The Prodigal Son Part II

I urge you my dear reader to never be afraid nor ashamed of sharing your experience. It is never to "out" another person or air your own dirty laundry but someone of us are meant to go through such processes to be a voice. I take my blogging as a positive platform to encourage those who are secretly considering taking their own lives, those who think they are alone in this of which it's not the case and those who are not willing to come to terms with reality. For those of you bored and are looking for something to keep them entertained I deeply apologize for misleading you. Not everything is for everyone and happily in my case this is not your thing either. Sorry!

So now that we got that cleared let's go back to " the lost son". I have already identified my lost case seeing rather testifying that I too was a lost well closed case or so I thought. Nothing just happens. Everything happens for a reason both good and bad. I know much about the bad because at times I feel as though I have been living under a dark grey cloud. It is ever raining and not just raining but heavily. I could sure use some sunshine but it is through the drought that I have come to appreciate it all. 

Ladies, I hear you only appreciate a good man when you have dated a bad man. There is no bad man just that he wasn't ready for your ridiculous awesomeness. In my little blog such words exist. 

It is not up to you to judge the prodigal son especially when you can relate. When you were down and alone what is the one thing you craved for the most? Love, hope and someone to assure you that it gets better. So why are you acting as if you are better than her/him? 

Luke 15:17 " When he came to his senses that is the part I love the most about this story. He/she is not a gone case. Don't turn your back when they need you the most. Borrow afew pointers from Blind Devotion. Hang in there. It gets better.  My secret is simple. I am praying for him reminding God why he deserves a second chance. 

Then comes the selfless part. No am not asking you ladies to be like the bitter brother. You remember how he left and what he has been up to perhaps with other women. But I urge you if your intentions are good and you have a pure heart be like the father and celebrate that he was dead and now he is alive ; he was lost  and now he is found." 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

6:22pm

Oh young love. Watching these  high school kids go at it leaves me thinking of myself back in the day. Was I rebellious why Ofcourse. But being in a realtionship was the last thing on my mind. I was suffering from my own insecurities to allow someone else point them out. 

An old fashioned in afew ways. All I wanted was a kiss. I never drunk even though believe it or not I used to hide the liquor for the guys in our class in my locker. No I never smoked weed or did drugs. I guess that is why hanging out with guys made it easier for both parties. 

I guess at this day and age it's hard to find boys and girls being just friends. Is that why ladies and gentlemen can't be friends without the benefits? Sad. I know what you are thinking. I already have enough friends like why would I just invite a lady out to have a conversation over a cup of coffee? The coffee won't pay for itself now will it? I hear you although in my opinion yes just my opinion I think you have a Stone Age mentality. 

There is more to life than taking each other's clothes off. Or does it just exist in my head? 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

The prodigal son

Isolation is the last step before destruction. I am about to foretell what is about to happen. Your downfall will come as a surprise to many but not me. I know where your heart is but you have always had the wrong attitude. I admire your courage and efforts but only a mothers love can save you this time. If she can pray for your soul, God will have mercy on you. 

Humble yourself young man and God will take you places no eyes have seen it ears have heard. If only you would pay attention to God and not the gifts you have been entrusted in. You have celebrated the blessings more than the one who honored you. 

You will be fine in the end for you will learn the hard way. This is not just a blog this Sunday afternoon. This is my heartfelt story for what is already happening behind the scenes. Seek God and he will guide you on your way back home. 

The prodigal son. That is who I call you. I hope you read this sooner than later. No one can get to you because you think you know and have it all. All that is about to change. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

4:38

I always tell my BFF that when a lady you secretly root for without her knowledge as far men go starts acting hostile towards you it means she sees something in you that you don't see. Pleas let me explain. Ladies kindly take a seat before hitting the club becaus this could be the blog that changed everything you thought you knew about yourself. 

She has no idea that you are her biggest fan saying nothing less of how amazing she is and that any of your male friends should take a chanc on. But then out if no where she develops an attitude and you think to yourself perhaps she has a bad day, we all have one of those but when it finally dawns on you that she has become somehow hostile towards you please don't return the favor. 

She is not the problem you are. See ladies when you are nice and good to other ladies it doesn't make you less attractive but rather it genuinely shows of how beautiful your heart and pure your soul is. So instead of others seeing the beauty in her, they start to see the beauty in you. That is my secret day to day hand and body lotion please do not misuse this information. 

Where was I oh I tend to be lost in my thoughts. So what you are doing is transferring your positive energy towards them but in real sense you are indirectly releasing any negative thought about them by paying them a complement which leaves you feeling at ease. 

I will let you in on anothe secret. She can't stand you because she sees and knows that you are a threat. You have something that she wants but can't have. It's not anything tangible to be honest but she fails to understand what either her man or a man she is interested in sees in you. For all your naive self knows us you and him are just friends. It's that chemistry and effortless smile you bring out in that man that she craves the most. 

Ladies, the more you fight it the uglier you appear to that man. I have already said enough. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

9am

I want to give up. I want to to give up so bad that when I hear the mention of your name I have to figure out if you are my fan or not. I feel like you are everyone's superhero but never show up when it comes to me. Friday is the new Monday whereby I feel the entire week has drained everything good from me. 

I am strong enough on my own but at times I wish you could atleast pretend to offer to help knowing very well that I would turn the offer down but it's the thought that counts. 

I am not giving up even though I wish you would get out of the way .... Like pave way for the rest of us but something deep down *hope* tells me to stop trying to fool myself and wait . I might look the other cheek but am afraid you might like that side of me as well. 

5.59pm

That is how you know you are either over someone or inlove with them. When you get the chance to get even but you choose not to. You honestly don't expect an applause from the other party but when you are all alone and you look back at the opportunity and somehow find the strength to stay humble that speaks volumes. You have not only grown as a human being but you are ready for what life unveils next. 

It's never much but isn't that what life is all about the little things. Words like am sorry, until next time, I miss you, am proud of you , I am thinking about you, I care and I love you. Those are small words to some but to the rest of us if wrongly used can leave deep wounds. 

So the next time you are presented with a get even situation just take a moment and think if there is a difference between you and the party you involved. That will determine if you are still stuck in the season or use it as a reason to figure out what next for yourself. 

Will it pay off, try it and tell me how it goes. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

Dreams

Hold on to your dreams because they are  the one thing no one can rob you off. But the worst thing that could happen would be watching someone else live your dream. Like don't just dream but start living if not acting out your dream. 

When you dream you have nothing to loose. It could either come true or not. Don't fantasize then dream and act all *its    God given* it's a confirmation from heaven. No let's be realistic. Don't obsess with your dream either. Just like love it will unfold naturally. 

The more you want it, the worse reality gets. The more you want to be inlove the more lonely you become. When you least expect it love happens. Well is strikes. Well so do dreams. When you are just about "done" it comes true. 

Don't just hold on to your dreams with a big spoon or shovel waiting to hide what you think might be "stolen", live your life full of expectancy. It might not be today or yesterday or tomorrow but it could be the day after you finally calm down. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

My 11:50am

It's a shame that we are always looking for inspiration everywhere else but never in the people who stayed when everyone else left. We always complain of how things are not looking up while we are the ones looking down on the blessings in our lives. How can you ask for more when you barely notice the plenty already surrounding you. 

Life rather real life events have opened my eyes. The baggages we already have and the ones we always want to drag along to new places are part of the reason why more is never enough. 

If you want that good man ladies you have got to stop dragging your bad experiences with bad men in the already positive atmosphere. Gentlemen if you want that one of a kind lady you have got to change your mindset and game plan. New strategy. If she is worth it she will be worth the struggle. Don't settle for the already readily available lady who appeared just when you hit the jack pot. 

Easy come easy go. You invest so much in getting ahead only to realize that what you should have been doing was appreciate and give a little more attention to what life has presented you. There is what you go for and what life has presented you. Whatever you decide know that time will not sit still on the other side waiting for you. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

From my heart to yours

Am going to need something strong to keep me well blacked out. I can't sleep. I am battling with my heart. My head and heart are in agreement that I am missing you. I would rather read old magazines or count sheep than admit to your face. 

Life goes on. Love is not a walk in a rose garden with petals and beautiful lighting. Love is not about having the right gown on or even any make up on. Love is expressing how you feel. Using words to creatively reward the mind and heart. 

Am sorry but please allow me to miss you just for tonight. 

To the wondering hearts out there this is from mind to yours #RealityCheck 

Preparations

Let me start by saying that I am proud of myself. If yesterday was a test honestly speaking on a personal level I failed miserably but on a challenge one, I out dis myself. I brought down those self made walls termed as shy. 

I used to be a social happy human being now am only happy sometimes and as for making new friends well you could say that ship drowned along with the titanic. I only go for the casual hi and bye and major in going silent on the party that I least approve of. I could come off as arrogant but in real sense am distancing myself to listen to my inner voice. Should I trust you? Can I trust you? That is why I always leave room for serendipity. You have my attention so go ahead and do you. 

I knew August had some hidden fun in it but if I was going to enjoy it I would have to go out of my comfort zone. Who wants to do that? Definitely not me. Yes I always convince myself there is plenty of time to have fun after having invested and accomplished. Then it hit me. I had four months to a new year. My life is on the right track but I can do more. 

In preparation of the good times ahead, I am planning on bringing down more self made barrier. I feel guilty for enjoying myself. For people who are used to routines trying to squeeze in change can lead to misunderstandings. 

