The beginning and last of December 2018

New month, new adventures,  new romance,  new kind of blessings, new positivity and new mysteries 😇 ....... my response this month is hallelujah 🤗 . The beginning of a new month yet the end of a well God planned year. I didn't blog much because I was in the middle of a very important lesson. I didn't post much because I had to take in that very moment. I didn't travel much because I had plenty of work and skills to acquire where I was. I didn't put myself first because others needed me more. So if I come off a little selfish at the very end is because I did all what I had been assigned and even though there is no trophy or certificate to show just how much I put in extra effort 2018, baibee my smile says it all. I didn't require much because there was so much more I had to discover deep within myself. My biggest lesson this year happens to be this

YOU DON'T NEED ICING TO ENJOY CAKE. WHAT MAKES THE CAKE ARE THE INGREDIENTS.

So for those of you who are probably expecting more from me at the end of this year, darling those are your expectations not mine. No man wants me like that mama and daddy you gotta postpone that (mjengo) because that dowry issa no 😂😂. Just like icing everything else is just a decoration rather a plus/bonus to add on but not necessarily who I am.

And just like that I mean, I have just blogged 😆😎.

A toast to the beginning and last of 2018 *here here*🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾

Happy holidays from my heart to my head checkmates.

I can but I won't #NOvember

I am a product whore...... I will purchase the most expensive product because  (common sense ) Expensive is cheap to maintain then if I don't get the desired results in two days or one week, am out. I have committment issues until I get the one that has it all.

I know am not the only one. From my face to the rest of my body I have experimented with different products more than five times in a month. So, does that mean I have a hard time staying faithful? Honestly speaking yes and no.

The one that has it all as far as men go he has to have most of the qualities. If a man can't engage me in a conversation I then I don't know what this creature has to offer me. It better not be the same old boring routine like how are you, how was your day? I don't need a man who thinks rather one who knows what he wants. The most I can give a man is my phone number the rest I just let him figure it out. You are the man after all right, then show me!

I am an Aquarius for those of you wondering so everything you have read regarding my kind could be true or false. All I can tell you is the more you get to know me in person, the more attached and protective of me you will become. I am just stating facts. The hardest part is not me being picky but rather you keeping me interested. I sound like a job now don't I *laughing sheepishly*

Ladies and gentlemen don't just go with the flow, have and state your standards because I can but I won't.  And that is my #RealityCheck. 

Lovely day checkmates

#BringingBackTheGoodOldLove

I am uptight but this October is giving me butterflies. For the last couple of months I have been working on my energy. I am glad it's paying off. I will never tire of crowing myself as the ultimate Aquarius lady because am a puzzle even to myself. I have multiple conversations in my head every five minutes so believe me when I say oh I know . Everything you are about to say I pretty much covered in high school so you have years to catch up with me.

Recently, I bumped into my childhood crush. One of them anyway like I just didn't want to rub it to his face there were others *laughing sheepishly*. I watched girls fight over him as I was a serious tomboy so I was one of the boys if not invisible. We were a circle of three Myself, him and my other crush. In my head they would fight for me . He is as appealing as he will ever be but that's just it. He took me by surprise when he asked for my number just how I like it.  Was I about to upgrade my childhood crush from a dude to a man or was I thirstloading? I wish he was not charming but he is *damn it* my ego is doing the happy dance.

Sometimes we are so busy working towards being successful and there is nothing wrong with that but we forget the little things that makes us unique #BringingBackTheGoodOldLove . When was the last time you giggled?

I am mature now, am ready for that love. How many people can honestly and openly admit to this? Are we so broken that we have learnt to push everyone away? So desperate that we are afraid to ask for what we truly want? Or just wasting precious time dismissing ourselves by blaming it on I have nothing to offer?

This October there are people who need to slow down and others who need to keep up with their dreams by following their hearts. We all need to give ourselves permission to not only give but be willing to receive the kindness and love back. Ofcourse you are independent no one is questioning your masculinity or femininity but two heads are better than one. Having written this and expectant of the butterflies that come with positive energy for now let this not only be my #RealityCheck but yours as well.

From my soul to yours, pleasant surprises checkmates.

Tonight is that night

There is something so magical about the sky tonight.  It's one of  those nights I have always known existed but I can't prove it.  When I look up the only song in mind is "Grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight." It's one of those nights where you can't fake it.

