I have to say YES

I haven’t been avoiding or uninspired to blog, it’s just that I have been paying close and more attention to myself. 2021, I am my own top priority. I have shared endless testimonies and self experience stories of struggling, pain, lack and how the wait is hard.

So, what happens when you start to get afew good breaks? Oh, when things are bad I have all the encouragement and motivational quotes and words to land you on the moon. And when things are fine, I shut down. I tend to freeze. I don’t know how to behave. I am speechless.

Perhaps it’s just me but when I get good breaks I cry alot. I am slowly trying to understand why that is. Is it because in all honesty, I was just hoping for things to look up but never quite believed they really would? I need to stop robbing myself of such happy moments. In comes the mother of all questions, why do I have a hard time being happy? I am used to relying on myself. It’s not that they (others) are asking me to rely on them but rather let them in or better yet the care they are offering me. Before I can change my mind, I have to say YES

The hardest thing I am teaching myself this year is to say yes and mean it. The only way I will learn is by putting myself out there. Saying yes to the things that I have been praying and asking for. Yes to things I silently thought to myself where far out of my reach. Not everyone deserves a yes and not everything deserves a no. If it’s in line with who I am and where I desire to be, that deserves a hold crap yes! I can’t be unhappy without it and still be worried  with it. I can’t say I trust God and walk around worried. Clearly, I am lying.

What’s the need of living a life full of anxiety?

Finding a balance is hard. I have had years of practice when it comes to self discipline. 2021, is about applying all those skills. Allow me to ask you this? How do you behave when God answers your prayers with your dream spouse, job, house, car, body or when you get your health back? How is one supposed to act? It feels strange at first. Mixed emotions all over. We always say we are open until that miracle show up. When you wake up the next day and realize it wasn’t a fantasy or imagination? It is real? Maybe like me, you are trying to convince yourself it’s just a lucky break which will take things back to normal but they won’t . Things are getting better. Sometimes when you pray and wait long enough, things start to happen and change. I am as confused as you are with this blog.

All I can say is, #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé . God is out here giving and blessing generously.