Memories

A day like today 2009 on my birthday there was a fire traged at Nakumatt downtown . I was bored out of my mind and my then boyfriend showed up in one of the rooms I was in with flowers in his hands and I thought to myself great he got me a girlie gift. Not to sound ungrateful but gentlemen when you date a tomboy the last thing you want to do is make her feel uncomfortable by getting her gifts which make her feel guilty for not being a girlie girl. You know how women get all aww in public so I put on a little show just to show my appreciation. He always told me that he would get me what I don't want and the day was finally here. He laughed and gently whispered you don't have to pretend but enjoy am off to class.

Thirty minutes later we heard a loud bang and screams followed. Then it was completely dark. We all feared for our lives but more so on a personal level I was terrified of walking in public with flowers in my hands. There was panic and confusion everywhere. Then it was confirmed that just a block away Nakumatt downtown was on fire. I immediately went in shock and even as I write this my heart is beating out of my chest.

How do you move on from such trauma? How do you encourage someone who survived or lost a loved in to such agonizing pain? You don't. Instead you live through the good memories left behind , compose yourself and slowly take one step at a time .

Ever since that day, somehow I have found it hard to celebrate my birthday. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy the cake but I have never made a fuss or a big deal about not getting presents or what I wanted. I felt guilty that by celebrating it out loud would only remind the families of their tragedies. That is the main reason behind my nothing answer. What do you want me to get you? NOTHING!

It was just disclosed to me by my sweet mum that on my birthday her and my old man secretly celebrate their anniversary. I always knew those two bunch of teenagers were up to something but now I know what. I have never felt more special in my entire life. Here I was thinking I didn't live up to their family name leave alone expectations but all along I served a purpose more beautiful than any title. No offense to my siblings but Hey *giggles* . No wonder am always positive on love and falling inlove. My parents don't have it altogether but seeing as they raised a bunch of imperfectly perfect kids, I don't mind God granting me that kind of love. I don't want to ape what they have but I want to live my love and shenanigans out with the one man who looks at me and still says baibee you can GERRIT ALL OF IT .

Forgive me if this time round I choose not to live in the past and celebrate myself. I have not forgotten about it, I just choose to use the memories to better myself and those around me. To those who lost loved ones, it's okay to create new memories not replacing them but they would want you to be happy. It's okay to cry but not wear sorrow as though that is your portion. It's okay to accept the help from someone else. You are not betraying their memories. No one can ever replace them but its time to forgive yourself and let go of the pain.

This is my birthday Present to you that until you can be strong enough on your own let me encourage you. Let someone else Love you until you learn to love yourself. 2016 it's okay. And that is my #RealityCheck