Darling, while you were away, I tried to forget you.While you were miles away I convinced myself that what I felt for you was a crush that left the day you boarded that plane. Before you even left, I had already missed you.I wish I was lying just to get a smile on that handsome face but am not so instead I am hoping your heart skips a beat. I was mad and I still am...mad... both about and at you. How dare you linger in my mind as though my life without you has no meaning?How dare you just up and leave and say nothing?What am I supposed to do with all these feeling? What am I supposed to tell my heart? I want to bite, slap and kiss you all at the same time. Yes, you got me in a bitter sweet mood.
Nothing makes sense when you are not around. Nothing is hilarious anymore for sadly your annoying presence is not here. I don't miss you, I can never miss you, am not supposed to miss you, how can I miss you, goodness I miss you.If you ever ask me if I did I will deny it.I want to text but I can't, I want to call but it is not in my place, I want to write but am sure you will just make fun of me while laughing then dismiss it so instead I will 'blog it' hoping one day you will realize that I may not have told or shown it but at some point in my life, you mattered.
I want to be the first person you see when you get back even though I wasn't the last person you saw when you left. My bestfriend always assures me that it is never a one woman or man show. Somehow am hoping she is right and that deep within that great wall of china (your heart) past your ego and pride you atleast cared.
I have drastically lost weight over thinking about you.It is not even healthy anymore.I need to pull myself together.How do I do it you may ask?I will tell you how, I always whisper to my heart that even though he may not be the man for me, a good man will find me the same way he found another.Selfless love is the worst.It has nothing to win if you ask me for in most cases it always looses.Growing up I always felt out of place.Like I did not belong and that no one would ever get me.I was not wrong. So the only way I could survive was being in my own little world. I did not rely on peoples opinions or advise for at the end of the day good or bad I was the one to suffer the consequences.
Being a tomboy ...climbing trees instead of playing dress up or with dolls I wrestled with my brothers.....To date I still prefer comfort over fabulosity. Not to contradict myself that I don't wear dresses or 6inch heels I do, I can even run in them all day long but I just like dressing up in baggy pants on the weekends, a torn t-shirt and rubber shoes be it converse or Bata rubbers.Having to put on make up feels like decorating a cake.It is already beautiful but what is with all the icing and sugar.Too much sugar if you ask me.Unless it involves an official or special occasion I look like your average plain Jane. I am easily dismissed for being a natural looking lady.
Most of my friends growing up were guys so at times I get why a man would feel like I am hard headed and stubborn.I am not easy to please for most men tend to apply the same game on me.Using their titles to get the girl which by the way gentlemen is a turn off to most of us genuine ladies.We go for the simple things like how you laugh at our jokes, notice the little things about us...To me it is not what you have to offer but the manner in which you are offering it.When you feel as though what you are offering is not enough shows rather proves just how insecure and vulnerable you are.
So main squeeze while you were away, I did some thinking out loud.I am still the same old ridiculous me.Nothing has changed just that you weren't around to witness me being me. With or without you,life went by , still is going on and will continue to go on. Don't get me wrong you make me better but even on my own am good.So you see you do add value to my life.You matter and still will matter even though you cease to be in my life.I want the best for you so if by now it hasn't lingered in your mind that I have been your best kept secret just between you and yourself, I wish you nothing but happiness.
Welcome back, it may not be the arrival I was hoping for but atleast you are back safe and sound.The only gift I can give you are my kind words.Anytime you need a reality check, I promise to be blunt.
While you were away something deep inside me awakened and there is no turning back.I am glad you never said goodbye because at the back of my mind I know we will forever have a see you later. Now am doing the one thing I like the most..... Just like music I can't tune you away or turn this feeling low enough
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