I am glad I took a step of faith. I also learnt that when you sarcrifice, it pays off. Did it pay off, you will have to wait and see .

And that is my #RealityCheck 

Misunderstanding

Don't let misunderstandings cloud your judgement. What you interpret sometimes gets in the way of your happiness. In the heat of a moment you find youself throwing away beautiful memories only to regret later on. 

I don't want to be that kind of a lady. I am human and will blow things out of proportion but I will try my level best not to allow what I see or hear block out what and who you already are to me and mylife. 

I am not saying we will kiss and make up acting as though we are video vixens of "us against the world" . This is real life so there is no rehasal just light, camera and action. We will argue but I will take time to reflect if I was quick to overreact or you have been stringing me along on your journey of "whatever happens happens" 

And that is my #RealityCheck  

My 11 o'clock Reality

So am minding my own business trying to make ends meet by doing what I do best and no not smiling my way to the top the easy way but am comfortable with the game plan life has presented me. 

Then this somehow shy gentleman walks right up to me. We exchange our halos and what not trying to keep the conversation interesting if not going then he finally decides to ask if am married. As usual I laugh thinking to myself just my lack just when am alone doesn't mean am supposed to look, act and carry myself as though am neglected. 

I always knew he liked me and had asked me out but I never took the invitation seriously. Out of mere curiosity I teasingly ask why he never took me on an actual date secretly scared of his response. No one wants to appear unattractive not even to the "oh hell no type of man". I say what others murmur. So he takes a deep breath, smiles and looks down. Wait was I that bad!? I think and just like that paranoia takes over and I find myself assuring him that I will not be offended. As a matter of fact we will laugh it off. 

"You are too intimidating.It was not you, it was me. I wasn't ready ready for you then financially. But now I am ." It broke my heart hearing this man confess over the last thing on my mind. I don't disagree as a man if you can't provide it will be an issue but that is not a reason enough to not go for it. Anyway let me nurse my heart while trying my best bit to intimidate more men. 

My indeed  #RealityCheck

My 12pm

Some of us learn through mistakes while the rest of us are lucky enough to leave through someone else's mistakes. But what saddens me is when you think you are better than the one before you while you are headed for the same hole. 

It takes someone humble to not allow "attention" get the best of them. I am allowed to make afew mistakes but none from foolishness. To me anyone who entertains now tell rather shows me who they truly are. I don't mind you celebrating in the moment but living in the moment is just going too far. 

This is where I take a step back and watch you ruin yourself. Rather I grab a seat and predict your downfall step by step in my mind. You bet am betting on you secretly. The minute you start acting important, you are immediately replaced. 

Then it hits you. You thought you were relevant but #RealityCheck proves that you were nothing short of a phase. Life has a way of putting people in their places. 

6:14pm

It's hard to find a real lady this days but you know what is even harder finding rather a real man making his way towards you. The only time men and women agree is when they are high either on each other or on other substances. 

Allow me to use " finding" for now though I am old fashioned and believe in being sought after. So "finding" a man who can be himself around you is nothing short of a miracle. I am not talking about the class clown who never knows when to switch up the play . I am talking about a legible gentleman who is willing to be himself around a lady. Or does it take a special lady to unveil the big reveal *laughs*. 

I have been fortunate enough to "come across" such men. In a way am always attracted if not attracting them with who I am as a person. Men are always complaining of how we ladies have become so "fake" from out hair to our veins . It's as though we are lying to be perfect and by that I mean we are selling them an idea of who we want them to love us by while in real sense we are the complete opposite. 

As for having "fake" hair , on my part I can explain. I am easily bored by hair. I have hair after all am not bald but having to relax it every month is too obvious for me. The reason why I advocate for the extra"lie" is because it makes us feel good about ourselves. I could be having a lousy day but the minute my hair is done, I feel as though I am cat woman. Very attractive and confident. 

Men are real but getting one to be himself when you are around is like chasing after the wind . Well it feels that way. I am not talking about the "show" they put on just to get you to give in but how about you let your guard down . I am not talking about him friend zoning you where he only tells you because he sees you like one of the guys but how about you let me see the real you. 

Well for now that is my #RealityCheck 

Figure it out

How many times have I heard that? But isn't that what we are all supposed to do? By us I mean the grown you and I. At different ages we need different words to keep us going. To keep us motivated if not inspired. 

At 2015 it doesn't matter if you are old enough but it's oftenly thrown to your face as though you were deaf. Figure it out. Know what you want and do it. Everyone is battling their own demons to pause and come help thought yours. Yes, people have changed. If it has nothing to do with them, it's not their business. Well if you are expecting the world to care or take notice please quit while you are ahead. 

To me figure it out screams more of grow up. Like start acting your age if not your weight *laughs* am sorry. Life has taught both young and old to figure it out. If whatever works for you, don't be mad when you want more out of life and it slaps you on the face. There is no room for changing your mind not going with the flow..... Simply just figure it out. All of it! 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

Imperfectly perfect

Everyone is working on perfecting what is already imperfectly perfect to another. Like the saying goes," one man's poison is another's treasure". Don't allow someone's insecurity make you doubt who you are. If they can't see it then how is that your problem. God did not need their approval so why are we so keen to seek the opinion of others?

I am an African lady. Though at times I find nothing African about myself. Don't get me wrong I just tend no I believe I have different ways of coping with life. I don't mind going out and having a good time but I would gladly trade it in for a good night sleep. I don't mind going out on a date but I prefer staying indoors and watching rather rewatching old movies. 

So when a man says you are not like other ladies is that a good thing or bad? Personally, I don't see what the rest of "those" ladies have to do with me. Did you expect to use the same tools to repair this "machine"? 

I am imperfectly perfect just the way I am and the day I will be uncomfortable in my own skin, I will gladly let you know. If I am not trying to change you, why are you trying to fix what is not broken? What makes you an expert regarding my life? You can't live your life and mine as well. 

Let's not change people and live or learn to accept them as they are. If not then change yourself. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

Sunday

I always pictured that getting pregnant while single the minute the doctor would break it down that ,"congratulations you are pregnant" my life would be over and if the same doctor confirmed the same news after having been swept off my feet by my dream man and being married in church that that would be the happiest day of my entire life. Those two scenes have one thing in common me. 

It's boy about whether it's the right time or with the right man but in the end it's down to if I am ready to handle such responsibilities? Am I ready to be a mother. Ofcourse every woman at one point in life imagines they will be mothers but sadly the ones who long to own such responsibilities end up barren while the ones ready to run the world end up being " tied down". 

This has nothing to do with if am financially stable or not. If the one am with or end up with is worth the my baby daddy title. To be honest, the way I was raised has so much to do with this personal decision. I always say the man I will end up carrying his child is one special human being. Having believed that, there is a reality check. 

To my future husband, I know you will adore me with everything in you but can you make the ultimate sacrifice of not wanting children. What if am not the problem and you end up being the one who can't give me children will I be contented to be in a childless marriage?   

What if the one for you already has kids would you be willing to settle for them or would you claim to want nothing to do with "baggage" not knowing if your tomorrow will bear fruits?  Aren't children blessings? So what happens if you can't have some or worse don't desire them?

And that is my Sunday #RealityCheck

8pm

Do you believe in miracles? I do. Ever since I was a little girl I discovered that anything I fed my mind be it negative or positive it had a way of coming to pass. The power of the mind. 

Now I don't even have to worry about being right or wrong. All I have to do is believe and just like that miracles happen. It has been a journey then and now . I can only sum it all up as just miracles. I have been fortunate enough to  overcome the tests and trials of time.  

I am a miracle child and this is my #RealityCheck 

Switch back on

Like any other human being I have bad days and days when I don't even want to get up. No not suicidal thoughts no but I just want to laze around and allow my emotions take complete control. The thing about allowing your emotions get the best of you is that snapping back to reality is a struggle. You might end up brain dead if not careful. It's like you are shutting down your brain and just surviving on "whatever". That is the difference between men and women. Men never show their emotions and never reason based on how they feel but rather on facts. That is how they manage to keep it together. 

Being human we all switch off at one point. It doesn't mean it's the end of the world. You can but how do you wire your emotions and allow your head take complete control of the rest of your body? Your emotions trigger imaginations  to your head and then is when you loose it. All sorts of negative emotions are released .... Uncertainty, jealousy , insecurity and slowly you are on the right track to becoming mad. 

One major reason why one would encounter a major emotional breakdown is because of holding on too long to what if and what could have been. When you don't forgive yourself and others the guilt slowly destroys you and holds you back. 

I will leave you with this ," Even new cars break down and sometimes you are forced to walk. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

My 10pm

I have no idea what I want to blog about. What's on my mind? A lot to be honest so much that even words feel as though they are too much to explain it all. There comes a time where you have to stand up. It might not be much but taking the first step to working towards what you want is more than enough. 

Young love is beautiful. It's inspirational. At times it never works out other times it unfolds magic. If you have never experienced it before don't beat yourself down. When it happens it will happen. Sometimes loosing is the best thing that can happen to you. It grows you. It challenges you. It makes you uncomfortable enough to want better if not more. 

So I don't know about you reading this but I plan on putting my faith to test. Not just speaking positivity into mylife but believing in myself a lot more. 

And that is my late #RealityCheck