Insecurity

This little bad habit is known to be mans worst disease and if you can or when you can avoid it. When an idea creeps up in your mind, don't let it get the best of you but use it to calm the worst in you. This is what you simply do, think the worst. Expect the worst and I assure you with that mind set you will have a care free spirit. At the end of the day you will have accomplished what you were supposed to because you did not give fear a chance. 

You would rather be wrong and be proven right than right and prove wrong. If you have the facts of course you expect the situation or our come to be positive so when it takes a different turn, you become stuck. Confused allowing paranoia destroy the inner peace you need to face any situation. You shouldn't live life on fear but you should enjoy life as it unfolds. Whether right or wrong at the end of the day what matters is your gut feeling. If you can be at peace with yourself then rest assured you can be at peace with anyone. 

Insecurity forces you to hide out in crowds so everything they disagree you tell yourself that indeed it's not right. You will always ask, seek and need their approval even for the littlest of things. Why should you be a slave to yourself? You are supposed to rediscover what limits you and how far you can go and not live your life in the shadows of others.

Insecurity goes a step further and brings with it the illusion of wanting to live your life as someone else. From idolizing to imitating their every move. It can lead to murder. The need to kill what you don't like to live as what you think or have lead your mind to believe is good will only cause you and those around you problems. 

Learn to accept yourself as you are. Hey, no one can do a better job at being you than you. There is a reason you craft that art so beautifully. Good or bad we all can't be equal but you can use what you have to better someone else. So as we bid June goodbye and look forward to a new month, let's not face it with any insecurities in mind. It might not be what we hope for but am sure it will be better. 

No more doubt or second guessing yourself. No more having to do what you think others want you to do and start living for you. Do what makes you happy and proudly because at the end of the day you will be served the consequences so you better make it worthwhile. No more insecurities, it's time to make things happen. Whatever happens happens. Remember worrying doesn't change anything but gains you stress and ages you faster. 

And that is my Insecutity #RealityCheck

100 Blogs

I wanted my one hundredth blog to be mind blowing so I will give it my all. So its is possible to fall inlove with a married man? Yes and no. Ladies before you dismiss me this soon kindly read on. Put the knife down there is no need of taking drastic measures here. Yes it is possible for two mature human being with extra baggages to fall in love with someone else even if its not with their spouses.There is this couple that I know of who had a beautiful union and did I forget to mention I looked up to the lady. I saw myself in her. Like growing up I wanted my life to unfold as beautifully as hers had unfolded. The man she settled for was not what the rest of us who truly knew her ended up with. Lets just say she settled for the readily available man so I assumed but now it has all been confirmed. I am not here to gossip nor lender juicy information or out anyone, am just here to share and hope that someone going through the same thing will not only learn but change their lives sooner than later.

Where was I, oh, turns out my so called then role model was like today's modern knight and shinning amor nothing more than a cheap aluminum foil for his shine and the knight lets just say at this gay rate well, anything is possible. How could such a human being so calm and convincingly beautiful be a heartless and bitter old witch? What makes me mad is the modern day couple that takes their vows in church and promise all those words to not only each other but God then cheat. Like seriously why go through all that trouble to prove a point to your fellow human being who in real sense can see past the act you are putting on but to go further and involve God then cheat? Really I don't support divorce but this would come in handy. We serve a merciful God so he knew you couldn't handle going home to the same old routine so instead of getting yourself a side hobby try working the marriage out if you got in it for all the right reasons and if it still doesn't work out, leave. Don't even think of using the kids as an excuse to stick around .I will come back to the kids issue.

Long story short she married the man because all her life all she ever wanted was move out and have kids while he married her even though he was inlove with another but chose this other one reason being there was no dowry involved. Allow me to throw in my ,"cheap is very expensive." I don't believe in free samples. I would rather purchase the whole deal it ends up disappointing me leaving me with a little knowledge rather than always looking for the easy way out. The best thing about owing something you did not work hard for is, its always available but the worst thing about the very same thing is that it doesn't last. You will never understand and appreciate the value for it. It takes two to tangle. See ladies when you think you are playing the man in his own game thinking of how you got him all under your spell, he read inbetween your bull ages ago and that is why he has been playing along. Men always know. They just like acting the fool and it works for them.

What happens when a married man finally meets his missing rib while the one he is with has been by his side all along? Unlike us ladies, men don't show it. Even though he is dying to be with the one he truly wants to be with, he can't because he is committed to you unless you do something way too stupid for him to up and leave. When a man decides to stay by a woman's side he does just that even though he might not be emotionally available but initially he does his best by her. That is why he will give her the ultimate gifts. The best of houses, cars, jewelery and wear his title as your man proudly. Anything to make you happy. When a single lady falls inlove with a married man its considered as a taboo. She is a home wrecker. But what if there is nothing to wreck because there was never a marriage to begin with? What if he stayed by your side because he got you pregnant and had to do the right thing?

Lets be real now. There is no such thing as a married man being inlove with a single lady. We all know he is looking for someone who will listen to his short lived drama and go back to his loving wife. The one that everyone else knows and not you the hidden church mouse. Society knows you are after him for his money and influence. You silly little hormonal girl, keep you thighs locked. You think you have anything special that he hasn't already explored in his God given wife. She made that man who he already is so while you swing your self made hips from east to west bear in mind that is how he got her pregnant in the first place. You are bringing nothing new in the game other than a new face with polished already in use moves. What you are looking for grasshopper is a sponsor someone to finance you so thank heavens for banks so get yourself a loan and while at time an education least you roam around like a stray dog. I know all the married women are loving me now and the tagged home wreckers cursing me out. I don't make the rules dears, I just play the game as it is. I am simply stating facts.

Married or single, ladies you have one thing in common, this man.So while you are tearing each other apart instead of taking care of your man, you are busy going through his phone, getting the other ladies numbers , warning them to keep away from your man and you 'home wrecker' walking around claiming sharing is caring nonsense sit your behinds and listen to me. Married ladies, if he is cheating, chances are he didn't start now and you knew it.You just thought by him making it official that you are his wife would make him a better man. Quit taking it out on this other ladies but if you want to lead him straight to cutting you off (financially ) play your cards right. Home wreckers there is more to life than draining the life out of a good hardworking man.Get your own money then have someone else come drain your few coins then lets see if you still find it cute.

As far as love and marriage goes, until I cross that bridge my opinion doesn't matter to those who feel like they know it all already. But to those willing to listen rather learn from someone who is not involved with either party, take notes baby girl and do what you can while you still can.

And that is my one hundredth blog #RealityCheck

The mystery of life

In my opinion I think life is one big mystery that keeps unfolding both old and new parables told back in the days of Jesus. Think about it. So right now am onto ,"The Parable Of The Wise And Foolish Virgins". This is pretty interesting and it got me trying to figure out what am meant to learn from this. 

Virgin in this case is being used to symbolize chosen. Only you can be assigned. You are well sought out so its not by default or coincidence things keep happening just to you and not those around you. Now that you know quit complaining and read on. Just like the wise and foolish virgins you have to wait. There was a process where they had to go through *waiting* inorder for them to go in the wedding with the bridegroom. 

The bridegroom in your case might be that one thing you have been patiently waiting for. If you haven't had to wait then probably that is why it never lasts every time an opportunity presents itself. The question is just how bad do you want it?If virgins considering back in the day they were considered to be a big deal please take no offense to what comes next but do you think after all the shenanigans you have pulled you deserve a reward? Be honest. 

The wedding in this case comes with the bridegroom not the virgins. Highlight that in your mind. So the one thing you are dying to get your hands on comes with a celebration. So if you already got what you were hoping for and you are still waiting for the big aha moment, it's not the right thing. I think you mistook the distraction for the real deal. Ladies and gentlemen this is where I ask both of you to reflect as so will I as soon as am done writing this. 

The wise and foolish in this case represents who you are. Your character and personality the two things you cannot fake out. If it's in you, it will come off naturally but if others find you struggling to fit in with them the. It's not in you. Foolish are those kinds of people who think the world revolves around them. It always have to go their way or no way. If I can't have you then no one else can kind of vibe to them. Wise are those who decern when the foolish are putting on a show. They sit and watch. They always allow others take credit for their hard work. They know things even though they never show it outwardly. 

Back to my story, the two parties wise and foolish had another thing in common, they all slumbered and slept as the good book puts it. See at some point even the wise get tired of always being good the same way the foolish want a break from being bad. But just before they slept, it says,"those who were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. In English, the wise will always have an extra something * I don't know or rather cannot put my finger around it but there is something about her/him* while the foolish are quick to cross the finish line without proper preparation.

This is the part I like the most when a cry was heard," behold the bridegroom is coming" and what follows next is what most of us have and are suffering from. It says the foolish said to the wise ," give us some of your oil for our lamps are going out".  See, the foolish had the same opportunity as the wise but how the wise went about it is what made the difference . But the wise answered saying ,"no,lest there should not be enough for us and you but go rather to those who sell and buy for yourselves." In other words the right will present itself when the foolish will ask and you being wise you will have the chance to talk. 

Let's be real no matter how crazy you are about someone of something and it's not meant to be present in the future when you get your clean break, you can't string it along. You have to cut it off or out. In life we all want to move on and sure enough we make bold steps towards the future but sadly we always want to tag along with the past baggage. We have even gone a step further to claim ," my past is who I am." To be honest I will never apologize for walking away and out on people who still live in their past. Move on already better yet get out of my way. What happened in the past made you who you are and it prepared you for what is yet to come but you are nothing like the person you were years ago. Better perhaps, worse then that is the choice you made.

The parable to me the name itself screams you as an individual like this had nothing to do with how you were raised or what others say about you but rather you as your own person are you whole enough to be termed as wise or foolish ? By this I mean, is it that opportunities have never presented themselves or have you been talking yourself out of them? How can you wait for the very same thing you claim to need and want in every breath of you and yet approach each day with a bad attitude. If negativity had an ambassador you would probably wear the title proudly for people know you as a sadist. Nothing good or positive will ever come out of you. Ugly doesn't mask it reveals the true identity of a person. Not even dura coat, Sadolin or Crown will conceal the ugly in you baby girl. 

So now tell me, have you been wise or foolish in how you have been handling your life and those around you? 

That is my #RealityCheck 

My Monday 5:25pm thought

Am too old fashioned for life. I still believe that moving in with a man before he officially marries me is a taboo. The thrill of not knowing is what makes me wait and long for the day he will ask for my hand in marriage the right way. I know what you are all thinking or secretly asking,"do I believing in saving myself until marriage?" That is a personal choice . Whatever helps or works for you then do it. Personally I believe that when two people are inlove and want to take things to the next level they should do just that. Even moving in together although it's not my cup of tea. The reason why am hesitant is because at the end of the day, the man already knows he wants to settle but he is not sure if it's with you thus moving in together. There are cases where the ladies have forcefully moved in by leaving that extra set of clothes from having a sleep over to sneaking in during the week to finally marking your territory by introducing yourself as his wife.

