#Truthsday being with a gentleman I really like and wishing I wasn’t celibate. I would have rocked your world. Everyone in your life would hate me right now. I am not hypocritical that’s why am sharing my truth. I am purposefully celibate because I know what am capable of.
It’s not easy. Being celibate is the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life. Especially when God sends attractive gentlemen my way. Seriously God? It doesn’t help the fact that am extremely imaginative and a certified day dreamer. If all I do is smile alone AM SORRY!
Before, my biggest fear was if I don’t give it up, he might leave. Now, that is my greatest strength. Knowing I am celibate. It has helped me focus on myself enough to walk away from gentlemen who only have selfish needs towards me. Am flattered but no thank you. I want different. From how do you walk away from all that to I am actually walking away from all that, and I am okay with that. Not because it’s not what I want but I would rather lose you than lose myself in trying to please you. I am so worth the wait. If they only knew ..........
No one wants to be vulnerable enough to be honest. Listen Romeo, before you, someone else fucked up!!! We both did. I thought he was special only he wasn’t and I made the decision to not make that mistake ever again. It took a while to get over him. Then I started dating myself.
I still stayed open minded to meeting an amazing man and when that didn’t happen, I realized I actually enjoy my own company. The more I discovered myself the more aware and protective of my heart and body I got. See, I already have this system where, the only man in my life is God. My father and brothers already have their lives figured out although they are great supporters. Somehow I have managed. I don’t know you. I would hate to say this but I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE. I have seen it play out. That’s what my mind is telling me. You scare me.
I thought I was doing okay on my own until I started feeling this sudden urge to NEED you. Unlike the past experiences, I have never needed anyone before. Since it’s strange, am allowing myself to ignore the feeling and you, hoping you and it will go away.
I was just getting comfortable. I was hoping for different. I was praying for different and when it never showed up, I assumed I had unrealistic expectations. I can’t recognize you as I have never had different before. That’s my TRUTH. These are #MyMagazineThoughts on celibacy
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