Keep waiting my darling.

Happy birthday to the love of my life. The one person I can’t live without. The greatest joy, my source of strength and courage. I don’t know how you do it, but I love you for always putting up with my less than smart remarks sometimes. Your loyalty humbles me. Your dedication to others shocks me. If I had one word to describe you, it would be SELFLESS. I admire you. It’s the purest thing I love about you. Your faith in God is remarkably out of this world because it’s always about others and not yourself. They don’t see it but I have kept every record of the many times you have sacrificed your gift and time to serve others diligently. You are not outstanding but one of a kind. Life has never been easy for you yet somehow you always have a smile to offer. Even in difficult times, you somehow always know what to say to ease the pain. I can’t repay you realistically speaking as am just an earthly person oh but I know beyond any reasonable doubt, you deserve the very best God has to offer. You cannot give unless your cup is full so allow me to take this moment and celebrate you. 

A toast to Njeri

To every tear you have ever shed on behalf of hard assignments, baibèé may God restore honor and grace to those beautiful eyes. To every disappointment you have faced in life, I pray God compensates every lost time by fast forwarding your life not because you have been off track let me emphasize on that a little, Njeri, you have always been ahead of the game , everyone else have just taken too long to catch up with you. To the purest and most beautiful thing about you, that bloody organ, your heart, the only place where you place God on a pedestal, you were born in love and with love. Not just any random or common man can have you or earn the title inlove. You have been mocked and made fun off for waiting for the real deal, let them because only fools make fun of what they don’t understand. Keep waiting my darling.

You serve a higher purpose as opposed to what meets the naked eyes. You have taken your time to discover and rediscover yourself deep within. Not many would start all over again. Not many would overcome certain failures and find balance between God and self realization.Not everyone has your drive and work ethic. Not everyone is this honest in their craft. Not everyone is out there chasing down their dreams. Not everyone can be entrusted yet somehow God does and realistically speaking from a human perspective you have little to nothing to offer yet when you open your mouth, I understand why. You are the epitome of beauty because your intentions come from a place of love. Your heart is sincere and genuine. Everytime you speak I not only see it but I hear each heartbeat beautifully placed on your lips. You are your heart.

I raise my imaginary glass up to you and hat off to you. You have earned my self respect because you carry yourself with that same respect in the presence of poor and wealthy folk. You are fair in your decisions. Your stand your ground regardless of doing it all alone. You have always lived in your truth and accepted others just the way they are. I can never question who you are because you wear your love for God gracefully. This is your year of grace my friend. To the toughest warrior I have ever known. You make me so proud. Keep doing what you do. They can try and imitate but they can never be you. They can try and ridicule but they can never perform and deliver with such excellence. You are not royalty but you are ROYALTY. Sometimes am taken aback and wonder who the fuck is this!

You don’t need a legacy because you are the legacy. You are the game changer. I love the way life looks from your eyes. I love you and I will always be here for you. Happy birthday to I, Me and Myself. Cheers and blessings sweetheart 💋 #LetsFallInLove  Let’s 💜 baibèé

I freed myself from the past.

Goodbye old friend. Today marks the end of a good year. I believed more to a point I almost don’t want to let it go but I have to. I pushed myself more. I took chances more. I gave last year my very best. I grew more into my purpose. I slowly shook off old habits of fear.

Am happy sad looking back. Happy to know I did my very best. I had nothing left to say, blog, encourage or give. I exhausted all possibilities and opportunities. I went above and beyond. Sad though because it felt as if I was planting as opposed to harvesting. I went the extra mile and broke barriers around me and within in. Last year in a very long time is when I looked myself in the mirror and loved everything I saw. I started seeing myself the way God sees me. I stopped hiding and started living in the moment offering my truth. I try to be open but last year, I was like a flower. I started opening up again. Allowing myself to laugh, like, admire and take my time. I was beautiful afraid of letting myself down. I was intentional with my thoughts, words and actions. I freed myself from the past.

Am sad to let it go because it played a very huge role. In a way, it paved the way. Everything I asked God for last year, I received. I owe last year to God. I owe everything and all and any more achievements to God. That was all God. It had nothing to do with me.

Thank you God for last year and the previous years. If am still here, I have so much work to do. I stopped questioning why me to why not me. Everything and everyone in my life is there strategically. Thank you for my family and my friend. More so for those who challenge me.This last day, I am grateful and thankful to God. Without Him, I would be trash. People would use and abuse me. His patience with my stubbornness. His tender mercies and never ending love overwhelms me. The way God believes in me to do the job and guarantee victory for His name.

Am at a place in my life where I would rather lose the love of my life than lose who I am in God. I have seen men and friends walk in and out of my life. Being able to do something for someone else is victory to me. It beats generational wealth. Are you trustworthy?

To everyone I gave a cold shoulder, you deserved it. I no longer care and don’t wish to be bothered going forward. As of last year, I recognized my worth. It’s not only knowing what I want but who I am. I am focused on who and what God has aligned for me. Everything is infront.

Slow down and smell the roses. That’s what I kept telling myself before. Turns out am born for speed baibèé. That was then and this is me ow. Unless the view is forward or up, I am not paying attention to anything or everything else around me #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Am shooting for other planets.

Let me begin by saying it’s important to take a step back. Sunday was such a gift. That preaching spoke to my soul. Giving is hard. It doesn’t take away the fact that, you require the same “attention” if not more. Receiving is easy or so most would assume. To me it speaks volumes. It actually means you are in need for that same thing for it to serve it’s purpose perfectly. I was in need. Am good to go especially if you know me on a personal level. Njeri is a certified warrior. Am an army on my own. Those few times am down, God it’s a matter of life and death not because life is unpredictable but we spend half if not most of our lives living entitled. Everything is your right. I have a different understanding of approaching life. Everything we have, we have been ENTRUSTED with. We must account for our God given gifts.

Don’t take anything for granted. I know I joke around and assume everything is a sign and that nothing is a coincidence but it’s true. This year, am keeping things extremely simple. Where I can make a difference, I will drop my magic and where I can’t, I will offer my back view.

This year is full of so many opportunities. I would hate to wake up 2022 and when I look back at the time I wasted on trying to make dead relationships, unfulfilling tasks and boring company when I could have had a single moment of genuine happiness with people who appreciated me. This would lead me to depression. So am making a declaration,am here for myself and everyone else who is about themselves and others. Am not shooting for the sky, stars nor moon. Am shooting for other planets. Am all about life changing tasks. What’s the one thing you are sure you can NEVER accomplish? That should be your only AGENDA 2021. Mediocre is okay but so is a fart after a long day of constipation. Ama need you to switch it up. Life is a gift. To think you could have done more than settle. To think that there is more. How about this, to KNOW more awaits.

It’s okay 2021 to say no. It’s very okay to say YES. If we are children of the most high God and He is the giver of the rare things in life, why do we walk around begging and fighting for crumbs like dogs? FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

You are not going to like my language or me but am TIRED of amazing people down playing themselves into believing this is it. This is all life has to offer. As long as am Njeri and I have life in me, I WILL NEVER LET YOU GIVE UP. Not on my watch baibèé. You will WIN. So, if you are done throwing yourself a broke pity party (are you in the house or on holiday?) like I said BROKE pity party. I am not one to lie to you either. Listen, am equipping you with all the winning tools. People will try and remind you later on of how broke you were. See what I did there? WERE. You won’t be broke much longer. They will use that to break you but remember there is no such thing as bad publicity. If you start this on a weak foundation, you won't make it out alive. They will try and bury you so flip that situation and spin it to your advantage. Reverse psychology. You will get there as soon as you get back on your feet. That’s a strategy for another day. 

Wash you face and let you in on

Step one (1) we only beg God. You are going to need a moisturizer after this. We will start asking on our knees with our heads bowed down in tears. You are about to be real honest with God. No more cute or short prayers. You MUST make time for God. You MUST put Him first.

Step two(2) have a vision board. Don’t be alive for the sake of it. I don’t want you to visualize things that are easy or comfortable. I need you to push yourself 2021. Think beyond accomplishments. What makes you stand out? Ask your friend(s) and not the ones you invite over to come sing praises of your basic finances while in actual sense they celebrate your downfalls on WhatsApp. Don’t be naive, they don’t like you. Do they know that you wake up at the crack of dawn questioning why you are alive? They that know your dark side are your friends. They whosee past the mistakes and still talk greatness over that cloud of shame, darkness and dreams are the ones am talking about. Those are keepers. Everyone else deserves an instant block. Unfollow that foolishness. Why do you even entertain and tolerate that nonsense? BYE!

Step three(3) keep a positive attitude. Protect your energy. Am not insinuating everyone is going to like you but they better come at you CORRECT. You can get it wrong while getting it right but don’t dwell on the issues that are less beneficial. Don’t waste your time 2021.

Most important everything you do, do it with love and compassion. Don’t date out of pity, sympathy or gratitude. Be kind and with humility. Everything you have and are, you owe it all to God. His mercies and love got you here so #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

My dating experience is trash 🗑

My dating experience is trash 🗑. Listen, am not implying the dudes I went out with were less than smart, I was just not there mentally. Worst mistake I ever did right from a bad breakup was living up to everyones expectations. I was expected to move on while I was hurting. Hi.

2021 got me blogging deep. I am not going to act like am not enjoying this because I am. Oh God! Here we go. Njeri!? My theme was deuces. I wanted everyone that turned their back on me to “hear about it” my new man. Ask me about pride and I will tell you of how God stripped me of it.I am only humble because it’s the only choice I have left. God know the strings to pull to get my undivided attention and glued to Him like that. Allow me to air my opinion. Sometimes we only seek God when we need something. Then when we get it, we push him to the side. Thank you but no thank you. 

I tried going on blind dates and it only frustrated me further. I took the same dudes on different dates though to the same restaurant. That in itself was wrong. As for the guys, my options were limited. I gave up on looks on the second date. I am giving you my truth. They were unattractive. My second date was so unappealing that the waiter had to pull me to the side as I was now a frequent customer and said in Kiswahili,”aii shemeji, huyu apana.” That’s when I knew I had fucked up. Talk of hitting rock bottom baibèé I was the ground these men walked on. Desperation is a bitch! At some point I had someone who I thought was my friend hook me up with a guy who later confessed had been talked out of meeting up with me by the same lady and her friend. The first question he asked me was why my so called friend didn’t like me and talked behind my back.

It’s devastating when someone who knows you in and out is the very same person trying to hurt you. It immediately changes you and how you view friendship. It cuts deeper and bleeds longer. You forgive but you never forget because the scars are a constant reminder so you move on. That was the last time I tried going on a date. I am not going to even bash him as he was less than smart. That’s when another friend introduced me to mashada. It was a Kenya chat site. I just had to pause. Everytime I think of it, my mind freezes in shock. We are all bipolar and kinky where some just know how to work theirs while others choose to silence it. Am neither eloquent nor a writer but I discovered my gift earlier on in life. You never know how good you are until you are in your element. You have got to understand yourself. Power is using what, when and where and knowing how to turn it down and turn it up. Later after giving up on going on dates, this guy on Facebook with a mutual friend chats me up. I have one weakness, am always willing to talk. Why do you think I blog duh, am talking to myself *laughing*.  So am thinking to myself not this nonsense again. I brush him off. He insists. Listen, I have never had any guy insist before. So am intrigued. He is charming, works out , is good looking and is born again. Good God Almighty. You mean you have such delicacies in church? I knew God my back. 

I am not born again but I can quote a Bible verse or two. If you know me well enough everything to me is a sign. I am close enough Jesus. Just when I had fixed my heathen ways, God was ready to reward me. It was not in vain. I waited for a reason. I shed a tear of relief. It was worth it.  Finally. We were both single and we became friends. He opened up to me of how he was seeing this mutual friend but things didn’t work out and somewhere along the line we started liking each other. Six months later he asks me out. When it came to me, he was sure and that’s what I liked. This guy played his cards right. I will never forget that day in my entire life. It was on a Friday and I was from work and thought why not grab coffee with him. I had nothing to lose as I was on my way home anyway. The conversation was amazing and the chemistry spot on. When I got home, he sent a text and followed it up with a late night phone call. He was a perfect gentleman. He kept telling how when he hugged me, he never wanted to let go, gazing into my eyes he felt lost in them and my lips, God my juicy full lips drove him wild.

Am just building up tension here and showing off my writing skills *laughing sheepishly*. Where was I, Facebook, the next day which was Saturday morning at 10.00 am that’s when I knew mr smooth operator was none other than Judas Iscariot. Again, I know afew Bible verses.

The first thing I saw when I logged in Facebook was a picture of him and the mutual friend, with a ring on her finger with the caption SHE SAID YES. I had two options to either block him or deactivate my account. Sometimes things don’t go from bad to good, they get worse. Why me ? Why was this happening to me? I knew he was expecting me to overreact. I had every right to but I didn’t. Obviously I deleted his number but on social media I kept it very classy. You know how they say kill them with kindness, I wrote an epic speech to congratulate them though in person I was very dramatic. It’s like I said, my going on dates aka dating experience has been . At some point I even asked God where He kept getting these guys from and why it felt as though I was being punished. I want the refined and fine ones. Let not their wells dry up on meeting me.

One year later he resurfaced and was single. I didn't have the grace to entertain his lies. I am in a different place mentally. I can look back and not only share my experience but laugh at myself. Would I go on a date? I am excited to embark on that adventure again. Oh yes #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Am okay single but am better inlove

This beautiful sky got me thinking. I had a very interesting conversation during the week. The good old days. When dating was a big deal and we all had this unspoken respectful code. By we I mean I. I am pretty old fashioned and that’s something I have come to accept and value.

I am not blogging. Atleast that’s what am trying to convince myself here. Getting my attention is easier than getting me to like you. If I really like you, I will make it easier for the man to get to know me but the physical part is automatically a no go zone. Am paranoid. Hugging is not my thing. Ladies and gentlemen don’t you dare roll your eyes at me. I equally heard the what? To me, it’s a big deal. Need I emphasize, it’s an art. I am stingy with my hugs. The most I can offer you is a smile. You just don’t walk up to someone and grab them. My bubbly personality and confidence unfortunately always leads men to assume am easy bait. Come on, Njeri is a no-brainer. I am going to have her eating out of my hands by the end of the date. Bullseye. It’s a done deal. Eish!!!

If I identify a gentleman I like or am interested in, I will warmly be the one to introduce myself. I like you yes but it’s not enough to go out on a date just yet. You never know which side to get with me. It could be the saint which is an honor or sinner which is very rare. Telling a gentleman I like him is easy for me. Getting me to care which is in the deep line of I am starting to feel something to I am falling for you is a MYTH. You must be special to get that out of this world kind of treatment. I am not proud just stubborn. Have I ever fallen inlove? Yes. Do I want to fall madly and deeply inlove? That’s my priority 2021. I want to fall freshly inlove because my heart is ready to let another man in. I am ready to not only care but be concerned in a loving manner. Am okay single but am better inlove.

I am not done loving myself and I never will but I have plenty of love to give out. I have been taking care of myself just fine but here is a crazy thought, let’s take care of one another. Let’s show them how it’s done with our actions and tender words.

I am good on my own but who is to say, we can turn it to our own. Am comfortable with I but would sure love to change that into we. Us. Not you but OUR. So,how about it? We good? Hugs #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

dopest version of yourself baibèé.

I don’t know. So I tweet that? Okay. We have all had a crush on someone. We have all liked someone. Perhaps we have all fallen inlove. If you haven’t 2021 it should be a priority. Write it down. Love hurts Njeri. I know, but it also brings with it beautiful memories.

Am in bed smiling foolishly as always to myself enjoying the view from the window. I am going down memory lane. I can’t stop laughing. No blue sky but you know what, it’s a beautiful day. It’s going to be a marvelous day ahead. I need you to block out the pain today. Don’t focus on what you lost and what’s not there. I need you to blur out the face on who that person was for a second and  remember how happy he or she mad you feel at that particular moment. At some point they made you laugh. Why was that? When things were good between you two what did that person tell you about yourself? The reason why I asked you to blur their face is because we aren’t focusing on who hurt you but how they made you feel. 2021 is not about the pain but rather the GAIN. When you are happy, that’s the dopest version of yourself baibèé.

When was the last time someone was crazy about you? When was the last time someone looked at you admiringly and got you blushing like an idiot with your grown self. You know it’s been a while and a compliment is good when you call upon the name of The Lord. Oh God! Jesus!!!

When was the last time you told someone you love them and meant it? When did we get so comfortable that we no longer tell each other you are beautiful or handsome? What do you even like about this person? If love was easy, we would all be falling in and out of love but it’s not. They let you in, so you are lovable. You allowed yourself to care and love them back and that is who I want you to embrace back. You don’t stop living because life is hard. Why then do we stop loving? They failed to meet your expectations so you shut yourself out from loving.

So now, we are in the present life. Here comes the hard uncomfortable questions. Did they move on? Did they fall inlove with someone else? Rebound or not, it’s not you in the picture is it? Why are you still stuck on a ship that sailed or like the Titanic one that sunk?

Read my last blog, I didn’t bring any baggages. Why are you always carrying your past with you? Do you know how unattractive that is? Who wants that? Njeri, if they want me, they must take my pain with me. Do you ever have happy or good moments? Why don’t you share them instead?

Your past is inevitable but don’t over accessorize it. It’s not cute. Don’t take out your frustrations on a new relationship with old baggages. I am not saying you assume it either but don’t stay hurt and expect love to automatically take the pain away. Work on your truth.

2021,leave all that behind you. Give yourself a break. Better yet give yourself an opportunity to open up to the many possibilities life and love has to offer. Surprise yourself. Let love in goddamnit. Let it all the way in. Fall inlove again #LetsFallInlove Let’s 💜 baibèé

I didn’t bring any baggages

Coming into 2021, I had a word to keep me encouraged throughout the new year.  Unlike most, I didn’t have anything saved. Perhaps that’s a major turn off but to me finances are the least of my worries. Growing up I have always been my own friend so one (1) is my only number.

Maybe it’s because I am single which would lead one to assume I am irresponsible but you would be surprised. The accomplishments I have in mind are connected to people and not things or in a financial way. I want the impossible. Favor can open doors where money can’t. Am weird.I am not into crowds but rather words. If it will improve my character, am here for it. This week, I became DESPERATE. On 1st, I was sure but something happened that changed my mind. I felt lost and confused which led me to shut myself down. I needed guidance and clarity.Those wiser and closer to God felt so out of reach and in a way, I had to figure this out on my own. I wanted and needed them to say something so each day I woke up hopeful. Perhaps their words would confirm mine. All I got was, you are on the right path. 

What do you mean?

I needed conviction something in the line of, God said. My mind and spirit wanted more. Deeper. Parables to decode. That’s how I knew I had come into my own level with God. I am used to hard and difficult, this is too easy. I have never been here before. Where I sit still.

Forgiveness is when you can look back at the situation meant to keep you down and replay it again with a smile on your face. We are all too quick to either walk away or forget. I was hurt, forgave and now am healed. How many people can genuinely say that about their past? I suddenly remembered who I am. I was desperate because I was EMPTY. I didn’t bring any baggages with me 2021. I am used to worrying and running up and down. Any disappointments, am over that. Any hurt, I have healed from that. I forgave and walked away. Missed moments: When you had the opportunity to share your gift but you were too caught up in your feelings to notice that someone else needed you. 2021, capitalize on all moments and make a difference. Trust me, someone SOMEWHERE is always going to need you. No more missed moments.

Just how dedicated should one be? In my own humble opinion. Personally, when I can look back at any situation and conclude the following; I did my best. I gave my all. There is nothing more to be done. Then you can walk away but until otherwise #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

#LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé

I had someone give me some sound advice this morning. I keep dreaming with someone I used to fancy and no longer care about. He told me to pray for them. Listen, I almost blocked that conversation out until he made me understand why. Being the bigger person especially in prayer shows character. Not cursing them out but politely asking God to remove them from your dreams and grant them peace in my opinion is the true definition of wisdom and growth. It does more for you than it does for them. 

Let me give you a practical example. This is a new year. We all have new expectations. You can’t receive the NEW if you have no space or rather haven’t created room from the OLD. In my dreams this person is always showing up and am the one who keeps walking away wishing them well. But the minute I wake up, am in a bad mood. Frustrated

God has His ways. I was doing the right thing in these dreams but in real life I wasn’t speaking that FREEDOM. It’s not like they are holding me back but as a normal human you would understand my agitation. Let me ask you this, if you were asked to pray for someone who hurt you,would you? Am not a very nice Christian. If you wish bad things upon my life, rest assured am out here celebrating your down falls. Njeri!? I have my shortcomings but this is not one of it. It only makes me human. So I had to choose pray or not to? It didn’t cost me anything.

I am not doing it for them, for all I know they could be out there living life LARGE ofcourse am being sarcastic but I had to do it for myself. That’s the easiest thing and pray I have ever said in my entire life. When you care, it should still be hard and hurt but it doesn’t.

Happy NEW Year

If anything or anyone brings bad energy your way, just whisper a polite prayer and be your authentic self unapologetically. Don’t ever beat anyone who is down. Only cowards do that. Let’s impact lives better than we found them. Trust me, it will pay off later on.

This year I want us to bring back what many assume is overrated. Love. True love. Don’t just be with someone for the sake of changing your status. Fall deeply, madly and insanely inlove. Let’s RESTORE faith in the non believers of love and everything it brings with it.

I say let’s fall inlove. Let’s love baibèé as if you have never loved before or the person before them never took full power to hurt you. Get that power back. Don’t just love yourself this time, fall inlove with someone else. Love hard #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé