I couldn't hold back the tears

Dear soulmate,

Today is not one of those days I write to you of how I miss or can’t wait for us. There is something you need to know about me. Before you walk in my life aware that it’s me you are choosing above everyone else, I need you to read this. It’s okay for me to cry.

Today was a hard day at work. God has been gracious through out this pandemic. It’s not business am worried about. It’s the people I care about. I know God knows how to take care of His own and I say it all the time but sometimes I worry about them.

I tend to worry more for them than I do over myself. Baibèé I am a warrior. As my bestfriend tells me, I always find a way to pick myself up and fight some more. Today somehow I lost that strength. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hold back the tears.

I know so much more awaits and that is what broke my heart on their behalf. I locked myself in the washroom and I had my moment with God. So I wept and let it all out. I wasn’t talking to my friend, I was pouring out my frustrations and moments of weakness to God my father.

Sometimes you have to do what you must do to get to the other side. I wanted God. I needed God more today than I did yesterday. As I write this, I feel my strength has been renewed because I believe all things work for my good and those who not only love but seek God.

There are days I will look at you and lock myself in the washroom praying on your behalf because I will want greatness more for you than you will want it for yourself. Out of all the cute nicknames you will have for me I hope Blessed and warrior are your two favorite things about me. It’s okay to cry. That doesn’t make me a little bitch or weak. It makes me human. It means it means I care so much more that what meets the naked eyes. 

I just thought I would share #MyMagazineThoughts . 

Until we meet,

Yours faithfully, 

Njeri.