mean, where else do you expect to find me? Every good acceptance speech, I have learnt, starts with a sense of humor and the truth. I don't hate my life, I just refuse to accept my financial status. So this year, am moving forward from God will provide to James 4:2 . I am going to be very specific. See where I am at *Kenya* is not where I intend to be throughout this year God willing. As comfortable as the KSH or KES Kenyan Shilling is, am craving international currencies.

My birthday falls on the brokest month on the entire calendar. Wow! Am all fired up 😂😂😂.... hip hip hooray. Story of mylife!!!! Seriously ladies and gentlemen am being sarcastic .... It comes with being an aquarius 😆.  Now, this is how you know you have hit fuck it financially, when you can't afford shit!!! You find yourself going all, oh well next time or I really don't need that. Ofcourse you do! Everyone does. There is no such words as too expensive. These are words, sentences and phrases we immediately need to exempt from our minds and mouths in 2020.

Listen, this is how you turn broke talk to better: I can afford it but it's not a big deal if I don't  ..... 2020 attitude

Moving forward, that's what we need to keep rather I will tell myself this #YearOfRoyalty . See no evil, speak no evil and evil will not affect your life. This is a different year. I spent the last decade working on myself. I covered it all bitterness, anger, frustration,  negativity , loneliness you name it. Now am here. I am present to live a pleasant life to God, myself and those embarking on the same moving forward process.

It's hard, that's why I am the lady for the job. If it were easier, it wouldn't make this much difference. This is the year of being assertive. Why do you go to school? To learn. Why do you learn? To apply it in reality. It's the year of three (3) . Some of you are in school a.k.a new to all this , majority are learning a.k.a trying to figure life and themselves out ,very few are applying the acquired skills because they are busy comparing or competing with those in school or those that are learning. They have lost their identity being everywhere trying to be like everyone else they see or meet along the way. The rest are living life. Making the very best of what they have and what is brought their way. 

Yesterday is gone. I only know of today while I am hopeful for a bigger, brighter and better tomorrow. One reading this would disagree in the sense of you can't live your life being happy. Sweetheart, when you have spent nearly all your life being knocked down and breaking away from disappointments in life the only other option is happiness.

This year, teach yourself to accept a helping hand. Teach yourself to laugh again, see the magic in life the way you once did, to accept heartfelt or no apologies and be fine with it. Teach yourself to love again.

Don't change who you are just because the world around you is falling apart. It takes more bravery to be a sheep than it is to be a Wolf. 

This is January a.k.a my birthday month and this happens to be #MyMagazineThoughts or in a familiar language my #RealityCheck