How to fight the urge

Only heaven knew just how bad I wanted to swallow my pride, call and tell you that I miss you but then hell reminded me that we both know a simple halo is never a simple goodbye. We would both be wrapped up in the memories trying to catch up , laugh it out then act on the forbidden chemistry. Two people who should never be in the same room alone regardless of whether day or night is you and I. It's lust meets tension with a spark of unspoken love. 

This is how I resisted the temptation. I reminded myself why "we" decided to end it in the first place. In Kenya there is no we mutually agreed to end it it's mostly I to show just how important you were to the other party thus "we". I reminded myself that we are not the only two parties involved. A lot is at stake so is it worth being caught up in a moment because that is how everyone sober enough sees it ... A moment. I kept reminding myself of how long "we" have stayed rather avoided each other. 

Do I still want to call you today, no. Then somehow I guess everyone else is right. The reason why I don't want to is because of the person you have become ever since . This is who you truly were I just chose to see someone o created in my own mind. So that would explain why every time we bump into each other there is always that awkward greeting  like I want to hug you but I can't so I shake you hand instead, I want to look I your eyes but all I see are lies written all over your face, you think I don't know but I do so am trying not to show too much ... Has anyone else experienced this? 

Deep down I want to believe you were somehow protecting me from the truth  or it happened all too fast but reality check just helps me conclude to "us"staying away from each other. It was fun but there is more to life than fun. 

That is my reality check 1:21