I am trying to explain but I swear am not making sense but if you are out there reading this or living it out come tomorrow morning you will have known. This is not for the cheap men at heart or those who think all you can ever offer a woman is money. Wrong blog sirs kindly stop reading and walk away.

This is the night. It's a first date night. Feels like it. Butterflies, excitement and hopeful expectations. It's a I like you night. I have always liked you. I am falling for you without even knowing or caring if anyone approves or not. It's a I want you to see yourself in my eyes kind of night.

Tonight doesn't require much but undeniable attraction and affection. It's a you give me a heaven on earth spirit in the atmosphere kind of night. It's an I love my work but being with you right here and now taking in this very moment is priceless. It's a you are my life kind of night.

It's a quiet night . It's a thankful night. Indeed it's a God night because only He would breathe to life such an excellency. I am humbled to have witnessed tonight because it just gave me a #RealityCheck.

Lovely night checkmates.

Different People

When someone tells you that they are different, please believe them. You can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. You can be raised in a loving home and still grow up feeling unloved. Challenges of being different makes others question how you view life because they will never see the bigger picture.

Most normal people are afraid of failure. Different people embrace failure and use it as motivation to better themselves. When you change your questions from who to what you will understand that the only person you need to convince is yourself. It is not about life rejecting or hurting me but rather just how bad do I need it in my life in order for me to commit.

Love brings out another side in every one of us. Good or bad I really don't know but this much am sure. I don't know anyone else the way I know myself. It is not what you won't do , it is what I won't put up with. People who are different don't take the term/word us in relationships seriously. By us it usually means  I, Me and Myself. I am not worried about you, am worried about me.

Different people will only stop the day there is no longer magic and they will end up viewing you just like everyone else or even worse ie the enemy. Don't ever stop being special in the eyes of a different person because then they will resent you and everything else you represent. 

Different people will never hide who they truly are to stroke your ego. They are open minded and very opinionated. If they have nothing polite to say they will simply smile or walk away avoiding eye contact. That is a dangerous sign because what it means is that they have you all figured out.  Different people lack in areas they can't explain because their minds know beyond what their eyes see. Different people seek things that are beyond normal because that is their #RealityCheck.

The Man After My heart

He had me at a mighty man of wealth. That left a smile on my face while questioning how wealthy is wealth?  And she went, and came, and gleaned in the field after the reapers and her hap was to light on a part of the field belonging unto Boaz, who was of the kindred of Elimelech.

And, behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem, and said unto the reapers, The Lord be with you. And they answered him, The Lord bless thee.

 All I know and can take from this is that here is a determined woman who did everything she could not for herself but for her mother in law and still it wasn't enough because her hap was to light on a part belonging to him  *God has a sense of humor* and in the midst of her hard work and struggle behold he came. Wait, say that again .....he came. He not only came but the way he addressed his reapers humbles my heart. The respect between Boaz and the reapers amazes me like it was that one of a kind moment so much so that the conversations they had, had to be written in the bible. That in itself tells me what kind of a man and leader Boaz was. A man after my heart. 


Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this? Its as if something stronger than his spirit drove him there. He was focused and even safe to say he knew what he wanted because immediately he took notice of her in such an overwhelming way he just had to know her. Then said Boaz unto Ruth, Hearest thou not, my daughter? Go not to glean in another field, neither go from hence, but abide here fast by my maidens . Boaz was very protective of her and you can tell secretly he wanted her all to himself. To me this is the most romantic story in the entire bible. 

The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust. Are there still men who do this? Bless the women in their lives? 

My definition of wealth thanks to Boaz is not only knowing God but fearing and having a relationship with him. That is what makes this man stand out to me and the most desirable.  I believe deep down Boaz had been praying for a Ruth because when he saw her he knew exactly what to say and do. 

Just like this mysterious love story we all go through life battling things that seem like they are weighing us down just like Ruth. The truth is whatever you have been praying and working hard for in a weird way will cause your answer to appear like a Boaz. And, behold it will come .  Like Ruth I pray you wont miss your opportunity of redemption and blessings because it won't come in an obvious way that's why you need to trust your heart and listen to that still voice because unlike your eyes it sees and already knows. 

The book of Ruth happens to be my #RealityCheck  

July Tease

Baibee am a lover not a fighter but the only time we will ever fight will be in between the sheets. When you turn me I will toss me. You strike me like the kind of man who speaks a foreign language when angry yet the squeeze me hard when excited. I have never been here before . I am typing hoping that this finally registers to your mind that am your type.

I am a product of love so be sure I cannot make this passion up. I know my body acts like it is not interested but the conversation my eyes have with your heart is enough to speak world peace and bring restoration to mankind. See our kind of love is the envy of stars . We don't need the moon all we need is a room ...... On second thought we would light it up with flames of forbidden chemistry and spiritual oneness not to mention sexual healing......

People ask me why am single. The truth is I have been waiting for someone to awaken the silent voices and give meaning to inspiration. I am not vulnerable I am sure. I am not comfortable I am eagerly anticipating the day our souls will have a conversation again. Who knows maybe this time we will dance as our hearts provide the music and our deep breaths will guide our hands. 

Everyone wants the success story of how you got that big break but am different. Refreshingly different *smile* . I want the story of how the process left you feeling vulnerable  so much so that you were willing to give up but you didn't. Why? What made you hold on? What motivated you to fight alittle more? Who?

Whatever makes you happy do it. I am not out here chasing you, am only submitting to my heart. Anyone can handle your good side but I want to fall inlove with your dark side. The one you keep telling yourself that it is your best kept secret. If I can understand you at your worst then baibee I can applaud you at your best but until then I need your soul to trust my heart.

Tonight darling, tonight am all about you because you are not only my enchanting truth but my #RealityCheck. 

Cold Decency

As I sit in the dark listening to some Banky W - Made For You reflecting on how my day was half hungry, tired and excited I cannot help but have a Cold Decency. Earlier,an Uber driver *man* in his late fifties or rather came off that way was kind enough to give me a heads up that the world will end in 2022. I knew what I had done wrong. If you meet me for the very first time I am very welcoming with my beautiful smile and warm hi. I come off inviting although in actual sense am not. There is a difference between being polite and overly entertaining.I come off flirtatious and very interested. Real quick ask me your name and I will laugh because am busy being your co-driver, day dreaming and analyzing you in my mind.

I have heard of devils but today I rode with one. The little church girl in me was ready to put her Sunday school skills to the test. What got my attention is when he said that with so much corruption and theft they wont have time to even enjoy the money. Immediately I started day dreaming. What do you mean like I haven't had a chance for a decent first date, kiss and long drive home. I haven't met the one for me yet. We haven't had that it moment yet, argued to a point of breaking up to making up. Crap, I haven't met his annoying friends and he my disapproving bestfriend. He hasn't even asked me to be his girlfriend. We haven't even re watched deadpool  *fuck*.


In the midst of even a silly moment that is when you realize what is really important. It is what it is because you know what you cannot force someone or anyone to see you in the way you see yourself. The big question is who is this someone? So darling today you did cross my mind rather you are the motivation behind my hard work. Its easier assuming you are miles away, in a different country to stay sane and am sure am not the only one who thinks this way.

Today love hit home and it left a cold decency. You are not a bad person but sometimes you come off cold. You want to be normal and have average dreams or expectations but you can't because you know whatever you want is out there thus forced to be decent.

I Love Old Fashioned Men

Hi Checkmates. Being celibate is hard. It is a choice, my choice and not a trend. I know myself inlove rather I have experienced just how rebellious and stubborn I am when in a relationship. To be completely honest meeting the right man scares me because then I have to practice what I preach. I worry alot. What if I wait too long in the relationship and God forbid he suddenly dies without having explored me?

This is about to go deep but then it wouldn't be a #RealityCheck without going where no one wants to go. I don't mind being vulnerable and naive both at the same time if anything I can't wait for those beautiful sweet and white lies. I am afraid of saying no when in real sense I want it and you in unfathomable ways. Hey,you are not the only one having blue balls here ..... my 'girl' is ready to speak in tongues because the 'holy ghost' in her is literally on fire.

Everytime I go on social media and I read whats happening I am like trust me you don't want to know. I am an unconventional lady so even on your naughty days you can't keep up with my filthy side. I want to be boring for now until the right moment and person present themselves both at the same time. I have a thing for cowboys. The easiest way to 'get laid' gentlemen is by simply being that a gentleman. The way they come off all respectable doesn't make them less of men but more attractive and responsible. Italian men are romantic thus every woman wants to be with a man who adores her.

I am not asking you to be either but give me something to work with. A sneak peak of what I should expect. A preview..... goddamnit .....anything ...... I need a man who wants to be with me and respectful enough to understand that it will take more than flowers, traveling,looks, cars and a last name to impress me. Child, its 2018 and I still love old fashioned men who open doors, apologize even when they are right and take their time to understand, woo and express themselves in a loving manner. 

Imagine Yourself Inlove

Having waited for so long to say those words and not in a sentence but to someone face to face will be reliving a dream. I am so used to telling God so it would feel weird telling rather having to share that intimate word with an actual human being. I love you ....wait ....I am inlove with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have all admired someone at one point in our "miserable lives" I mean honestly looking back at it .... Have you ever tried to explain how good looking someone was back in the day compared to now? You just want to pull them aside when its really dark , shake them up and be like what happened? Like there is no saving your looks child *damn* and to think you did all that for them to end up becoming the brand ambassador of "Eww Fuck No".

The last person I said that to turned out to be a totally different person. See at that particular moment when I said it, it felt real and I meant it. This is not coming from a bitter place but from a better one. When he left, sorry when I left .....the ugly truth that would tear any human down is having to admit that you were cheated on and was left with no choice but leave ....so, when I left rather when I realized that he and I had different dreams and views on life I promised myself to never use the L word ever again. He is an incredible man to someone else perhaps that is why he fell short of my expectations because even at his best he openly admitted that he never felt like he quite deserved me. So if he is out there and happens to read this, thank you, you were right and damn right you are welcome. I was taught to leave people better if not bigger than I met them. So if you failed that's entirely on you.

Imagine myself inlove? You are asking me to betray my heart and be vulnerable. Fine. First of all, I am a free spirit. As long as it is not illegal rather incriminating because I don't believe in following any rules other than common sense I am all in.I am old fashioned at heart. I do believe in love at first sight. When you know you know. No matter how amazing you are to those around you only the one for you can see past the show you are always putting on without having to say a word. I believe that true love can conquer it all even death. Stuck in a world where society is consumed with titles and material achievements my heart is slowly giving up. Witnessing loveless marriages where the two can't even be friends or respect each other in public. 

The one for me is out there. Trying to convince himself  that he is happy and that this will work out. I can almost picture that "delusional man" changing everything about himself that makes him exceptional for her to fall helplessly for his lost mind *hahahaha that poor girl*.  If that doesn't work he will be forced to take it out on afew other good ladies *I apologize on his behalf* until he hits rock bottom and decides to wait upon God who will lead him to me. Tell me though baibee was all that rejection really necessary? You are one hilarious man wherever you are.That is one of  the questions I am eagerly waiting to ask him while we laugh ...... God needed you sober/mature enough to appreciate his masterpiece. Anyone who chooses to spend the rest of his life with me is a mad man.  The one for me is a gentleman who is very hardworking and takes himself way too seriously (take a chill pill will you). He likes his women the way he likes his drinks strong with a little slap and pinch . Did I mention he is naughty .....(laughing sheepishly). I mean lets not allow all that experience you got out there go to waste .... *wink*... That beautiful beast will be insecure and both his eyes and his body language will be a pleasure to witness.  He is calm, thoughtful , gentle , compassionate yet with a temper (I will love making him mad). He is out there getting his ego stroked with afew lies from people he secretly cant stand and when its late he quietly has conversations in his head cursing them out. He is bipolar but aren't we all indirectly. 

The one am inlove with has to be the missing screw in my head.No we will not finish each others sentences. He will feed off my sarcasm and my opinion will be his aphrodisiac. Its not what I say but rather how .....am cursed with such a beautiful gift .....My presence will be enough to cause him to change from ordinary to extraordinary. To everyone else he is superman because they are always in need of saving but am the only one  who knows his true identity.  Clark Kent is sexy.That man can gerrit ... all of it .... Everything I need to know about him he already is giving it away with a simple stare .....

I hope you read this as you are preparing to go make yet another beautiful mistake responsibly or later on when she proves to be good from far but far from good. May it ignite a fire in your soul only my heart can put out. I am everything you have been praying for and much more. When you meet me your heart will let you know that there is something familiar about  me yet so refreshingly different.

Until then my scrumptious beast of a man, am off to get afew stories of my own after all life has to go on with or without you in the picture and that is my #RealityCheck

Darling,....... no its not a man

Happy New Month Checkmates. As always a toast to new beginnings, friendships and levels of blessings *cheers*. There is nothing wrong with enjoying material things but being materialistic is another ballgame. I hate compliments because most of them are based on how you look and not who you are as a person.I am yet to meet someone who wants to get to know me genuinely.

People who know me celebrate how far God has brought me while people who don't know me assume it's a man behind all this. First of all who is this invisible man? Don't get me excited for nothing child. I have heard this bullshit over and over again to a point I have to educate rather correct hypocrisy because it's selective. You are glowing .... whatever that man is doing let him not stop. No I will not lie and say am glowing from drinking eight glasses of water and working out. If am being honest someone spiked my water and I believe her aim was to make me look like a toad. She reminded me of Margaret Thatcher that if they attack you personally it means they have not a single political argument left.

A while back I posted that I had hormonal imbalance because I thought my body was reacting differently to something I ate. Whatever substance was used to spike my water was pretty good I have to admit because it took me almost three months to get me here ... glowing ... so thank you bitterness... see I would call you sweetness but we both know you leak of bile. Sometimes a low blow is a blessing because it keeps you focused and prepared for anything.

You think my eyes dance when I am smitten, baibee , you should see me when I am dismissed and considered a write-off . God has had to break, shake me up and polish me for such a time as this. I like who I have become and am becoming each passing day. The old me needed validation but now as long as I have a voice and use it to uplift others that is more than enough.

Darling,........ no its not a man. Speaking of a man in the words of Steve Harvey you have to let a man see what he can get but you have to make him imagine what he can have. I am meanwhile working on myself before I can let him see what he can get. What am I giving in the first place? Now that is a good #RealityCheck

Bits of me

The one thing that people don't know about me is that I love cooking. This is not a common Kenyan girl thing or a tribe to be specific a Kikuyu traditional thing that a woman's place is in the kitchen. Believe it or not, I love being in the kitchen alone. Cooking is an art just like making love. Listen, for those of you who are rolling their eyes and thinking what is this lady talking about? Stop that. Quit fooling around and searching for the quick "fixes" and please allow me help save that little dignity left in you. That's the good news . The bad news is after reading this you might have to give up your old habits *sorry*.

I read something interesting about myself rather my star Aquarius. Am not a professional but cooking is like being in a committed relationship. None of them has ego problems and they both are ready to submit to each other both emotionally and physically with such a romance that is even envied by the angels of heaven...... Ask Oracle

You don't want to prepare a meal just because you can but because you want to. Like romance there has to be foreplay..... you have already pictured the end result which gives you total satisfaction but the process leaves you tired, sweaty yet excited for more perfection because at that particular moment you own it all ..... you are in your element...... a student turned master .... a goddess . You don't need to measure any amount of water if any or taste to know if the spices or salt is just right ....you already know

When I cook it gives me so much joy knowing that I am serving from the heart because in my mind I have envisioned that I am cooking for the love of my life. Please note this is all in my mind and that the only thing that is real is my cooking *try and keep up* where were we, oh yes,  he has just invited me over and after playing hard to get for several months I finally give in. I come looking like dessert but first thing first I change into something more comfortable..... his official shirt *to make him believe am in charge* and socks on.... Good food, good God let's eat ....

Have yourselves a #RealityCheck Checkmates.

When your mind is set to "explore"

It's hard saying no to your body when your mind is set to "explore". If only life was this simple. Where I would walk up to my "to do list" line of men and handle that shamelessly. The friends with benefits sounds amazing only that the lady always ends up hurt directly or indirectly.  Act like a lady, think like a man was a good movie but then again this is real life. How do you play a gentleman in a man's world isn't that setting yourself up for not just failure bur epic failure?

Being a lady is hard. Having to walk away from something you want at that particular moment shows how self disciplined one is. Ask any woman. Sometimes you want to be normal but deep down its a struggle coz the only normal thing about you is your humility. A woman with high standards is her own biggest challenge.

Horacio Jones says," I like being alone. I have control over my own shit. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person,  you are competing with my comfort zones." I may come off boring judging by the way I choose to present myself to you but if you can assure my comfort zone that my dignity will still be intact by the time you get to know the real me perhaps am everything you have been praying for.

See not all that glitters is gold. Only few land the real deal simply because pressure creates diamonds.  Fire refines gold. Let me just serve you that simple #RealityCheck checkmates.

And on a Monday

Oh it feels good to be wanted...... and on a Monday!  Most people hate having to do anything constructive after the weekend whether it was epic or just a stay at home lazy and cheat on your diet kind of thing. Not me though. I love Mondays. That's when everyone else is in a bad mood and am just there taking in the real them *am the worst I know*.

I will quote my bestfriend seeing as tomorrow is her birthday...... ,"Don't ever be afraid of asking for what you really want". Only my bestfriend knows the real me. I am the selfless kind who robs herself to build others up. Am not too proud to ask for help but I just don't know how to ask.

Sometimes I don't want to blog. I just want to copy paste the character of an aquarius woman and call it a day. Most of the time am like what's the fucking need though *middle finger in the air* ✌.

You know how on social media you post something stupid hoping no one reads it and they end up surprising you. Today was that day. Part of me is cheering it on like stalk on sir while the inner shy me is slowly building up walls. Like what the actual fuck ..... you are scaring me. I overthink and over question everything. I talk myself into a situation and at the same time talk myself out of it. Anything to get you to give up.

Today I understood why after having waited for so long for the right man, anyone would settle for Mr making an effort. Unlike Mr right, this gentleman serves you a #RealityCheck..... He is there cracking jokes that Mr right should be in your head and making you feel all sorts of electrifying giddiness *goddamn it stop that* . You know how they say it's lonely at the top? It's lonely everywhere especially if your heart is still searching and knows what it wants is still very much so out there.

It feels good to be wanted and there is nothing wrong with a little attention rather encouragement along the way but focus on the prize ahead. That's my Man...day..... Get it!?

I had to figure it out

You know how they say it's not you it's me, I had to serve myself a #RealityCheck.  Damn I have matured.  You have to take time off especially social media to know what you are communicating. If it's not inspirational it's of no use to me. Just because it's not on instagram , Facebook or Twitter just to mention afew doesn't mean my life is boring. I am learning to keep up but at the same time taking a step back to live and actually enjoy the moment. Perhaps the younger me needed validation but the older me is so into my small circle and the people around me willing to make a difference.

I am not in a hurry. It can wait. It's not about doing the right thing but listening to that voiceless shy inner me that I keep putting on hold. Just because I don't agree with 99% of society doesn't mean I am a bad person. I am that 1% who is brave enough to question facts and draw my own conclusions. While everyone else is asking why am out here loving every moment of why not.

Everyone is after the good life but only those with discipline and passion are willing to put in the extra effort. There are two types of people  1. Those who take pride in the prize 2. Those who take pride in the process of achieving the prize. If I have not earned it, I will not appreciate it.  If I wait for it for too long by the time I get it, it's value will not go to my head because I have had time to prepare for it to a point where I felt it will not happen. That's what I want. That element of surprise in such a way it will not draw unnecessary attention is priceless. When everyone else has dismissed your dreams and you in the process then it happens is a masterpiece to me because then the chosen few will be there to celebrate with me.

I serve a God who not only has a sense of humour but very strategic. Am all about that life now. The do it now yet slow down let me appreciate it all days and nights.

Tomorrow not tonight

Lately I have been suffering from procrastination. Not for lack of inspiration but something urgent comes up and I end up prioritising that instead. I need to write down and not assume in my head it's on my today's agenda. Enough about me, how have you all been? Assuming my multiple personalities are my audience *looks away ashamed* .  In my mind I always picture a very good looking legible bachelor in his early forties say 42 because anything older than that has to be classified as robbery with violence ie he is trying to rob me of what's left of my youth which in English means I don't trust you.  Again, let's not make this all about me *laughing sheepishly* .......

Being single for so long and please get me right am not talking about people who have been alone for a few hours or months yet they feel like life is so unfair and brutal. This year marks nine years not being in a relationship. So when I blog that I know what I want it means I have been selfish enough to learn what I like and what I don't.  What I have had to tolerate and what I won't. Have I tried going on a few blind dates ofcourse and they have ended up teaching me that I am horrible at opening up.

Understand that when you are comfortable enough to trust someone else in terms of a relationship in my case a man, *notice how I wrote a man not the man* you allow yourself to be vunrable enough to go the extra mile to play the part girlfriend both physically and financially yet you end up breaking up, you feel broken. Not just emotionally but in your mind at that particular time and while healing you feel as though no one else is ever worth that much effort. So you stop and you become this shy person who is too scared and fragile to put themselves out there again.

Being single for so long makes you take for granted how sexy you truly are. Not that you are not but because your mind has led you to believe that man/woman no longer finds you attractive enough to take a chance on you thus left leaves you questioning the obvious. Think about it. How many people do you compliment  in a day and they end up acting surprised? Have you ever stopped to see their reaction? Their body language tells you everything you need to know at that particular moment. There is nothing wrong with pulling a regular look on the inside but when you go lingerie shopping and zoom in on yourself....... Whoa! That's a hallelujah moment for me.

Do what makes you feel sexy. But don't risk your life and health trying to prove a point to a very hostile society. For me what exudes sexy is not your image because frankly speaking everyone looks good in their own unique ways and styles but confidence stands out. I have been working on myself on the inside and now am open minded to reflect it on the outside. I hope the world is ready for a game changer because like I always say different is so refreshing.

Pleasant night checkmates because am about to be someone's #RealityCheck ✌

Gentlemen

I don't want to blog so that means I must. Why is it that am only inspired to blog on Thursdays? The long drive home always gers me thinking. To those of you who assume I am too honest wait until the get into my head. Well that was lame. Look, it has been a long, sunny day. I am tired yet am trying to prove a point to myself. I better dream with Mr wonderful after this. Again, I am not self impressed.

Is it that I have unrealistic self set standards or no man will offer to "weekend bag me?" The thoughts have crossed my mind several times until tonight I decided am going to do something about it. Blog ofcourse. Wait, what did you have in mind? Are you kidding me? There I go again with my morals.

I have had this observatory talk with my bestfriend and she always tells me the reason why she would never be that kind of lady not that it's a bad thing but because she simply fears God. Personally, I have never met a man worthy of the consequences good or bad. Honestly do I get offers yes but would I ever consider any of the men who try and throw in a steal of a hilarious moment no.

If the man I am attracted to was not as established as he is would I still be interested? Truthfully,  no. The reason why ladies are either looking for their fathers or brothers in life partners is SECURITY. As a lady you shouldn't have to ask for it, it's common sense. It comes with the package right? Listen, am no love leave alone relationship therapist so go figure out what you want then go for it. But don't settle too soon just for the sake of what it readily available people.

I blame the legible bachelors out there making these single, vunrable ladies move in too fast. I mean how dare you! I can only imagine he already has a well paying job, owns a car hopefully not a Toyota 😂😅😆 a decent vehicle ...I will blog about my kind of machine later on not now *Bugatti* and all the men left the room 😄 Where was I (back in the village .....See what I did there) oh yes a motor vehicle and lives in a serviced apartment. You pick her up after having worked on her hygiene thoroughly, buy dinner and drinks on your way and then when you arrive it's business as usual. 

Can you imagine spending a night with someone you have nothing in common with leave alone an entire weekend. Goodness gracious that is torturous. Why would you do that to yourself? So you listen to music on your way, have small talk with sexual tention building up, the ackward laughter followed by the long sighs, the eye to lips stare and bite game like can we just get this over and done with already. That's quarter the night. On arriving ladies, his house exceeds your expectations. Him being well put together got you interested but now his accomplishments are a sign. Girl!!!!!!....... He is the one.

Gentlemen, if you know that God had blessed you with so much material earthly riches don't even think of introducing a lady to your life leave alone your lifestyle. She wasn't born obsessed you fed and made her believe she already owned half if not all of it. Don't do it bothers don't do it. Act broke. See if she will show up or step up. Until then let this be #TheEnchantingTruth. Goodnight checkmates.

Thursday Thoughts

Yesterday was Valentines Day and boy was I surprised. Whenever I come across something and someone I like, I usually take my time to enjoy everything they have to offer before I outgrow them. It's sad but then again it's life.

I had a mama I made it moment but then being my shy silly old self I kept that God moment way down low. I started to write the day I realised that I never belonged. It was hard because as a child, we all want to belong both at home and out there but I never fitted in anywhere. I have always had a directors imagination where dramatic , fictional and romantic scenes came to life in my mind so I left Earth and created my own little world. Positive thoughts and seeing the best in any given situation is the order of the day.

I have high self set expectations for myself and those I consider differently refreshing. I have intentional amnesia and hearing. My eyes are well trained to only grace greatness and my voice used to speak greatness into existence. I speak brokenness fluently yet I am blessed with words which can melt the pain away. There is nothing normal about my insanity. I notice everything especially the unspoken yet I am perceived as detached and aloof.

