How to handle it all

I feel a #SundaySermon storming up inside me. That’s how God does it. One day in advance. When God is done with me, the things that used to upset me sending me to a corner to cry are the very same things that will bring out the David in me. Am making my way towards a but this time am not going to cry, am going to talk to God. I need to know He is with me. I need to be sure He is the one speaking and not fear. I need him to go before me. I am on my knees as a sign of humility because they who kneel before God can stand before anyone. And as soon as I say Amen and open my eyes, it will have happened all too fast I have to slow it down for you to understand. I have been in corners for so long, I know where the stones are even with my eyes shut.

In humbling myself, God will hasten my legs and by the time I am on my feet, am already in a battle zone. Well equipped. Let’s go back to David. The best of the best and am not referring to the action movie here, came to fight Goliath.

When they were done going through all the available options, here comes David. He was a shepherd. That’s all they saw. I recognize David as a trained soldier. You just don’t wake up as King, you are trained and prepared to be one. If you can be entrusted with little, you can be entrusted with much. From herding sheep to later ruling the people. Greatness comes with work. It doesn’t start at the top, it starts from the bottom. Read the Bible and see how God used to do it. How He still does it.

Some of you are in training what looks like of all the blessings God has in heaven, He gave you “the worst job ever”. If Jesus the son of God spoke in parables what of God? He is a master of plot twists in my humble opinion.

When it’s you time, that training has not been in vain. We don’t serve a God who tease, He delivers. The way you look has nothing to do with where you are headed next. It’s what’s in you that is required and will qualify you to being set apart. No one can ape your capabilities 🔥

They may look a certain way. Good for them.They know people on the inside. Wonderful. They have been there for years. Beautiful. Can we now get to the plot twist. The highlight of it all. They are not the people for the job. Njeri, Me? Yes you. There is no BUT here. You are what they have been waiting on and they didn’t know it until Goliath showed up. God will not reveal you until what He has prepared you for is ready. You will not be humiliated or have to wait because God will keep you busy in the training stage. How to handle it all.

Why are you angry when you should be giving thanks. It’s not in your place to tell God when you are ready, for He already knows. If it’s taking way too long it means Goliath is bigger but the leadership or reward is the biggest out of all this mysterious puzzle.

Rejoice and again I say REJOICE 🔥🔥🔥. This will mark the rest of your life. You are not forgotten, you are the element of surprise. You are that special. He can’t go flashing you out just anywhere. You are the man/ lady for the job. You are David #SundaySermon

I am Ruth

When I lost those friendships back then, I was scared. They would obviously have on thing in common which was they no longer liked me. That didn’t hurt me. Are you kidding me ? That broke me. Having people who knew you turn their back on you is like walking into a battle field with nothing to protect yourself with and outnumbered. God how did you do that? When you learn to accept the harsh reality, you automatically become cautious of everyone around you. Just like that I became my own soldier.

I have my weak moments but that only happens when I love. I have given love a try or two or whatever. This date a broke guy grow together, get with an ambitious gentleman he will invest in you madness, yes I have tried and failed miserably. People are out here only for themselves. I avoid drama and where I can I walk away and where I can’t I block it out. LITERALLY!!! So now what am teaching myself of late is this. To not and avoid saying am already used to it. In a way am hindering myself by uttering and projecting the past results.

If am not good at borrowing what makes you assume I will even attempt to beg for something or someone to stay in my life. If anything I will be the first to encourage you to leave. Please let me hold the door for you and kindly don’t ever look back. There is so much more outside. That’s neither fear nor arrogance. It’s knowing I no longer have it in me to entertain and tolerate people or things that don’t grow and push me to grow. That’s why my bestfriend is my best friend. We don’t share the same dreams but we bring out the best in each other as friends. As for my soulmate I remember praying and dedicating that son of a woman wherever he is that if he doesn’t understand and see Gods purpose in my life, don’t let him near me. Erase him from my mind and teach my heart to not love him.

I joke around about alot of things but when it comes to God, I don’t even hesitate. Am a fool for God. It doesn’t have to make sense as long as it’s God ordering it. I will show up. I will deliver. If  God sends me your way, clearly you will learn the hard way. I am Ruth.

There is a reason why my parents named me Ruth. I don’t use my first name because it’s who I am and not just anyone is worthy of my undivided devotion and commitment. For me to do all that you are either a Naomi or Boaz. I must discern your spirit. I have nothing to offer you in the flesh. But as along as when I kneel and call upon the name of God, baibèé I have everything to offer you. I would rather lose the love of my life than who I am in God. No hard feelings but let me walk you out. Bye

I blog because it’s one of Gods gift to me. You don’t need an army by your side to feel safe, secure and loved. You just need to get your relationship with God right and forgive yourself. Learn to love yourself. Accept your shortcomings. Be a decent human being. God will bring everyone who is meant to be in your life stay & newness will blossom. Let them leave. Stop clinging to closed doors. You are amazing to look at and be around if only you paid attention to yourself long enough to realize that. In everything give thanks to God #MyMagazineThoughts

you are what I want

Tonight is one of those nights where I am not going to share poetry as I am awfully generous 😉. I was hoping if I could possibly borrow you for the night. Just for a few hours. You can bring the warmth of your heart and I will allow the sparkle in my eyes to set the mood.

I see that has your attention. Good. I can work with that. Am starting to feel cold and get chills. I wonder why? That’s right, you haven’t closed the distance between us. So am going to need you to draw me in closer to you. As you do that, am slowly starting to feel silly.

What I should have said is now am starting to feel vulnerably shy. Am excited, anxious, scared, confused yet with all these mixed emotions I am still standing inches from you. I want to run away but I can’t. It’s not what I want anyway. This is what I want. You are what I want.

But I can’t tell you. Not just yet. So as I hold your hands and I look deep into those mysterious breathtaking eyes, I stop and let out a long sigh. Then I smile and quickly look away. You just stand there. With a gentle squeeze you allow me to just be lost in my own silence then in almost a whisper I begin opening up. Who you are, what people see and what they say. None of that matters because there is who you are to me, what I see and what am about to start saying for not just tonight, but endless nights to come if God grants us more ahead together.

I always keep my word. I asked to borrow your heart for a few hours and I intend to let you go. I just didn’t want this night to end without reminding your heart how important it is to not only you but to me as well as it’s part of #MyMgazineThoughts . How is that for poetry 💜💜

please don't fall for me

I always trust my gut feeling. If I don’t like you, nothing you ever do or accomplish will ever change my mind. Earning my respect is more valuable than acquiring any material possessions. Am built differently ask anyone who knows me. Impressing me is a job. Many have failed at.

How do you impress me? It’s so easy. Be yourself. If you are bad, come fucked up. I have a soft spot for people who are messed up coz secretly I think am the same in some ways. If you are nice stay true to yourself. Two faced people annoy me. They lack consistency.

I don’t know how to be cute. I wouldn’t know where to start. Am naturally sexy and in charge. It’s in my DNA. My mum is tough while my dad is charismatic. Life is full of choices. I know when to use either, neither and both. Then ofcourse I have my own God given gifts as well.

If I come off difficult, Njeri is not for you. If I come off too easy, again, am not for you. I always speak my mind which has landed me in trouble seeing as I only have one true friend. I embrace the truth. I don’t know how to lie. That sounds like a job on its own.

Pretentious people in my humble opinion are worse than murders. I used to be in girl groups before and was tiring. The lies, unnecessary drama. I have witnessed the shallow shows, make believe. You hear of what ladies do from men and my mind is blown. Sometimes I feel like a man.

What makes me beautiful is my story. What will make you stand out to me is your story. This is real life and not social media where I will offer you free emojis. I don’t offer such services here. When you are wrong, I will not agree with you to stroke your ego, I will be honest.

If I like you, I genuinely will show you and if I don’t, we all can’t be popular now can we? Fuck am not. Welcome to my life. In the words of Kendrick Sit down! Be humble. Such is life sweetheart. Familiarize yourself with the system. Know your place.

Am rare baibèé. You will never find another Njeri like me out there. God took His time with me. Not to brag but am special. Even the compliments I get are different. You’re a bitch, you’re not okay in the head. See, SPECIAL. That’s from people who don’t know me. Thank you all

At first when you meet in person you will be shocked. The magic is in my mouth *stops and stares at the imaginary perverts reading this* BEHAVE YOURSELVES. The first time I speak you will be shocked. I speak my mind with no filter. The second time, you will be torn. You will slowly start to expect the same reaction. Oh I never disappoint. The second remark is always worse than the first. The third one will get you smiling. Am my father’s daughter remember. I am very charismatic. You will start liking me. You will be sold on my bullshit. I am my mother’s daughter. I come off tough and uninterested until you get used to me and finally realize am actually charming. PLEASE DONT FALL FOR ME. Don’t be greedy either. You can’t have me all to yourself. Don’t get attached. That’s where most men have gone wrong.

Every man has something to offer each lady. I have so much to offer so I always walk away if you have less to match what am already offering. What am I supposed to do if you can’t even turn me on? Am yet to meet a man who meets my needs. You are not the problem, I am. I want MORE.....

My purpose in life is not to change anyone. If you are not happy with yourself no one can make you happy. I am honest with myself to stay and be alone until I meet the man / my soulmate who makes me as happy as I make myself #MyMagazineThoughts

dont set yourself up for failure

#Freeday I wish people knew this. Don’t ever play games with people who have been hurt because it makes it so much easier for them to walk away. It brings back a familiar disappointment. Sometimes, the wrong action can lead to the wrong reaction. Don’t set yourself up for failure.

You still wonder why people are always leaving. No one wants to be put on the spot. Everyone is too afraid of you to even bring it up. They become scared of you. Not me though. Am brave enough to tell you the truth then distance myself from a meaningless investment. You walk around broken and way guarded as if someone wants something from you. Such people amaze me. Am a giver not a taker. Sometimes life knocks you out so many times you assume everyone is out to get you. Get what exactly? Learn to relax. Calm down.

I prayed and still pray for God to open my eyes. I want to see and not overlook my blessings because sometimes they are disguised as something completely different. Stay open minded. Accept what is for me and walk away from what isn’t. But not dwell. No sir, life has to go on. My bestfriend thinks mind games are hot. I think mind games are childish. A complete waste of time. Go work on yourself but don’t be selfish enough to assume I will put my life on hold to wait. If am ready, my soulmate is equally ready.

In playing mind games aren’t you pushing someone away? Aren’t you giving them reasons to replace or notice someone else who is actually forthcoming with them? Why are we mad when we get what we want? Don’t gamble with peoples emotions.

What if one day your child will come home crying. Before consoling them, am sure you would think of ways to get even with the culprit behind it. Only for them to tell you someone is misleading them. Wouldn’t that break your heart? You are someone’s child. Life has already tested you enough times. This Godly gift that is free comes with its ups and downs. I want to play mind games with you first then hopefully if am convinced that I like what I see, I might think of pursuing you. MAYBE!!! No promises. Isn’t that utter rubbish? That’s the way I see it. You want to juggle as you keep other options open and entertaining. That’s immaturity. Such people have no place in my life. I value God, honesty and loyalty in that order. No one should ever tolerate such antics.

There is something someone told me today. You are bold. I happily agreed with a smile on my face. I will tell you what I told him. I am bold because I have no room for fear in my life. I know whose I am. I only fear God. That’s where I draw my strength to #MyMagazineThoughts

numb to pain

It’s so easy now for someone to look at you and like you. It’s so easy for someone to fall for you. You can read through my feed and draw conclusions of how easy I might come off. Goodness it took the very best to get me ready for now. God has worked wonders on me.

There were times I never looked at myself coz all I saw was failure and the insecurities rubbed in like a motherfucker. My playlist was full of sad songs. Understand this, when someone hurts you and betrays your trust you can’t brush it off. That pain stays with you for a while. 

That’s why am over protective of myself. I had to relearn myself. What my strengths are. What my weaknesses are. I wasn’t in a dark place. Baibèé I took that darkness everywhere I went. I embraced the darkness and became it. I was dead on the inside. Numb to pain.

I was done with God. Life. Yet for some reason I wasn’t ready to pack and accept the job in hell. Silencing the voices in my head was hard. Year after year after year. I didn’t find God. God found me. He didn’t give me much to work with but He made sure I felt his presence.

I never forgot and I never want to as that’s what keeps me from ever going back. It motivates me to achieve the impossible.

Am not the way I am because someone disappointed me on the contrary am tough because it took God a long time to perfect this masterpiece you see here today. It took alot of work and the right people to be this amazing. I can’t afford to let them down.

I will never settle for anyone less than what God has envisioned for me. As a matter of fact, God take your time to perfect him to my specifications. We need to fit each other perfectly. Don’t ever rush God or life will knock you down. Take your time baibèé .......

To my Soulmate, as long as God grants me life, where do you think your fine ass is heading without me? The old me was too messy and it would have been unfair to place that much burden on someone’s son. You deserve the now me. Crazy af but still under construction. Let’s be honest, would the younger immature you have noticed me or you were busy chasing skirts left, right and center? I ain’t mad. Am not even jealous. I just hope that experience won’t go to waste when it’s out time if you know what I mean *wink*. God is still working on me darling *laughing sheepishly*

It’s so easy to fall for something finished. Somedays I will come off broken but I won’t stay that way. I will never take it out on you. I promise to share #MyMagazineThoughts throughout. Sometimes I will be more loyal to others but never question my unwavering loyalty and love

WAKE UP!!!

There are two types of people. Those who wake up motivated and those who take their time to get motivated. Then ofcourse there is Njeri. Listen if I don’t live motivated ama lose my damn mind. I almost lost my mind remember. Awww you are NEW here. Welcome to #MyMagazineThoughts

 I don’t know what September has instored for me but I am sure there is something or someone NEW for me. That’s one way to look at it. Whatever bullshit this month has, fuck it am down!!! That’s another way. Neither is better than the other. That’s all on you to decide. The way you view and value yourself this month doesn’t depend on anyone other than yourself. Guess who is to blame if nothing works out? YOU!!! If you are waiting for someone, anyone, anybody to come show you how to live your life, kindly slap yourself on my behalf. WAKE UP!!!

Wake the fuck up sweetheart. From your dirty pity party and get into the shower. You don’t own a shower? No problem. Get a friend who owns one coz basin water won’t work. You need to scrub that lazy mentality of waiting for a hero to come in and save the day to depart your life. 

Guess who your NEW hero is? YOU!!! Who is to say life won’t bring you what and who you want? On a scale of life and death, how willing are you to ensure whatever you desire is accomplished? Get back in the game. Play it like you never stopped. No more room for giving up.

Forget everyone else and what they are or have achieved. Focus on yourself. Your strengths. It might not be much but no one else can do it the way you can so use that & bank on it because that’s what makes you a masterpiece. There can only be one you so be freaking amazing at it.

What about your flaws? What about them? They make you human. That’s what. Listen, let your flaws be your motivation of never allowing anyone or anything get you back to the comfort of sitting out life when you should be exploring it. Enjoy September reading #MyMagazineThoughts