You am more of a writer than a talker when it comes to expressing how I feel. I feel like my voice and the tone in which I use to express just how a certain situation makes me feel doesn't do it justice. In my mind I already had this conversation with you, you just don't know it yet. I have approached it from all angles and still somehow I always feel unprepared.
I am not afraid of being rejected see anyone who knows me knows I always expect the worst so rather am scared of you acknowledging what I have to say and working on it. Like wait, what? I never say how I truly feel in most cases unless am forced by circumstances to put myself out there. I hate it. It's bad enough I always assume am an open book to those close to me like you already know what am thinking so don't ask. Don't make me say it. The ego in me feels humiliated.
After reading what Sarahjakesroberts wrote about her husband through a simple picture, it left me speechless. There are women who claim to be inlove and there are women who are beautifully inlove. She is the latter. Have you ever come across someone who is in it for all the right reasons? Like she loves you enough for the two of you in that as a man you are supposed to protect her but secretly she is protecting you? She completely has your back?
I doubt if today's modern man has ever experienced such a woman. A phenomenal woman. One who doesn't have to ask you if you are okay, she already knows by the tone in your voice. Gentlemen, have you ever met a lady who understands you and let's you be you around her? Like you can perfectly be you with her as if she was one of the guys? Like when you met her, you didn't plan on it, probably you were wrapped up with work or whatever issue you had at the time then for the very first time you saw her. And no, she is not even what you go for? She is better but not to worry your secret is safe with me gentlemen, I won't let her know. You act like she doesn't matter but then if she is not around you find yourself "missing" her.
Now tell me something gentlemen, what happened to that special lady? Where did you go wrong with her for her to walk away? Could she be part of the reason as to why you are behaving the way you are? You are mad because you never thought she would get tired of waiting around for you? You are upset that even though she wasn't what you wanted she is someone you need? You think by hooking up with other ladies will fill the void or make her jealous and realize what she is missing out on? So let me get this right, you are justifying the whole situation by claiming it all happened to quick that you suffer from a reality lag? How do you justify something undefined?
There are people you meet earlier on in life when you are so full of making it and there are people you meet along making it and there will be people you will meet after making it in life. Straight from either campus or college the determination is the same. You want to be employed , make money, enjoy your hard work and marry that one person who has had your back. Sadly that is never the case. Immediately you get a job, the cute become annoying to irritating to avoiding to moving on. Money changes people some for the worst afew for the better and the rest are still trying to make ends meet.
Money makes you attractive and it attractes beautiful people. Since now you have been presented the opportunity to land any lady you want gentlemen, you start neglecting that humble girl in the village. Remember the one who encouraged you when all you had was God and each other? Which reminds me have you ever taken the time to thank her ever since you became a somebody in the society? In the process of over compensating yourself, you become someone the rest of us who liked, admired and adored can no longer related to. Sure, I want to text .... the old you because the new you sucks..... So she stops calling and eventually caring. This is how a man forces a good woman to become bad. You led her on but you never informed her when you moved on instead she waited on the promises you made her back in the day.
Where is she now? You can't put a time frame on chemistry leave alone love. When it happens it happens. You either work on it or you walk away. After realizing your mistakes *money slowed you down* you promised yourself that you would settle down. So you move in with one of your club mate. The one thing both of you have in common is you love the finer things in life. You have everything she has always wanted in a man. Money, power and money. She barely knows you middle name perhaps it's m-pesa who knows. She knows all the irrelevant people in your life but nothing about you. Her mission in life is to never allow her source of income ever leave her side unless he is declared bankrupt. Then she will pull a ,"we need some time apart" get away card.
Then there is the one female you feel you owe. She has put up so much of your crap the least you can do is make her believe that she is yours. Don't get me wron, at the moment it seemed like a pretty good idea, moving in with her and feeling like she could be the one but still something is missing. So you take things to the next level, you get a child with her. In your mind, things had played out so well but then since it was out of convenience ,gratitude and empathy you find yourself still cheating on her. You adore your baby after all you have someone who has you blood running through their veins but you can't stop yourself from sleeping with other women. So you tell yourself that you have a sexual problem . You love it so much that you can't keep it in your pants.
Do whatever helps you sleep at night but you can't hide from the truth forever. Enough with the lies let's be brutally honest. If you find yourself taken but somehow manage to test the other waters out there, that to me doesn't make you a cheater. It proves that you are indeed lonely. You have been trying to fill a void that was left perhaps you never took the time to heal or the one you are with just doesn't do it for you. You have tried everything humanly possible to make it work because you have convinced yourself that these things happen, you just need a lady who is patient enough to handle you. You poor thing.
I say in a relationship if we are going to argue let it be over petty things like money or lack of communication but disrespect is out of the question. If you respected him enough you wouldn't speak with his best friend and if you respected her enough you wouldn't put your child through what your father put you through. You don't have to stick just because you think no one else will want the package/baggage you come in.
And that is my #RelaityCheck
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