Let's be honest. Some of you ladies go way too far. If not let me ask you this, did he ask you to move on or did you leave him no choice but to assume you should move in? The good news is ladies you will never be alone and the bad news is you might end up being the loneliest taken lady on the face of the universe. You are simply going home to your roommate. You both want to leave but can't because the thought of having to start all over again with someone else if there is still anyone out there who will have you is not an option. Settling out of convenience. 

I am too old fashioned to ask him out. That double mint advert got my ribs cracking. Has it come to that already where even society and by society I mean men expect women to approach them? No wonder am still single waiting for this man to come ask me out and he expecting me to take the intitiative. Surely, I will die alone. Oh well, Atleast I will get to blog about the cold nights *laughs* 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

1000 views

From dreaming to write an article on True Love magazine to sharing my shenanigans in my own little world. It has been quite a journey. I have given up, used the f word a couple of times as far as this blog is conecrened and even thought of deleting this account. What can I say am a lady. I am allowed to change my mind. 

I have my favorite pieces in this and some which I wish well, at the end of the day I stand by my own truth. Everything I have written was from my heart. Yes, I wrote all that. Like I said am a lady, I have  had so much going on, plenty going on and still so much to look forward to. Am annoying and stubborn and there is nothing wrong with being different. I can be sweet but too much sugar can cause tooth decay so I don't mind being hot sweet kinda like the sauce *laughing sheepishly*.

Getting one thousand views is nothing short of a miracle. It means word is getting out there. Don't worry I won't start polishing up my English by using terms that don't express me. I like keeping it simple. Long but simple *all the men must be pissed by now*.

I am in a relationship with this blog and like any other, at times I love it too much and find myself sharing in the hope of making a difference in someone's life. I don't want you to read this and think damn this lady must be pathetic or you start feeling sorry for yourself thinking you are all alone and no one understands. Fine I don't understand but I hope by reading what I write makes you look forward to a new day to start afresh something that nearly all of us dread. 

I am humbled considering I have no idea who reads my shenanigans. It must be interesting so I don't plan on stopping. I might get bored or lack inspiration at the moment but the minute that little spark comes back on best believe this girl will be on fire *too much ... I know* 

Thank you checkmates for keeping me in check and for the one thousand view reality. I promise not to allow the immediate go to my head. To stay humble. Humility pays off. If it were not for True Love Magizine rejecting my special piece I wouldn't have found the courage to start this blog. At times it takes rejection to create an opportunity. I did not allow what I had to say through my words be limited so I took the positivity out of a negative situation and ran with it. I has postponed writing way too long and so I hope someone gets inspired from my rejection and create something beautiful. They say where there is a will, there is always a way. I found my way. What's yours? 

And this is my thank you #RealityCheck

Monday motivation

When you don't feel like it, that is when you should make it happen. That is when your guard is down. Ladies when you feel as though today is not a good day, nothing seems to work out for me not even my favorite pair of jeans that is when you should love yourself most. Be your own biggest fan. This when the mind and eyes have differences. You mind knows you look good but when you view your reflection on the mirror you see something totally different. 

I don't know if men struggle with that but for us ladies best believe that is why I will be ready in five minutes becomes a chase. See I already know what looks good on me and the minute I wake up I already have an idea of what I want to look like when I leave the house. But inbetween getting ready and putting on that pair of heels, things change. Gentlemen, I am not talking about just getting another pair to match the outfit but changing the entire outfit all together. 

I don't know about other ladies but personally I have suffer from this a lot. I wake up pretty early and in my mind I already know I have ample time to look presentable. So if am up by 5.30am you would assume by 6:15am latest I would be out of the house? Wrong! By the time am done, it's quarter to 8.00am. Like I said I have a struggle. You would think by then I would be a mere reflection of a Barbie doll but no. No major difference. No magic. Nothing short of a miracle.  Being a lady is hard work this coming from someone who used to rock hoodies , converse and buggy jeans. 

Growing up I made it a priority for people to like me for my character and personality and not by how I dressed or looked to those who mattered anyway. I was going to pursue my care in criminal law so the only thing I would put together was a suit for the courtroom and two inch heels considering I would have already purchased my dream car. I didn't even have time for relationships in my mind. He would have slowed me down.that was me years ago although deep down I would have an affair with my fellow lawyers though I would use then dump them for those lonely nights. 

Judging me so far? Good! That's how I like my crowd with opinions but most of all to get a kick out of what would have been my life. Baby girl had dreams. Back to reality. Nothing much has changed especially when it comes to believing in myself. No one not even the greatest love of mylife will love me past my own self. So I have to do the very best by always being the one to beat myself down and picking myself up. I always think am a one woman empire until the day someone makes their way in my enchanting castle, bring down the walls and allow some light in. 

The difference between the living and the dead is for us living we get a second chance to make things right. So don't just say you don't feel like it just because it proves difficult. There is a reason you thought of it in the first place and if you don't work on it, I bet it will kill you watching someone else do it and benefit greatly from it. So do it. The worst that can happen is it succeeding. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

Father's Day

Yeah, yeah, yeah any man can be a dad but it takes a man blah blah blah to be a father. Enough already. To me every man is fertile but it takes that special moment to bring a child into this life other than rape. It takes two to tangle. You both know what you are getting yourselves into. I have heard cases of ladies who had no idea that they were pregnant . Some truth others well let's just say lying is how they have earned their living. 

My father is the best thing that my mother could raise me with. He is a godly man. A man after God's heart so even though he is not the best lover she had in mind, he has done the best by her side. He loves her the same way he loves Christ. He adores my mother. Even now that am old enough to leave and start a family of my own, you can catch him stealing glances of her when she walks past him and he even goes as far as tickling her. It's true that true love never dies. The minute kids come in the picture, loves changes and somehow shifts from the man to their kids. The kids become the first priority, ask any mother most of them anyway.

My father is my hero. Nothing is impossible with this amazing man. He has never raise his hand towards my mother unless when scratching her back* typical teenagers*. My folks act as though we don't exist. As if they just met for the first time. Even though my mother plays hard to get at times *now I know where I get it from* deep down we know she adores him as well and it's evident by how she treats him as her king. I envy what they have in that the now modern man only wants to test drive the different women in his life the ones he couldn't get when he was flat broke and the ones he knows are totally forbidden. Finding such a love is rare. I just hope to get a quarter of that. True love takes time and effort and it's undeniable . When you know, you simply know. 

My father has taught me things both directly and indirectly. No he has never given me the boy talk. He already assumes my mother has that department well handled. I would hate to disappoint them. You know how they say every girl looks for her father in every man, in a way I hope I do in the sense of my very own loves Christ as much as he loves me. 

I am not looking, that is not my work. I just need to work on my fifty percent and hope wherever he is, he is doing the same then it will work. I am not going to compare him to any other man even though I will be tempted to. Hey, am only human here. Instead I hope he sees what my father and those around me see, the greatness hidden behind this shy smile. I hope he helps me work on it. My father unlike any other man out there believes that there is nothing his little wonder can't achieve. So I try I very best each day to make him proud of me by staying true to who I am. 

In conclusion, a father to me is one who has a relationship with God, lives in love with his family and those around him and is at peace with himself. Now that kind of a man deserves the title father. It doesn't matter if you have kids or not all that matters is the impact you leave with the people in your life. Are you straying true to who you are or are you trying to please society? A father always stands out this outstanding .... I had to write it *giggles*

And that to me is my Father's Day #RealityCheck 

Thirst Day Shock

We all love us some juicy gossip. Most of all about people we no longer care for. From friends to enemies with no apologies kind. When your best friend sends you a please call me it can be one of two things,"they are in trouble or something is up." We all root for the later and definitely don't mind the former. So this Thirst Day morning my bestie hits me with a please call me. This early it could only mean one thing, juicy gossip. It's not the gossip itself that is juicy now don't get me wrong but the fact that if she got to learn of it, it's everywhere. Everyone else knows because she makes it her priority to mind her own business. 

I almost fell down. I wanted to scream. I laughed then felt traumatized. I wish she were telling me in person. Gossip through. The phone has never been this good. What I learnt today was no big news but when your doubts are confirmed, it scares the crap out of you. You think to yourself,"damn am good. I need to stop thinking" period. This is too disturbing at the same time someone has to issue it out. Hey, you might as well  read it from me. 

I hope you are anxious enough to bowl allow me tell you what this madness is all about. Turns out our former friend who is a female is a lesbian. That is old news I know but understand when a man breaks such news to his friends who end up leaking information to others, to me and in my own humble opinion is not gossip. So I wonder if she had or still has a crush on one or both of us * laughs*. 

Like I said liking someone of the same sex is old news but when that very same someone rapes someone they have a crush on now that is headline worthy. For crying out loud someone please explain to me how a girl walks into a room where her friend is dead drunk sleeping and rapes her. I mean there are even pictures circulating of her committing the crime. The juicy part of it is the person leaking the pictures happens to be the host of the party where the crime took place . So this is why they term as ," a crime of passion". * walks out to laugh* . The host was entertaining the rest of the guests when I think he heard moans. * laughing sheepishly* He carefully followed the sounds as though it were a treasure hunt keeping in mind he is a straight man who is tipsy as well so I am concluding he 

wanted to join in on the fun. On reaching his bedroom door he noticed the door was open and that is when he captured the "adventure". There is more but I won't spill it all, not today anyway. 

So this got me asking,"Is this what I have been missing out on. Escaping rapes?" All in the name of fun? Is this what it has come to friends raping each other while you are out to have a good time. I don't know about you ladies but I have already had a meeting with I,Me and Myself and we are all good all on our own. This is sad. Time to check your friends list . 

There are so many good men out there so I don't know who does it for you ladies but I will stick to what I was raised to admire and adore. Men, the thirst is real.And that is my Thirst #RealityCheck.

My 7:22

Am anxious. What am anxious about to be honest has nothing to do with me. There is nothing I can do. The more am anxious the more am not liking my reflection on the mirror. Like who is that person? I don't recognize her. So am making a pact here and now to stop being anxious and find something positive to use as motivation. 

I am so good at over thinking so the more anxious I am the more I over think and more I expect. I had to take a moment and read what I just wrote. That felt wrong. The outcome has to be the way I envisioned it but let's be honest life doesn't unfold the way we want it to and when we want it to. 

When you get the word that keeps you going like say for instance in the beginning of the year you get the word that this will be your year and just like that you take it and run with it. You leave the house of the Lord very pregnant with a burning word ready to deliver. Well that is how it feels because at the end of the day it feels like it is your baby. A miracle baby.

One week later things go from the daily routine to worse. Wait a minute, but the man/woman of God said this was my year. No more delays. Why am I still stuck here having to wait? What am I even waitin for? It reminds me of "with this ring". I always feel like someone read my thoughts and wrote a script about it and the actress did justice. She represented my current situation all too well. I felt as though the director had betrayed me by showing rather telling my story to the entire world. Now they know my big secret. The part where she says ," I don't understand, I have been nothing but good, I go to church,I have waited but still nothing." Well not the exact quote but that is how it came off to me. Like in the end being good doesn't pay off. You are left there stuck with the arrogant ex boyfriend hoping he will come around but ends up moving on. 

It doesn't make sense and the one person whom you think is here as a reward from heaven turns out to be another frustration. So you give up. The minute someone tells you something positive the cycle replays itself. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Let's just wait and see but until then this is my 7:22 #RealityCheck

Let me in

That is what we all want gentlemen for you to let us in even though it's not all the way in. It's assumed that women are open books they want the same things , love money and a good man by her side. Getting one of the three is nothing short of a miracle. If he loves you chances are he has no money. If he has money, you are definitely not the only one on his mind. If he is by your side he neither loves you nor has money. He needs you there for moral support.

That seems to be the one struggle we suffer from as far as men goes. Getting him to let you in. Knowing who he is all about. His weakness mess and strengths. He only wants to be who you think he is and not who he truly is. Just like us, men are scared of letting heir guard down for any woman unless you are his mum or his favorite sister. The rest of the women are to be toyed with for lack of a better word. But isn't that the ugly truth. 

He led you to believing you were the only lady that mattered. His "honesty" made you feel like you knew him. Like he could see through your soul. He knew what to say, how to say it and when to say it. Every time you told yourself to stay away or not give too much away, he made you trust him even more. Like how did you do that. You thought you were figuring him out and even told yourself that unlike other ladies he would find something special enough to stay. Well it must have been special enough for him to leave. Don't take this the wrong way and this is not me being sarcastic but am being real. You must have scared the living daylight  out of him so needed to be with someone familiar you know more predictable. 

I have promised myself to never get involved with a man who has a female friend whom he has let in. The one he calls when all he wants to do is talk, texts to share something silly and the one even his friends have met and think she is pretty incredible. Who wants to be second to such. I mean she has already set way too high standards so in other words other than us being intimate and having the title his girlfriend there is nothing special about me. Thanks but no thanks .... I will pass.... 

I want to be the one person who knows him so well that even when everyone else is convinced he is happy all I have to do is look into his eyes and know he is settling out of convenience. I want to be the one his friends are jealous about. He may be out with his make friends but still sneaks out to call and let me know how his day is. I want to be the one he kicks himself when he hurts or disappoints.

So what happens when you leave? That is a chance men are never willing to take so why go deep when the situation "us" is only temporary? The least he can do is allow you to dump him when in actual sense he left ages ago. Personally, I don't need half of any man. If you are going to be there be there is not then leave. Men have mastered the art of being in a lady's life but emotionally he is single. Financially he knows how to compensate but he is only covering up for the fact that you will never get him they way another gets him. 

This is how to know if a man is emotionally single or taken. It's called common sense . If he is with someone emotionally no matter how tempting you are he is a man at the end of the day he will flirt you up but that is the furthest he can go then not act on his luck if not lust. If he is emotionally single he will not allow any opportunity pass him by. He will taken on the invitation chasing the other lady acting all single though in real sense he is taken but not emotionally. 

Ladies ask any man out there what you are willing to do inorder for him to let you in and the answers they will give you will leave you speechless. There is no formula for men to let us in less he wants you in. If you were childhood friends growing up perhaps he can let you in if he liked you. Timing is everything and a divine connection can't lie as much as he will want to start acting up. 

And that is my #RealityCheck 

*Giggles*

Men who wear sharp shooters have small feet. It has been confirmed. I have conducted a test with a friend and it turns out they are worse liars than ladies who actually bleach themselves. So underneath those funky shoes lies small feet *giggles* . He has begged me not to blog about this assuring me that he has a juicy story he wants me blog about. I have thought long and hard well I haven't to be honest considering he was just from teasing me. 

It's safe to say men just like us ladies are insecure this the need to want to cover up. So ladies the next time you think of beating yourself down thinking that you are not good enough for that man, know that and this is a possibility am not ruling out thanks to my new discovery, that man is also feeling as though he is not good enough for you. 

Incase you have ever played your part all too well as the good girlfriend and still he left or cheated chances are he used to wear sharp shooters *laughing sheepishly* . You are not the problem , he was. He needed to feel like all man and couldn't feel that with you so he had to downgrade. Wipe those tears off your face and wait for the next man. Hopefully he not be rocking some sharp shooters *bursts into laughter* . Am sorry I had to go there. 

Stay warm #checkmates 

5pm

Sometimes am heartless at other times am selfless. This has nothing to do with you but how I feel about you. So while you put on a mask as though my life is one golden ballroom, am just the typical DJ who doesn't dance to your tune though I may throw in afew requests.

I think am too hard on myself to be honest. I know what am capable of so being comfortable is not an option but rather a choice. I choose to amaze myself every time. It's not the multi personalities am worried about by my heart. Is it in the right place . I am not hard headed but hard hearted. You can easily fool my mind but at the end of the day my heart requires more that a pick up line or a kiss in the behind. 

I don't believe in first hand information that people change, you have to prove that I can trust you. Am not born loyal perhaps royal ... I never rule this out ... *giggles* but I choose to be loyal because I know what it's like to have someone have your back. Any chance I get to return this I always do without any hesitation. 

I wish people would take as much time in understanding me the same way I do with them. In this life I have come to realize that people easily forget. They rule you out so fast as though you never existed. One slight misunderstanding and they are ready to behead you. What ever happened to stating facts? Where is the evidence? What about what I have to say... Doesn't my opinion count? I am guilty until proven innocent. 

Who has time to make people listen? Who has the energy to go back and forth trying to reason with grownups with an IQ of a toddler. The minute you snap, I loose it. That is why there are so many conflicts  in relationships, friendships and families. Have you ever been in the middle of a heated argument and asked yourself, " wait why are we arguing in the first place?" 

