Good Bye September

It was beautiful while it lasted. Oh September right from August I knew there was something dark about you. I couldn't quite put my finger to it but I knew you were going to surprise me in a not so me way. I even asked around and felt encouraged on learning a friend has a birthday in this mysterious month though deep down I shared my uncertainty with him about you.

I knew I had to go through you to get to where I look forward to. To bein with acting like I am going to miss you is not my style so until next year please September be good to me. 

With rewards comes sacrifice. People say January is hell on earth but you son of a woman deserve an Oscar for keeping me on my toes in a way I would rather forget. You weren't awful just not what I had in mind. I had expectations. I always have monthly expectations and yours felt more of like someone " Hi5 'ved my face". 

I will take what you taught me and use it to get through what is left of this year. Despite it all, we had our own little fun. You stood out and roughed this already tough cookie. 

Thank you September and whatever happens know that you will always hold a special place in my brain and heart. You had the bitter sweet effect I have always craved for. 

Bye darling....

And that is my September #RealityCheck 

My kind of jeans

This is something I have been struggling with for the longest time. In my life time I have only had one or two pairs of jeans that did wonders to my brain. 

I want to own a jeans clothing line but haven't almost everyone we know. You always feel like you have that special touch that would boost leave alone the physical but the emotional side of both men and women. 

I am a sucker for a man who knows how to dress his body. We will have a suit talk but for now let's talk denim. When a man puts on a "mum Jean " that to me is a cry for help. He is so comfortable that he doesn't care what the rest of you think. Do you have any idea how long it took him to pull the look. Well I wouldn't know considering I am a lady. 

Gentlemen don't get me wrong but the tight Jean look only looks good on a particular kind of a man. Take Chris Brown for example that man looks good in anything he puts on. Then there is the gentleman kind of Jean that you would find on Tyrese or Trey Songz. I like my men tall but having said that I don't mean to compare the good everyday man with these men. You are a unique individual so let's stay clear of the cigarette pants and mum jeans. 

The shade has to be right for the men. I don't have a problem with men wearing bright colors but to me it's a turn off. You come off trying too hard. Again that is my opinion. I am not into trends so I would appreciate if my man was the conservative type as well. 

Ladies would agree with me on this that is ladies of a particular age. We all want that Jean that hugs your body just about right, not too tight around the wait and grabs your thighs in position and makes you want to drop like you are hot when you turn around. That priceless feeling is better than hearing the man you are inlove with brag about you in public. It feels like the jeans and you are one. You don't even need to be complemented because you already feel and see it. It makes you feel and act important. 

The wrong pair of jeans can make even a strong superwoman like myself insecure in seconds. No one wants to feel as though you have diapers on when instead of it holding your curves in position shows the opposite. Emotionally you not only feel unattractive but not good enough. Take notes gentlemen. It is not easy so when you see her in her pair of jeans you better act you are seeing her nude for the very first time. Too much I don't think so. 

For now I am still I search of that #RealityCheck pair of jeans. 

What is going on?

I am going through the lyrics word by word trying to figure out what's going on with you. So I decided to google and find the meaning behind your words. No dictionary is clear enough to explain what I want to see so I decide to go out of my way and think in my mother tongue but in vain. I feel like I need a special brain dictionary custom made for my brain. 

I would ask you what is going on but I already know the answer to all that. So I decide to put myself in your shoes and understanding what was going through my mind back then I did what I did and I am shocked by the results. I feel like I am writing but in my mind I am rapping. 

See only you gets and brings out this side of me but like we both know we are too proud to work on it. Unlike you though I am here blogging and hoping that a younger or older version of me gets this before they let a good thing slip away. This is also for everyone else lost and well locked out in our world. 

No matter how many times I will try and explain, they will never understand and that is okay because somehow I know you will. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

8pm

When something in you awakens, you never look back. That alone is reason enough to go from hero to zero. Have you ever looked at today's relationships and thought to yourself like is one woman ever enough for this modern man?

Being single I am hesitant to go back to the dating world and even though this is not a big deal to most of you, I can't help but wonder will my mysterious man ever look at me and say baibèé you are enough. Sure good enough to take to the village but not good enough to bring to your office party. 

I am just curious like are there such men left or will you get bored after having test driven the life out of me only to purchase a new car? Old cars belong in the garage so in this case old or dying men. 

Good things take time but what if one month is all I have to offer? Forget act like a lady think like a man rules, how about we make our own rules. Will that be enough to get your heart beating for me while your eyes wonder in search for more?

I don't know but for now this is my #RealityCheck 

Good vs bad

I have borrowed the idea of matching up the good against the bad from why did I get married.

It turns out that there is more to who this man is in my life over what I want to feed my mind. Good things about him in less than thirty minutes four pages against two pages of what I don't like about him. 

I don't quite remember what she said about if the good out weighs the bad all I recall is her saying if it's bad then to hell with it. I will have to rewatch to see what am supposed to do with this good result. 

The reason why I decided to share this not my results but this experience is because it's therapeutic. You don't have to keep feeling like you are weighing everyone around you down with the same old ," I care but I don't want to act on it". Heaven knows am tired of always having to ask, so what do you think? No allow me to figure it out on my own. I know you have a lot going on with you so I got myself in this mess/love so I will be the one to save myself. 

Friends are priceless but when you learn to handle things on your own not perfectly but when you sit down and be brutally honest alone and realize you had the answers all along life gets easier. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

Life in session

How do you expect to learn if you cannot be taught? I recall the many times I kept saying and still say,"It's not my thing". The reason for always using such words is to talk not only myself from doing it but to talk the person telling rather asking me to do it know that I have already blocked the idea out. So I am writing out my weakness in the hope of actually righting it. I am not going to or bring asked to fall inlove with the task but the reason why they entrusted me with it in the first place was because they knew I would deliver and deliver it well.

So am not going to block out suggestions even though they are not what am used to but I will gladly take it up because someone is willing to not only ask for my help but entrust me to deliver.  It is an honor having yo go to bed knowing I made a difference in someone's life.

You are all probably wondering what got me going tonight. Well it's tea! I do not care for any cup as long as it's not milk I have already blocked the idea out. I don't mind preparing a meal for an entire family of ten or more or doing the dishes after but having to prepare a cup of tea feels like I am being forced to wear two inch heels. Like are you kidding me? This is Africa to be specific Kenya and Kenyans love their tea but I don't unless it's on a cold day. What ever happened to offering people a glass of water? Yes, let's bring that back!

For the sake of those I care and around me, I am starting today going to start liking the idea of preparing tea and serving it with a smile on my face. I used to be this selfless girl but when I realised that people took advantage of my kindness I joined the selfish crowd. Who knows perhaps my future has tea lots of it coming...... oh boy! I am going to purchase a kiss the cook apron just to motivate me.

Tea anyone?

And that is my #RealityCheck

lost if not caught in the moment

What happens when you pray and God decides to give you a break?What do you do when your prayers are answered? I am still struggling with this. That is one of the reasons why I haven't been here in a while. I have so much to write about but when God stopped me everything came crashing in. When you are used to certain outcomes you always make other plans to make a come back. So what am I supposed to do when my plans *in my head* are "ruined". I hope I am making sense because I am not to myself anyway.

I am no longer incharge so I am forced to wait. In other words I don't know of what to do next. I am faced with a what now situation. You read my mind. I want to pack wait I don't even have the time to gather anything like I just want to run. Just when I internalized the self made lie that it was all in my head. ...run baby girl ....run I get a reality check. You need to commit. Wait what!? Are you asking me to stay? I feel as though this is a joke but then again am not laughing.

What do you give for all what you got?Are you demanding more than you give?What do people get when they get you? You have been more casual than committed.

I will leave you with this for now as a #RealityCheck