Anything you need to know about me is in my writing and eyes. So simple yet complicated. Reading This Was A Man by Jeffrey Archer assures me that I wasn't wrong. Such a life exists. I didn't make it up, you just had to get there.

I am humbled. You know how you hear God can change your life in a split second from zero to hero. I have taken ample time to love myself selflessly and nine years later I am still learning to love myself right. The only thing I don't know is what God has planned for me but as long as each passing day He grants me a chance to experience a new day and He is constant and has and will always be God above all others I WILL CONQUER. 

A win is a win regardless of whether it looks nothing close to what is expected but having fought the odds, taking that bold step, making an effort and leaving your comfort zone to me is THE ULTIMATE WIN.

#TheEnchantingTruth 2018

My 2018 Vows

I vow to put God first.
I vow to put myself second to none.
I vow to love more.
I vow to try harder.
I vow to uphold my values and dignity.
I vow to keep my promises.
I vow to trust more.
I vow to be less judgmental.
I vow to smile more.
I vow to laugh louder.
I vow that everything I will do will be with passion and pure intentions.
I vow to be vulnerable.
I vow to make an effort.
I vow to accept the outcome.
I vow to challenge myself and those around me.
I vow to be kind.
I vow to be more accommodating.
I vow to be open minded.
I vow to be respectable.
I vow to dream bigger.
I vow to never stop believing.
I vow to question less and act more.
I vow to be better.
I vow to use my experiences to better others and win over the bitter hearts.
I vow to check up on others more.
I vow to appreciate God, myself and everyone am entrusted with.
I vow to be patient.
I vow to let God be in charge.
I vow to allow His will and not mine be done.
I vow to make time to celebrate life.
I vow to forgive.
I vow to grow.
I vow to seek and settle for extraordinary.
I vow to be honest.
I vow to never be anyone other than myself.
I vow to take each day as it unfolds.
I vow to live in the moment.
I vow to hug on people more.
I vow to express my feelings and be in touch with my emotions.
I vow to stay humble at heart.
I vow to have more faith and trust the process.
I vow to encourage and motivate.
I vow to blush.
I vow to accept help and ask for it.
I vow to expect lady like treatment.
I vow to give and receive.
I vow to guide and be guided.

#RealityCheck and my #EnchantingTruth is
I vow to simply be mself .... the enchanting mind and soul ❤

.........desperately Lost

2017 was everything I never expected yet everything I needed to be here right in this very moment. Thankful for the disappointments which led to better appointments. I made it through it all because my father in heaven ensured his  grace, love and mercies were sufficient for me.

You were everything I was praying, hoping and believing for so much so that I was scared to admit it out loud.My darling eyes we have witnessed bullshit, self sabotage & that was God moments. My honest mouth strangely you kept it together. My love, my pure heart you kept the faith.

I achieved everything I put my mind to with prayers, patience and good friends. The year was so beautiful that I never wanted it to end. At the very end that is when it hit me and I realised the enchanting truth. I give my all because that is what I expect in return though I never I ask for it because I assume it is obvious. When good things are not reciprocated I pull away. Small details and things excite me and like I found out not everyone else. Everything is not for everyone. I value family and friendship so I assumed everyone else did.

If you don't share the same values that doesn't make either of us less or better than the other but  still, stand your ground. 2017 was an eye opener for me. I finally watched vlogs and followed people who are quite influential on the gram (Instagram) and it's always good to see what else is out there. I even went audio live and I am glad that curiosity is behind me. I was shocked to learn that majority of people on social media are materialistic in a greedy and negative way. People don't care about you rather what you are all about. Where you wine and dine, designer clothes, bags, shoes , perfumes, the business and first class life on a plane life, it vacations , ideal body and hair , phone experiences. Still think am lying, post a picture of yourself and a loved one and two hours later that of you clubbing or on vacation and see which one gets more likes and comments. Now post an inspirational quote and that of your man/woman crush. Need I say more?  

I put to test something someone told me and it turns out she was right. If you were not who you are today say a broke unappealing version of you, would the same people still like you rather want to be associated with you? Exposing you as desperately lost the right ones would right? Those are who I am all about this year. I am taking down anything and everything which would make me attractive on social media and replacing it with what makes me enchantingly myself. Anyone not willing to make an effort to understand why I say and do half the bull I pull will be cut off immediately unapologetically. It's life or in most cases the #RealityCheck but this year it's my #EnchantingTruth