Now I remember

When the right time comes (God's timing)  indeed I will vlog but until then kindly allow me to encourage and bless you all with my mistakes and the lessons I have learnt along the maturity road. I am still not there yet. Incase no one told you today ladies, that little effort you made putting on the make up or dressing up, that didn't go unnoticed. Sometimes we assume that just because no one applauds our efforts, it was all in vain. I assure you, they saw you, haters and admirers alike they just couldn't gather the courage because offering you a compliment is not enough. Keep your head held hire. Chin up darling and keep it up! Gentlemen ofcourse I have your backs as well. Don't think that cologne went unnoticed and the haircut! Wait a minute, are those new shoes? Listen, am not a man but I assume even men blush. The mere fact that you always offer and are a gentleman around ladies is not something to term as usual. I salute you for keeping the old fashioned man alive in an era where "men have become boys". Am sorry.

Wow, now I remember what my ex told me and this was when things were over the moon between us. Jess (that was my high school nickname)  you are the kind of girl I always go to the supermarket and gaze up at that one item on the top shelf and even if I saved up enough and that would take me a lifetime, I still could never afford you. Looking back at it now, this in a way is a prophecy.  I am not just saying that because we went our separate ways but sometimes we know some of these things and can't force blessings. Think about it. How many times have people separated you from the "us" mentality with such words or even bigger and better? Think long and hard child of God rethink then think agsin! If so, wish them well and run baibee run before you learn the hard way.

Being the supportive human being I have always been and I pray to God I never lose sight of this gift, I used to make him feel like a "man" I mean he was just a boy and I a simple girl by assuring him that he was not only good enough but he would make it in life. I didn't stick around to see any of his achievements but I wish him well in all his endeavours. He betrayed my trust by lying to me so you understand my hesitation. All is well even after such a #RealityCheck

People's thoughts on Social media

Me: Hi. So today I will be blogging about...... (is rudely interrupted by people's thoughts)

Social Media: Great! Another wannabe "influencer" (looks away while rolling their eyes). Now what's this one's shenanigans. Why is she writing instead of posting pictures of herself? She must be ugly! The few pictures we see of her are such poor quality like doesn't she own a camera or haven't she heard of photoshop? She doesn't travel! Ladies and gentlemen we have a broke one who in our opinions which happen to be facts plays out as follows. It must have dawned on her that she needs to do something with what's left of her life. She comes off as if she is in her late twenties headed thirty, desperately single I mean her blog tells it all acting all philanthropic yet in the hopes of landing a sponsorship ops! We meant be in partnership with a certain brand and earn her few coins and later purchase a designer bag or two then make us believe she is indeed a public figure. Wait, speaking of figure ( sarcasm loading) we are sick of her posting passport like pictures. Lady we are here to be entertained. Don't blog, vlog. We need to see and hear you. Goddamnit, twerk,  bend over , let us watch you walk away, basically anything for us to brand you as "one of us".  No wonder your followers game is weak and don't get us started on your lack of comments. Hell no! No one wants to double tap on that. Like!? Lady all want to do is block and report your account for FALSE ENTERTAINMENT! Njerislife my foot! Your username should be NjeriWho that way all we have to do is ask each other Njeri! Who? Exactly!!!

Me: First of all the term influencer is overrated. I am just here to serve my #RealityCheck. I write because am good at it and bad at posing thus less to no pictures. (Laughing Out Loud) me ugly? Look at the pot calling the kettle black! Am a flipper not a kiss ass so let me correct you. If your definition of ugly is Unique Girl Loving You heck am the queen of UGLY! Until then you are the ugly one and I suggest You Go Love Yourself (UGLY) I go by Njeri, Njerislife so kindly #CheckMate.  It's not like my DM is flooding with travel offers (for now) but I will all in due time. Baby steps! Besides, I would rather have a temporary bank account than walk around with a broke mentality 😎.  You are right, it did dawn on me that I was allowing myself cheer others achieve instead of putting myself out there chasing greatness. You can purchase etiquette classes but you can't buy manners so this is not me acting because all you are used to is fake it until you make it. The more you purchase new things in your life the less you appreciate what you already own. Single you say, I am an opportunist so don't hate the player rather up your game! I can't twerk reason being my buttcheeks don't know each other. The one time they almost met was when I had diarrhoea to contain that situation. Sponsors have a type not unless their prefence changed overnight from dumb and naive to opinionated with a sparkle of sarcasm in the package of bones and skull looks like I will die blogging 😂. As for don't blog, vlog,  no you vlog,  I will blog thank you very much. The day I will make money moves I promise that's all you will do, see and hear of me. I believe you meant "one of arse" butt what do I know 😆.

