To take it in. To take me in

I liked how he stared at me. He intentionally sat there to stare at me. To take it in. To take me in. It wasn’t a matter of him wanting to but it was more or less a need. A basic necessity in a way. He yearned for me. I missed that. I had forgotten how good that felt. I had lost my sense of smell but all that came back when he stood up and as he walked right past me, I smelled him. I took him in. I took all of him in. This time I took my time and I slightly shut my eyes. 

He was refreshing and awoke senses and desires I only felt with another man. I spoke of unfinished business in my previous blog. That is way over. The situation wrapped itself up. This is new adventure. I now understand why one would walk away from years of commitment for just one strange glance. The way he looked at me felt right. I had lost myself in being about others yet here was this breathtaking human who made it all about me. That's all it takes one. It could be a touch but in my case it was eye contact. 

My poetry side comes to life on two occasions. When am extremely sad and when am excited. As I write this I realize it’s as if I took my life back. I was neither living nor surviving. I was just alive for the sake of being and staying alive. Am reminded of why I took a break.

It's as if i took my time to smell the roses. He looked incredible. Something about his presence caught my undivided attention. He had me feeling like a little girl. It’s as if he saw right through my silenced romance. I haven’t felt this shy in years. I didn’t want him to leave. And he didn’t. He sat right behind me and started rocking my chair. For those of you wondering how he smelled like, divine. What my mind gathered was he is indeed an amazing lover. 

He woke something in me.

Goodness, his eyes. They had so much desire and life in them, that I was almost overwhelmed by such life. He scared me because he watched me as I was busy being myself. I was comfortable around him. What a dreamy, jaw dropping, sexy man #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

They are refining moments

You can’t offer the entire world your shoulder to lean on. That’s a lot of baggage and certain burdens are unnecessary. Am not saying I won’t lend a hand but I need the world to also understand that we are all learning our lessons differently. I am blogging and teaching today.

You know how sometimes it appears as if the grass is greener on the other side like some people have it all, it’s not the case. More money more problems and less money crazy problems. The only difference is, they get to cry in an expensive area code while you are stuck in the village. Everyone is going through it. They have just mastered a way to not let it show or overwhelm them. Especially if they have an image to maintain, they will never show it publicly but in private, they are punching themselves and breaking down in ways one can’t imagine.

There are people with men don’t cry approach and others with I can’t keep it together way of life. Expressing yourself doesn’t make you weak, it shows a sign of strength. We all need each other. Don’t be the old me. Too proud to assume you don’t need help.

When someone checks up on you, that’s God showing concern and love. Don’t push people away when they offer you a helping hand because you have always had to do it on your own before. Those rare times when you go through it silently is when you are meant to learn certain lessons on your own. Everyone has had such terrifying times. I call them God and you moments. When He makes you listen and pay attention. They are refining moments. He shows you what’s and who’s is meant to be important moving forward. Everything changes #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

A Blessed Assigned Deliberate day (BAD)

Today was a BAD day. I couldn’t bring myself to smile because my heart was troubled. I didn’t have the strength to put on a brave face, I was just tired. I was fed up with the norm. I woke up and realized that I can’t do it anymore. Today I surrendered and let go of all control.

There is a difference between giving up and giving in. I gave in. The problem with carrying everyone’s problems is the day you will start worrying about your own is when you will actually feel the weight. There are things you can’t fix and that’s where higher power comes in.

The day you will openly admit to God that you can’t do this on your own anymore is when you will have a BAD day. The day you will ask for His help is when everything in you will automatically be weary and that’s when you get a BAD day. God, I need your help = a BAD day.

God gave me a BAD day. A Blessed Assigned Deliberate day (BAD). Things aren’t running according to my plan but His. He is the boss. He needed me tired enough to surrender my I can try to His I will do and deliver. No baibèé I am not having a bad but a BAD day.

Whoever might read this, I want you to know you are not having a bad day but God loves you beyond what’s troubling you enough to give you a BAD day. You have been doing it alone but not today. He has got you and will turn the situation around to #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé

it’s unfinished business

Am nervous but excited writing this. So on Saturday’s I blog. Every morning I wake up my spirit guides me on what to write. OMG! Here goes. The second night we had a conversation, I felt it and I always carried that wonder with me if he felt it as well. I had promised myself to keep it clean and even though I honored my word, my body dealt with the consequences. 

The first time I saw him, it was like a scene from a romantic novel. It was many years ago but I remember every detail. I was standing there in the banking hall when he walked in. Good God!!!

Earlier that morning I got strict instructions by my spirit on what outfit to wear. When I saw him, it all made sense. As soon as he walked in, our eyes locked. It’s as if I was pulling him towards me. He was sexier in person. I need a moment before describing his look. My God!!

I don’t want to but I have to. He had on a pink shirt, brown belt, navy blue official pants and brown shoes. The sexual tension filled the entire banking hall. What stole the show was his red animal eyes. I wasn’t sure if he was aroused or drunk. I will never know.

I can’t bring myself to finish writing this because it's unfinished business #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Dating is scary

Dating is scary. You are attracted to someone who at some point in their life found someone else attractive. They were hoping that person was it for them. That is scary right? Come to think of it, it’s as if we are basically recycling the crap out of each other. Pick and drop 🤯

We were having our usual deep conversation with my BFF and allow me to share some of the harsh realization life throws at all of us. Imagine God has granted you 90 years of life on earth. How old are you currently? 90 minus (now). Let’s assume you are single,dating or married. I want you now to imagine the life you always wanted and with whom you thought it would be with. What happened? What changed? If life unfolded differently and you ended up with them, are you convinced the outcome would be better? Now focus on your #RealityCheck

You have done and somehow accomplished everything that was “expected of you”. As a husband/wife, father/mother and son/daughter. You have done society proud. But every night, you go to bed empty. You are the loneliest man/lady alive even in the arms of your lover. Singles be out there envying your life while married couples use you as an example of how love looks like. You have held it together for so long but now the glue is coming off. It’s not that he has been unfaithful, or she stopped being supportive but reality has caught up. You convinced yourself so many times you were doing the right thing but you committed injustice to yourself by burying your feelings and denying yourself the opportunity to be truly happy. Everything from finances to your domestic life is fine but your heart is in pieces. This is not you being ungrateful for that amazing job which paid the bills and even supported various orphanages. It’s not you waking up in a failed union from traumas of physical and mental abuse. Everything is okay, but you are not. You have nothing more to give.

You can’t throw in the towel because remember God gave you 90years to live. You might have afew diseases here and there but not enough to take you out. You are basically stuck on this beautiful earth. Who know He might just add you 10 more years. What’s your point? Good question. The biggest battle you will ever fight is with yourself. As a lady it will take me more time to get over a break up as opposed to a man or so I always assumed. Just because he doesn’t pick up the phone and call you doesn’t mean he stopped loving you. He just chose not to show it.

New relationships are exciting. The adventures and romance. It keeps you occupied for a while until the getaways are his/her way of making it up to you. Yikes!!! How many more years do you plan on overworking and over-proving yourself? How many more years do you have left? Do you even have the energy to keep up? 

Sometimes you have to know when to fight and when to stop fighting with yourself. The good news is you still have the 90year mark to achieve. Life is just getting more interesting so #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Boaz always knew

Can I preach? Can I testify? Pastor may I approach the congregation and witness the faithfulness of The Lord? I don’t have anything tangible to show or own but my heart is full. I know I sound ridiculous but I have never made more sense than I am right now. Am a verified sinner

I know I switch from spiritual to ratchet in seconds but my flesh has needs. Am as needy as they come. If it’s not the caress of a manly man, now not just any man can handle this let’s keep it 💯. Music will have to soothe my soul. Poetry stokes it sometimes but it’s not enough. Tomorrow’s sermon is dangerously good. Njeri you must be a faithful Christian? Listen, sometimes I don’t even make it in time for church. I arrive and everyone else is leaving. Service is over.I just show up to honor God. It has never been in vain. I somehow always get my word.

No one will ever ask anything of and from you unless they know you have it in you. That right there is a sermon on its own. The Bible is the most romantic book in the world. It’s hot. Let me give you a little taste of my take of this beautiful word. Let’s talk about RUTH. Let me expound on my previous statement. Naomi asked Ruth to go do her thing because she knew Ruth had it in her to DELIVER. In plain English, to do her thing. Which she did effortlessly. See what I get from all that, is that Ruth was a freak! I mean aren’t we all?

It takes two to tango. Boaz was equally a freak. As soon as Ruth showed up, that son of a woman could smell her from miles away. That's why in Ruth 2:4 And behold, Boaz came from Bethlehem and kept it polite because he was man of God. See that didn’t stop him from being a manly man. Read verse 5. You will always recognize your tribe. The little boy in him, the playful side came out when his curiosity got him asking about her because something in him knew she was exactly what he always wanted. I need to stop blogging and go drink some water because am a little turned on.

I will never get tired of repeating this. There is always someone watching. As that servant was talking Ruth up, something tells me Boaz was getting hot and bothered. It excited everything in him and if not why then in verse 8 was he all possessive and territorial? That’s foreplay for you are mine 💯. In chapter 3:8 lets me know how bad Boaz had it for Ruth. It’s just that he was a God fearing man, otherwise he would have easily had his way with her. He had been thinking about her. Why didn’t he chase her away or embarrass her. When he said she showed more kindness in the latter than in the beginning means he desired her. His entire being was yearning for her. He thought about it. He fantasized. When he woje up in the middle of the night and saw her, it brought him more satisfaction. Remember back in those days, it was all about God and wealth. Am sure the town had beautiful women both young and old who practically threw themselves at him. 

Boaz always knew. 

Am just here to confirm something to somebody out there. If they ask you to tone it down, he/she is neither Boaz nor Ruth. Both of you should be on the same page speaking the same unspoken language. Your man or woman will recognize the freak in you because it takes one to know one #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Let me explain myself sweetheart

The old me was desperate for validation. Am talking about the dancer in me who stepped on the dance floor and everyone sat there taking in the show I used to put on. I wanted to be seen. I needed to be taken seriously so I came off too advanced around people who didn’t understand my gift of dance. The ass shaking and even before twerking was a thing. Only my bestfriend can attest to this. Dance comes naturally to me. I thought to myself if I earned respect through my craft, perhaps I would fit in. The more talent I showed, the more the hate came in. 

So I stopped dancing. I hid my talent to be normal. Everytime music spoke to my body, I would refrain myself from dancing. I was accused of showing off. She is always exaggerating. Yes, that’s how they used to shut me down. I was shamed for expressing myself through dance.

It’s not on them, it’s on me. I blame myself for believing people who didn’t understand my special skills. Like I am starting to tell myself I didn’t miss out on anything or opportunities because they didn’t have my name in them. Let me explain myself sweetheart.

When you say opportunity on it means it’s temporary. It can easily be taken off and replaced. Opportunities with my name in them means even if I ignore, deny or try to run away, it’s still my blessing and eventually it will find me again. No one else can have that. Only Njeri 💯

My dance moves now are explicit. Just like my intentions and motives. They thought they were serving me a #RealityCheck oh but when that music comes on, the only conversation my body is going to be having is #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé