My dating experience is trash 🗑

My dating experience is trash 🗑. Listen, am not implying the dudes I went out with were less than smart, I was just not there mentally. Worst mistake I ever did right from a bad breakup was living up to everyones expectations. I was expected to move on while I was hurting. Hi.

2021 got me blogging deep. I am not going to act like am not enjoying this because I am. Oh God! Here we go. Njeri!? My theme was deuces. I wanted everyone that turned their back on me to “hear about it” my new man. Ask me about pride and I will tell you of how God stripped me of it.I am only humble because it’s the only choice I have left. God know the strings to pull to get my undivided attention and glued to Him like that. Allow me to air my opinion. Sometimes we only seek God when we need something. Then when we get it, we push him to the side. Thank you but no thank you. 

I tried going on blind dates and it only frustrated me further. I took the same dudes on different dates though to the same restaurant. That in itself was wrong. As for the guys, my options were limited. I gave up on looks on the second date. I am giving you my truth. They were unattractive. My second date was so unappealing that the waiter had to pull me to the side as I was now a frequent customer and said in Kiswahili,”aii shemeji, huyu apana.” That’s when I knew I had fucked up. Talk of hitting rock bottom baibèé I was the ground these men walked on. Desperation is a bitch! At some point I had someone who I thought was my friend hook me up with a guy who later confessed had been talked out of meeting up with me by the same lady and her friend. The first question he asked me was why my so called friend didn’t like me and talked behind my back.

It’s devastating when someone who knows you in and out is the very same person trying to hurt you. It immediately changes you and how you view friendship. It cuts deeper and bleeds longer. You forgive but you never forget because the scars are a constant reminder so you move on. That was the last time I tried going on a date. I am not going to even bash him as he was less than smart. That’s when another friend introduced me to mashada. It was a Kenya chat site. I just had to pause. Everytime I think of it, my mind freezes in shock. We are all bipolar and kinky where some just know how to work theirs while others choose to silence it. Am neither eloquent nor a writer but I discovered my gift earlier on in life. You never know how good you are until you are in your element. You have got to understand yourself. Power is using what, when and where and knowing how to turn it down and turn it up. Later after giving up on going on dates, this guy on Facebook with a mutual friend chats me up. I have one weakness, am always willing to talk. Why do you think I blog duh, am talking to myself *laughing*.  So am thinking to myself not this nonsense again. I brush him off. He insists. Listen, I have never had any guy insist before. So am intrigued. He is charming, works out , is good looking and is born again. Good God Almighty. You mean you have such delicacies in church? I knew God my back. 

I am not born again but I can quote a Bible verse or two. If you know me well enough everything to me is a sign. I am close enough Jesus. Just when I had fixed my heathen ways, God was ready to reward me. It was not in vain. I waited for a reason. I shed a tear of relief. It was worth it.  Finally. We were both single and we became friends. He opened up to me of how he was seeing this mutual friend but things didn’t work out and somewhere along the line we started liking each other. Six months later he asks me out. When it came to me, he was sure and that’s what I liked. This guy played his cards right. I will never forget that day in my entire life. It was on a Friday and I was from work and thought why not grab coffee with him. I had nothing to lose as I was on my way home anyway. The conversation was amazing and the chemistry spot on. When I got home, he sent a text and followed it up with a late night phone call. He was a perfect gentleman. He kept telling how when he hugged me, he never wanted to let go, gazing into my eyes he felt lost in them and my lips, God my juicy full lips drove him wild.

Am just building up tension here and showing off my writing skills *laughing sheepishly*. Where was I, Facebook, the next day which was Saturday morning at 10.00 am that’s when I knew mr smooth operator was none other than Judas Iscariot. Again, I know afew Bible verses.

The first thing I saw when I logged in Facebook was a picture of him and the mutual friend, with a ring on her finger with the caption SHE SAID YES. I had two options to either block him or deactivate my account. Sometimes things don’t go from bad to good, they get worse. Why me ? Why was this happening to me? I knew he was expecting me to overreact. I had every right to but I didn’t. Obviously I deleted his number but on social media I kept it very classy. You know how they say kill them with kindness, I wrote an epic speech to congratulate them though in person I was very dramatic. It’s like I said, my going on dates aka dating experience has been . At some point I even asked God where He kept getting these guys from and why it felt as though I was being punished. I want the refined and fine ones. Let not their wells dry up on meeting me.

One year later he resurfaced and was single. I didn't have the grace to entertain his lies. I am in a different place mentally. I can look back and not only share my experience but laugh at myself. Would I go on a date? I am excited to embark on that adventure again. Oh yes #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé