Well, I found it again

October was hard. 

The many times I felt so lost and confused but I kept going. It was a sieving month. Getting a balance of when to lend a hand and when to take a step back. Understanding that there is more to me than what I offer others. I come first. 

Am my own priority.

I can still be of service and embrace being sexy. I have had to tone down that feisty side for so long in a way it led me to lose my aggression arousing doubt. I can’t offer that which I don’t already have so I can’t blog unless I have experienced it. 

Well, I found it again.

I have endured so many fights for a while I shut that side of me out. You are already weird with your talents so the world won’t accept you. I have been waiting with my acceptance speech. I have since burnt it . Belonging sounds cool but very boring. So,the compliments I am looking forward to this November are as follows; 

you have changed and who are you!?. 

To my husband out there, buckle up lol 😂 because yours truly is beyond anything and everything you prayed for. I miss you, I miss us. You lucky man #LetsFallInLove Let’s love baibèé 💜 

It's your right to be happy.

And when it’s my turn to be happy, am not asking you to be happy for me.

If you are going to tell my story, start at the very beginning. Talk of how you lend me a shoulder to cry on from the many disappointments life served me. Tell them of how you called me in the middle of the night to encourage and pray with me if not for me. Tell them of how tired I grew and got yet woke up each day full of life to conquer and expectations. 

Tell them because you were there.

 If you weren’t, don’t pick pages from my story either from where I struggled the most to gain relevance and yet it won’t earn you a paycheck. Or from when things started looking up talking about who swept me off my feet and how unfair life is because finally I got my breakthrough and somehow you didn’t. When that time comes, please take it up with God. He designed this.

When it’s my time to be celebrated, learn that it can easily happen for you as well. We weren’t in competition and if we were, I most certainly wasn’t aware of it. You can’t tear others apart and expect to be applauded when life adds up for you. Hold on,KARMA will fix you baibèé

If you see others happy, let them be. Don’t be focused on others, work on yourself. Hurt people will always find a way to transfer that negative energy to others. It’s not your job to explain or understand them if they are not part of your life. 

It’s your right to be happy.

The day others will put their lives on hold to offer me happiness is the day I will return the favor. You can’t stop time and blessings. You can however learn from both.  It’s so much easier to love as opposed to hating. Ladies and gentlemen #LetsFallInLove Let’s love baibèé 💜

You have always been it

I got this lesson from a gospel song. Sometimes God delays things on purpose to glorify himself. The story of Hannah, it’s not like He didn’t know her hearts desire yet it looked as if He didn’t because He allowed that delay over her life to grant her an extraordinary son.

Delay comes with compensation. He is not holding you back just to land you something you can easily obtained on your own. Oh? God is out here to show off. Another example is Moses. Am sure he felt somehow humiliated in his own flesh way considering he had a stutter.

Am looking at it from the human perspective where greater men perhaps rolled their eyes like are you guys sure God called Moses. I mean this man is flawed. Sometimes, we always look at things from this same sad point of view as we assume if it’s of God it should work IMMEDIATELY!

So do you complain or do you obey and continue with the same energy and attitude even in absence? Long story short, there is nothing wrong with you. You just need to get rid of that victim mentality. Everything is not against you. When is it going to be my turn you keep asking?

Any day now baibèé. Hey, chin up darling. Don’t wrinkle your face with worry.I know it hasn’t been easy watching others and having waited those many years. Can I assure you something though, what is yours will come surpass everything you have ever witnessed and seen with others.

When it’s your season, the fears of getting it too late will be an illusion because it will be at the right time. Some of these people you see out here have been living off and surviving on other peoples favor. You think you don’t have it? Sweetheart, you have always been it.

God has been waiting for you to figure it out. Who you are has and will always be enough. We are all created to handle our lives individually. God knows how to take care of His own. Don’t put your life on hold trying to help others live theirs. Don’t postpone yourself sweetheart.

Jesus was placed on this earth to die for mankind so it’s not your job to save others. Lend a hand where you can sure but sacrifice your God given soul to add more life to another? How? Don’t lie to your mind like that. Live baibèé live. Be unapologetically happy. Lol and love as loud and hard as you want. What do you want? What makes you happy? What gets you to that creative side that makes you unstoppable? What sets your heart on fire? What gets you giddy? When was the last time you lived a day without worrying about others or tomorrow? Think about it.

When did you start allowing worry become your center stage? What or who got you this afraid that you have been holding yourself back hiding and burying yourself with others problems and work? When did you start feeling sorry for yourself? What led to all this? You forgot yourself. That side of you is not attractive. Not cute at all so you need a make over. Ofcourse your not the same person you were before are you kidding me. Your body has changed so let’s start from there. What do you tell yourself everytime you admire yourself in the mirror? Positivity!!!

I know I said long story short which I lied. The same way you have been lying to yourself. You have dragged and prolonged things that don’t serve you life anymore. It’s dumping season. It’s not you it’s me, finally realizing I deserve better. It’s time to choose yourself again 💯

You are going to disappoint afew mosquitoes but if it brings you peace, go for it. Trust you me, the right people will always encourage you to pursue your happiness whatever it is. Get your sparks and life back.That’s #SundaySermon so #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé this November

It’s who I am

You only get in life what you ask for. DM to me means Dive Men lol 😂. Take as many respectful risks as you can. It’s like applying for a job. Try your luck anywhere and everyone. Sometimes we worry over things that are temporary. We were created to live and enjoy life.

Don’t be too wrapped up chasing career only to look up and life passed you by. You wonder where and what happened. Your happiness should equally be a priority. What’s the need of having all that if you can’t enjoy it? I had lost that part of me. My season has just begun baibèé 💜

I lost my friend in October. He was brought into my life when I went through a very dark time in my life. I never took him for granted. He always used to share with me how he lived his life. Everytime I would miss him, I recalled his words, hey don’t feel sorry for me, I lived.

That’s why I always extend a hand even when no one asks because someone was there for me. I am carrying forward the kindness. I know what’s it’s like to be alone and have people you know/knew turn they back on you. God will bring people in your life to help you overcome pain.

Sometimes hurt people will recognizes pain even in a room full of celebration. You don’t need to explain, they can see it. So no matter how many times I tell myself I don’t care or not to care, I care even more. It’s who I am. Someone planted that seed of kindness in me.

Someone saw the pain masked behind the brave face. They taught me that’s it’s okay to hurt. Pain is strength camouflaged as cowardice. Not because they feel sorry for you but they see the silent fight and hidden struggles to hold on. They see your light. Don’t dim it.

And so, no one is feeling sorry for you. As long as you have life in you, live and live it well. Make as many memories as you can. Laugh until your head spins and love even with broken pieces. There are angels watching over you, us all so #LetsFallInLove   Let’s 💜baibèé

Until then hun

I have watched wealthy people die and there was nothing that wealth would have done to offer them a spare life or soul. The same with poor people. What they had in common was this, a fair chance to love. I will always go where my heart takes me. I will explore all possibilities.

If it’s up the mountains, watch me hike, low in the valley watch me crawl. As long as I have breath in me and a heart that beats, I will love as if it’s my first time. As if it has never loved anyone else. Who? I don’t remember. I am focused on now and this very moment.

I want to be remembered as the lady who took chances and loved. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be real. I have always wanted to meet my soulmate which I did so now am good to go. What’s next? Meeting my husband and settling down.

Something tells me I have never met him. If I did, I would have settled down right there and then. It’s like men who live with women but never want to marry them. They just know. That’s how I know I have never met my husband. Just amazing men who weren’t the one for me.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. When you know it’s loud and clear. You know it without any questions and doubt. You always have those silent days where you realize damn, that’s why. Fuck!!! I just had a déjà vu. I saw myself write this years ago. I know what happens.I hate such moments when am sure. It’s a gift I struggle with. But not anymore lol 😂. My heart won’t rest until I meet my husband. I don’t know his name that’s why am referring to him as my husband. He is like a maze. If I would walk in a room and he was there, our hearts would beat as one. Only he and I would know. He has a bubbly personality rather character and when he is really happy, he has this ballroom dance. If you have ever watched Mr. Right, he has that way about him that I can’t explain. He is me perfect. He is not what I go for, he is better.

Thinking about him leaves me smiling. Am actually laughing 😂. He has his way about him that gets me. I don’t know who or where he is but I thank God for him. Am a selfish and needy lover so I will keep him to myself when I meet him. Until then hun #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé

To calm me, us down

People only want to give you what’s left of them. The broken pieces for you to figure it out or fix it. Others want to hide their brokenness because they are afraid if they show you their scars, you might withdraw your loyalty and love. I am saving my best side for you.

My dear husband, I don’t know who you are or if we have ever met. For now that’s not up to me. How I value you and who you are is my greatest desire. I have been in vulnerable situations but they were all preparing me for what’s to come when it comes to you. To us.

I don’t just want to go on dates with you, I want to spend the rest of my life going on dates with you. Everything else about me might be off but always know my heart will always do and be right by you. By us. I have to get used to saying that. You and us.

I might just be overwhelmed when I meet you so allow me to share my pre feelings as I await our first hello. I only have one expectation. For my heart to recognize you even in the midst of all this confusion. For your heart to bring clarity and for this to make sense.

Listen, I only know how to be a daughter, sister, Bestfriend and girlfriend. I know how to love and serve. I don’t know how to be a fiancée leave alone a wife!!! Take it easy on me. You will have to teach me and us as you take the lead in this. I trust you with my heart.

 I have watched people fall in and out of love. We won’t be exceptional or special. All I know is you, we,will be worth it. I want to stop writing and run away but I read that if it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. Am out here cursing with middle fingers up. Then I quickly remind my fears and doubt that’s how I felt the first time being someone’s bestfriend and girlfriend. It was terrifying. Now look at me, getting the hang of being a loyal bestfriend. I didn’t hack being the worlds best girlfriend yet I tried. I have experience and so much love to give. 

Oh men, this is crazy. 

So much so that I feel like am loosing my goddamn mind. I will have such times even beingn your wife. FUCK!!! The nerves are kicking in. That’s where you come in sweetheart. To calm me, us down as we learn #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé

I trust my value in your life.

I understand when you do that, it’s out of your own insecurity to test me and see if I will be jealous. You want to see how I will conduct and handle the situation. Please understand am not the jealous kind yet someone before you left a scar there. It woke that insecurity in me.

Am torn between the past me because it brought back an old wound. I promised myself to always put myself first even if that means loving you enough to leave. Again that’s fear from past misunderstandings creeping in. You didn’t cause that bruise yet your actions remind me of it.

I want the best for me and in this case, you bring out the best in me. You are part of my happiness. I am torn enough to admit, realize and want to stay. I have shown you my vulnerability, so tell me babyboy, who left and what has brought back that insecurity in you? It was others before me. It’s not Njeri.

Our connection is deep enough for me to not just ignore this or downplay it. Why do you feel the need to test me? Did I behave in a manner that left you to question me or is simply because you are afraid you love me too much it’s starting to show? You want to feel like your old self again. You are incharge. In total control. I understand because I have been there as well. That's what happens when you fall inlove. You want to take some of it back.  You want to preserve and reserve yourself. How can I have and hold such a place in your heart? Perhaps it wasn’t your intention to fall but it scares you because you have been vulnerable before and it left scars on you again. Like me, you promised to put yourself first. To keep it polite and moving.

I trust you enough to know if you wanted them, you would easily access that and so much more. I am humble enough to accept your hearts decision in choosing me. 

I trust my value in your life. 

This has made me respect you more 😘. 

I am here to stay #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

No one is judging lol 😂

Am in a very good mood. It’s Saturday night. The loneliness has started to creep in and familiar habits are starting to arrive to your pity party. Let’s walk down memory lane. Right before you make that late phone call for a quick chat or entertainment for those desperate enough only tonight you have embraced your truth. It’s not a mistake but you have this arrangement. The silence of the night is not helping. You need action. You figure you have been good for a while but tonight you could sure use some company. Free or paid for. 

No one is judging lol 😂

Before “they” arrive, let’s go back to when you were really inlove. Not now when you have to keep convincing yourself you made the right choice but that one lady/gentleman you had it bad for. They were your world. Everything was about and around them. Until you broke up. Oh yeah!

When was the last time you looked someone deep in their eyes and told them that you were inlove with them. Your body doing the most shaking with excitement, anticipation and a little fear of them not saying it back or feeling the same way? I will go first ladies and gentlemen, I haven’t said it in a while. There is difference between loving someone and being inlove with someone. How about you? Anyway, back to the past. You recall the person whose opinion mattered the most? You felt and told yourself they understood you in ways no one else did. So you loved unselfishly. You gave all you could and even went further and offered more. You felt it was your obligation to be faithful, loyal and be their biggest fan if not source of inspiration. Forget how things ended between the two of you and allow me to ask you this, “Looking back at your love with the ups and downs, do you think life would have been different if the two of you ended up together?” I loved him but not enough to see a future with him. That’s the thing with love, when you have given all you can, the next thing that follows is walking out.

Looking back, there was nothing else left to do. Perhaps having invested years of knowing each other we should still be friends but sometimes certain ends are for the best. They don’t make sense then but now looking back, you do it with gratitude and humility. It was necessary.

I just thought I would share that. You can go back to your usual routine. For those of you who don’t like labels lol 😂 hook up. If you ever bump into your past and you don’t turn to see if they are checking you out, you are completely over them #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Hear me out

What I have come to understand about God, when He wants to separate you, He doesn’t do it with a loving slap on the wrist lol 😂. He ensures it hits you where it hurts the most so that when you try and mend it, there is no looking back. You are DONE DONE!!! 

Hear me out. Walk with me down memory lane or ever since the pandemic for those of you late hurts lol 😆. Welcome. Join us. It’s just dawning on you that they don’t like you like that huh! Oh well, such is life. The rest of us have been wearing such scars beautifully so will you.

OMG 😱 are you crying? Not to sound insensitive but ama need you to stop! Stop right there. I assure you sweetheart by the time God is done, those I pity myself tears will have dried out. If you start talking about something that hurt you and don’t begin with I THANK GOD, He is not done. He needs you to get to a place from where the old you would have kissed and made up to they better not try that bullshit with me. He is breaking old cycles where they had mastered how to manipulate your kindness and naivety and harden you for tougher times ahead.

So calm down and put that matchstick down. You are certainly not setting anything on fire  🔥. Not on Gods watch darling. It feels like death but thats how refining works. The latter you will be happier than the former you. They couldn’t have handled your new success. Trust me!!!

If am lying and you think am wrong or making this shit up, how many people since the hurt have reached out? *crickets* awkward silence. Zero. None. Again, convince me how miserable you are without them 😏😏😏

It’s time to break up with what God has already set on fire 🔥. I like barbecue so unless it’s that kind of smoke going up and out, that other trash burning should be a sign already. Let it go. Let it because it will be worth it in the end #LetsFallInLove  Let’s 💜 baibèé

you can almost taste his words

There are so many layers to this handsome man. There is more to him than what meets the naked eye. You could spend an eternity with him and only realize you only discovered one layer to him. The deeper you get to understand him, the sweeter and sensitive he becomes. He is a fish.

Many ladies have tried. Some pulling the victim card to wheel him in as they know he is such a gentleman and gentle soul, caring is part of him. Others have pulled the independent card as they know grown men are drawn to ladies who barely pay attention to them. 

It has worked.

For those few ladies who have earned his trust have tried to mirror him and in thinking it drew them closer, he had them figured out at hello. He is that smart. He knows on his own he is smart but sometimes the surroundings clouds his mind thus leading him to think otherwise.

He has this like hate approach when it comes to me. He likes that am free enough to embrace my gifts and share them out yet hates that he is not part of that. He has been waiting for me to do a piece on him. So today, his wish has been granted. I have known that for a while. So, I call him Mr. Evasive not because he is reckless but he has so much on his plate sometimes it overwhelms him. Yet he is not one to talk leave alone show it. He has mastered how to stay guarded thus the many layers to him. He is very polite and is always wearing a smile on his face.

Don’t let that handsome smile fool you. 

Remember he is a fish. That’s how he uses reverse psychology. He has hidden gifts that I doubt he shares or shows. Him caring is part of his character. Again, don’t let that fool you. That is his strength. He is good at reading your mind.

Oh I should know, I fell prey when I discovered it two weeks later. Not only that but he speaks silence and souls eloquently. His curiosity is what hardens those deeper layers. And when he offers you a conversation, you can almost taste his words. Suddenly, the fish disappears.

He is neither complicated nor easy to crack. He is purely human with his ups and downs. The reason for all these layers is because he has never had anyone see him the way he desires to been seen. Everyone has a system to their madness turned genius. He is no exception. So he runs.

I can blog all day and still not give you conclusive facts about him because he is imperfectly perfect. I am very careful with my words because he is not your typical gentleman. He is an old soul, well mannered and cultured yet has babyboy ways #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

I have been there. That’s how it starts

I see you are troubled and your soul is lost. Even doing the things that looked and felt familiar don’t quite do it. In a room full of people, you are lonely. With a phone full of numbers, you have no one to call. It kills you to know that you see everyone else around you but no one sees you the way you crave to be seen and heard. They listen but they don’t understand. So you start questioning. Is it that you haven’t done or given enough to earn their trust and loyalty or have you changed? There is good and bad news. 

What do you want first?

Good or bad?

The good news is that you have finally realized yourself and your worth. That’s why the familiar isn’t familiar anymore. It no longer serves it’s purpose which brings me to the bad news which are connected. You have outgrown everyone around you. You crave different people and new familiar. That’s why you are questioning yourself and not the people around you? You are the “problem” not them. Those drinking sprees don’t hit you the way they did before. They leave you feeling worse than before. If anything you start questioning your finances. 

Am I lying?

I am blogging because I have been there. That’s how it starts. You still want to maintain the friendships but the more you hang out the less than smart they appear to you. Why would you even say that? When did I become this person? Your purpose separates you from “wrong” crowds.

The more you fight and ignore it the louder the loneliness and confusion kicks in. You are always previously on lost. Those conversations feel old and jokes are outdated. Everything feels dry and you can almost feel the taste of it in your mouth. Your season with them is over.

Happy new month. 

Welcome to October. 

The people around you equally notices you are changing. Then suddenly, you all stop. The conversations die down, the hanging out and your start enjoying your own company and being drawn to certain individuals. But that’s not you, you tell yourself. So you resist the change. Going back is an option so you give it one last try as you fell out and not on a bad note. The awkwardness is mutual. Finally, you accept and it should feel bad. They were your friends. Yet it doesn’t. You feel free. You will find yourself.

As soon as you stop fighting yourself and what you already know deep down. As soon as you step out in faith and embrace your “new” tribe. Do you need to do the extra to get their attention? Finally, no! You just have to be yourself. Relax and #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

twist of sarcasm and eye contact smirk

There are people who will not recognize you when God is done with you. That’s okay baibèé because they only “want you” how they can associate you by and not who you truly are capable of ever becoming. That’s neither on them nor you. It’s just how it’s meant to be 💯.

Now this is where it gets tricky. When they try and talk down on your progress. At first you will be tempted to slap the taste right out their mouth. I will always keep it brutal with you. Honesty is the sweetest when spoken with a little twist of sarcasm and eye contact smirk 😏.

Understand they don’t know what is going on with you. They haven’t been there for you so how would they know? How do you expect them to? If anyone tries to “correct” what God is doing in your life, that’s a sign sweetheart. They aren’t meant to be in your life at all.

If someone tries to “explain” your blessings like you don’t look the way you used to when in actual sense you are looking your absolute best, smile my darling. That’s how good God got you looking. That is God for you. He will get them wondering of how fast that took for you #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

who does it for you never STOPS

The worst kind of betrayal in my own humble opinion is when physically you get what you have always wanted yet mentally your soul is elsewhere. That is headed for disaster. Eventually, the real you will come out and that is when everything changes #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Your sleeping next to them yet your heart beats for another. Constantly stalking their socials and smiling to yourself. It’s so wrong you don’t even care anymore. They are your fix. Seeing them changes your mood. You share the same frequency and at first it helped spice up your relationship. 

It was fun because your current spouse liked it and it boosted your ego but like any other junkie out there you always want more and MORE. You were careful but now you are reckless you hardly even care if they stay or leave as long as who does it for you never STOPS.

Those are not cracks baibèé, that’s a hole. Don’t ever underestimate the power of the heart. No distance or silence is great or loud enough to shut an already awakened soul. It will always find its way home. Time had you fooled but when it sets its mind up, no one can drag it.

The further away you are, the closer your hearts become. At some point people will walk out of your life because they realize that all this while they had you but they never had the one thing you openly offer someone else. That soul connection between two hearts beating as one ❤️

#KnowYourCrowd

I am my own #MondayMotivaton with my podcast the episode I did on #KnowYourCrowd see the old me would have tolerated alot of bullshit thrown my way. Just as you are living your life elsewhere is the same way I have been enjoying mine. Life didn’t stop. If anything it took off 🛫

I need men to understand this. Just because you didn’t see the value in investing your time in me doesn’t mean God has been silent in my life. I will be honest, I was sad at first but now I embrace that you not caring was a blessing in disguise. You made the BEST DECISION 💯.

You have never had it in you to ever worry about me that’s why it was easy to leave in the first place. I have never done it for you like that that’s why someone else did it for you. It wasn’t a matter of having to choose. I was never in the equation to begin with. Nasty but true

Now here is my truth. Something in me liked you and that’s why I gave you my phone number. I love communication. If we can’t communicate, I don’t see the need of wasting your soul because I will come off as if am imposing myself on you which I will never do. I give and take chances.

So when you send a text years later asking me to remember you, I will remember what you did. The chance you never took. How easy it was for you. How our lives have moved on without each other. Perhaps I craved that hi then but after knowing my crowd, I suddenly miss your silence.

No bad blood. 

To anyone else out there with my number and perhaps it’s taking tough and rough life lessons to now “reconsider” reaching out, kindly delete it. Don’t waste your FREE WhatsApp messages or 1-5 shillings worth sms. I now know my crowd #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

That’s when you know.

I have become extremely emotional. Now I understand why people I admire from afar usually tears up especially when good things happen for them. When all you have had to do was endure and put on brave faces when your world was falling apart, the joy that comes with redemption can’t be hidden 💯

The hardest part in life is teaching yourself to stay when every ounce is determined to leave. When those walls finally come crumbling down. Instead of being closed off, you finally use your words to ask and speak your truth with a smile on your face. 

That’s when you know.

God has allowed and shown me, that indeed now am ready #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé 

who or what comes in my life

I am embracing my soft side. The one I always feel the need to protect not knowing it’s my hidden strength. I am better when I smile. For the longest time pain has been my motivation to keep fighting and write yet when am happy am vulnerable enough to allow inspiration and peace in.

Am an extremely needy lover. I know they say Aquarius ladies don’t show emotions which can be true but it’s because we never get enough reasons to let our guards down. No one is willing to take the time to understand you leave alone let you be you. So like a tortoise 🐢 we hide.

You know how they say when you are loved right, baibèé when you learn to love yourself right, no one can take that power away from you because it’s from deep within yourself. You remain to be happy with or without them. You still get to be you regardless and that’s important.

I believe that’s why people don’t want to try again or fall inlove again because it took a while to be “normal” again. You can’t dictate and say you will only give half of yourself. It doesn’t work like that. Atleast not for me. I don’t know about anyone else but I have ever gotten lost in someone else’s identity. You neglect yourself in going above and beyond for the other person.

 There is compromise then there is foolishness. 

I never want to lose who I am no matter who or what comes in my life. I still get to be me #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

Mixed emotions.

And that is why I love the way I love as if I have never been hurt or betrayed. I know pain. I have been in and out of pain on several occasions yet still I endured. Pain, sadness and sorrow almost robbed me of life. It took everything else like joy and years I will never get back.

There is nothing I can do to turn back time or relieve the past no matter how many times I tell myself there was more to be done. I am done being unfair to myself and those who are present willing with open arms to create memories NOW. I have had a taste of weeping.

 I choose joy

You only start living when you choose another way of life. Let the memories be just that, beautiful lessons. It took living with hatred, anger and bitterness to get me to love. I was tired of being tired cycle and nothing making sense. So one day I found myself smiling again.

I had isolated myself and now that I was done being sad I wanted different. I didn’t want to give it a name like happiness or love. It was too soon. I was lost and confused. Torn and overwhelmed. I wanted in on happy and out of sadness. 

I had to learn on my own. 

Mixed emotions.

Am here to calm those nerves. It’s perfectly normal to kinda want to go back or when someone says something that comes off as offensive which actually isn’t, you are tempted to protect yourself and crawl back to the previous pain. I assure you, that’s not the case dear. It’s fear. You are just afraid of being hurt because you know how long it took even though part of it will never heal completely. You feel as though you will never be the same again. You want to be who you were before the pain. Again, this is very normal. 

Don’t be ashamed or feel less.

Just promise yourself to never look back. Not everyone wants to see you fail, after the pain, everyone God sends your way is here to see you win. There will be a few blocks yet such is life. Don’t let that stop you either. Fulfill your purpose and love yourself. That’s it baibèé

I will finish with this, you didn’t miss your time just because you were hurting. People don’t understand the power of God. While you were hurting, He was preparing the right people to align themselves JUST IN TIME TO MAKE YOU SMILE, LAUGH AND FALL INLOVE YET AGAIN.

differently yet pain is pain

When you are done being sad, that is when your life changes. The only question that plays on repeat is will I ever be happy again? Slowly and with time. All I can tell you is this, you will get there on your own. One day you will wake up and find yourself smiling again.

The pain won’t sting as much but the scars of fear and doubt will frequent. It will be strange seeing yourself differently as worrying had taken center stage in your life for so long, it felt normal.

You won’t forget and will even feel guilty for slowly slipping away from familiar. The hardest part will be trust. Trusting yourself will be a battle between the mind and the heart. Thank God for time. It will drag itself to adopt your inadequacy and still move on for others.

We all suffer differently yet pain is pain. It leaves the usual “bad feeling” and even a glimpse of hopelessness. I say all this to comfort and assure anyone who is sad and is done being sad, the sun will still shine. You will smile again. Perhaps not soon but you,yes you darling will get a reason to believe and hope again. 

You will be presented with yet another opportunity to fall inlove again.

 This time, you won’t be the one to put in all the work. This time sweetheart, someone else will go the extra mile for you #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

I am my own inspiration

I have worked on myself this year. 

The same energy and passion I put into everyone else by delivering encouraging messages and constantly having conversations on my own made me realize I could put my effortlessly vibe into something called a podcast.

If you have ever received any of my messages you will agree that this lady can talk rather text. What can I say, it’s not only in my brain but my fingers as well. These babies can type. It comes to me as I type as am doing right now. It’s never planned or scheduled. I guess it’s a natural gift because I can’t explain how I do what I do and how exciting it makes me. I know what angle and words to choose and turn that into something meaningful. I will not term myself as a writer but I can do this all day long. 

Sometimes I have to hold myself back. 

It overwhelms me

I can have a one person conversation and not get bored. I love listening to myself and thoughts. Listening to my podcast excites me. You should see me correcting myself and laughing at my own sarcasm and jokes. I am brilliantly hilarious. 

I like myself. 

I am my own inspiration.

Everyone needs help and this year I am showing up for myself. I didn’t know I had it in me until I tried it. If you are good at something and it comes to you so easily and continuously, allow me to point it out to you that you ma’am/sir have it. So #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜 baibèé

I was simply “saving” myself

I am writing a heartfelt apology to everyone in my present life and future. I have been working on healing myself and unteaching my mind everything I had and have allowed it to consume especially the negativity. Ladies and gentlemen, am sorry.

I didn’t notice the opportunities around me because I was training myself on how to identify what opportunities are in the first place. When you change from it’s only meant for others to I am allowed to have that? From asking that to practicing it.Familiarizing myself to now accepting it as my own truth. I am sorry for the many times I have had to walk away from situations because I was protecting myself from either being hurt or allowing it anger me.

I was simply “saving” myself.

I have always had to defend myself so someone else offering me any kind of help made me feel weak, inferior and helpless. I need you to understand that I have had to do life all by myself and it has worked perfectly but now it is starting to overwhelming me.I don’t know how to ask for help because the minute I expect it, people somehow seem to either not show up or disappear. That left me very guarded and I ended up putting up walls again to protect myself. I am not only apologizing for taking the time and my time to recognize how to better myself by being a more consistent friend but I am so sorry for making you believe that I was ready to receive the love back though I truly wasn’t ready. I have given myself permission to love and accept again without limitations but I forgot that I too need the love back.

I have never been here to be honest. The people I was used to, were quick to take and leave that I never quite got the chance to expect or receive anything else in return. That’s why I am now more hesitant to lend a hand because having to help feels like I am dealing with someone from the past which is not the case. I am truly sorry and now that I am aware of that, am working on it as well. I am doing my very best in teaching myself how to welcome kindness back into my life. I am slowly understanding that others are very intentional in staying.

Strange but true. 

It’s exciting and confusing. 

It’s a battle between my heart and my head. It has nothing to do with you. Forging me for using this break up line but it’s not you, it’s me. I am sorry. Am not pushing you away, am just offering you my #RealityCheck

I am opening up myself to the many possibilities of now and what the future holds. I was hoping both of us could teach each other while learning from our mistakes and hopefully grow together. This is me now asking and being very intentional #LetsFallInLove Let’s 💜baibèé