My open letter

If I am going to write this open letter, I will have to be honest with myself regardless of whether the one am writing about and to reads it or not.  I have a feeling he will but secretly I don't want him to. Please stop asking why ....

Dear Mr Gerrit All,
I miss you. I heard am all you talk about and to be honest I laughed simply because I never thought I left such an impact in your life.  It's been a while since we spoke and whenever we bump into each other it's always ackward because I want to keep it professional but at the same time want to awaken every inch of my body against yours. The things I have done to you in my mind are far much worse than our past combined.  Yes, I go there with you in my mind. Blaming it on the fact that am very creative and imaginative.  Forgive me Father for I have sinned and will continue to sin as long as I have breath in me and this hot temptation of a man continues to exist. 

Now that my partial lust is out of the way, how are you my darling? I don't need to hear or be told how well your are fairing. One look at you and my heart breaks. I know you are not fine. You can never admit you aren't either. I guess that is what makes me go crazy about you. Knowing you put on a courageous act though deep down you are in pieces. I am brave enough to come comfort you but at the same time, I have to let you tone down your demons. Mine are well caged in so I am not pointing fingers to judge you.  I understand. I am loving you from a distance.

By now I know the one question lingering your mind. Why do I call you Mr Gerrit All? You don't even have to ask , I am willing to give it all to you. Everything that money can't buy: positivity,  encouragement, care, love, affection, intimacy and prayers. I love you just the way you are and that is why I still invest in you. You are not perfect but you are me perfect. You are complicated and sophisticated nothing I can't handle. Baibèé🐝🐝 you can GERRIT All OF IT.....

I am not seated here dying inlove *giggles* . I don't want to continue writing this but I must. That is the only way I can live today knowing I did what I had to do. When God blesses you, you can't hide your blessings.  So how can I hide my love for you if I can barely keep it together at the mention of your name. We have unfinished business.  I had to kiss afew toads here and there, nurse afew shark and crocodile bites but the most painful bite of all was fear. Meeting you was different.  I was scared and excited both at the same time. I was composed but my voice trembled. The voices in my head went wild. Girls ....Ladies please control yourselves. I had to excuse myself every now and then just to gain control.

The reason why I am writing this is not to come off as corny but to let the world know that true love exists.  If I knew that going out of my way and loving another man selflessly would earn me this God given feeling, I would go back and it over again. I would let him humiliate me one more time. I would allow him ignore my efforts and curse me out in a condensending manner that you women are all the same.  I would allow him drain me again emotionally,  financially,  mentally and physically.  You were worth my pain . You were worth the wait. I love you enough to help you land the woman of your dreams. Who is she? I may not have much but I will always have extra to get you a plane ticket to go get her.

I have to admit that I had a hard time trusting God to bring the 'right' man in mylife because I heard God doesn't give you who you want but who you need. My prayers was God please atleast let him be good looking enough. I mean I just got heartbroken and settling with just any man will not do. Let him be handsome. God will surprise you I kept hearing the preacher say during Sunday services.  God we talked about this, please don't send me a broke man with a forgettable face.

You need to step up your game not just for yourself but those who look up to you. The rest of us can loose it but you have to keep it together. You have to, you must. So please take care of yourself and know that you are loved. Go for what makes you happy and never look back. I hope life treats kind as you have been to and with me.

From one great heart to another,
You are my #RealityCheck