I have acne-prone skin

I stopped wearing make up two years ago. I had gone all out. I tried the best of face wash but the worse it got. I eventually went and sought the advice of a dermatologist a year later but that’s where my frustrations begun. 

I have acne-prone skin. 

It’s not only irritating but annoying sometimes. In a way you become a victim of self enslavement. You can’t do what everyone is doing without second guessing yourself. You constantly talk yourself out of simple things like dressing up and even dating. It’s a moment killer. 

Being uncomfortable in your own skin sometimes messes with your self esteem. When people look at you, you always assume the worst. I am not attractive and that’s why things never look up so your inner voice keeps telling you everytime you are faced with new opportunities. 

It’s not for you. It’s not for people like you. 

I am confident but even the best can be brought to their knees with certain realizations. It’s not what others tell you, it’s what you tell yourself. It doesn’t help when you are busy beating yourself down and those around you say nothing to silence those negative thoughts. 

Wherever you find comfort, you hold on and cling to it. It’s wrong but you must survive either way. So I decided to stop hiding behind make up and invest in my skin. If I can purchase products worth thousands, I can do the same with my skin. And so, this is my face updated journal. 

I am beautiful. Anyone would be lucky to know me. Having a problematic face doesn’t define my character and personality. It’s besides the point. My face is a by the way. I can either wear these few pimples proudly or hide them. My choice. Hiding won’t solve anything. It makes me less attractive. 

If am waiting for someone to come bring out the best in me while all I see is flaws, I might as well forget about happiness altogether. It’s my job to make myself happy. I must be comfortable enough for the same to reflect on the outside. See the problem was not my face but rather my attitude. Awaiting sympathy which unfortunately never arrived. 

So I stopped everything and I dedicated my face to God. I know it sounds silly but to me praying should have been the first step. In praying you are not kneeling there keeping it brief and sweet on how you want to stop being relying on creams which in actual sense are steroids but you seek freedom from deep within yourself. 

Today am going for my second micro needling session. I needed all those pores open. What I have learnt so far is this. First, change how you view yourself. Second, the cleaner your face the more relaxed your entire system becomes. Third, what works for you, take it and run with it. You don’t have to rely on creams or medication. Fourth, moisturize. Stay moisturized. I have oily skin and previously used products to dry my skin out which in my case is where I was going wrong. Five, learn and understand your skin especially your face. Six, watch your diet. Again, I am not saying starve yourself but ensure you watch what you eat. Seven, appreciate yourself. Do what makes you happy responsibly. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t punish yourself but isolating what makes you amazing. 

I hope this helps anyone out there who feels like they are in this alone. You are beautiful and hiding it won’t make the minor issue go away. No issue is ever permanent if you come to think of it. How you handle it is the key to how you overcome it. 

Bring that bold lady back. There is more to you than you assume when it comes to your face. It’s time to face reality. Let’s face it, this are #MyMagazineThoughts

It's a spank and tease kind of adventure

October has been a month full of #Personal moments and alot of #Feelings involved. It was very uncomfortable for someone like myself especially because I don't stick around to talk or touch on my feelings. It was necessary for me to identify and confront myself with this communication barrier. It wasn't easy but if it were I wouldn't have acknowledged it in the first place. That's how I know something is important.

 Oh, hello there! Where are my manners? How are you?  How have you been? 

I think my brother is about to hook me up with one of his friends said no sister ever *laughing sheepishly* , The only thing big brothers are good at is cockblocking. I said it. Yes I did. We all have that help a sister out look in our eyes everytime one of his goodlooking single friend comes over. Spare me the advise, brother, I need romance. The more you tell us how your friend(s) is a no go zone , the more it makes him admirable. The more you try to talk us out of it, the more interested and curious we become. 

October has been a fair game month and there is nothing more to take from it so, it's been amazing but bye! 

Halo November. 

In my humble opinion, November is one of those sexy months. It being the month before Christmas makes it so hot. To me November is like that fine gentleman you have been admiring from afar. It's a talk less show me more kind of month. Where even upright moral ladies get down and bring out their freaky side just to let that gentleman know she has a wild side. Don't let my silence fool you sir! 

It's a spank and tease kind of adventure. 

It's a month where you break all the rules not because nothing is working or you have nothing to lose but you simply can be naughty. Want to. Need to. Must!!! It's innocent fun and games. It's like walking in a gentleman’s club and the thirst on these mens faces tells it all without them having to say a word. It's that intense and exciting. You walked in single but something tells you, you might just meet you match tonight. It's definitely not Romeo but it's so enchanting and better than the real deal. 

This is where you put all your cards on the table.  It's a winner takes all kind of affair. It's a game with hidden puzzles yet you are already aware of who and what awaits. It's a how kind of muse. It's not a time to study but act. 

Are you ready? It's a grown affair. I hope you brought the appetite because somebody is ready to dig in. These are #MyMagazineThoughts 

You will start to attract your kind and crowd.

You can get used to people going out of their way for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am not one of those lucky people. Life is so funny. I love life. I live for this kind of life where just when things are about to unfold, God changes the script. SURPRISE!!!

2020 is mind blowing. What if I freaked you out and told you that all those bad breaks and few none celebrated quick moments has been someone’s life? 2020 is a summary of someone’s life story. Not just afew bad breaks, their entire life has been this huge emotional thing? We are talking of months but someone somewhere has been living and reliving this for years. Like I said some are lucky to have a system to help them survive life while most are torn, confused and lost. Physically it may not show but emotionally and mentally it’s total chaos.

I am speaking from experience. From trying to giving in, giving up and deciding to embrace the unknown. If you think about it really, it’s nothing new just comes off different as it hasn’t been explored to it’s full potential. It’s hard at first, everything always is.

People in 2020 are in fear of one of the two. Losing it all and it not working out. You have either lost it all before or know someone who did and saw what that did to them. Thus majority are afraid of losing it all.  Fear is a deceiving monster . I say fear is good. Whenever you are faced with fear you find yourself looking for an alternative. True or false? Fear brings out a silent yet brave side in all of us. 2020 is the introduction of learning to lose things and people who no longer serve in your purpose. Think about it.

If it matters and it costed you, would you really let it go? Because you understand and appreciate the value it gives and brings. I am not talking about the people around you but the person you thought you were. The old you you had to lose to find who you have always been. It’s not just dawning on you that you never cared, you just wanted to believe you did that’s why when it came time to let it go, it didn’t hurt as much as you told yourself it would. It doesn’t bother you. That’s what scares you.

Now that you have realized this, it not working out is the real fear. So what happens? You find yourself creating a system. Going back is never an option. That’s why I started off by saying some are lucky enough to have people go out of their way for them. They already knew this.

2020 is shaping you for what awaits. What you thought was going to happen isn’t. What you never imagined would happen is. This is my humble opinion of what is and about to happen. There is a big surprise on the way.

You can force and convince yourself all you but if it’s not it for you, you will gladly let go of it. You finally stop chasing after things and people while those things and people meant to be in your life will show up. You will start to attract your kind and crowd.

You no longer have to question if you are good enough or not because what and where you are meant to be will be in sync. 2020 is a great year if you accept yourself for who you are. This is the best of #MyMagazineThoughts as you read this and see the truth. My truth and yours.

Telepathy is our aphrodisiac

You are the first person I thought about when I woke up, well seeing as am still in bed trying to wake up but I don’t need to say it because you already know. There is something we both know. The smile on your face even though we are miles away, I can feel it’s warmth.

It doesn’t really matter anymore. You feel different. I can sense the calmness in you. Usually, you never allow yourself to welcome such emotions but today, feels right. I choose to believe and be brave enough to let you know you are not alone in this. You are excited.

That’s okay because something about me brings out a fire in you. I know what the zodiac stars say of how our communication is medium but being the rebellious lady I am, I differ 💯. Our communication is wack. It’s trash. We need to improve on it. Telepathy is our aphrodisiac.

You and I are two different people in two different worlds. You are evasive and am aloof. Go figure! Where am I going with this? I just didn’t want you to have breakfast without me. You brought about #MyMagazineThoughts for today and am glad. 

Enjoy Sir.

Calm, quiet and composed

People are afraid of being themselves in the hopes of attracting the version they think will stand out and be applauded more. That’s why am single. I know what you are thinking, someone did quite a number on me. Am an Aquarius ♒️. I will never give you that much power to break me.

I am not paying attention to how everyone else is doing it but rather do I even care enough to pursue it? Why? Then what? If I question myself, I am definitely going to question everything and everyone around me. Am not about instant results but doing the job well.

If am going to be in a relationship, it’s not because God forbid my time is up or am pretty lonely. It has to be very intentional. Just like a man, I am self sufficient and self fulfilled then I can allow myself to give my all and accept you in my life because I want and need you

Sometimes I really do feel sorry for my soulmate. He be out there praying telling God of how he wants a graceful lady. Graceful is not a word I would use to describe myself 😂. Calm, quiet and composed. Hahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha is he even serious? 😂

Gentle, friendly and soft spoken. Hahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha. This son of a woman is not ready. He should pray for sufficient grace. I will not be his cheerleader but rather his coach and I leave it at #MyMagazineThoughts

Am interested in you, all of you

That rain 🌧 got me feeling romantic. Tonight is really special. It’s like meeting someone new and having this undeniable connection and conversation. Just when you think the day is over and night has come,they call you briefly just to hear your voice and follow it up with a text that goes a little like this. 

"Hey, I wasn’t done. I don’t know what you are used to, but am about to be your new norm. Am not just saying that to put a smile on your face and like I said, I don’t know what you are used to. Am not here to trouble you by awakening your soul.

Some people come into your life to offer you peace and restore faith even in the presence of brokenness. I am not offering you heaven on earth, am letting you know that you can be yourself around me. Am interested in you, all of you.

I am not here to teach you how to be strong and brave, I just need you to trust yourself enough to allow yourself to trust me and let me in. Share with me how this moment makes you feel. How you feel and how I make you feel. I better stop before I go any further and miss you."

Those are #MyMagazineThoughts for now but soon enough they will become my #RealityCheck 

Could it be?

Can this beautiful game end already. I am tired. I need to focus on something else. What I have come to realize is that I am loyal. That’s how I am in real life not just with this game. If my heart is not in something or is suspicious about someone, I will stand alone and firm in my opinion. I just trust my gut feeling and so one minute I will seem full of something or someone then the next I will slowly disappear leaving no trace. If I sense pride, am out and if I sense humility am in. It’s something I learned from a very young age. I can’t explain it.

Where are my manners? I just woke up. Everything is as it was last night other than a new day and new thoughts. Good Morning this Saturday shocking day. If am a lady and am this shocked about the basketball game, I can only imagine how gentlemen out there who equally love the game are feeling emotionally. This is not just a game. This is very PERSONAL. Why does it feel as if we are breaking up? It doesn't feel as if it's just basketball am referring to but something else. Someone. Could it be? 

If you follow me on social media, you will see just how passionate I am about everything I do,so this game is driving me insane. I have one weakness which is actually a strength. I make up my mind way too fast. When I have given my all, I always leave.

What I realized earlier on in life especially when depression hit me hard is this. Even when you are down, life goes on. Life actually passes you by. Staying down or sad won’t slow life or time. Life will pass you by. So I decided to always keep going regardless. It’s not that I don’t care. I do. I just won’t dwell on it. I always remind myself of how life passed me by angry while the party that caused the anger lived. Being bitter took everything away from me. So I tried being better which I found amusing. It replaced everything around me. In playing basketball I felt free and unstoppable. I haven’t played it but I have a feeling I will soon when the time is right. It’s like falling inlove. I don’t need to date around to achieve that feeling seeing as I have been single for years. I am not a pro but I know love.

I am not into facts. Am not into that mumbo jumbo. I trust my gut feeling. There are people who force situations but am the opposite. I will happily walk away from any situation which makes me either feel uncomfortable or unappreciated especially when I have done my best by them.

This game has exhausted me. It feels as though I was in a relationship. I don’t stick around for wins unfortunately. All that matters to me is leaving a mark. An impact. A difference. A game changer. What follows after win or lose doesn’t matter to me. Getting an opportunity is more important. It’s everything to me. What you do with your opportunity is entirely up to you. I will focus on my love for cars the minute this is over. I love this game 🏀

Sometimes life surprises you but that can only happen if you grab the opportunity. Right now mine is #MyMagazineThoughts

It's deeper than our souls

Today is a very special day. It’s not a day of losses but it’s a beautiful day to acknowledge and reflect on the wins. You might not be THE ONE but being vulnerable enough to open up to love again to me and in my humble opinion makes you THE WINNER!!!.Good Morning beautiful souls.

Last year, rather decade *strange huh* my life was completely different. October is a very special and #PERSONAL month. I adore my birthday month January obviously but October was the game changer for me. Did I meet someone? Perhaps but moreso I found and fell inlove with myself. Have you ever been so damaged that on meeting someone else instead of them making you better, they empower you to better yourself. He is my answered prayers. He is exactly what I needed moving and going forward. He didn’t even say anything. Him being alive is enough encouragement.

Knowing myself and how I love, I am sure my soulmate will at first be jealous of this man but later on look for him and thank him in person. It’s deeper than our souls. He is not of this world as well. I wasn’t even planning to blog but when I talk about him, another special side of me is unveiled. Would I ever date him? No. Would I ever fool around with him? First of all, he is a gentleman. Fucked up in his own unique way but there is foolishness you don’t serve such a man. No

He is neither family nor close to being my bestfriend. But I would gladly do for him what I do for the people I love in my life without hesitation even though we are not friends. Am good at walking away. It’s a gift but for him, I would stay.

We deserve to be happy separately like personally I can’t wait to meet my soulmate and love the crap out of him. He was the one to lead me to the one. In meeting him, I won myself back. In my books, he will always go down as an angel.

 My answered prayers #MyMagazineThoughts

It's true

People only want to support you when you are winning. In all honesty, what’s there to support when you get to the top? When you get your breakthrough what else is there to say? Other than reflect on the hardship and difficulties to get there. Good Morning sweethearts, let us talk...

This is not going to sit well with people who consider themselves as “movements”. Answer me this,”Are you a housefly?” Why do you want to be everywhere? Why are you everywhere? Everywhere where there is a win for that matter. I said we are talking here,remember! Let’s get deeper. I view life differently. I am not a come one come all human being. The more the merrier type of person. I am a the less the better. If you are not with me when am losing especially if you know me, please don’t invite yourself when I am winning. That’s not arrogance that’s honesty. If there is anything I hate other than lies is hypocrisy. People are quick to assume you are jealous which I don’t even know the meaning of when in actual sense you are simply not bother. Some people don’t even know one’s story but they want association as soon as they see a win.

Unfortunately ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing for you here if by now you haven’t seen anything amazing in me. If you can’t make time for me when I am at my lowest I doubt you will ever have the energy to help celebrate my achievements. Let’s be mature. I don’t want you to shake my hand when I win, I need you to hold my hand as I fall and try to rise up again. What I have come to realize about myself is that am the happiest cheering people who are down and low. As soon as they win, I am out. On to a new project/person.

The best opportunity in life when you offer someone your support when they are not in a position to offer themselves much. It doesn’t have to be much. It could be a simple encouragement time and again or that undying assurance that things won’t always stay the same. That’s why am quick to share my down stories as opposed to my victory ones. You will never appreciate good news if you have never had an experience with bad news. I am keen to notice people who walk in and out of my life. When was this and why? If I can answer that honestly then I can handle anything coming my way. I never want to miss out on a true friend just because am focused on winning or the loss is too much. I don’t do what I do to get validation, I do it because that’s who I am. We will not hang out if by now we already don’t.

Don’t step on my toes and expect me to apologize. But Njeri what happened to being mature? What happens when you attack a bee? It will sting you. Common sense people common fucking sense. Two wrongs don’t make it right. Fuck that bullshit. Be the bigger person my ass. It’s true

We have all had instances where we have let God down by forgetting we are Christians. You never thought you had it in you until that fateful time *evil laughter*. Allow me to laugh at all of us *moment of loud laughter*. Good times *wipes off imaginary tears*. What a long process.

Never forget how far God has brought and delivered you so much so that when you win, you make about yourself. There are people who will genuinely wish you well and those who will always remind you of the hard times you have had to endure. You deserve to win. Not based on hardwork but because it will be your turn. Your time. God will bless you simply because He is God. Don’t be alarmed when the very same people will want association and change the story from opposing to supporting you when you win. Even in the presence of a harvest weeds will show up.

Don’t ever forget who you are even when you win. Sometimes even wins are short lived. Capitalize on every opportunity. Some wins are rare. With every loss comes an unexpected win most people miss out on. With #MyMagazineThoughts you can be the few who can identify and grab the win.