8:22pm

How do you put yourself out there when one else wants you? Am sure this is a question that most good women and women keep asking God and their inner good self. Perhaps if I clubbed more and then life denied me the chance of meeting the one for me then I would understand. 

Let's be honest finding a good man or woman in this day and age is nothing short of a miracle. Those species are extinct if not then why is it that good people suffer more than the ones who always take the easy and quick way up the life ladder? How do you wait year in and out and life ends up rewarding you with the wrong package? What you want is already taken ... That man you thought was from God well it turns out he is not only married but expecting a child. Talk of  taking blows and yet you are expected to show up early Sunday morning and testify of how God has been good. I wish I had answers ladies I truly wish I do but just like the rest of you am out here right about done being good. 

The most life has served you is not one but a series of men you barely have a conversation with. The more they insist the more annoying you find them. So each new month you promise to change if you had built walls around you you slowly take them them down only to end up regretting why you even bother. 

So, when is my big break? The day I will look back and say you know what it was all worth it. The day you can't wait to go to church and say back God is good and I have a testimony. Sadly, each sermon leaves you feeling expectant but then life slaps you with a reality check. 

The advantage of beating yourself down is knowing that you need to build yourself back up. This too shall pass. It's a painful and annoying phase but like your past it didn't stop God from allowing you to be where you are right now. I heard His mercies are new each day so each time you have a dumb thought He just smiles and never gives up on you. That is what parents do. The father of the century goes to God it has to because the things he has overlooked and his never ending love towards you never ceases just because you are broke or broken. 

My big break happens to be each passing day that He grants me a chance to make a difference with my words and thoughtful words. My only mistake happens to be that am human. I sure could use more and being human I will always want more out of life but for now am appreciating the fact that my less to someone else is much more. While am busy complaining someone else is begging for a second chance to live ... Fighting for their lives in a coma ... 

If you have been blessed with the basic needs the things we take for granted leave alone food, clothing and shelter am taking about you have all your organs intact , family and one true friend who keeps it real with you, you have nothing to complain about. As for the men who are not what I think I need, there are here to teach me or I am supposed somehow to leave a positive impact in their lives. 

In conclusion be careful how you treat people , you might be entertaining an angel in disguise. 

That is my reality check