My black is beautiful 😍😘

This is how I feel. That indeed my black without a doubt is beautiful. God was not a fool creating me black for he knew I couldn’t handle the scorching sun. I am still getting the hang of it. What happened to character and personality and not allowing how we look define who we end up having in our lives? Why is it that most Kenyan ladies are correcting things beyond their control just to please the very same men who will leave them for a dark version of who you used to be?

I wish I had the answers but I don’t. Just like everyone else am lost in these trying to keep up with appearances or in realities case these shenanigans. What happened to India Aries’, “I am not my hair,
I am not this skin, I am not your expectations no no “? What are we doing to ourselves ladies enslaving ourselves to causes that need not be raised instead of taking up real causes like breast cancer, skin cancer, educating the girl child things will benefit generations to come and not short lived projects to prove a point that you got the man.

 

It breaks my heart to learn that teenagers as young as sixteen are engaging in premarital sex with married men just because he treats you like a princess. Why are we allowing our young sisters to be robbed of their innocence while we can curb this from the very beginning? Men talk while as women yell or isn’t that the make belief? Ladies, it is time to put down the blush brushes and pick up real brushes and scrub the ‘dirt’ out of our lives. Be your sisters keeper. Make a difference regardless of whether society celebrates or applauds your efforts. Leave your mark in that the next lady behind you will meet high standards. Let us not make it easy for these gentlemen considering we fall emotionally and when we do we hold back absolutely nothing.

Where is the proud African woman who had her place in society? I will tell you where she is, she is busy trying to convince the world that she is someone she will never achieve to become. That goes to every woman who has killed her inner voice just to have her outer one heard. To all the ladies who have kept it real through this sheer madness, I celebrate you. I raise my glass to you for I know it has not been easy. It’s not even about to be easy but just for keeping your head raised real high and standing your ground you are indeed a queen. Hold on baby gal, your king has not been entertaining these self-made concubines but rather he has been taking his time controlling his demons (lust) knowing that his queen is worth more than a random kiss.

I am yet to meet men who change their skin color or their bodies just to land the ideal lady. Perhaps the reason why these ladies feel the urge to change/transform themselves is not out of desperation but rather insecurity. The thought of being so close to being his and actually knowing what he will go for makes a lady want to be what this man goes for in the first place. I am not pointing fingers or judging them but disappointed in that they are selling themselves short.

If something is meant to be, it will be. But if you find yourself bending the rules to try and achieve the expected goals it is only logical that it will break. Ladies if you don’t feel that he doesn’t treat you in the way you think you should feel then tell him and if he still can’t provide it then leave. Men are supposed to chase but I feel like today’s modern woman (most but not all) is giving him nothing to chase. Women are supposed to submit but if the man she is supposed to look up to cannot be all the man he should be then I guarantee she will leave.

We ladies and gentlemen are to blame. People are no longer taking time to communicate. Instead reading in between the lines has been the priority. Take your sweet time. Like I always say cheap is very expensive and expensive is cheap. Let me explain myself, if you find a person who doesn’t know what they want in life but only wants to live in the moment, run……….. They will drain you financially, emotionally and mentally. You will end up investing so much in them just to know if they know what they want or not. The minute you find someone who has not made it yet in life but is willing to take the risk to get there with you by your side, run with them and never look back. Like I said expensive is cheap to maintain.

In conclusion, stay true to who you are no matter what. Don’t be quick to please society while we all know society neither forgives nor forgets. Be wrapped up in your life to pay attention to society for the minute you mind your own business that is when you get people’s and not just ‘ the common mwananchi’ but the right people’s attention. Be you and the world will embrace your ridiculous awesomeness.

Shock vs Reality

Goodness if you all saw the shock on my face on realizing that reality is either too harsh to accept or this is just sheer madness. It got me thinking like I have I been in denial say all mylife or what just happened. It's as if a bus just ran over me then as if not enough came back to ensure nothing was left behind .... Getting rid of the evidence that I even existed. 

What has become of our young girls? You would think I am a parent but at times I feel like owning up to such a responsibility seeing as I always take care of everyone around me. They don't ask me to but I feel the need to their Wonder Woman truth be told. 

So this morning I learnt of how these poor innocent babies have been commuting themselves to ungrateful and meaningless relationships. This is where they should be curious enough to steal  afew kisses but not going the whole is it the nine or ten yards? Well in their case it feels as though it's the twentieth. 

There should be our very own local BringBackOurGirls. They have been indulged in this that even forty year olds are yet to discover. They have been taken advantage off perhaps because they are naive but the they are coming off as curious enough to learn.

It got me thinking like where have I been? Is this what am missing out on a in the name of being taken? Is this what relationships have been reduced to? Afew benefits on the side? But what becomes of the rest of us helpless romantics? Dear God is this what the long has been all about? Didn't I ever read that love is pure  and kind? Is it that our parents were naming us out of mere  sarcasm only to end up becoming the opposite. 

Think about it. What were our folks thinking at the moment they names us .... please insert your name here.....now  who or rather what have you become? Sad .... Indeed very sad. Am I in denial or is reality proving too much to handle?

Guilt 👀🙊🙉🙈

Is anyone feeling guilty this morning?Good you should be.If you have nothing to hide then you would not walk around fearing for your life or feeling as though everyone is judging you.No guilt no baggage.I personally am a firm believer of sneaking around as long as you have a title and by title I mean girlfriend, fiance or wife.Being friends with benefits is the most selfish thing any human being can expect or ask from another.Why sell yourself short?All in the name of not committing but answer me this the minute he/she doesn't show up to steal afew kisses and caress parts of your body that leave you feeling like you want to sneeze but can't least the thrill escapes your mind, why do you tend to 'feel disappointed?' Because you care and caring to mean is a clear sign that that person means more to you than you think.

Mr on and off.The #ProudManTalk.The talk that irritates the broad daylight out of a vampire.Where he only talks to you when he wants you and expects a response.Things have to go his way.He disappears after the two of you shared something you thought was concrete only to realize it was a strategy to keep you as his go to girl.The type of man who sends ....as a message and expects you to read in between the lines.The arrogant type that never apologizes and the minute he ever does he feels like the world owes him for being a superhero.Listen up gentlemen not unless you want to die alone in your mothers house at the age of 30 please spare the rest of us good ladies your cheap drama,act and shenanigans.We get it, you have been disappointed by what you thought was the jack pot but tell me something fellas where do we come in in your misfortunes?Why is it that you are taking out all your frustrations on a good lady who has done nothing but be honest, accept your short comings and expect the same in return I mean is this a crime so bad that is worth sentencing us to an unfair trial?

Life has consequences and personally I go for a man with whom I will look back at the door of consequences and utter,"damn that son of a woman was worth it.Every bit of it" and laugh.I am not looking for sunshine when it rains, I am waiting for someone to get me dancing shoes to dance in the rain.I don't want forever with you, I want every second of my breath with you by my side.I am not looking for my biggest fan but my source of inspiration.I don't want better days with you but ridiculous moments with you.I don't want to be the one but I want to be the reason you smile.I don't want you to be my superman but I just want you to be all the man you can ever be with me.

Guilt,pleasure and pain.That is what life has to offer.So if you don't mind, I want to wake up with no guilt in my gut for I have done all that I can.When I admire myself in the mirror I want my reflection to smile back at me.I want a bottle of red wine to nurse my self made standards.Above all I don't mind you being my guilt,pleasure and pain.

 





So yet again I ask,"Is anyone feeling guilty this morning?"

What are you getting yourself into?

We all want the same things the good life.the package bringing with it a good man/lady , financial stability and everything else that comes with these two. 

Most of all we all want to be loved. The old me never quite understood well was delusional over the fact that if a man/lady loves you hen they understand that you expect their unconditional loyalty and respect. That is not the case. 

The 2014 couple want it all at ago which to be honest is not only bonkers but sheer fantasy.Switch off that GPRS just incase you think of hiring a hitman *too much cable I know* let me explain ... No one has the time to wait anymore so the whole getting to know you comes right after the two of you have become intimate .... That is too much of a beautiful word to waste so I take it back ... You have already quenched your urges, then you start asking all the wrong questions like where did I go wrong?..seriously in allowing your lust not last that man/lady longer where do I go from here? I don't know perhaps to your old life yes you want the truth then don't ask ignorant questions.

You can't plan for the perfect moment that I know because the best moments just happen.Get to be friends first.Then if you want to be more it will happen on it's own but if you think by making it easier for the other party will land you a oh wow darling the only trip you will be making will be to the chemist.If you want that man/lady to value you you have to give him/her something to remember you by in a good way.Set the standards, make that man/lady find it hard to meet another you out there.You would rather have him/her respect you enough to treat you right than disrespect you in a manner you will feel used if not abused.

I don't see the harm in being friends first unless you are looking for a good time.Lets be honest ladies at the end of the day someone will want more ..clue the lady....someone is bound to be hurt...clue number two the lady .... someone will end up being bitter....last clue it's a she ....Either way ladies we stand to loose so why not make use of the moment given to you by opportunity.The problem is not getting his attention ...that you already did but the trick or should I say the real hard work is keeping him interested in you.Just because he calls you his doesn't earn you the right to make it easy for him to leave.

Dating is a full time job with afew benefits ..sexual favors ..being showered with gifts... but unlike marriage it's not for life.Yes, you can always walk away.The minute times get hard, most ladies run off to 'better relationship' or men who have lesser baggages ...not true by the way.Plus not all ladies are the leaving type though if you give me something to leave about best believe I will be out the door before you can pull the we need some time apart card.

Make your intentions fully known.I can go on for days but for now...let reality sink in

In the heat of the moment

I don't know how I will face the world for I have done the one thing I swore I wouldn't never again repeat. It wasn't my intention to fall but truth be told it was beyond my control. I thought about it just before it happened but then the feeling was too over whelming to look away so I gave in. 

My heart is wide open neither broken nor healed. I am left out in the cold for everyone to see yet no one is offering a helping hand. Why won't they hear my screams ... see my tears.... Stop?

I am torn between right and wrong. Torn between then and now. Lost in the moment of passion yet confused with the realization of the reality that awaits me. What will become of me tomorrow?But tonight a beast has been awakened ... One that will be hard to tame. 

Dear God,I tried my best but I should have tried harder to resist his spell over mylife.How dare you come over so late  ...leave without a simple goodbye after giving me a taste of sin? I still want so much more but I can't handle it not for now anyway...

I have just realized that in the heat of a moment am completely inlove. I did not intend to leave alone plan it but it just happened.In the heat of a moment my heart skipped a beat. In the heat of a moment a moment happened. 

Oh life!

Life is messed up.No need to sugar coat it.One minute it offers you what you think is the world and the next it's that one annoying person you can never imagine away. The one thing I like about it is that it's not a respecter of persons.It doesn't choose who to beat down the most or reward.Unpredictable is the best term to sum it up.No matter how good you are it has a way of allowing the worst of it's kind craw their way in your life and no matter how bad society thinks you are it always finds a way to reward you with the one thing everyone else agrees you don't deserve.

I have learnt that no matter how nice you are to people they will always find a way to betray you in the worst way.As if they didn't know you better.That is the most absurd thing of all.Like I thought we were friends....I thought you knew me....I thought....see that right there is the problem.Thinking so I avoid thinking about life and people altogether because the results are always the same...unfair.Instead I walk around telling myself that life has taught me everything I have offered both directly with my actions  and directly with my thoughts.So as a result I have come to the conclusion that I need to love myself a little bit more just incase the world (life) forgets to tell me,I already know it.

Survival tactics ...deny yourself nothing in life ..that's right whatever life can offer take it better yet grab it and run with it.I have learnt that even the devil doesn't mess with anyone who doesn't have anything to offer *giggles* .Ever been in a situation where you were determined to get something yet you didn't even have the means leave alone the skills to get it but got it anyway?That is the same attitude you should have every morning or everytime you leave the house.Some of you will use this information for evil but no worries there are consequences awaiting you at the end of the tunnel ...You can't plant evil and expect to harvest good ...let's be real.

In conclusion just know there are people who are just not meant to be in your life no matter how selfless you become going out of your way to lend a hand.It will never happen.And if for some reason they start to warm up to you,they want either to ruin you or rob you of the very same thing that you are after.Be wise.Stay where you are celebrated not where you are tolerated.

You matter... You have always mattered.

There are people to this day and age who still walk & live like if something bad was to happen to them and they died they feel like it wouldn't make a difference.You are mad to even think for a second no one would miss you. Just because it's never about you are like 27dresses the movie you are always going out of your way yet no one is ever willing to risk it all for you right? Wrong!!

Understand that even thought life doesn't celebrate you leave alone unfold the way you always see it do for others doesn't mean you are just a stepping stone for others. Lady you have no idea what I have been through. You are right I don't but that doesn't give you the right to dismiss your life or sell yourself short as far as hope and believing goes. 

I know that you are tired heck everyone is tired at one time but I will not sit here writing this and act like I get what you are going through because I don't. But you know what I applaud the effort you make each day having to wake up to nothing without a glimpse of hope in your eyes and a heart full of disappointment. That I know how if feels like. 

The good news news is that you are not the only one nor the fist to endure such burdens at such a tender age ... I say tender because you have not lived long enough to enjoy the fruits of your hard work. The bad news is that you have allowed that mentality rob you of the chance to live your life a better way. Listen no one needs negativity in their lives so if people don't want to be associated with you it's not because you have nothing to offer them but simply because they just don't want to be around someone who keeps complaining all the time. 

Stop it already! The pity party has been fun but now it's time to look into the light literally. You need to make an effort and this can only start with you. If you want to be invited then show some interest. Get out there and do something. Thank heaven for couches so you are no longer available to be used or pushed around. 

You matter. I may not know you the way you deserve to be known but you matter to someone out there ... sure my parents and a friend or two.... No! You matter to so many people whose lives you have changed in simple ways than you think. Perhaps you don't require a prize but to someone like myself you matter. 

You have allowed people's opinions take over your life yet I don't see them asking for your opinion in their lives. Ever thought of that?Given the chance to change the world or life what would it be all about? Don't tell me just do it... Think of this as a open second chance blog to eye kind of thing. I refuse to give up on you as a matter of fact I forbid you to give up on yourself *tough love*