Embracing my testimony

I have been avoiding this blog but I have to embrace my testimony. It took over seven (7) years *I can't seem to get the right words* . I am avoiding to state the correct amount of years because I don't believe in shaming people no matter how much they lack character. That's on you sweetheart.  Whether this blog helps anyone out there or not, frankly speaking, today it is not about you but me. This is personal.

No one is born insecure but sometimes you find yourself a victim of your circumstances. When someone or people hurt you for doing the right thing, you automatically become insecure. The most dangerous decision anyone can ever make is abandoning who you are, what you believe in to accommodate the version of who "they" make you believe and say you are or should be. Did anyone get that? That is morally wrong on so many levels.

There was never a night that I didn't I ask God why He allowed this to happen to me. When I was done crying, I would cry some more just to get some sleep coz I could feel myself slowly loosing my mind.  Have you ever had God take you from bad to worse and as if He wasn't finished to the worst. Being taken from disfunctional, to functional to now purpose has been a real #DaddyDaughterAdventure.  It didn't make sense then but now looking at it from this open minded intentional view is slowly clearing my mind.

When you break up in any relationship, growth is the next obvious step right? Wrong!!! Whomever moves on first wins atleast that's what society made me believe so he moved on ten (10) days after cheating on me and not with the same lady. Sometimes bad things are not necessarily bad because instead of handling it in a more mature way, this son of a woman threw a petty festival on social media and to add fuel to the fire this old fashioned wild goose of a girl joined in. That's when I got a why did I get married moment and wanted to beat the living 💩 out of her by getting out all that anger I felt towards the both of them but instead I used to walk around with my head held down because I felt I had lost. Everyone God sent my way was for a specific season and no none of them was a good man to compensate the unfair situation.

The one person God has assigned to be in my life for not only several reasons for difficult seasons to date is my bestfriend. I brag about her most if not all the time because if you met her you would understand. To me, my bestfriend is the epitome of grace. Before all this hard life lessons, I considered myself a free spirit. Nothing ever bothered me. See, I forgot how to be graceful because I allowed bitterness to get the best of me. There are people who God brings in your life to remind you of your purpose. It's not just to fall inlove, live the good life and have the best of everything but to serve God with the little and much awaiting. Was I trust worthy then? No! If he brought me my soulmate right after that break up my only intention would have been to prove that I had upgraded. When they talk about me behind my back and attack the one thing I hold dear the most (faith in God) what will you do? Confront them, abuse the , fight them or do the unthinkable and walk away? It has been a show me process that God has had to use to break me down, rough me out, burn the rough edges, smoothen me out then finally polish me out.

This year I have bumped into the two of them though on separate days. Whoever said the best revenge is to look good wasn't wrong. See, God had to get rid of the immature whispers that kept me doubtful and fearful. I have always known that I am it but of late I have been living like it. All I could think of was ,"please God, not today. I don't need that negative energy around." To my surprise even demons behave in the presence of greatness. #Facts!! am just humbly stating #Facts!! Thank God for selective hearing and amnesia because all I did was say hi back then walked casually away. If I was him, I would have walked away hurt because I could tell he wanted to have a conversation but I had already disappeared from the scene and that's when I knew he was playing some Usher music "There goes my baby." in his head. Yup! God did that *laughing sheepishly*

Ladies, be very careful who you are busy admiring and what you are after because you might just end up getting it only to find out that it was a pest after all. Just because the one he is with at that particular moment doesn't meet your expectations doesn't give you the right to dismiss you because it is never what it seems.

Dear future boyfriend/husband/soulmate, the one before me was there for a reason and for that particular season. I am not here to act like I am better than her and don't think that you will get with me to prove a point to her or society as well. Don't be the old immature me. I could have if I wanted to date around as I hoped to meet you but I am out here waiting because I know you are worth the best verion of me flaws and beauty. The only thing I will say this about your ex if you allow me is that she was wrong in hurting you but I am glad she did because then you wouldn't appreciate of how God has had to mold me morally, mentally, physically and spiritually to become a good enough woman to love your heart right. If anything, I thank God for your ex. Thank you girl, that was the only way he would have allowed you to walk out of his life. Thank you Jesus!!! Hallelujah!!!!!

Two week ago, I met my ex's missing rib (I am being very sarcastic). Keeping it Njerified all the way. I genuinely felt so sorry for her. When I saw, I just wanted to say hi to her but when I looked into her eyes and her body language I saw it. She had the same look I had everytime I used to bump into them . She had regret, bitterness and brokenness.  He fell short of her expectations because she got in it for the wrong reasons one of them being finances. Girl, you should have dated me because I was the one who used to provide financially but you were too blind to bring yourself to me the way he saw me. A good person. Nothing scars more like getting what you want but never getting them emotionally to see you the way that you want to be seen.

That's my testimony. I am embracing my testimony. God has been good.

I loved and I lost but I can't wait to love and be found. Soulmate, you aren't ready for this kind of love, affection and attention. In the words of Cassie in me and you,  ," you've been waiting so long, I'm here to answer your call." Cheers to the future.