This are just people's thoughts and not the #RealityCheck

Njerified ✔

If I can change the world with love then I will have lived a fulfilled life. I am not hypocritical! Ofcourse I will not show love to those who hurt me instead I will show kindness by simply avoiding and ignoring them 😊 . Now this is Njerified ✔

This chapter of my life would be called "Adding Up". The pervious chapter I believe was all about detoxing. Life is starting to add up. While keeping it very simple, am finding myself making the most of what was left. If it's not a necessity, why purchase it. I am currently obsessed with smelling fresh. Have you ever walked past someone or in a room and you got excited just by the smell. The feeling leaves you thinking that that's the kind of person you need in your life right? The, "This is what am talking about" moment. Yeah, am not there yet but am working on it.

There are two types of human beings. Those that restock the minute the product runs out and those who add more reason being you never know. The just kind of people. Am gulity of over purchasing products. Am I proud of it financially,  no but everytime I walk up to "my mini bedroom store" it gives me life. Literally!

The only compliment am looking forward to this year is, "wow you smell exceptionally different" followed by a smile. Slow down,  I really want to get to know you.  Now this is what I call a #RealityCheck

In Sync

I was having a discussion with my bestfriend the other day and I was telling her about my fears. When? You may ask. Hey, don't be nosey! My biggest fear as of now is getting with the wrong man.  Listen,  I have come along way and as highlighted in my bio it's a long story, it's not a one day affair. I didn't become all this overnight. As enchanting as I want it to come off, it's not but then again,  I am.

What are his priorities and intentions? First of all, am boring! If all he is after is a good time, please hire a DJ let him/her mix that up for you. Wrong lady sir! Next!!! If he is searching *for dramatic effect* for his bestfriend not to assume he doesn't already have  but in his future wife, I mean, say no more. You have won the jackpot. I don't encourage gambling but I can bet that with me by your side, winning is the only option on the table. I believe that just empowered somebody (laughing sheepishly) for sure!

I am not about to let you in on what I go for least someone somewhere tries to camouflage themselves into that and I end up rebuking them. Don't do that to your soul. *in almost a whisper* am not the one for you.  I will rock your world but you won't even give me goosebumps. It's the ugly truth that no one wants to admit to. I always state the truth. The truth will set you free.

My bestfriend is a wise lady. I am not saying that just because she is my friend but she is an exceptional human being. The kindest soul I have ever come across other than myself ofcourse . It takes one to know one.  Beautiful.  Anyway, what was my point? This is how she put my fears to rest. She told me that the day my soulmate will meet me, we will be in sync. The way your left hand goes in your right hand and vise versa.

What are you struggling with right now? What are you afraid of? Allow me to take my bestfriends wisdom and challenge your mind for a minute. Whatever you are chasing , you think you want it bad enough, I assure you it's tearing and breaking barriers to make its way to you as well. Good or bad you will find each other. Then what?

Let's go back to my question. Remove his and replace it with my. What are my priorities and intentions? That will determine your in sync ladies and gentlemen giving you a #RealityCheck

Love Hate Feeling

I am constantly dealing with my love hate feelings. Right now I hate that I have to blog but I love that am staying true to my commitment even when all I want to do is daydream and not have to write.

Sometimes I have love hate expectations. Say I like you and honestly speaking you have no clue whatsoever that I do and then you either say or post something which according to me and my expectations that was rather less than smart I automatically dislike you at that particular moment. Later on you do something "worthy of my approval" again this is all on me and not you,  I find myself liking you more than before.

Is there anyone else out there who goes through such "abnormal cycles" with the love hate feelings? I expect the people I like , drawn to and attract have a certain level of wisdom to discern and kinda predict the future in a way. Am not talking about being book smart or street smart but there is something in you that sets you apart from everyone else.

See, I like you enough to walk away, to let you be and push you further than you see yourself. The thing about this special feeling is that you don't feeling it with everyone else. You know how people keep asking ,"How do you know?" I guess this is one of the ways.

I love hate #RealityCheck

Old memories

Have you ever come across an old picture of yourself and wondered, "what happened to this girl/boy?" Is it that I stopped dreaming, believing or did #RealityCheck catch up with me? Let's take a walk down old memories lane now shall we? Forget how you felt at that particular moment if life was easier or harder I am not here for that, I need you to write down the first thing that comes in mind when you see the young you.

This exercise is very important. Now, honestly speaking the now you will either dismiss  her/him or think highly of yourself based on looks alone. True or false? Let's go deeper! Can you recall what you were going through at that particular moment? Insecurities, peer pressure, beer pressure, identity crisis or perhaps and this is for the rare,you had life looking up. Again,  write it down.

Take a recent picture of yourself. Zoom in. What's the first thought that comes in mind? Were you shocked, did you smile or perhaps and this is for the rare slightly shed a tear out of fear? How does the now you make you feel? Is it in line with the old you or way much better or worse?

What's my point? There is how you see yourself, how others see you then there is what God has for you. By the end of this year you won't recognise yourself leave alone everyone else. As time changes so do you. The only person you owe your very best is the young you. How you have viewed the young you is how everyone viewed you.  But did that stop God from turning you from then to now? What gives you the right to dismiss yourself after that grilling process? Stop being hard and unfair to yourself.

It's not how others see you but how you see yourself that determines how harder you will work and fight for what you want. No one knows your dreams but you. I need you to start having your own back. It's only too late to turn your life around when you die. Until then, you owe the young you and those old memories a better #RealityCheck. 

My Friday #RealityCheck

You might have the skill and lack the experience. So what do you do? Give up too soon. Interact with others out there. Join a worthy cause, volunteer , anything else but throwing in the towel.  In doing that you will get exposure and who knows it could be a blessing in disguise.

Listen, we all want to be the boss and not the watchman. Look at it this way, until you get to where you want to be unfortunately, you are a watchman.  The beauty of this is that you have less or no expectations so you winning will be something unexpected.

Capitalise on that. Learn and master everything you need because unlike the boss you have nothing but time. What I mean by this example is stop reserving your best game or energy on when it actually happens.

Use all that to make it happen.

That's my Friday #RealityCheck

Broken Mentality

After years of being dismissed and people expecting me to stay down, wisdom creeped up on me. I have been walking around with a broken mentality. My heart healed years ago and God has been waiting on me to figure that out.

Am sure am not the only one who is guilty of experiencing some if not all of the above. Dismissed maybe because they don't know me or they have someone in mind. Still that doesn't make me a less candidate or the right to beat myself  down believing everything thrown my way. For that I apologise to myself for having dragged that foolishness way too long. As for people expecting me to stay down, yeah that will never happen. Take it up with God child.

I have grown rather I have been forced by circumstances to grow and embrace change but it's entirely up to me to make it positive or negative. I like this quote, "Pain changes people, it makes then trust less, overthink more and shut people out." I am guilty of that because I have been walking around with a broken mentality. See my heart moved on years ago but the memories have been holding me back triggering my mind to think that I am not okay but in actual sense I am good to go. I have been for years! I have just been allowing myself to carry on as if am a victim of good people finish last, it's not the right time, if this was God I would know...... Basically anything to stop me from moving forward emotionally. I have been waiting for God yet God has been waiting for me to get my act together.

One more quote to get you motivated is this," There are some men out there who will come into your life to HELP restore and heal what was broken."

Ladies, please note the key word is HELP!!!! How do you fix something that’s not broken or assist someone who doesn’t need leave alone can admit they are not okay? Other than that man loving you the best way he knows how he has a higher purpose and it's not you. How do you expect to be in a relationship when you have never committed to knowing what it is that you really want. Date yourself first. No matter how many scriptures you quote and how many times you fast and pray, your will never get a man who will restore and heal something that was never broken. With a broken mentality I assure you, you won't even know a good thing even when it walks in your life.

Love God, forgive yourself then give yourself permission to receive the kindness you have been giving everyone else. That was just a bad break. Start including yourself. Stay present in your own life. Show up. Nothing is broken. Put it on repeat and watch it become a #RealityCheck

An open love letter from my disappointed self

I want to start off by thanking you for being vunrable enough to share this letter with those that know you, are trying to understand you and those that are too scared  to admit that they are going through the same process.

Writing this will automatically mean that I have lost but that's where I come in and assure myself  that sometimes success comes even in the smallest of wins. But no one wants a petty win. For it to qualify as a win it has to have some substantial value right? See everytime I find myself  thinking this, it's my fear getting the best of me.

What of my dreams?

*pauses with balancing tears*

It's okay to not be okay sometimes.

*in almost a whisper* I can cry that disappointment away but no matter how loudly or heartedly I do it won't change the fact that I still believe in dreams.

Exactly!!!

Come rain or sunshine, morning or dawn, sunrise to sunset , the sun , moon and stars do any of those change the fact that the sky still remains the sky?

That's how loyal and faithful God has been over mylife.

When I asked, He gave me
When I didn't ask, He still provided.
When I didn't expect,  He still surprised me.

Why do I still call them disappointments when in actual sense that was my will over my life and not God.

And so I pen this open love letter from my disappointed self

Listen,
God loves you. His plans over your life surpass your dreams. Why do you walk around with your head held down with shame just because by the looks of it others are "ahead?". You will never be perfect because then you would never need God and that's why He is a jealous God. If He thought you needed "your dreams" fulfilled He would have. There's what you see for yourself then there is what God has for you. 

No one knows you better than your disappointments. Everytime we come knocking you down you always find a way to pick yourself up. You are one tough lady. Instead of walking beating yourself down because materialistically speaking you have nothing to flaunt you carry on as if you have this golden life.

Thank you for teaching me hard lessons that have molded me to be better and come out the bigger person.

I love the valuable lessons you carry with you each time as God's way of letting me that I sm getting too comfortable.

I haven't denied you of the good just because of afew bad breaks. On the contrary, the bad always comes with you good. If anything you should be thanking me because my job is to ensure you are well equipped to handle the good. 

I haven't robbed you of your dreams instead I have been preparing you from your will to usher in God's will.

You have been walking around with a heavy heart and viewing things from an ungodly perspective.

Now open your eyes and let your heart guide you to where your blessing lies.

I love you way too much to watch you ruin the greatness within you.

Now arise and shine.

Yours Loving,
You had it all figured wrong.

An open love letter from my disappointed self

I want to start off by thanking you for being vunrable enough to share this letter with those that know you, are trying to understand you and those that are too scared  to admit that they are going through the same process.

Writing this will automatically mean that I have lost but that's where I come in and assure myself  that sometimes success comes even in the smallest of wins. But no one wants a petty win. For it to qualify as a win it has to have some substantial value right? See everytime I find myself  thinking this, it's my fear getting the best of me.

What of my dreams?

*pauses with balancing tears*

It's okay to not be okay sometimes.

*in almost a whisper* I can cry that disappointment away but no matter how loudly or heartedly I do it won't change the fact that I still believe in dreams.

Exactly!!!

Come rain or sunshine, morning or dawn, sunrise to sunset , the sun , moon and stars do any of those change the fact that the sky still remains the sky?

That's how loyal and faithful God has been over mylife.

When I asked, He gave me
When I didn't ask, He still provided.
When I didn't expect,  He still surprised me.

Why do I still call them disappointments when in actual sense that was my will over my life and not God.

And so I pen this open love letter from my disappointed self

Listen,
God loves you. His plans over your life surpass your dreams. Why do you walk around with your head held down with shame just because by the looks of it others are "ahead?". You will never be perfect because then you would never need God and that's why He is a jealous God. If He thought you needed "your dreams" fulfilled He would have. There's what you see for yourself then there is what God has for you. 

No one knows you better than your disappointments. Everytime we come knocking you down you always find a way to pick yourself up. You are one tough lady. Instead of walking beating yourself down because materialistically speaking you have nothing to flaunt you carry on as if you have this golden life.

Thank you for teaching me hard lessons that have molded me to be better and come out the bigger person.

I love the valuable lessons you carry with you each time as God's way of letting me that I sm getting too comfortable.

I haven't denied you of the good just because of afew bad breaks. On the contrary, the bad always comes with you good. If anything you should be thanking me because my job is to ensure you are well equipped to handle the good. 

I haven't robbed you of your dreams instead I have been preparing you from your will to usher in God's will.

You have been walking around with a heavy heart and viewing things from an ungodly perspective.

Now open your eyes and let your heart guide you to where your blessing lies.

I love you way too much to watch you ruin the greatness within you.

Now arise and shine.

Yours Loving,
You had it all figured wrong.

Petty is very necessary

Hi,
Let me explain. You know how when you get your big break everyone wants association? Personally I wouldn’t know because am not there yet.

Now you know how no one wants association because your life is at a stand still,that is me right there.

There are two types of people. Those who only tell their story the minute they are successful and strangely me who talks about her often disappointments.

When I say petty is necessary this is what I mean. Those who will question your success and those who constantly question your slow progression. Either that was way too fast or why is it taking her so long to make money moves.

The good news is that whether you accomplish or stay the same there are people who are assigned to mold your character. If you are new you will find yourself throwing pitty parties wondering why you are not being celebrated. I have to say I am one fortunate lady who happens to not only be strong in her faith but have a very supportive small circle of people who love God beyond their flesh.

Sometimes it gets to me and I find myself acting less than smart (petty). Allow me to term people who are doubtful of you enablers and not obstacles. This far is all God and more so the necessary pettiness that broke my narrow mentality and forces me to grow up.

Like in any construction site you need a plumb bob. It’s not who walks in or out of your life but rather who you are that determines where you are destined to be. Sometimes bad things happen to good people not because they deserve unnecessary drama but like a plumb bob to streamline you . So you see, petty is very necessary.

How to deal with petty

You need to identify it first and what it represents. Sometimes you will need to ignore it and other times you will be forced to address it just to remind yourself that silence is not a sign of weakness.

Like creative criticism take it and learn from it but don’t dwell least you forget your purpose. If you don’t have a positive circle to share with, be that positive person to yourself and if bad ever turns to worse get a pen and paper and write down your thoughts: If positive keep, if negative burn it.

As much as petty is necessary,please  protect your sanity. So now evaluate your life and ask yourself this, are you the petty or are you going to use that petty  and turn it into something pretty?

Talk of a petty #RealityCheck

May I

May I,

I can’t stop you from being attracted to me because then it would mean I stop being myself which is impossible so I have decided to take it upon my honest self to state my truth. Financially,I am not even close to walking into my favorite store without having to introduce myself leave alone wanting the main designer custom make an outfit specifically for me considering we are friends like that.

That might take years which am not guaranteed by The Almighty so let me rephrase, that will take GOD to get me from admirer to ADMIRED! To all the brave young men (younger than me) stepping up to try and land a date with me. As flattered as I am, child, I have been praying for a MAN and NOT TO RAISE ONE! I have done that in the past for someone else so speaking from experience I REFUSE TO BE A STEPPING STONE.

The least I can do is encourage you indirectly with my social post least you claim I led you on. No, on the contrary, am running away. I am way too broke to be a cougar so my few coins are to ensure my survival is not as brutal as society exaggerates. I am currently working on myself figuring out what really makes me happy and what I need to improve on. So you see, am basically not putting my life on hold but living it.

I just wish and hope that these legible gentlemen out here are fixing themselves as well. You know how they say when you work on being the right man, the right woman will find you? Yeah, am not one of those right woman either reason being I will not find you. So how about we both work on each other separately then somehow if our paths are meant to cross, we will wee what happens next. Until then, am making the most of now, right now!

Speaking of #RealityCheck wow,  that was refreshing.