On my way....

Men are selfish. On my way home this uber driver decides to have a therapeutic session with me. He already lays down the rules. Young lady I don't know you but am going to need you to be quiet and listen to me. Being the ultimate Aquarius lady, I feel cornered and very uneasy. Should I cancel this trip or report him? Why did I suggest this route though?

I am in a shitty marriage. He finally discloses. That is all he has to about his wife. So it has come to this? It is how he says it that makes me momentarily laugh but then his voice calms down and in almost a whisper he confesses but there is this lady. She is a ray of hope. I could tell because he slowed down and smiled when he talked about her. She is a doctor. I love doctors  and intelligent ladies he openly admits. He is very specific with the words he uses regarding this lady. So I assume this selfish prick is cheating rather than making it work in his shitty marriage. She has a boyfriend and he has a baby mama. This is sheer madness. The question I am dying to ask is if he knows his wife is cheating on him as well but having referred to what they have as shitty he would care less. So the therapist in me shuts my curious mouth and opt to listen instead.

I have another girlfriend in the States. At this point am judging him and wondering of how many men like him exist. It's dark in the car but I could almost swear I saw him blush. I ignored my current girlfriend for her. We took romantic pictures together. So they slept together I assumed. She promised to come back for me. You delusional man. I can't.  I refuse. Stop the car. This must be a test from God. I am in my late 40s but I am in a shitty marriage. When he repeated that a second time I almost slapped him. It takes two to tango so don't play victim. You are forty damn it get your shit together.

Am I crazy? That is an understatement I thought to myself. There was no sexual talk which I was looking out for so I gave him my honest opinion. That is when it hit me. We hear but we never listen as women when men tell us what they want.  He said. He told me. It has been two months and he is inlove with her. We talk. She listens to me.

This man and so many others out there are looking for female companionship. There are three types of women. The independent I don't need a man just donate your sperm and leave. The I would rather die in this than be labelled as single. The we will make this work get your shit together don't you dare bring me that bullshit and I run this house. Men are very selfish and women should ape that. In the words of my bestfriend don't be Miss Echo Chamber aka yes sir. You always agree and never question anything. Have an opinion no matter how dumb it is, say it.  If the two of you aren't bestfriends by now no matter how alien the freak in them violins your demons let it go.

Where there is friendship there is respect. A real man knows how to respect a woman, because he knows the feeling if someone would disrespect his mother. Miss Echo Chamber you have mastered and can predict that man but you don't know him well enough to be his friend to call him out on his bullshit. Real friends are not afraid to lose you. They always say the ugly truth out of love. They tell you what no one else is bold enough to say. A real friend serves you a #RealityCheck

The Diary Of A Bitter Co-worker

Welcome to the real world where nothing is never as it seems. This has either happened or is about to happen to you. Now that you have graduated college or University next comes the mother of all troubles, work. Some are lucky enough to land their dreams jobs while the rest of us are blessed enough to discover another side of life we never knew existed.

The Boss
If it's a man he is the most envied man on the planet. The men openly kiss his ass after all that paycheck plus an additional bonus sounds pretty reasonable. He is the ideal dream man to all the women in the office. Even the tea girl wants to leave a lasting or should I say lusting impression. He is likeable. He has his life figured out after all that is why so many people would want to help him further his business. So many unnecessary employees if you ask me but hey am not judging. The sad reality is secretly they all hate him. No one can stand his "perfect life". Unfortunately they all know his dirty laundry because he is too trusting and never learns his lessons.

If it's a lady she is the ultimate bitch. I'm most cases the boss lady is either a single mother or just single.  You can't have it all the ladies in the office always echo when she walks by. If she is so amazing why won't any man marry her? She is tough and very demanding. Perfection and common sense is the least she requires from her employees. She is so rude and moody to the rest of the ladies because they feel threatened. To the gentlemen in the office, she is a goddess. They worship and adore the floor she steps on. No one knows her private life because she has no friends in the entire office. She is a one woman show.

The Queen /King
She is always in the Marketing Department. Lord knows what she markets along with everything else the company has to offer. She always make extra effort to stand out. Her dress code tells it all. Too short too tight. The gossip monger who has mastered her craft. She never shouts. She is friendly but cunning. These ladies are strikingly beautiful. Very well put together but are never fluent in speech. Pay attention. They always appear out of nowhere and are very tight with the boss. Listen, your guess is as good as mine. The boss has either smashed that or his close friend. They share the same dark private habits. She can do no wrong in his eyes so ladies against her you might as well go back to your village. 

The king of Marketing is very smart. He is charming and gets along with everyone even the boss lady. He takes his work very seriously so the most he can do is flirt with his female workmates but nothing more. He choose his words and seals it with an impressive presentation. He has his eyes on the goal .... to striking big in life. He can be anything you want him to be as long as it doesn't affect his work ethics. He is committed to his job. 

The Technical Team
The hacker of the company in most cases is a man. Work ethics for who? This man dances to his own tune as far as the rest of the employee's go. To the boss he is employee of the year. He knows all the loopholes and sometimes works smart to achieve the desired goals. He never indulges in office talk but knows personal details of everyone in the office. His dream wife is the boss lady. He loves power especially taking it away. He is all man as he believes. He has slept with almost every single lady in the office. Everything is a puzzle to this man.

The lady feels empowered. Being a lady in the technical department strokes her ego. She feels entitled, superior and important. The truth of the matter is, she is lazy and is always being covered by her male workmates. She is still delusional from all the days in campus in the midst of boys. She is a walking hoax. Predictable and very lazy.

The Accountant
Who? The never in a hurry type! Things only get done if you really insist or throw in an extra reward. You either trust them or you don't.  They will either deliver or not.

The Receptionist/Front Office 
This is the first person you see when you walk in any organisation. Depending on her mood she will either make you sit there deliberately just to prove to herself she can or attend to you like a  desperate mistress. Again, they dress and look the part but never deliver. She loves office gossip and anything personal makes you come off as a hero to her. She is the snitch of the office. Unfortunately this is it for them. They are pathological liars. They want to be everyone as they have identity issues.

The Human Resource
Halo Satan. The most feared yet hated people on the face of business. They think they run the company or so the rest of the employee's claim. They are never introduced or addressed by their names but rather their position to give a heads up to the commoner. They are their own friends.

And that is my #RealityCheck checkmates. Pleasant night.

Family Reality Check

Family is family regardless of whether you all get along or secretly just want to beat the living foolishness out of them. I am being honest as always.

The first born. The first great love bond of marriage. The expectations and standards set for this child to some extreme is unnecessary. For Christ's sake let this child be a normal kid. They set the pace for not only the ones who follow but if you are keen as I have been is forced to live or achieve what the parents didn't. In the end this child ends up sacrificing his/her life and take on responsibilities that sometimes are far out of their reach.

The second born.  In most cases they hardly ever speak their minds but when they do, oh everyone listens. They are rebellious and rude though they camouflage as being shy. They are in the own world but they notice everything yet say nothing.

The Third, Forth , Fifth and everyone else inbetween . The over achievers. They want it all especially the good but not so much the bad. They sometimes don't know how to get back up and would give anything to trade in the bad with the good.  It's all about the titles, degrees and the best careers. They take life way too seriously it's honestly annoying sometimes.

The last born. They are often misunderstood because no one expects anything from them which is not true. Stubborn as hell but they are the glue of the family. The one everyone else undermines yet has amazing and sound ideas but since they are the babies of the family, what do they know? They are the punching bag when everyone else is having a bad day. They are the ones who secretly fight your battles both physically and spiritually. They take care of everyone else in ways money can't buy like remembering your birthdays, loyal above and beyond even when the beef is long forgotten * for life* , family clowns ....anything to get you laughing again , babysitting. They stay when everyone else leaves.

Family is a puzzle. Everyone has a role to play. Having said that, don't allow your position/role define you. Now here comes the real talk ....Stop painting false pictures of how your family is yet it's the opposite. I would care less if you were raised in a cave or palace ...You were a miscourage away but child you survived. You have made it. Don't sell yourself short. The world has so much to offer each passing day. Don't break a hip or sell a rib *is it even necessary surely* trying to keep up with appearances. It's a process. What one thing means to you means absolutely nothing and everything to someone else. All that matters at the end of the day is that someone can actually vouch that you a good person. 

Enough of trying to fit in and let's start from the family unit. Are you a decent human being ? Do you want to be a better son/daughter/brother/sister/friend? Start by forgiving yourself for neglecting the one person who has been there through the highs and lows .... YOU! Time to put yourself first. You know yourself better than what others see or assume they do. Screw it and screw them. They would and will be very fortunate to have you in their lives. Time to switch them off and switch yourself back on. And that's my #RealityCheck

The little girl in me .....

I stop and think I am so ungrateful. God has brought me such a long way. Knowing how selfless he was to use someone,an angel in disguise help me at my worst. I can never go back to being that person I was before. I have so much to live for compared to where I was before. I may not be doing much but the much am doing should be enough. It has to be. So I sit and weigh my options. So I can try being bad. Give these ratchet ladies a run for their money. Wreck afew homes here and there get to share my lavish lifestyle and hopefully they might leave their wives for me or since God loves sinners I should be married by a decent man as soon as December...... 

Then I get to sit and think of the consequences. What consequences I lived the good life so whatever right? Wrong. I am fed up of being invisible. The good girl who is always going out of her way for men who only respond when it’s convenient. The good girl in me is slowly dying . Sick and tired of having to sit out on life when she feels like her big break is right around the corner. Does anyone hear her cries or are they too busy to realize am tired tonight? She doesn’t want to be brave and cat woman anymore. She wants to be Lois Lane . Where is Superman when you need him? Boaz ,where are you? Where is my And Behold Boaz just then came moment !? The Bible told me. It’s written. He was a mighty man of wealth so why should I settle for a good average man. He blessed her. My version of him is slowly bruising me. Tearing me to pieces with his silence and absence while I sleep every night hoping tomorrow will look up. Until that special day. I would tell the world but no one would believe me.

So I went back on my knees and I broke down to God and asked him to bless me with another man. His angel. I was willing to wait just as long as he came as The One and spoke my lauguage. 2016 was not my year. 2017 is not my year and sure enough I don’t need a year. I just need a day. One day. More than a day, a miracle . Answered prayers. Sometimes you need a word but other times reality. That's what I was granted. That is something that no one can ever take away from me. You don’t stop being you just because the gift is not what you asked for but as long as the giver is alive you simply can’t afford to lose that hope. I serve a higher purpose other than being someone’s significant other or an accomplished business woman. The most important role you will ever play in life is being the best version of yourself to God, family, friends and the rest of the world.

You don’t stop writing. You dont stop living.  You dont stop loving. If anything, you use that rejection and pain to blog and inspire others. This is where I go all crazy and believe that the one for me reads this and understands the lady behind the words. Now I just need you to show your face one day for laugh out moments. By she I mean the little girl in me coz that's my #RealityCheck.

Depression

Let me start off by saying that the saddest kind of sad is when your tears can't even drop and you feel nothing. It's like the world has just ended. You don't cry , you don't hear , you don't see. You just stay there. For a second, the heart dies. Nothing is worth it anymore. You have no reason to be alive. You start questioning yourself but most of God. Like how could he allow such a thing happen when he is all knowing and loving. Where is your peace on earth?

You start distancing yourself from family coz if anything you feel like a burden. Such a let down. You stop belonging and feelings of unworthiness creep up. Delusional or not it makes sense at that particular moment.  Disappointments are part of life but every goddamn time feels like a set up for more humiliation. You find solace in isolation. Your life flashes right before your very own eyes and for a quick second it feels like God is calling you home well either that or the devil has a customised shovel with your name on it. You feel owed so heaven must be embracing you.

Just as you are taking your last breath, the light at the end of the tunnel sparkles. Knowing that you get to leave behind the shame and unkept promises for eternal peace is so refreshing. No one will know or miss your presence. Suicidal thoughts but then again you are too tired and defeated by life to end your life. Too messy anyway.

Then suddenly, the last person you expected shows up. A ray of hope. But you have been down this road before of having to fight and believe. Depression to me is when you have done all you can by someone who you thought was equally loyal to you and they betray that trust in ways to recover you have to build yourself up again from scratch. It's the worst feeling in the world.

