My birthday eve

I have been waiting for this year as though it were my dream come true. In a way it is. It was prophetically confirmed and am glad to have been there to allow my entire being sink it all in. What most people don't know about me is that I have faith in God. He is all I have in this life he graciously gave me. Without God, I am nothing just a skull with a sign written Danger Ahead . God is my everything.  He is my all or nothing.

That makes me different.  At first I didn't understand it and even ran away from who I truly am. Now I can't get enough of it because I have embraced that standing out is a good thing. I don't have to be in a crowd to make a difference. By now most of you know that I started this blog when I tried issuing my first my black is beautiful to a well known magazine to publish it but I guess all along I was meant to start a blog instead. My blog was not only inspired by my passion for writing but by two important people in my life.  My bestfriend and Romeo. Not his real name.

I don't want to be famous.I just want to share my experiences and that someone out there who has been turned down or frustrated by hearfelt matters knows it's okay to not be okay. My blog is the one thing am proud of.  I followed through an idea. It was hard and still is but I always try.

So why have you given up? Is it because of society you choose to stay in an abusive relationship? Like you would rather die each day than live a life alone? Wow I admire your courage but saddened by your determination.  Is it because the one you love loves someone else so you have given up on love? How is that working out for you? Walking around carrying so much bitterness and anger towards someone who is living life large? They don't owe you an apology for stringing you along. We all know what we are getting ourselves into as far as love goes. It's either it's mutual or one way. I would rather live a single life than be with a man out of gratitude.How pathetic am I that no one else wants to go bananas over? We all deserve better.

I am taking this opportunity to thank all my page views both old and new for taking the time to laugh, shake your heads, correct my grammar and secretly agree with me. If I had a book club we would all enjoy taking turns to share juicy details about the past and the future.

Today being my birthday eve, I feel grown.  Like I can take on any issue not that am advocating for drama but I feel wiser. The way I would have reacted last year is not the same way I would have reacted today. The old me used to hold grudges because I lacked closure. The now me gets mad atmost three days and finds myself laughing it out. Thank you selective amnesia and hearing.  If I don't like you, I don't listen to a word you say instead I sit there and watch you tell me who you truly are through your actions when expressing yourself. 

I talk less and listen more. I cry less and laugh more. I discourage less and encourage more. I pray more and humiliate myself less. I judge less and understand more. I forget less and celebrate more. For every less in my life, I add or look for more. I don't believe in facts but rely on my inner voice. I have mastered the skill of being still. Before taking any risk I always weigh the consequences.

I am ready for what is ahead of me because everything I have had to encounter and endure has led me to this . This new year am going to love harder without having to compromise my integrity. I am going to forgive myself for my shortcomings and others. No one owes me anything. On a side note though am expectant of a harvest. Just like 27dresses the movie, this year everyone I have ever gone out of my way for will return the favour. 

I am highly blessed and favoured by the most high God and that checkmates is a #RealityCheck