numb to pain

It’s so easy now for someone to look at you and like you. It’s so easy for someone to fall for you. You can read through my feed and draw conclusions of how easy I might come off. Goodness it took the very best to get me ready for now. God has worked wonders on me.

There were times I never looked at myself coz all I saw was failure and the insecurities rubbed in like a motherfucker. My playlist was full of sad songs. Understand this, when someone hurts you and betrays your trust you can’t brush it off. That pain stays with you for a while. 

That’s why am over protective of myself. I had to relearn myself. What my strengths are. What my weaknesses are. I wasn’t in a dark place. Baibèé I took that darkness everywhere I went. I embraced the darkness and became it. I was dead on the inside. Numb to pain.

I was done with God. Life. Yet for some reason I wasn’t ready to pack and accept the job in hell. Silencing the voices in my head was hard. Year after year after year. I didn’t find God. God found me. He didn’t give me much to work with but He made sure I felt his presence.

I never forgot and I never want to as that’s what keeps me from ever going back. It motivates me to achieve the impossible.

Am not the way I am because someone disappointed me on the contrary am tough because it took God a long time to perfect this masterpiece you see here today. It took alot of work and the right people to be this amazing. I can’t afford to let them down.

I will never settle for anyone less than what God has envisioned for me. As a matter of fact, God take your time to perfect him to my specifications. We need to fit each other perfectly. Don’t ever rush God or life will knock you down. Take your time baibèé .......

To my Soulmate, as long as God grants me life, where do you think your fine ass is heading without me? The old me was too messy and it would have been unfair to place that much burden on someone’s son. You deserve the now me. Crazy af but still under construction. Let’s be honest, would the younger immature you have noticed me or you were busy chasing skirts left, right and center? I ain’t mad. Am not even jealous. I just hope that experience won’t go to waste when it’s out time if you know what I mean *wink*. God is still working on me darling *laughing sheepishly*

It’s so easy to fall for something finished. Somedays I will come off broken but I won’t stay that way. I will never take it out on you. I promise to share #MyMagazineThoughts throughout. Sometimes I will be more loyal to others but never question my unwavering loyalty and love