If no one shows up for you,  allow my heartfelt written words do. I am not asking you to not allow the pain and disappointments overwhelm you already broken pieces but use that to hope for what's lef. There is always something left behind. Ashes after the fire has died out and the smoke has cleared. The beauty in the ashes shows that you left your mark that can never be erased or forgotten. You made a difference.

Now start living for yourself and keep your head held high. You already lost, there is nothing else to lose so play to win. Change your story. Tell your story . Your scars don't make you less but different. Different always stands out. Love like you never lost, believe like you never failed and forgive like you were never wronged. That way you hold and keep the power to be the best you only you know how to be darling.....

Don't stay down. Get up and take one step at a time and I promise you, it will be worth it in the end. And that's my #RealityCheck

It Must Pay Off

I swear this is the most interesting blog am about to write coz it means everything to me and to  those smart enough to get what am saying. Not everyone is blessed with real friends and by that I mean the kind who tells you the unpleasant truth. Bitch stop! That man doesn't like you like that. So don't put your life on hold for a man who is hang up on someone else and even if he would settle for less, you still don't make the cut. Harsh but true . Ouch! 

Late night chats with the realest, illest and craziest bestfriend is what am all about. If your friend can't make you laugh at yourself to a point you can't breathe you haven't lived. Watching #Insecure I can't help but think the world is not ready for her. That's why my friend and I avoid putting ourselves out there coz to the rest of the world we are intimidating coz being orginal is a myth nowadays. Thank you Issa Ray for proving that there is more to life than how you look. There is hope for the rest of us. Different is so refreshing.  

To all the good men who have accomplished and are accomplishing the impossible congratulations. Your hard work has paid off. Now tell me this, why are you complaining that there are no good women out there when you keep going for the same old beautiful, renowned,  eloquent ladies with no character and personality. I write this with so much humility like am a lady but compared to how majority modern females are going the extra mile sorry to say to look alike coz they all look the same to me unfortunately you can never have a conversation with such because their reasoning is as plain as my everyday look. No effort. The conversations are always short just incase the real villagers in them comes out. They don't laugh, they smile . They don't giggle, they sigh. They don't laugh sheepishly, they pose and blush .  Wow!!! sounds like a full time job babygal.....

Ladies, would you date a man who is not financially stable? So why are you mad when he goes for the best in the market and it happens to not be you?  All I can say is its anyone's game so don't play yourself while you still have a good thing going. Will you end up with a good man, only God knows. Don't hold your breath or compromise if part of you still believes that there is more out there. Make the most of it. Live each day as it comes unapologetically responsibly but remember there are always consequences. Don't sweat or overthink it, do it or walk away.

Still, I don't get it but hey, try different. Sometimes what you go for is not necessarily what you need. This world can only handle one of you so don't bother waiting for someone or something to come complete you.  As a matter of fact,  you are what you have been waiting for so go out there and maybe your positivity will attract something or someone close enough to match up your madness or rather find you amazingly weird in a very good way.

Now this is my #RealityCheck IT MUST PAY OFF!!!!!!!!

It's never that serious

The hunger and thirst for fame, recognition and followership is real. Why can't you be your own person? Surgery is meant for disfigured individuals and not to enhance beauty. Let's be clear. That's abuse of knowledge if not invention. Unless it's broken please don't try and fix it. No matter how wealthy self made you have become or God has blessed you, you can never buy immortality. Let that sink in.

The extremes majority of us have had to go through to look and live a certain way is sheer stupidity. Can I be real after all, this happens to be my #RealityCheck . How desperate was I? Was I mad? Do these questions sound familiar at this particular time in your life? Congratulations! You have finally given up on what is expected of you and embraced what works for you. You sir /ma'am are now your own person.

If it works out well and good if not venture into something else which excites you even more. At the end if the day, it's never that serious why coz time and life either way has to go on whether you are ready or not. It's that simple so let's not complicate things. You either like someone or you don't. Enough with the am not sure talk ..... mr/miss string along until better shows up. While you are busy postponing now to later you are only opening yourself up to becoming bitter not better. The best memories in life are never planned so why are trying you tame your heart to societies lame hurts.

You are what you have been waiting for so wake up child, live, laugh and love as though it's the first time God has granted you sight. Are you there yet, heck screw it. You are here now and that's all that matters. Take a leap of faith, oh I dare you!!!!!

Whensday........ When Is That Day?

I don't know why I am always procrastinating but am leaning more towards the not yet rather than tomorrow. It has to be perfect yet there is no such thing as perfection. Think about it, your it's done could easily be someone else's view of how lazy you are. Let's be real after all this happens to be my #RealityCheck I believe even I postpone "while in the moment" because of fear. Failing is not an option. The reality of life not adding up , people falling short of your expectations and having to disappoint yourself is one step from going completely bonkers. It has to mean something. It has to add up when you do it. I mean come on! It must ..... Right!? Such questions raising doubt are the very same ones we use as excuses keeping us from moving on.

That is why most people date the same person for over five years with no love or attraction but the thought of starting over and loosing the "normal comfort" mastered routine is unthinkable. Atleast he/she knows the real me and has learnt to put up with it over the years. He/she knows better than to expect me to officiate leave alone define our relationship... why do we need to prove to people and waste money while we already have a good thing going ... He/She knows my grandfather was polygamous so they better not act like they are the only ones in this relationship...... He/She knows I don't have a plan b. If I loose my job that will be a deal breaker but I will see how I will manage us rather He/She can sustain us with their salary but we both know am not getting/applying/starting another business/job.

Are you where you thought you would be years ago? If not what changed? The ultimate price of being human means you have to sacrifice. On that note though, when will you start living for yourself and not circumstances? What had to happen already came to pass let's not dwell on that ship but what about NOW? What do you want to do right now? Is it illegal or are the consequences too overwhelming to even allow such thoughts to cross your mind? We applaud your selflessness but let me ask you this simple question seeing as  the year is almost over, what's that one thing you whispered rather promised your heart you would do this year? Has it quenched your thirst or are you now hungry for more? [Insert Name], when did you stop dreaming, believing, hoping, fighting and become bitter, reluctant, apologetic for wanting the best for yourself? Since when did the real you stop living and start surviving on settling for whatever comes your way?

Procrastination...... you silent thief! Wednesday or should I say WHENSDAY.... When Is That Day!?

Wild Wednesday

Just a quick #RealityCheck just because people may come off a certain way doesn't necessarily mean that they are who you assume they are. Don't mistake my silence for not having a voice. If I don't want to have a conversation with you doesn't make me a snob or a bad person. It makes me human and mature enough to internalise if the energy is positive or negative.

Everyday am learning to be open minded while using the experience from my lessons to better myself and those around me. I don't need to write a book or share on social media my story to gain sympathy. Writing is therapeutic and cheaper than weighing down those around me in the hopes that they will understand.

At this point in my life as my bestie states it so well I am not a teenager meaning I don't have the prestige of wasting my life witnessing others live their lives. The most important thing right now is respect. Everything else is workable. 

I choose to be kind because there were times people weren't. I believe in second chances even if some people dismissed me way too soon. Just because you are in different seasons doesn't mean one is better or more important than the other. Most of the people who are humble and generous have experienced tougher and rougher times but they don't walk around seeking pity or feeling sorry for themselves.

It's not common sense even though in my opinion it should be. Sometimes you give not because you expect anything in return but it's the right thing to do. It's called having morals.

Have yourselves a warm one checkmates.

Truesday

I am sure family comes first to most if not all of us. To me family means security. They are the only people am loyal to without having or expecting the same in return. It's common sense. If their words of council come off harsh it's from a good, caring and wise place and I should take it even when it doesn't feel like it.

Love with someone else should feel that way. Effortlessly secure. It's not that you don't come first or you are not a priority but baibee before you came along there was life and I was dedicated to serving others. Have you ever been torn between being rather discovering something amazing and doing the right thing? Like I want to be with you but I have to be somewhere else for a better cause than you and me?

I don't know what we have but am sure of what we have. I don't know you but I understand where you are coming from and so I need to learn a side of you that lies deep inside you. You can't be everything to everyone so I have learnt but if you are willing to be patient enough ... trust the process .... be open .... maybe we can teach and explore both of our separate unique world's together

The truth hurts but lies leave scars so #Truesday is all about being true and embracing my #RealityCheck

Sometimes

Sometimes you have to take a step back but not look back
Sometimes you have to warm up to the unknown
Sometimes a little heartbreak is just what the heart needs to beat again
Sometimes a new friend, connection ans smile does the trick
Sometimes the right answer is no to appreciate a yes
Sometimes grey skies is all you need to appreciate blue ones
Sometimes even giving your very best and all is never enough
Sometimes it's just a season and you don't require a reason
Sometimes it's not even a mistake but a stepping stone
Sometimes you need to be still in silence to listen and hear your thoughts
See Sometimes, not all the time it becomes a #RealityCheck

Birthday Truth AKA the 28th

Am not known for my sophisticated choice of words.  Please, am not even known *laughs* so don't even bother searching Google or stalking me. I have already disappointed you I know and that's how I like my checkmates with no expectations. Now that your mind is blank may I please have your attention to an open heartfelt observation.

I will keep it short and straightforward. What is happening to society and by society I mean to our ladies? A lady asked me if I still believed in love but what surprised me is when I lowered my voice in a calm tone almost a whisper sure with a twinkle of sarcasm but genuine concern answered her with questions, "Why? Who hurt you?" We had a heart to heart conversation afterwards and am glad she left inspired.

Screw the biological clock and other illusions we feed our minds regarding life. It will unfold at the right time. Ladies don't sell yourselves short by allowing the insecurities of the wrong men to create doubt if you are indeed the right lady to bag his last name. You already have a last name so I assure you him allowing you use his won't make it finally snow in Kenya although it might open afew prestigious doors and lifestyle but that won't stop God from blessing silly old plain you. 

Understand there is no perfect relationship. You MUST BE WILLING to work and SACRIFICE to make it close to becoming picture perfect. As a lady you must know who you are , what you want , what you are capable of and if you will fight for it. If he finds you intimidating then clearly that is a red flag. Sure he can afford you thanks to bank loans and afew saccos here and there but for how long can he put on the act?  The issue at hand my dear brother from another mother is not affordability but maintainability. See before you self declared yourself  to be all Clark Kent in my business , Lois Lane had a life and identity no matter how small so before it goes to your head and you assume that The Lord wants you to call forth these dry bones take a step back and ask yourself is she really Ruth , Esther or Jezebel? Who needs to be restored, crowned queen or dismissed? 

Ladies and gentlemen who hurt you and why are you carrying that bitterness around as if it's a lifetime achievement dismissing everyone around you? I get it, not everyone is meant to be in your life but she or he is not everyone. Take my advice ~ Unless I have upset you please check your attitude at door ..... This will open doors which you have been closing on your own thinking everyone is out to get you. Better yet, change your circle if not what you go for. Try something different see how that works for you.

I am a fool when it comes to love and yes I still believe in love and not just love but true love. If it means sitting out a settling trend then let fate be. Otherwise this is my #RealityCheck as far as tonight goes .... only God knows of my tomorrow so until then just like any discussion, what say you?  Pleasant dreams or should I say decisions ....*evil laughter*

21 Days .... Days 3 &4

These two days were the hate and love. The I don't need you and am smiling sheepishly to myself thinking about you. What am I doing vs I can't wait. The bad came with the good.  Yesterday I apparently disliked you for no reason but today am all in.

You are so annoying yet I like every minute of it. I want to give you a piece of my mind but am sure I will end up giving you my heart instead. I am thinking with my head but am responding to my heart. You are too full of yourself, who isn't? You are the most humble man I have ever came across in such a short amount of time. 

I don't want to write I want to talk. I have a billion ....fine two or three things to say but I feel as though it's alot. I don't lie but I exaggerate. I mean how else is a story supposed to be juicy. You are a very smart man which is irritatingly seductive so am sure you are not only reading this but on to my shenanigans. I hope you find me amusing and hilarious. Well, don't ever say I never entertained you.

Incase you ever use this against me, I will never confess in person EVER!!!!!!! not unless *evil laughter* you are my #RealityCheck

Hugs and kisses darling!

21 Days .....Day 2

Sure I missed Clark Kent but what's the need of you being superman if you can't use your superpowers. Had to handle afew emergencies. What is a girl supposed to do when all eyes are on her yet all she knows is the show has, MUST go on? It was not a good day but it never is I mean isn't that what humans call growing up! When something is that personal even a strong tomboy like myself finds herself helplessly emotional on the inside in need of rescuing.

Having to hide the fear in my tone while making everyone around me be brave is a gift. Sometimes, I just want to be normal but then again I am my mother's daughter so there is no room for showing any weakness especially in public. I guess it explains why no matter how bad I want you, I end up proving that I don't need you.

See Clark, I have mastered and perfected my silence. I just observe (keep my distance) , listen to evidence (words) and watch the truth (body language). So don't mistake my silence for naivety or not having a voice. So forgive me if the superman in you doesn't get to save me because am not looking to be found by a life partner or just another man but what I seek is inspiration. Don't get me wrong, you already are my HERO. I need to know the real you first past your titles , with your titles and if I still find that my heart beats faster than my mind can shade up a sarcasm then there is something there.

I need to be sure that I can still be myself even with you in the picture. I don't want to mistake the blue sky with grey clouds hiding the moon and stars. I am patiently waiting for my soulmate so I can't cheat my way there or compromise trying to play someone else's role. Life is not too short rather everyone else is in a bloody hurry to add time to life by trying to live it up. There is nothing wrong with slowing down because I assure you different is mind blowing.

Yesterday's #RealityCheck

The Power Of A Broken Heart .....21 Days ...Day 1

Dear God,
I have been here so many times but this time it's different. This is my heartfelt letter to you regarding someone's son. I know the power of a prayerful woman.I also believe in offering a broken heart as a sacrifice to gain honor from you in the case where one party has been unfairly treated and the other has taken advantage ,gone a step further to become greedily ungrateful. There is nothing wrong with such a man but his intentions and motives were just not right.

You know my heart better than anyone on the face of the earth no matter how many times they try and understand . I am a good lady. You know my weaknesses being human am bound to do better or worse in any given situation. Today am asking you to work on the best thing which makes the rest of my organs function. My heart. There is a reason why it's called a bloody organ as it hurts in ways I feel every inch of my body and soul slowing dying.

I believe in second and not just that but you are a merciful God so you grant selfless chances regardless of whether it's well deserved or not. I also believe in compensation. When you close one door being such a loving father and gentleman you open another. Even when it seems like it's the end of the road.

Tonight My King, I honor you for always standing with and by me even when sometimes it felt like you were allowing the wrong man try and break my faith in you. When I look back now, I knew he was the right man for the job. He had to frustrate me enough to need you more. He had to be unreliable for me to rely on you. I offered my brokenness and asked you to compensate me according to my hand written note which you answered. I wrote a note in faith and when God answered it took me by surprise. It was a long painful process. Even in tears and torn apart I was determined to win you over with my dedication and what was left of my faith. I gave it evetything I had. It's not like I doubted God, I just didn't expect to be honored. I simply didn't feel like I deserved it but it came true. I am still speechless like it happened. It really did. Faith moves mountains especially if your heart is right and blameless before God. When you open up to God, He will entrust you with things and people who you thought were far out of reach. The power of a broken heart. You can use the pain to grow and move God or stay bitter and blame God.

Day 1.
Thank you for my answered prayer. I pray that you teach him how to love you and himself first. To accept what he can and can't. To trust you and himself in the process. The same way you sent angels my way, use your unique ways for him to know that he is not alone. He is special to me so I give him back to you to work on him until you feel he is ready to be out there. Be his father, his friend and pillar. He needs you a little more tonight and since I can't be there for him, please dad watch over him and let him be the man my heart tells me he is. Greatness awaits him in ways only you can unfold each day. Be his guide.  Keep him safe. Guard his heart and let his head rely on you and not facts and fiction. I am a living testimony so I know what you saw and still see in me, you can do the same for this son of a woman. Reward his mother for not just raising a man but a gentleman. He is not perfect as a matter of fact he is lacking in ways only you can mend and meet those needs.

Thank you for being God above all other things.

Yours Loving,
The daughter who calls this my #RealityCheck
A friend Of God.

When you find it......

I now fully understand what my bestfriend is always talking about when she says that she would rather live inlove with the man of her dreams for one day than settle for just any male figure twenty years down the line unhappy. After watching the notebook movie four times I saw it. True love. It doesn't break my heart to watch people settle down too fast or not wanting more out of their relationships but what drives me crazy are the reasons why they got together in the first place and the "I never saw that coming" excuses.

In the words of a very wise lady, pardon my honesty but your age doesn't allow you to tolerate certain shenanigans. You ought to know better by now now that you accepted to be in certain compromising situations. Sure your friends influenced you but at the end of the day who made that decision? Exactly. You weren't complaining when the good times lasted so why do you want us to feel sorry for you now that times have changed? Allow me to go further and say that you are very greedy. You want the package and for society to sympathise!

Live but most importantly live in the moment. If you find what you want then work hard to not only get but maintain it. It's a process. You won't meet today and get married tomorrow. Love is a job which most assume is effortless. Keep the romance alive but most importantly build and focus on God. As the good book says love is patient and  kind. Don't just love , fall inlove.  And that is my #RealityCheck . Have yourselves a warm, calm night full of hope, humility and love checkmates.

Beautiful Lesson

It's not like I don't like writing but having multiple personalities and quite the imagination I tend to drift away from what I truly want to write. It doesn't have to be perfect but it does have to be perfect or else I will just walk away or give up. I am not only talking about writing but all the important decisions I have to make in my personal life. If am going to be inspired it has to be more than just a set of make-belive words. I have to feel and relive every emotion as though as I am pouring out my heart and soul but only I can see the real me.

Yesterday was not a good day neither was it a bad one but today made me realise that it was an eye opener. The worst thing that happens everytime I am inspired by two hearts beating for one another is having to put up walls when in actual sense am an open book. The vulnerable side that I have had to protect for years is out in the open. When asked if am okay, I won't smile and walk away like I am but I will stop and confess that as a matter of fact am having a terrible , no a horrible day.

We all talk of how God works in mysterious ways until it happens to you. By that I mean when you find yourself in a fix. How is it that when you just delegate a simple task for the very first time you ask for a helping hand God uses that to teach you a beautiful Lesson?He watches you lovingly knowing come tomorrow you will have to work on the same thing all over again but this time it will be a tougher day and He will see you through. When he says He will bless the work of your hands He literally means that. Not unless you show me that you want it bad enough and not have someone else be involved in the process of you almost going out of your mind, He will cause the people on the other side to harden their hearts and say no. That's what happens sometimes. God will push and not allow you to use the very same way(s) any other ordinary human being(s) uses.

If you are going to be different, it's bound to be difficult but most importantly, you will have to go, wait and stretch yourself out. Damn, need I add that's my #RealityCheck. 

I Am Willing 2017

I don't want to come off as important but my readers are important to me and although I don't know any of you personally or maybe I do, you deserve my undivided attention whenever I get the chance to blog. Happy New Year Checkmates. We have been granted yet another year to get things done, mend broken relationships,  forgive, make mistakes and learn from them , have new beginnings but above all LOVE.

I intended to blog earlier, I even saved a draft and had a juicy story in my head but I knew the right words rather blog would come to me. It reminds me of everyday life. You know what you want and even how to get it but have you ever felt like the timing was not right? I had to hold myself back just to be sure that when I write and someone reads this tonight they will have faith and a little hope to hold on.

I don't have resolutions or maybe I do and am secretly in denial *laughs* but  I have discovered that my zodiac is very interesting. I am an aquarius woman and boy have I had a good laugh discovering and rediscovering things about myself . It's not for everyone but if you ever have a bad day or just lost please do your inner you a favour and Google your zodiac and thank me later on.

My theme for this year is simple, I Am Willing.  As long as God is in it baibee am the lady for the job. Please step aside. As long as my heart is in it best believe that am in it to win. As long as I have faith it's possible. As long as I have hope I am willing to wait.

Tonight, am willing to slow down and admire the stars. It's such a beautiful night to be someone's #RealityCheck right? Gotta go *wink* 

Goodnight.