He went all in

Whenever I feel lost or somehow confused I always turn to people who are higher and spiritually more graced for guidance. I am a curious human so I prefer international sermons, followed by afew gospel songs to water the heart and finally some deep love song to console my soul.

The Lord has brought me such a long way so forgive me if I switch from secular to gospel then ratchet music. It’s all part of my character. I am nice, nasty and wild. Sometimes I hardly keep up with myself. I don’t smoke nor drink but that won’t stop me from hanging out in such places. I have never done what’s expected of me nor have I ever done anything to achieve applause so trust me, I never will. Don’t hold your breath honey, it’s never going to happen. Trust you me, it’s not me. What was my point in writing this? Oh yes, this is the fun part.

There was this certain gentleman who was an awful kisser. Am so sorry but goddamnit I can’t lie. That’s just but besides the point. He was such a sweetheart. This one had it bad for me though at first I hadn’t figured that out. We were casually playing basketball then he went off on me. We never got along so the only thing  we had in common was basketball. We were playing a one-on-one which I won then he suddenly stopped and that was the first time I really paid attention to him. I figured he was a sore loser but it was deeper than that. He went all in.

Am not a doctor but I always have prognosis. At first I though it was bipolar but then I was terrified because the angrier he got the louder he became. I froze. To run or not to run. To scream or punch him in the face with spalding? I have never been a coward so I stood there and like the twisted Aquarius I am agitated him further. You really are annoying you know that was his first remark. God you are a nuisance. I can’t stand you. I brushed it off and I was about to leave, he stopped me and made listen. You are not leaving until am done.

His insults came in one after the other and what bothered me was he said it with a smile on his face. Long story short, just as he was about to conclude he let out a cry I will never forget. It’s a point of no return. It’s a helpless state. You still don’t realize do you? That’s when he confessed that he had fallen inlove with me. I write all this not to bring back the past but some memories are not all that bad. Fast forward to now. My heart can hear that cry even in silence as it’s familiar and I will leave it at that #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Meeting his friends

Meeting his friends. I am talking about new love ❤️. As an Aquarius lady, my bestfriend is not just my friend but she is my baby sister. That right there is family. We have worked hard putting respect, trust and loyalty on it for years. I am polite but am not friendly. Let’s talk

With a certain age and maturity I need you to understand that you can’t have those many friends. Some could be colleagues, business encounters, hopeful investors but what I will not accept is him having over fifty “friends” and wanting to hang out with all of them. Can I elaborate?

What that tells me is he has something everyone there wants. It’s my job to find out what and why. C’mon now, he ain’t that famous. If so, those are fans honey. When was the last time any of them offered to pay the bill? Take your time. Think about it. Don’t worry I will wait.

You can’t brand “them” as family or friends yet they are just taking advantage of your generosity. Just because you can afford it doesn’t mean you go around spending or giving it away. Forget finances, do they even check up on you like on a regular to see if you are okay?

I am very opinionated and sarcastic yet inbetween for those who know me, know there is a truth in that. There are people who thrive and feed off crowds but they can never be alone. 

Who are you when the spotlight is not on you? 

Am interested to meet the people if am being honest the person who knows the real you. The one who has seen you at your worst weakness, break down in sadness. The one who has held your hand and prayed with you. The one who doesn’t applaud you yet lovingly corrects and celebrats. That’s the one I want to meet #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

the clearer things are becoming

Sometimes you have to look beyond. It’s like the weather right now. The fog got me feeling all sorts of ways. Cancel all your plans and stay indoors. It’s not safe. The minute I leave, the clearer things are becoming. I would have missed out on an opportunity simply because it’s different. I used to be skeptical everytime someone would say, it’s not what it seems. Imagine it’s not as bad as my mind made me believe. Don’t quote me because all I said was sometimes. Njeri said I should give you a chance because you are different. Now that’s foolishness.

As a matter of fact, there are situations and people you need to stop serving the silent treatment because they are assuming you are applying the tough love method. Please call or text them and keep it 💯. Don’t be mean or rude but hold your ground and be firm about it. If it’s someone has your betrayed your trust, be civil about it. Hey, you did this and that and it didn’t sit well with me and because of that, you and I can’t hang out. If they try and give you an explanation, don’t pay any attention to them. That fool should have been smart enough to be loyal to you. Remember you are here to end things not start a daycare. Two things that pretenders and habitual liars hate is being called out on their bullshit. Listen, you can’t be friends with everyone. You are not here to liked, darling you are here to be loved and adored.

It’s going to feel and look like the end of a good era but trust me, it’s just the beginning of your best life yet. They will try and paint you bad plus it’s not going to be easy but don’t back the fuck down. Don’t be intimidated nor fear. So now #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Focus on what’s further ahead

That was a beautiful game. Well played to the team I was supporting. Was the win well earned, I am keeping my comments to myself. My lips are sealed. You ain’t getting a comment from me. It’s all in my reaction. I love basketball 🏀. I am a fan 💜. I am loyal to who I want to be.

I stopped being in my feelings the day I realized I hold on to shit for so long yet the “other party” doesn’t give a flying fuck about it. Are they miserable at home wondering and thinking about me, the fuck not. So who is the crazy one here? I am. Let that bullshit go. Let it go.

Not just in basketball but even in real life. You are wasting good thoughts on people who don’t even know you and probably don’t deserve you, expecting them to care yet they don’t. How is that their problem? Why is it your problem? How are they your problem? Take a chill pill.

Stop that madness and listen to me sweetheart. There are people who will not recognize your worth and that shouldn’t stop you from caring just not about them. Be in the moment, count your losses and keep stepping.Move.Focus on what’s further ahead #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

What are they teaching you?

I believe everyone in your life is preparing you for what awaits. If you are currently dealing with someone who is abusive, that’s not God darling. Leave. Don’t make excuses, pack your shit and run for your life. Think about it this way, you are home yet you are scared to be home

The one place you automatically have rather receive unspoken peace scares you to death just thinking about it. Being physically there makes you want to pee your grown self. Now, I will ask you again, do you think that’s normal and should anyone ever live with and in such fear?

Why are you punishing yourself when you could be free doing less or more? You can and will be someone’s first choice and guess what, you shouldn’t have to be the one to point it out. They are out there. Good ladies and men who have had heartbreaking experiences but still haven’t given up on love exist. They just don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves anymore. But then again, they are open. They are willing and some of them are putting themselves out there. You know how they say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, you weren’t trash. Never will be.

They just didn’t know what to do with all that love you were offering. They attempted to speak your language but they never quite understood you so you kept having really high moments and the low ones took the both of you out. You had to go your separate ways.

It was for your own good. They set you free. Take account of everyone else in your life. What are they teaching you? What are they preparing you for? What they do for you naturally is what is meant rather is a part of the puzzle of what’s coming #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

I was born to submit

This is my personal view when it comes to submission as a lady. My dad is like a little boy whenever my mum walk in the room. Trying to get her undivided attention, playful in their own weird grown way. My dad is inlove with my mum.

He not only loves her but is inlove hopelessly, madly, deeply and selflessly inlove with her. The way he stares lovingly at her when she is being sarcastic and laughs at her jokes excitingly like she is a real life comedian. He adores her. You can tell life is when she is around.

She is his world. He doesn’t try to hide it. These two are soulmates. One cannot survive without the other because together they have this powerful force that creates magic and beauty in everything they touch and breathe into. Ladies and gentlemen, I know what love is.

It’s the way she submits to him. The way she makes him feel and treats him like a king even if all he brings or offers her is bread and meat. She will sing praises of how he provides for her and takes the time to think of not coming home empty handed and thanks him endlessly.

My mum is a very smart woman. See to anyone else it’s just bread and meat. But in stroking his ego and showing him that he always provides let’s him know she is satisfied. He does it for her. He got her locked in. So next time he goes shopping he will bring with him more to get a louder applause. It’s amazing how as ladies we already have a God given gift yet we have made ourselves believe we don’t have it. If you just take a minute and instead of cursing and rebuking that man, speak life and encouragement, it would yield more and better results.

Baibèé you ain’t got to ask me twice. I was born to submit. I may not be eloquent but I speak men fluently. First you have to understand what kind of man you are dealing with. Serving is who I am and I do it with a smile too. Yes I am submissive #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

That’s sad. It’s not attractive

I have discovered that if a certain gentleman I am attracted to happens to be on social media especially Instagram, am immediately turned off. Don’t post pictures of yourself in the office. So either you are posing to prove you actually own a job or posing from a former job.

I am not against you liking ladies pictures, hey knock yourself out. Something at the back of my mind alerts me. Let’s be honest, you didn’t like the outfit, you liked the entire package. You might be a man of the people but you can’t have every lady you come across.

You can’t have everything on the menu. You might be constipated or suffer from severe diarrhea. Explore your options and discover your sexuality thoroughly. Just don’t expect to impose who you are on me. At your age, you are still sleeping around. That’s sad. It’s not attractive.

At some point of my admiration, the second week in me liking you, I will wonder why you are on social media. Clearly it’s not work related so that answer in itself makes you less attractive to me and in return I will be so irritated that I will be the one to leave that platform.

Think about it. That’s why it’s called my life. It’s all in the mind. It’s neither a guy or lady thing. It’s like employment. Don’t be arrogant to assume if they need you, they will call you yet they don’t know you exist. Look for what you want #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

you stopped being loyal

Not all people leave you for greener pastures. They leave because you stopped being loyal. Can we be adults here. Yesterday my bestie made me cry with this reality. I am always there for others. I always drop whatever am doing to come in and save the day yet no one appreciates me.

I was raised a warrior but even the strongest of people need help sometimes. That’s the problem right there, having to ask for help because I have never waited or depended on anyone to hold my hand or come in and save the day. I have had to survive, adopt survival skills.

Showing and offering kindness is not a sign of weakness. Anyone who has ever been kind to you is the most dangerous human being alive. They will always have an advantage before God. That is a selfless creature and in my humble opinion, that’s an Angel. Let me ask you this, “how do they always know what you need and exactly when you really need it?” The people closest to you know you in and out yet they never offer you such comfort and rescue moments. Why is that? When you really need it, they show up. Do you think that’s normal?

I have always made it clear, I will never be anything you want me to be, I create my own rhythm. I will never give up on my big dreams to try and fit in your small world. I may be doing the Lords work but I will never turn the other cheek. These cheeks were meant to be taken in 😊

So whether you appreciate me or not, I will always do my job. I have my promise to keep to God and not you. Eventually I always get to hear that I finally showed my ass. If I gave you a taste of mean, you wouldn’t make it to noon without a mental breakdown.

Don’t ever mistake kindness for weakness because I can be hell on earth. I choose not to because I have plenty of big dreams to accomplish for myself and others out there. I like looking back at the great men in the Bible who God used to impact others. They were warriors as well.

Majority of those leaving your life are the parasites who are done feeding off you and are on to their next host. Those few who always kept it 💯 leave because you stopped being loyal. Work on your loyalty ladies and gentlemen #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Folks, it is what it is.

It’s amazing how as human beings we are quick to celebrate wins. Now that the KCSE results are out, every parent in Kenya is having the typical eye roll. Everyone else is the nosy relative who never offered to pay the school fees but then wants to air their opinion. Here we go.

I have been there. The awkward candidate who feels like I have let my parents down. I swear I did my best but then again as any parent would argue out, the results show it all. They can’t be wrong. They certainly can’t have been tampered with. Reducing your child to a result slip. I couldn’t help but overhear this concerned parent who was rather loud talking of how they overfed their son that’s why he performed so poorly. Then came words that still haunt me to date. I expected better! I understand where he is coming from but I felt bad not just for his son but him. No child should ever be humiliated over things that are beyond them. This is where I throw in the ugly truth. Folks, it is what it is. I couldn’t look this man in the eyes because his tone told of his disappointment. He had given his all and now there is nothing left to do. Then I quickly imagined how frustrated and hurt his son must be feeling. Parents think children don’t know but surely with your DNA, trust me we always know when you are proud and disappointed by us. What broke me was knowing his father had given up on him. He had quit on him.

Has it ever occurred to the human brain there is a reason why we have different grades and positions in the work environment.We all can’t be kings and queens. We can’t have everyone attaining A’s. Someone has to “fail”. Is it really failure? This is my specialty. It’s not the end.

Let’s place the hard facts on the table. You are not the smartest boy/girl in the room. The results are out. Let’s agree on that. Books are not your thing. You are intelligent just not with books. Atleast for those four (4) years you learned something about yourself. Right? However, that wasn’t wasted school fees. For those parents who are tempted to throw that defense card to try and console themselves, no mum and dad, offering your child/children an education is not a waste of money or time. It’s not on you anymore. What’s done is done. Thank you.

Let’s focus on the “victim” the child. Did he or she fail you or were you as a parent having high expectations knowing with the report cards what they were preparing you for. They made an effort. Or perhaps they didn’t and them wanting to please you got them nervous and shit. All I ask, is this. Don’t play the comparison game with one another. Parents, don’t compare you babies with those who performed better. Babies, don’t allow this result hold you back. There is still hope. 

Not with those results. 

Bullshit! 

Life has just began. 

Let’s work with now.

So, you are not book smart, you know what that means, you are street smart. How times have changed. I wish parents would encourage their kids to pursue their dreams. What they are really good at and not what looks good on paper and to others. To be individuals, unstoppable.

For those who performed well congratulations, you deserve to be celebrated. For those who did poorly, you deserve to be celebrated as well for not dropping out, beating the odds and making it this far. So much more awaits out here. The funny thing about life as I conclude is this. Life isn’t fair. It’s up to you to live according to how fair you want it to be. You can either wallow or make something better out of all this. There are two types of businessmen and women out there. Those with A’s and those who “failed”. That didn’t stop either of them from achieving success. 

I wish you all the very best but most importantly don’t forget to be kind not only with those around you but yourselves first. You deserve to be your own greatest fan. 

Stay safe and God bless you all as you #FallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé with this new opportunities and life ahead.

Then but not now

I didn’t know what to expect going into this week. I was hopeful obviously but I was done being scared of the unknown. For someone who likes rather is used to knowing things, God forced me to blindly trust His will over my life. It’s just dawning on me right this minute.

I worry even when am not supposed to worry I find my soul buried in worry over the  people I care about. It bothers me more because I see the future as clear as day and it not happening sooner only frustrates me on their behalf. Sometimes I feel like lending them my eyes and heart.

Falling inlove with myself again is the hardest yet most fulfilling thing I have come to appreciate in life. Learning how to go out of my way for myself the same way I do for others has been humbling. I am hard to love and I wouldn’t have it any other way. That makes me worth it.

I have come to realize that I have been unfair to myself. It’s okay to be guarded but not everyone is out here to get me. I have always had this I need to leave before anyone can ever hurt me wall brought about by past disappointments. Am always running away leaving me empty. To avoid being a burden and bother, I instantly became independent. I don’t want anyone doing me any “favors”. I don’t need pity or sympathy either. That’s how I wired my mind. Having to ask for anything was my greatest fear. So I became too defensive altogether. 

It did the job.

Then but not now. 

This week I have been forced to shred all that. I can’t recognize myself. I no longer have to feel like I need to save the day by being strong for everyone else, I can just be Njeri and that’s more than enough. Actually, that’s what makes me more enchanting.

I am very emotional writing this. I really missed me. If am here, I have earned the right to be not because I was determined and strong about it but I am meant to uncover all this about myself. 

Love has finally brought me back to who I truly am #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé