I am pleased to announce that in 2014 I conquered my fears. I have accepted and worked on challenges head on without having to back down. This year I have accomplished and won. Forget how Stella got her groove back,mama bear as I like to refer to myself *too much cable ...I know* went out of her comfort zone. I can't believe it was that enjoyable. You recall when I blogged a while back that it would all make sense and how one day you would bump into your past and laugh. Well it turns out I did bump into my past and boy did I have a laugh. I see life finally caught up with you quietly I myself. Good for you though I did not stop but walked right past. See when you are at a better place in your life you hardly have time to sit and celebrate the long waited victory. Sure you eyes at one point want to pop out and dance and you want to scream I told you so or even whisper who is laughing now but when you are at peace with yourself you can't help but feel sorry for what the past tried to do to you.And to think that I allowed you beat me down like that?
Coming into 2014 I had no major expectations though all I knew was that things would be different. At some point I knew God would restore to me everything the devil stole from me. I knew that there would be beauty for every ash I ever got. I knew that I would smile again. That only happened when I stopped running. When I stopped walking with my head hang down. It stopped when I stopped allowing it. No one one would have done this for me no matter how much they prayed or loved me, I had to want this bad enough for myself.
See when you have been in a bad relationship and you have a glimpse of a good man even though the timing is not right it creates hope and believe that not all men are bad, greedy, selfish and immature. There are good men out there waiting. All you have to do is avail yourself psychologically. The minute you stop hoping for the day God will compensate you for every wrong done in your life and start concentrating on I just want a break from all this form him, that is when things turn around. I should have been a preachers daughter, I know though who is to say am not *laughs*. When you wake up each day with a prayer of just get me through today instead of when will this suffering and pain ever end you will rob yourself of the gifts God has in stored for you. I realized that no one was denying me anything or robbing me of anything that is not already in my life.I spent years trying to figure out why that relationship never worked out and how he could forget what we had so fast that I longed for the day someone else would put him through what he put me through. Isn't that what we humans do, wait for karma to bite there where it hurts? I am no different. I lost focus and myself as well in the process of grief. I shut down and locked everyone out. I blamed myself and at some point I was mad at God. Like why did he allow something so beautiful *selfless love* go down the drain. Why did he have to bring me this far considering I had been dealing with other struggles and on top of that take the one man I was hopelessly inlove with turn against me. At what point would all this make sense? What was the moral of this story? Ever feel like God is punishing the wrong person? That is what I struggled with for a while. I was alive but barely living.I woke up each day thinking what a waste of a perfectly good breath on someone who had no chance of surviving.
There are people who suffer and those who struggle. I was battling with both. I had to keep it together even though everyone else left. All I had was a friend to a former friend and family. I only held on to dear life for them. 2014 is my year. It did not take months but years for me to finally admit that I am over it. I learnt the gift of forgiveness, letting go and new beginnings. I have not looked back ever since. I have matured, accepted and embraced both change and life. I now understand why one person has to go through so much. It was not for me as my new bestfriend tells me, only fine gold has to go through the fire for it to be perfect. So God was preparing me not just for what is to come but for those to come in my life. He allowed it to happen for he knew I had the grace to handle it. Hiding my smile is impossible now, and when I tell people I understand what they are going through, I know it all too well. I have been down but even while I sat there I still knew one day I would get up and never look back. The only time I look back is when am oiling my back or admiring my back in a mirror.
I told you I would preach. I have met all sorts of men. Some way too good to be through and the rest still trying to figure out. With one bad break comes so many good things. Thinking about it now, I wish I would have suffered more for the fruits of my labor are all too sweet. Life has surprised me in ways I never thought it ever unfolded in reality. God has a sense of humor. I still think am living a dream for the things he has blessed me with are beyond what my naked eyes would have witnessed. He has overwhelmed my heart. He has blown me away. So as people look and judge my present I smile and think if you only met me a while back. The price I had to pay to be here. I will one day write a book but not now as I am unfolding a new chapter of the beginning of just the cover. There is much more to write as I continue to be unveiled secrets and things no one would believe I have heard or seen. I am a reality check. God's very own testimony.
This 2014 is just the beginning, there is so much more to come and yet the year is not yet over. One
moment can change your life forever. Be optimistic and whatever you do don't stop believing.
This is my check list
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