Have you ever been so caught up in a moment that you did something that costed you something or something and you just can't take it back because the person is gone not left but dead? What did you learn from you past that is currently making you better your today day to day life? Why is it that we so badly want to learn through the hard way instead of just learning from others mistakes? We are curious human beings sadly. 

And that is my 5pm #RealityCheck 

You tell me

People who speak from the heart and not flesh are the kind of people I can't get enough of. You don't have to look for words for they are already in your mind . Word for word. It's the piece you read and think to yourself my goodness so am not alone in this. 

You am more of a writer than a talker when it comes to expressing how I feel. I feel like my voice and the tone in which I use to express just how a certain situation makes me feel doesn't do it justice. In my mind I already had this conversation with you, you just don't know it yet. I have approached it from all angles and still somehow I always feel unprepared. 

I am not afraid of being rejected see anyone who knows me knows I always expect the worst so rather am scared of you acknowledging what I have to say and working on it. Like wait, what? I never say how I truly feel in most cases unless am forced by circumstances to put myself out there. I hate it. It's bad enough I always assume am an open book to those close to me like you already know what am thinking so don't ask. Don't make me say it. The ego in me feels humiliated. 

After reading what Sarahjakesroberts wrote about her husband through a simple picture, it left me speechless. There are women who claim to be inlove and there are women who are beautifully inlove. She is the latter. Have you ever come across someone who is in it for all the right reasons? Like she loves you enough for the two of you in that as a man you are supposed to protect her but secretly she is protecting you? She completely has your back? 

I doubt if today's modern man has ever experienced such a woman. A phenomenal woman. One who doesn't have to ask you if you are okay, she already knows by the tone in your voice. Gentlemen, have you ever met a lady who understands you and let's you be you around her? Like you can perfectly be you with her as if she was one of the guys? Like when you met her, you didn't plan on it, probably you were wrapped up with work or whatever issue you had at the time then for the very first time you saw her. And no, she is not even what you go for? She is better but not to worry your secret is safe with me gentlemen, I won't let her know. You act like she doesn't matter but then if she is not around you find yourself "missing" her. 

Now tell me something gentlemen, what happened to that special lady? Where did you go wrong with her for her to walk away? Could she be part of the reason as to why you are behaving the way you are? You are mad because you never thought she would get tired of waiting around for you? You are upset that even though she wasn't what you wanted she is someone you need? You think by hooking up with other ladies will fill the void or make her jealous and realize what she is missing out on? So let me get this right, you are justifying the whole situation by claiming it all happened to quick that you suffer from a reality lag? How do you justify something undefined? 

There are people you meet earlier on in life when you are so full of making it and there are people you meet along making it and there will be people you will meet after making it in life. Straight from either campus or college the determination is the same. You want to be employed , make money, enjoy your hard work and marry that one person who has had your back. Sadly that is never the case. Immediately you get a job, the cute become annoying to irritating to avoiding to moving on. Money changes people some for the worst afew for the better and the rest are still trying to make ends meet. 

Money makes you attractive and it attractes beautiful people. Since now you have been presented the opportunity to land any lady you want gentlemen, you start neglecting that humble girl in the village. Remember the one who encouraged you when all you had was God and each other? Which reminds me have you ever taken the time to thank her ever since you became a somebody in the society? In the process of over compensating yourself, you become someone the rest of us who liked, admired and adored can no longer related to. Sure, I want to text .... the old you because the new you sucks..... So she stops calling and eventually caring. This is how a man forces a good woman to become bad. You led her on but you never informed her when you moved on instead she waited on the promises you made her back in the day. 

Where is she now? You can't put a time frame on chemistry leave alone love. When it happens it happens. You either work on it or you walk away. After realizing your mistakes *money slowed you down* you promised yourself that you would settle down. So you move in with one of your club mate. The one thing both of you have in common is you love the finer things in life. You have everything she has always wanted in a man. Money, power and money. She barely knows you middle name perhaps it's m-pesa who knows. She knows all the irrelevant people in your life but nothing about you. Her mission in life is to never allow her source of income ever leave her side unless he is declared bankrupt. Then she will pull a ,"we need some time apart" get away card. 

Then there is the one female you feel you owe. She has put up so much of your crap the least you can do is make her believe that she is yours. Don't get me wron, at the moment it seemed like a pretty good idea, moving in with her and feeling like she could be the one but still something is missing. So you take things to the next level, you get a child with her. In your mind, things had played out so well but then since it was out of convenience ,gratitude and empathy you find yourself still cheating on her. You adore your baby after all you have someone who has you blood running through their veins but you can't stop yourself from sleeping with other women. So you tell yourself that you have a sexual problem . You love it so much that you can't keep it in your pants. 

Do whatever helps you sleep at night but you can't hide from the truth forever. Enough with the lies let's be brutally honest. If you find yourself taken but somehow manage to test the other waters out there, that to me doesn't make you a cheater. It proves that you are indeed lonely. You have been trying to fill a void that was left perhaps you never took the time to heal or the one you are with just doesn't do it for you. You have tried everything humanly possible to make it work because you have convinced yourself that these things happen, you just need a lady who is patient enough to handle you. You poor thing.

I say in a relationship if we are going to argue let it be over petty things like money or lack of communication but disrespect is out of the question. If you respected him enough you wouldn't speak with his best friend and if you respected her enough you wouldn't put your child through what your father put you through. You don't have to stick just because you think no one else will want the package/baggage you come in. 

And that is my #RelaityCheck

My Black Is Beautiful

This is how I feel. That indeed my black without a doubt is beautiful. God was not a fool creating me black for he knew I couldn’t handle the scorching sun. I am still getting the hang of it. What happened to character and personality and not allowing how we look define who we end up having in our lives? Why is it that most Kenyan ladies are correcting things beyond their control just to please the very same men who will leave them for a dark version of who you used to be?

I wish I had the answers but I don’t. Just like everyone else am lost in these trying to keep up with appearances or in realities case these shenanigans. What happened to India Aries’, “I am not my hair,
I am not this skin, I am not your expectations no no “? What are we doing to ourselves ladies enslaving ourselves to causes that need not be raised instead of taking up real causes like breast cancer, skin cancer, educating the girl child things will benefit generations to come and not short lived projects to prove a point that you got the man.

It breaks my heart to learn that teenagers as young as sixteen are engaging in premarital sex with married men just because he treats you like a princess. Why are we allowing our young sisters to be robbed of their innocence while we can curb this from the very beginning? Men talk while as women yell or isn’t that the make belief? Ladies, it is time to put down the blush brushes and pick up real brushes and scrub the ‘dirt’ out of our lives. Be your sister’s keeper. Make a difference regardless of whether society celebrates or applauds your efforts. Leave your mark in that the next lady behind you will meet high standards. Let us not make it easy for these gentlemen considering we fall emotionally and when we do we hold back absolutely nothing.

Where is the proud African woman who had her place in society? I will tell you where she is, she is busy trying to convince the world that she is someone she will never achieve to become. That goes to every woman who has killed her inner voice just to have her outer one heard. To all the ladies who have kept it real through this sheer madness, I celebrate you. I raise my glass to you for I know it has not been easy. It’s not even about to be easy but just for keeping your head raised real high and standing your ground you are indeed a queen. Hold on baby gal, your king has not been entertaining these self-made concubines but rather he has been taking his time controlling with his demons (lust) knowing that his queen is worth more than a random kiss.

I am yet to meet men who change their skin color or their bodies just to land the ideal lady. Perhaps the reason why these ladies feel the urge to change/transform themselves is not out of desperation but rather insecurity. The thought of being so close to being his and actually knowing what he will go for makes a lady want to be what this man goes for in the first place. I am not pointing fingers or judging them but disappointed in that they are selling themselves short.

If something is meant to be, it will be. But if you find yourself bending the rules to try and achieve the expected goals it is only logical that it will break. Ladies if you don’t feel that he doesn’t treat you in the way you think you should feel then tell him and if he still can’t provide it then leave. Men are supposed to chase but I feel like today’s modern woman (most but not all) is giving him nothing to chase. Women are supposed to submit but if the man she is supposed to look up to cannot be all the man he should be then I guarantee she will leave.

We ladies and gentlemen are to blame. People are no longer taking time to communicate. Instead reading in between the lines has been the priority. Take your sweet time. Like I always say cheap is very expensive and expensive is cheap. Let me explain myself, if you find a person who has doesn’t know what they want in life but only to live in the moment, run……….. They will drain you financially, emotionally and mentally. You will end up investing so much in them just to know if they know what they want or not. The minute you find someone who has not made it yet in life but willing to take the risk to get there with you by your side, run with them and never look back. Like I said expensive is cheap to maintain.

In conclusion, stay true to who you are no matter what. Don’t be quick to please society while we all know society neither forgives nor forgets. Be wrapped up in your life to pay attention to society for the minute you mind your own business that is when you get people’s and not just ‘common mwananchi’ but the right people’s attention. Be you and the world will embrace your ridiculous awesomeness.

Yeah, I kinda knew ...

I hate being in the dark, the victim and the one in the situation. I can't seem to think straight no matter how many times I try to shake it off, I always end up reasoning with my emotions. We as ladies know of how to dress up the situation but men have the easy way out or so I assume considering they always act as if nothing happened. Hey, something happened. The least any lady wants to know is that you are affected by the same situation but I wouldn't recommend faking it ever no matter how brutal you may come off don't pretend.

The part I dread the most is having to share the situation with others and them going all, " well, we kinda knew rather saw that coming". Wait you did? Then why didn't you warn me is always my to go to card then they pull a fast one on me by saying that it was not in their place  to say anything. But years later when you are sober you start to understand this   Yeah,I kinda knew talk. For anyone who has never learnt from their mistakes, you are reading the wrong blog. For those of you who do, zoom in. 

Not knowing.... Not having seen the signs .... Come on, you knew deep down and you ignored the signs. This is how you knew, the party mentioned it twice or thrice and even went a step further to show you that they meant business by dropping in alarming signs. I don't blame you though, you must have been the loyal kind that always sees the best in everyone. Worse off you started making excuse for them. Oh, it's staring to make sense now doesn't it. 

Learn to listen to your inner voice. Your gut feeling that warns you every time to try to do something you initially knew wouldn't work. How can you trust others if you can't trust you with yourself first. Trust your judgement regarding any situation. You would rather be wrong than right and not take a stand. You have to love yourself a little too much to want the best for yourself. You can't give that which you don't already have and you can't receive that which you have not accustomed yourself reason being it will end up overwhelming you. 

Good from far but far from good, yeah, I kinda knew...... 

That is my #RealityCheck 

5:45

Getting your enemy to trust you to me is the ultimate achievement. When you get them to buy into whatever it is that you are selling gives you the power but this is where you change your game plan. Getting them to believe you was one thing but now getting them to not get you in your own game should be the main focus. 

When the enemy starts camouflaging all your sense should be alert. When they start dressing in a you manner and hanging out with your circle of friends this is where most of you go wrong by addressing the situation. What you see as a problem I see as an opportunity to get them where you want them. Caged. Cornered by not using your words but by out smarting them with your actions. 

The reason why the above *enemy* became the so called is because they were your fan to begin with. Then you got something or became someone they always admired in the nitro and when reality checked in that they would never be you they opted to be better than you regardless of whatever price they had to pay. 

The reason why we sober humans who appear to be leaders of our enemies are easily annoyed by them is not because they are malicious but because we can see past the act that they have crafted so careful and sold it to unknowing victims. Thus the need to always work in teams if not pairs to try and get you out of the way.

They need your approval so bad that is why when nothing is working on the other side, they start showing up in your lane. That is why I always refer to them as sad creatures. They are so unhappy with themselves thus the need to steal well try and steal another's identity. For a couple of months say three (3) they seem to get away with everything you have worked for. Think about it they always have the trophy packages for the ladies and as for gentlemen they come off looking like clowns. 

At the illusion of having things going their way they never stop. They always pull that "stupid" move that gets you going like why did they do that? That was so predictable. Yes to you they are predictable but to everyone else they are the life of the party. They are the kind that I refer to as and this line is borrowed ," bicycle faces with ranger rover appetites." They love the finer things in life even though they can't afford it. 

They always order the same old same old  because in their minds they have to keep up with the trends. The ladies dress as video vixens to a 8am to 5pm corporate job just incase an invitation pops up. Any day is drinking time and they never say no. No matter how many sponsors they get in a day they never turn down any offer. What makes me mad though is how less they think of themselves when it comes to feeding habits. They can never spend anything more than two hundred shillings to enjoy a decent meal unless it's your treat then the madness will unfold. 

When they start trying to live it up all up in your space, back off. Acting the fool pays off. They think by hanging out the very same places you will make them more popular thus drawing more attention to them. That is a sign of victory if you ask when. That is them trying to reach out to you for an apology indirectly. It's like suspecting that your spouse is cheating ladies and calling the other woman. By you swallowing your pride to call and insult her doesn't mean you will get her off your mans back but rather what you don't understanding is the minute you call her, it means she not only matters to you and this so called relationship but she means something to your man this the need to call her and get her to back off.The side chick wins. 

The enemy knows you have something on them thus the need to try and apply the keep your friends close but your enemies even closer card. It's not hard to read an enemy like I said they are predictably boring. So don't hold it against their victims by cutting them off or letting them back on your life, hey am not here to tell you what to do but rather guide you on how to go about this whole enemy situation. Identify who he/she and learn them but whatever you do, don't entertain them. Beat them at their own game by serving them a checkmate. 

And that is my #realitycheck 

Make believe

We all put on shows. That is the worst disadvantage of being perfectly human. I assure you that even the most wealthy legends have put on shows reason being the show must go on. It's hilarious for those who understand but not everyone gets my sense of humor and I am okay with that. 

You cannot survive on pain or lack because the minute you loose your ability to hope or believe you lack it all. In the wise words of Donald Trump ,"without passion you don't have energy, without energy you have nothing." So what do you do in the process when things don't unfold as you had hoped for, you make believe. 

That is the difference between people who get attention and those who have earned. Getting attention initially takes time but not as much time as warning. The process of earning attention leaves you too drained because it's more of a do or die kind of thing. 

The things couples put up with all in the name of "us" and for what to avoid being tagged as alone leave alone single? Really you going to let things go that far? Someone of you may be reading this and cursing me out all in the name of you don't understand. You are right I don't understand how you allow yourself get to this point in life but please feel free to justify the fact that you helped that man become who he is today and how he will never love another the way he loves you or better yet how at the end of the day he comes home to you. 

That make believe is what makes most people dread marriage leave alone being in a relationship. Like I always highlight am not married so I know nothing about that ship so I will talk about it when I get there. There is no mr or miss right. That is what they made you believe. Of course there is. You are your own mr right and I am my own miss right. So when we combine our chemistry and down play the madness *it always comes with the package* we can be timeless. 

I am not talking about perfect because last I checked only God is perfect so how about not putting on a show starting from now. Back in the day people used to put on shows as far as relationships go to fit in to prove to society. Sadly that level of sheer madness has gone as far as trying to prove to the parties involved and by that I mean, you are only dating me to prove to yourself that you can land an ambitious modern version of miss independent. 

Let me ask you this," why are you with the one you are with?" Don't think just answer. I guarneree while reading that question you already had the answer in your mind which is the truth and not the make believe you want to tell yourself. Is it because dating feels like a job interview whereby you have what it takes but no one is willing to take a chance on you? Is it because they are available in that she is always there you don't even have to ask? Is it because someone broke your heart and you promised yourself that you would anything and I mean anything and everything possible to make this one last? Is it because you have heard it told yourself there is no one else out there left? Is it because he/ she fits in your circle like a bonus to your line of work I mean a C.E.O needs to have the ideal family? Is it because the one that got away settled for someone else so you are with this one out of spite to prove a point that two can play that game? Is it because you got her pregnant so you feel the obligation to stay by her side? Is it because he provides for you after all he pimped the village out of you? Is it because people thought you two would look good together? Is it because you thought your biological time was ticking? Is it because it's expected of you or tradition? Is it because you want them the way they want you or more? Is it because they are the one you thought you could never have? Is it because you can't wait to wake up next to them in the morning and tell them of how much you love them?

The make believe lies behind the fake smiles and the sad eyes. All you to do to know the difference is listen and see. What they are saying and how they are saying it. 

That is my #realitycheck