People can see and feel it when they meet you.

Am lying in bed fighting off this fear trying to creep up on me and then my mind has just reminded me of the old decade. You talk of having having a bad day, week, month, year but can you imagine having a bad life? Having a bad decade and previously being lost. Good Morning

The first time you meet me or I enter your life I always start off with this line, “am not like anyone you have ever met.”That alone should be enough to let you know there is a story to me. Nothing about me is a coincidence. Everything about me serves a purpose even my silliness. I wasn’t planning to blog as my mind was blank but then again like I said there is a reason why I act, react and enact anything and everything. Am assigned to specific people, times and moments. It’s never at their top (unfortunately) it’s always at their bottom.To me winning is the icing of the cake which you can live without. What matters are the ingredients. In you being moulded into a winner already makes you one, so it’s common sense to expect the win. I don’t even have the luxury to stick around and wait for the obvious.

Back to my story. Walk into any workshop you know. Take carpentry as an example. All you see at first is timber. It’s not beautiful to look at as compared to the finished product. It’s a process right? As soon as that carpenter is done, it becomes a masterpiece.My character has been tested and refined and my personality is impeccable. I can blend with those with and without. I respect soldiers because of the training and experience they have when it comes to survival. They can handle anything because of the acquired skills.That is how God has been with me. He has equipped me with everything I need to not only survive but help others. God is thorough, He doesn’t miss a detail. Your outside has no choice but to match your inside. Everything shows. People can see and feel it when they meet you.

It’s not me being optimistic about 2021 being a good year, it’s me assuring you because of the far God has brought me. Everyone had written me off including myself sometimes though deep down I knew because I always saw the light at the end of the tunnel.

All I ask is you have a little more faith in God. He is always up to something good. Even when I was down, He ensured I kept something up. Even in the midst of darkness, if you can still dream or hope, you will survive. God always show up. This too will be #MyMagazineThoughts

Njeri, GO for what you want

Ask anyone who has gotten bad breaks over and over again how it feels to get a good break. It’s always a humbling moment and they never forget. It changes everything about them. I know this all too well because I am such a person. Bad breaks aren’t meant to harm you or turn you into somebody that you are not. Bad breaks sculpt your CHARACTER. That’s why even in the presence of good breaks you are still the same person only this time you have more.

Real quick, who are you with and without everything you own right now? Are you better or worse. Can you still be reliable? Would you still make time if you still had it all?

2020 was not a bad year, it just brought out a bad attitude in people who either hid behind other people or material things. See everything you need is not what surrounds you but it’s IN YOU. What you need is already inside you. You and I just needed that simple reminder. I have made more of an effort this year. I have been very intentional. I have found that in loving and accepting both my strengths and shortcomings I have made life easier for not only myself but those around me. Set yourself FREE from worrying or over expectations and live in the fucking moment. If you overthink it, hey, you might just go mad. I can still be godly and  still be a sexy fox. Always ask yourself this,”What else can I do?” Then and there you will have your answers.

Put yourself first. Listen, you can try and please the entire universe and people will still find fault in you. So, if you use that same determination to atleast like yourself, you will somehow understand your flaws and appreciate yourself. No one else needs to like you but YOU. They say it’s not how hard you fall but personally since I have been down there I say this. It’s what you find or discover when you are down there about yourself and others that determines how fast and strong you will not only get up but STAY UP. I can only speak from my experience so unless you WISH to learn the hard way, don’t learn from others mistakes. You will not only waste time but years. Again, I know what am talking about. Don’t ever take the people who “appear in your life” especially in tough times lightly.

This is very personal and special to me because I have had “angels” people who see greatness and let you be during those hard times. So if this year I have just “appeared” at the right time, it’s because you needed that as SO MUCH MORE AWAITS YOU. I need you to CARRY the good deed forward. If someone is kind to you, go out there and be kind to someone else. We are all lost yet we have so much to offer each other. Don’t be self centered to assume you were born to only receive and not give back. Oh really now? Please, NO! It’s not about the year or the pandemic rather it’s about you as an individual. How much as a human being have you grown? What impact have you had on someone’s life? We all had and still have equal opportunities, how are you utilizing your gift? Do you even like yourself?

I am not one to sugarcoat reality. That’s why you have dreams. You can still give yourself that and better. This is the time to bring down all those walls. A wise man told me this. There is a difference between protecting yourself and SHIELDING yourself. Let that wisdom sink in.

This year I have allowed myself to let in those emotions. I have lowered my guard a little (baby steps people baby steps). I have had two different men tell me the same thing. Njeri,GO for what you want. Angels everywhere. So ladies and gentlemen am going for #MyMagazineThoughts

Hey, Njeri, you are just human

2020 has been an amazing year for me. The beginning of a new decade. I didn’t get blessings in double double (It’s a thing where I am from), humbling enough, each day was and still is a blessing. This is my self reevaluation. I am really excited. Welcome to #MyMagazineThoughts

Judging from what I post you can already tell I am very intentional in what I share. Encouraging is my thing. Not mostly to others but to myself. I believe that in loving yourself, you are able to love others back. Some would argue and say in helping others, you help yourself. There is what I had in mind even as open as I am yet there is what God brought to pass. I prefer His way over mine anytime. As long as I remind myself that God is my father I will never question His motives by allowing either good or bad things my way. He has got me like like that. In the past decade serving God wasn’t easy. I was still so much into my flesh that sometimes it got in the way of learning and seeing the beauty of His works and words. I just wanted the gift and not the giver. Clearly, God wasn’t changing his mind about me so I slowly changed.

This year, in as much as I have cried, I have laughed more. It’s where I can genuinely look back at those months and calmly admit, I am actually very okay. I have had a very good year simply because I let go of my expectations and allowed the will of God to be done in my life.To be honest, I don’t know who I have survived. I want to say suffice grace but in my humble opinion, I am here by the mercies of God. Not because I am worthy, goodness there are souls much more deserving. I don’t know why God loves me considering I have failed too many times. 2020 I have questioned less and obeyed more. To me I didn’t make sense. None of it did. But to the people I offered kindness with my words of comfort and few actions, it left me speechless. I am humbled.

My love life is better. Though still single I have learnt to express myself more. Am not afraid to state my intentions and speak my mind though in a considerate way without hurting the other persons feelings. It’s okay to be open yet still not settle for what you don’t want. See I don’t want to be that girl. I don’t want to change a man’s mind in thinking to myself maybe if I go on an actual date with him, he might just find me mind blowing. If your mind wasn’t blown  in our conversation(s) surely I shouldn’t expect anything more right? Just saying. I value friendship more. Don’t get me wrong I still want my soulmate but if I can’t be my usual silly, immature, sarcastic and aggressively opinionated self while adding some dirty naughty talk, we can’t be friends like that. If you don’t understand me, we don’t need each other. All I asked for was a thong and get this, I got quite afew of those and my sexiness back. I fell inlove with myself again. In all honesty, I had stopped viewing myself that way because I wasn’t at peace with myself. I stopped being hard on myself. Hey, Njeri, you are just human.

Now, oh boy, I can’t get enough of myself. I am literally checking myself out while making those suggestive sounds of satisfaction in front of mirrors anywhere and everywhere to admire myself. If it were not for these masks, everyone would assume I have lost it. Am way too much.

God entrusted me enough to make a difference in someone’s life this year. I was just being my usual bubbly self full of positivity and somehow we got talking. Three days later I request for a ride and the same man on seeing me starts crying. Mis, you changed my life. I am quick to correct him. That wasn’t me, that was God and if that happened glory to God. I didn’t want to get details because I believe in this. Be kind and keep it moving. Don’t wait for remarks or rewards. Do Gods work and let God reward you in His own timing. Focus on your purpose. It was a Daniel year. The lions in the den symbolize danger thus the pandemic. Even in the presence of losing your life (business, going into depression) the king allowed it. God allowed it because He knew with you in it, He would glorify himself through you. It’s not the end. Let me take you to church. If God allows it, He is up to something bigger, better and greater. He had to do it to show them why you are built the way you are. See now, they can never question because they acknowledged that indeed there is a God. 2020 was about God.

That’s why He had to take away some of the blessings for us to recognize the BLESSER and not the blessed. Am I preaching to somebody? We had focused on less yet the GIVER has so much more to offer. That’s why I need and have to share with you  #MyMagazineThoughts

I am single not desperate

Now I understand how the more you spend time with someone, the fast you fall for them. I get this from men all the time. You scare me. Your thought process scares me because you know what you want. Am old fashioned where I never assume a man is hitting on me until am sure. Hello

I always say this and even though it comes across as arrogance I say it nevertheless. Please don’t fall for me. Something in me keeps awakening silent souls in men. They never quite tell me what it is but they always end up freaking me out. Walk out and walk in again. Gentlemen?

I am a very cautious lady. I never want to mislead any man especially one am not interested in. I don’t know what turns men on about me because I make zero to no effort compared to ladies out there. Visit any beauty spa then look at Njeri, dude am basic. What do you want from me? I avoid going on dates altogether because sadly in my head I already analyzed you based on our conversation. If you generalize me by throwing in the “you women” bullshit, I immediately switch off my brain and the silent treatment follows. Then you are automatically blocked. If you come off too full of yourself, gentlemen, you will be shut down. So you assume since I am celibate you will be the lucky man to God knows do what. See, creeps like you are the reason am celibate in the first place. You do nothing for my brain leave alone my entire body. No

I am single not desperate. You are not doing me any favors by either asking for my number or responding to any of my messages. Please, STOP! Understand this,I can play that dating around game until I exhaust all options. I don’t pay attention nor entertain men I am not interested in. It’s a choice. I wish men understood this. The same way you approach women is the same way men approach me. The only difference is, I don’t settle just because they are willing and available. I will neither waste your finances nor your time on meaningless connections. I lack such leisure.

I say all this because majority of the men who approach me, find me different. That’s what excites them but in real sense to be honest, they don’t want me. They don’t have what it takes to want and need me. It’s because what they go for rather are accustomed to is predictable. I am that honest with myself. I always serve myself the ugly truth. It’s the sad reality. There are serious men out there who are determined to not only be but stay in my life. See, I can only have one. Before that one gets me, I will be difficult as fuck unintentionally.

Who hurt you and if you have healed from that is my top priority in getting to know a man I like. Again, please don’t fall for me. The minute I notice you, I usually take my time to understand why I like you. Everything with me takes time especially with  #MyMagazineThoughts

Perhaps all you need is a thong

December darling,

My theme for 2020 was the year of the thong. All I wanted was a thong. My sexiness back. Actually the sexiest thing about me is not my confidence but my faith in God. I started praying naked before God. This is how sexy God got me 2020. I got to see myself how God sees me SEXY 🔥

Now that I know how dangerously beautiful God created me, I understood that not every man is worth me. You can’t serve two masters. You either please God and “upset others” or “please others” and upset God. Your choice.

It’s not just a thong, it symbolized anything I would wear going forth. I was born very confident and somehow being around afew wrong people made me question my God given strength and termed it as arrogance. Maybe if I toned it down, I would blend in. They would accept me.Now, I give people chances. I am open to understand but nevertheless not accommodate less than smart conversations unapologetically and it doesn’t make me a bad person. I am brave enough to ask for what I want without worrying if am asking for too much.I am equally humble enough to walk away from people who I have to explain myself to. 2020 made me realize that I have always had it, I just didn’t want to embrace it. And I have been ,with my words, actions and ambitions ever since  my birthday. Who knew?

All I needed 2020 was to be honest with myself. I freed myself from what should, would and could have been. I started focusing on the possibility of working with who, what and how I can improve myself. I admired, to I like and now I am obsessed with myself. I am fucking amazing.

You need to accept your sexiness. Maybe you don’t need another bank account or loan, you just need a new attitude but that has to come from you. Your insecurities always show when you are uncomfortable with yourself. Get comfortable with yourself. Perhaps all you need is a thong.

I know what you are thinking, damn Njeri we should be friends. Ask yourself this, are you ready for your soul to be set on fire? Or maybe you want to date me. Listen, is your heart ready to embrace madness at its best? You might just lose all sanity while trying to keep up.

At the end of this blog, I want you to get all fired up on yourself and start living life as if the year has just begun. I want you to fall madly inlove with yourself so much so that when others see you, they gravitate towards you. Indeed these are #MyMagazineThoughts

Until you get up

But He himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and He requested for himself that He might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. And as He lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat.1 Kings 19:4-5

We all have different assignments and this is what I want and hope you learn from this. Just because you are the best at what you do, doesn’t necessarily mean things will be easier. As a matter of fact, things will always get worse.God has a sense of humor. Elijah was done but God wasn’t through with him yet. He lay there to die but instead fell asleep. That is so funny. The angel woke him up to eat. How hilarious is that. At that particular moment Elijah wasn’t being a prophet but a man. A scared man. The devil is a liar because he has a way of making you forget who you are and insisting on showing you how down, alone and getting you in the victim position. More fear as you wallow in thoughts.

I have pulled an Elijah. God am done. I have done all I can do, please take back you gifts and let me be normal. For a while God silenced my gifts. Go read my blog. I thought they were the ones always landing me in unnecessary troubles and in a way, it’s true. I am who I am only because of my gifts. I am my gifts. It’s not something you put on or switch off. It’s who you are. People oppose what they don’t understand. They don’t dislike you because of what you own but they themselves are struggling to get where you are.

Until God is done with you like I wrote in my blog, get comfortable. Like Elijah He will wake you up and feed you because much more awaits. I said God is not done. Let that sink in. It’s okay to be yourself around God but that doesn’t take the gift away from you. Crying doesn’t mean you won’t smile or laugh again. Pain doesn’t mean you won’t embrace love again. You can be surrounded by bad situations but that doesn’t mean you are a bad person. Because of your positivity and how you view life differently that’s why you are placed there. The more you pour into it, the tougher it hardens you. Stop complaining why things aren’t adding up and start remembering who you are. The victories you have had. Quitting has never been your thing. Draw strength from what happened the last time you tried to quit.

What if God doesn’t send someone to encourage you? We serve a merciful God and He has His ways of speaking to all of us yet personalize each message. Even when things go from bad to worse they never get to the worst. If feels like it but it never gets there. God is everywhere. Help is on the way. Even when you are down, God is right there watching over you. We are human. You may be tired but God has enough strength for the two of you. You may be done and God will allow you to take some time off but He is not done with you.

I write all this because I have been there and being down is worse than being opposed. When you are down, you are your own worst enemy. The thoughts you tell yourself only worsen the situation. Staying down feels and seems easier than getting right back up. Until you get up.

From my experience, being down turns you from a worrier to warrior. God will send you exactly what you need to hear or see to get back up. One of two things happen when you are down. You will either kill your gifts or something in you will have to die. You are never the same.You will do things differently as you find your rhythm. When you find your beat, you create your song. It gets better from there. When you accept your gifts and know how to properly utilize them, you become a force to be reckoned with .

You may be down but not for long. Like I said help is always on the way. I hope you have had ample time reflecting and resting when down there because things are about to change the pace. These are not just #MyMagazineThoughts but a reminder of where I was when I finally changed.

You needed TIME to grow

I want you to do yourself this favor and go back to a point in life you felt the lowest. Not 2020 when the pandemic 😷 hit, ofcourse not. Don’t try and pull a fast one on me. Am talking way back when you were all alone, life actually felt lonely 😩. Are you there yet? Stay there

What brought about those mixed emotions and sorrow ☹️ ? Who did? Was it something they said , did or both? If it was Njeri yo, I plead the fifth 😶. Think of how seeing them made you envision yourself. Everything felt over. You are sad again aren’t you? Now go through your photos and look at the most recent picture of yourself alone. Zoom in on that selfie you took and quickly remind yourself how you felt taking it. Go back to the mixed emotions and visualize who or what was said and done about you. Admire yourself one last TIME

OMG 😆. Right? When did this recent you allow that old you take in garbage and less than smart remarks from people and situations like that? Now do you believe that “Good things take TIME?” You needed to go through that to get to where you are today. You needed TIME to grow.

What makes you assume, this is the end when what looked like the end wasn’t? Baibèé you have got a long way to go. Buckle up sweetheart. TIMES have changed and so have you. You are better than what they said and certainly smarter than what you allowed yourself to believe.If God didn’t leave you then, why would HE now especially after working thoroughly on you. What happened was wrong but HE had to make sure you kept your focus on forward motion. Would you have closed or left that chapter of your life on your own? Be honest? You should thank God.

Alot awaits. Incase you ever have doubts, remember all that, admire the crap out of yourself, be thankful, smile and read #MyMagazineThoughts because there is always something inspirational to keep you encouraged.

My perspective on life

I have come to understand myself. I don’t go in when everyone else is hyped up. Am hardly ever around to be honest and if you happen to see me, trust me, am not paying attention. I like taking my time to understand the story and lessons before, during and after.

I am not slow, am simply comfortable behind the scenes and if not showing up late, not showing up at all. I usually take my time. It may look as though am missing out on opportunities but I know when am not ready or equipped enough to even talk a big game.

I know when am ready and I know when am not. I don’t need facts, I just trust my gut feeling even without seeing what is being offered. Listen, trust is not much but to me it’s my driving force. How do I expect to be entrusted if I have trust issues? If I don’t show up, it’s not my thing but if I show up, there is work to do. Am less inclined to the physical as opposed to the mental aspect of it. The one thing you will notice about me is PERSPECTIVE. My perspective on life. It won’t change you but rather instill fear in you.It will confuse you then without hesitation, it will redirect your questioning anything and everyone coming and going in and out of your life. From will they like me, to I am beginning to embrace myself. I actually like myself.

You will have the feeling of I have been ahead yet somehow I have been dragging the rest of myself along the way. Roles will change. You will stop chasing and start focusing yourself forward and somehow wonder when everyone else will catch up with #MyMagazineThoughts

It's still a very promising year

There is someone somewhere probably wondering 💭 when will this ever add up. Is it all for nothing? When am I ever going to get my big break. I have been working tirelessly on myself inside out yet it feels as though God has forgotten about me. I am tired. I am fed up. I have both good news and bad news. 

The bad news is unfortunately, being tired, giving up or even crying won’t pursued God to do things your way.Child, been there failed miserably.I even went to church one time with an attitude. Everytime the preacher would say God is good,  I would roll my eyes and softly whisper to myself to you, He has been good to you, my enemies but not me. I was angry and hurt. If that’s you reading this, I assure you, I understand your frustrations.The worst kind of punishment is having to sit down and wait. Watching others accomplish while you wait. Taking in the humiliation of “failure” because all you can do is wait.

Good God I feel you.I have been you and even worse. Having evil or bad thoughts from my side of viewing life is still creativity. You are just channeling it the wrong way but that’s so much potential “waiting” to be tapped into. Can I preach? It gets interesting I promise. Why does it hurt? Because it matters. You are focusing you anger on God because you He unlike man knows you better. He is the one who gave you that gift in the first place. This was supposed to a different year. For the first time ever, you had started to believe again until....

To conclude the bad news, God is not your agemate. You can’t manipulate or threaten the Great I AM. Listen Moses in the Bible had a slow tongue but did that stop God? Am sure there must have been men eloquent and sophisticated enough but God being God had to show off. Do you see where am going with this? Whatever you are going through could be considered as a “slow tongue” but that doesn’t and will definitely won’t stop God from fulfilling His will over your life even though it’s going to bruise and leave scars. Is there anyone with scars? Then you have a story about to tell.

Am done preaching for now. 

The good news is that the reason you keep getting that NO or rejected is because the people you keep trying to impress don’t understand your gift. Right gift, wrong crowd. God is preparing a place for your gift. As a matter of fact, God is going to cause the right people to EXPECT you. He is busy representing you indirectly so that when “that need” arises and I guarantee it will, they have to LOOK for the person for the job. While He is working on you, He is creating a platform to show you off on.Don’t just pray when things are bad and times are tough, learn to talk to God. Get into the habit of giving thanks. There are times I could have sworn God was setting me up for misery but looking back at it all, am ashamed for even giving God an attitude. It’s never what it seems.

I always assumed that being popular lands you great friends, an amazing spouse and the life. Today, all that sounds way too basic for my liking. I strive to make a difference with the little I have. Sure it’s less but to someone else is way much more. I seek purpose above fame. Sure I will dream. The more unrealistic it sounds the greater I will pursue it. Listen if God wanted someone for the job, He would have easily done so. It’s what makes you “weird” that has God going hmmm I see greatness in this one. Oh, for such a time, I had you waiting for this. I am slowly starting to understand it. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I know this because I made it out of that dark cloud that weighed me down. Njeri, what did you get out of it? Am so glad someone asked that *laughing hysterically*. Well, I started to see myself the way God does. If it means me staying quiet, walking away, fighting (in prayer), going the extra mile I will happily do so. I used to be so worried and bothered of how others were living their lives and I wasn’t. That’s because they were utilizing their gifts and I wasn’t. People are drawn to confidence. Say what you may or will but I have actually tested this out. Do what you are good at confidently. That’s why people end up assuming it’s so easy but in actual sense it’s not.

The only thing I regret is having waited with my head held down in shame. With everything going on, it was understandable but I secretly wish I didn’t have to beat myself down that low. Was it necessary, not really but I guess somehow.

It’s still a very promising year. I never thought I would ever gather the courage to pursue anything yet here I am writing this. Clearly you are not going to read this and get high on life. Ofcourse but each day, wake up atleast full of yourself. Until you live your dream, keep dreaming. Don’t stop,keeping going. Until you find true love,fall deeply inlove with yourself. Time changes everything. God created you to be you for a certain reason. Find out what it is and you will find your true happiness. Being wrong inspired me to write #MyMagazineThoughts

I have acne-prone skin

I stopped wearing make up two years ago. I had gone all out. I tried the best of face wash but the worse it got. I eventually went and sought the advice of a dermatologist a year later but that’s where my frustrations begun. 

I have acne-prone skin. 

It’s not only irritating but annoying sometimes. In a way you become a victim of self enslavement. You can’t do what everyone is doing without second guessing yourself. You constantly talk yourself out of simple things like dressing up and even dating. It’s a moment killer. 

Being uncomfortable in your own skin sometimes messes with your self esteem. When people look at you, you always assume the worst. I am not attractive and that’s why things never look up so your inner voice keeps telling you everytime you are faced with new opportunities. 

It’s not for you. It’s not for people like you. 

I am confident but even the best can be brought to their knees with certain realizations. It’s not what others tell you, it’s what you tell yourself. It doesn’t help when you are busy beating yourself down and those around you say nothing to silence those negative thoughts. 

Wherever you find comfort, you hold on and cling to it. It’s wrong but you must survive either way. So I decided to stop hiding behind make up and invest in my skin. If I can purchase products worth thousands, I can do the same with my skin. And so, this is my face updated journal. 

I am beautiful. Anyone would be lucky to know me. Having a problematic face doesn’t define my character and personality. It’s besides the point. My face is a by the way. I can either wear these few pimples proudly or hide them. My choice. Hiding won’t solve anything. It makes me less attractive. 

If am waiting for someone to come bring out the best in me while all I see is flaws, I might as well forget about happiness altogether. It’s my job to make myself happy. I must be comfortable enough for the same to reflect on the outside. See the problem was not my face but rather my attitude. Awaiting sympathy which unfortunately never arrived. 

So I stopped everything and I dedicated my face to God. I know it sounds silly but to me praying should have been the first step. In praying you are not kneeling there keeping it brief and sweet on how you want to stop being relying on creams which in actual sense are steroids but you seek freedom from deep within yourself. 

Today am going for my second micro needling session. I needed all those pores open. What I have learnt so far is this. First, change how you view yourself. Second, the cleaner your face the more relaxed your entire system becomes. Third, what works for you, take it and run with it. You don’t have to rely on creams or medication. Fourth, moisturize. Stay moisturized. I have oily skin and previously used products to dry my skin out which in my case is where I was going wrong. Five, learn and understand your skin especially your face. Six, watch your diet. Again, I am not saying starve yourself but ensure you watch what you eat. Seven, appreciate yourself. Do what makes you happy responsibly. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t punish yourself but isolating what makes you amazing. 

I hope this helps anyone out there who feels like they are in this alone. You are beautiful and hiding it won’t make the minor issue go away. No issue is ever permanent if you come to think of it. How you handle it is the key to how you overcome it. 

Bring that bold lady back. There is more to you than you assume when it comes to your face. It’s time to face reality. Let’s face it, this are #MyMagazineThoughts

It's a spank and tease kind of adventure

October has been a month full of #Personal moments and alot of #Feelings involved. It was very uncomfortable for someone like myself especially because I don't stick around to talk or touch on my feelings. It was necessary for me to identify and confront myself with this communication barrier. It wasn't easy but if it were I wouldn't have acknowledged it in the first place. That's how I know something is important.

 Oh, hello there! Where are my manners? How are you?  How have you been? 

I think my brother is about to hook me up with one of his friends said no sister ever *laughing sheepishly* , The only thing big brothers are good at is cockblocking. I said it. Yes I did. We all have that help a sister out look in our eyes everytime one of his goodlooking single friend comes over. Spare me the advise, brother, I need romance. The more you tell us how your friend(s) is a no go zone , the more it makes him admirable. The more you try to talk us out of it, the more interested and curious we become. 

October has been a fair game month and there is nothing more to take from it so, it's been amazing but bye! 

Halo November. 

In my humble opinion, November is one of those sexy months. It being the month before Christmas makes it so hot. To me November is like that fine gentleman you have been admiring from afar. It's a talk less show me more kind of month. Where even upright moral ladies get down and bring out their freaky side just to let that gentleman know she has a wild side. Don't let my silence fool you sir! 

It's a spank and tease kind of adventure. 

It's a month where you break all the rules not because nothing is working or you have nothing to lose but you simply can be naughty. Want to. Need to. Must!!! It's innocent fun and games. It's like walking in a gentleman’s club and the thirst on these mens faces tells it all without them having to say a word. It's that intense and exciting. You walked in single but something tells you, you might just meet you match tonight. It's definitely not Romeo but it's so enchanting and better than the real deal. 

This is where you put all your cards on the table.  It's a winner takes all kind of affair. It's a game with hidden puzzles yet you are already aware of who and what awaits. It's a how kind of muse. It's not a time to study but act. 

Are you ready? It's a grown affair. I hope you brought the appetite because somebody is ready to dig in. These are #MyMagazineThoughts 

You will start to attract your kind and crowd.

You can get used to people going out of their way for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am not one of those lucky people. Life is so funny. I love life. I live for this kind of life where just when things are about to unfold, God changes the script. SURPRISE!!!

2020 is mind blowing. What if I freaked you out and told you that all those bad breaks and few none celebrated quick moments has been someone’s life? 2020 is a summary of someone’s life story. Not just afew bad breaks, their entire life has been this huge emotional thing? We are talking of months but someone somewhere has been living and reliving this for years. Like I said some are lucky to have a system to help them survive life while most are torn, confused and lost. Physically it may not show but emotionally and mentally it’s total chaos.

I am speaking from experience. From trying to giving in, giving up and deciding to embrace the unknown. If you think about it really, it’s nothing new just comes off different as it hasn’t been explored to it’s full potential. It’s hard at first, everything always is.

People in 2020 are in fear of one of the two. Losing it all and it not working out. You have either lost it all before or know someone who did and saw what that did to them. Thus majority are afraid of losing it all.  Fear is a deceiving monster . I say fear is good. Whenever you are faced with fear you find yourself looking for an alternative. True or false? Fear brings out a silent yet brave side in all of us. 2020 is the introduction of learning to lose things and people who no longer serve in your purpose. Think about it.

If it matters and it costed you, would you really let it go? Because you understand and appreciate the value it gives and brings. I am not talking about the people around you but the person you thought you were. The old you you had to lose to find who you have always been. It’s not just dawning on you that you never cared, you just wanted to believe you did that’s why when it came time to let it go, it didn’t hurt as much as you told yourself it would. It doesn’t bother you. That’s what scares you.

Now that you have realized this, it not working out is the real fear. So what happens? You find yourself creating a system. Going back is never an option. That’s why I started off by saying some are lucky enough to have people go out of their way for them. They already knew this.

2020 is shaping you for what awaits. What you thought was going to happen isn’t. What you never imagined would happen is. This is my humble opinion of what is and about to happen. There is a big surprise on the way.

You can force and convince yourself all you but if it’s not it for you, you will gladly let go of it. You finally stop chasing after things and people while those things and people meant to be in your life will show up. You will start to attract your kind and crowd.

You no longer have to question if you are good enough or not because what and where you are meant to be will be in sync. 2020 is a great year if you accept yourself for who you are. This is the best of #MyMagazineThoughts as you read this and see the truth. My truth and yours.

Telepathy is our aphrodisiac

You are the first person I thought about when I woke up, well seeing as am still in bed trying to wake up but I don’t need to say it because you already know. There is something we both know. The smile on your face even though we are miles away, I can feel it’s warmth.

It doesn’t really matter anymore. You feel different. I can sense the calmness in you. Usually, you never allow yourself to welcome such emotions but today, feels right. I choose to believe and be brave enough to let you know you are not alone in this. You are excited.

That’s okay because something about me brings out a fire in you. I know what the zodiac stars say of how our communication is medium but being the rebellious lady I am, I differ 💯. Our communication is wack. It’s trash. We need to improve on it. Telepathy is our aphrodisiac.

You and I are two different people in two different worlds. You are evasive and am aloof. Go figure! Where am I going with this? I just didn’t want you to have breakfast without me. You brought about #MyMagazineThoughts for today and am glad. 

Enjoy Sir.

Calm, quiet and composed

People are afraid of being themselves in the hopes of attracting the version they think will stand out and be applauded more. That’s why am single. I know what you are thinking, someone did quite a number on me. Am an Aquarius ♒️. I will never give you that much power to break me.

I am not paying attention to how everyone else is doing it but rather do I even care enough to pursue it? Why? Then what? If I question myself, I am definitely going to question everything and everyone around me. Am not about instant results but doing the job well.

If am going to be in a relationship, it’s not because God forbid my time is up or am pretty lonely. It has to be very intentional. Just like a man, I am self sufficient and self fulfilled then I can allow myself to give my all and accept you in my life because I want and need you

Sometimes I really do feel sorry for my soulmate. He be out there praying telling God of how he wants a graceful lady. Graceful is not a word I would use to describe myself 😂. Calm, quiet and composed. Hahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha is he even serious? 😂

Gentle, friendly and soft spoken. Hahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahahahaha hahahahahahaha. This son of a woman is not ready. He should pray for sufficient grace. I will not be his cheerleader but rather his coach and I leave it at #MyMagazineThoughts

Am interested in you, all of you

That rain 🌧 got me feeling romantic. Tonight is really special. It’s like meeting someone new and having this undeniable connection and conversation. Just when you think the day is over and night has come,they call you briefly just to hear your voice and follow it up with a text that goes a little like this. 

"Hey, I wasn’t done. I don’t know what you are used to, but am about to be your new norm. Am not just saying that to put a smile on your face and like I said, I don’t know what you are used to. Am not here to trouble you by awakening your soul.

Some people come into your life to offer you peace and restore faith even in the presence of brokenness. I am not offering you heaven on earth, am letting you know that you can be yourself around me. Am interested in you, all of you.

I am not here to teach you how to be strong and brave, I just need you to trust yourself enough to allow yourself to trust me and let me in. Share with me how this moment makes you feel. How you feel and how I make you feel. I better stop before I go any further and miss you."

Those are #MyMagazineThoughts for now but soon enough they will become my #RealityCheck 

Could it be?

Can this beautiful game end already. I am tired. I need to focus on something else. What I have come to realize is that I am loyal. That’s how I am in real life not just with this game. If my heart is not in something or is suspicious about someone, I will stand alone and firm in my opinion. I just trust my gut feeling and so one minute I will seem full of something or someone then the next I will slowly disappear leaving no trace. If I sense pride, am out and if I sense humility am in. It’s something I learned from a very young age. I can’t explain it.

Where are my manners? I just woke up. Everything is as it was last night other than a new day and new thoughts. Good Morning this Saturday shocking day. If am a lady and am this shocked about the basketball game, I can only imagine how gentlemen out there who equally love the game are feeling emotionally. This is not just a game. This is very PERSONAL. Why does it feel as if we are breaking up? It doesn't feel as if it's just basketball am referring to but something else. Someone. Could it be? 

If you follow me on social media, you will see just how passionate I am about everything I do,so this game is driving me insane. I have one weakness which is actually a strength. I make up my mind way too fast. When I have given my all, I always leave.

What I realized earlier on in life especially when depression hit me hard is this. Even when you are down, life goes on. Life actually passes you by. Staying down or sad won’t slow life or time. Life will pass you by. So I decided to always keep going regardless. It’s not that I don’t care. I do. I just won’t dwell on it. I always remind myself of how life passed me by angry while the party that caused the anger lived. Being bitter took everything away from me. So I tried being better which I found amusing. It replaced everything around me. In playing basketball I felt free and unstoppable. I haven’t played it but I have a feeling I will soon when the time is right. It’s like falling inlove. I don’t need to date around to achieve that feeling seeing as I have been single for years. I am not a pro but I know love.

I am not into facts. Am not into that mumbo jumbo. I trust my gut feeling. There are people who force situations but am the opposite. I will happily walk away from any situation which makes me either feel uncomfortable or unappreciated especially when I have done my best by them.

This game has exhausted me. It feels as though I was in a relationship. I don’t stick around for wins unfortunately. All that matters to me is leaving a mark. An impact. A difference. A game changer. What follows after win or lose doesn’t matter to me. Getting an opportunity is more important. It’s everything to me. What you do with your opportunity is entirely up to you. I will focus on my love for cars the minute this is over. I love this game 🏀

Sometimes life surprises you but that can only happen if you grab the opportunity. Right now mine is #MyMagazineThoughts

It's deeper than our souls

Today is a very special day. It’s not a day of losses but it’s a beautiful day to acknowledge and reflect on the wins. You might not be THE ONE but being vulnerable enough to open up to love again to me and in my humble opinion makes you THE WINNER!!!.Good Morning beautiful souls.

Last year, rather decade *strange huh* my life was completely different. October is a very special and #PERSONAL month. I adore my birthday month January obviously but October was the game changer for me. Did I meet someone? Perhaps but moreso I found and fell inlove with myself. Have you ever been so damaged that on meeting someone else instead of them making you better, they empower you to better yourself. He is my answered prayers. He is exactly what I needed moving and going forward. He didn’t even say anything. Him being alive is enough encouragement.

Knowing myself and how I love, I am sure my soulmate will at first be jealous of this man but later on look for him and thank him in person. It’s deeper than our souls. He is not of this world as well. I wasn’t even planning to blog but when I talk about him, another special side of me is unveiled. Would I ever date him? No. Would I ever fool around with him? First of all, he is a gentleman. Fucked up in his own unique way but there is foolishness you don’t serve such a man. No

He is neither family nor close to being my bestfriend. But I would gladly do for him what I do for the people I love in my life without hesitation even though we are not friends. Am good at walking away. It’s a gift but for him, I would stay.

We deserve to be happy separately like personally I can’t wait to meet my soulmate and love the crap out of him. He was the one to lead me to the one. In meeting him, I won myself back. In my books, he will always go down as an angel.

 My answered prayers #MyMagazineThoughts

It's true

People only want to support you when you are winning. In all honesty, what’s there to support when you get to the top? When you get your breakthrough what else is there to say? Other than reflect on the hardship and difficulties to get there. Good Morning sweethearts, let us talk...

This is not going to sit well with people who consider themselves as “movements”. Answer me this,”Are you a housefly?” Why do you want to be everywhere? Why are you everywhere? Everywhere where there is a win for that matter. I said we are talking here,remember! Let’s get deeper. I view life differently. I am not a come one come all human being. The more the merrier type of person. I am a the less the better. If you are not with me when am losing especially if you know me, please don’t invite yourself when I am winning. That’s not arrogance that’s honesty. If there is anything I hate other than lies is hypocrisy. People are quick to assume you are jealous which I don’t even know the meaning of when in actual sense you are simply not bother. Some people don’t even know one’s story but they want association as soon as they see a win.

Unfortunately ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing for you here if by now you haven’t seen anything amazing in me. If you can’t make time for me when I am at my lowest I doubt you will ever have the energy to help celebrate my achievements. Let’s be mature. I don’t want you to shake my hand when I win, I need you to hold my hand as I fall and try to rise up again. What I have come to realize about myself is that am the happiest cheering people who are down and low. As soon as they win, I am out. On to a new project/person.

The best opportunity in life when you offer someone your support when they are not in a position to offer themselves much. It doesn’t have to be much. It could be a simple encouragement time and again or that undying assurance that things won’t always stay the same. That’s why am quick to share my down stories as opposed to my victory ones. You will never appreciate good news if you have never had an experience with bad news. I am keen to notice people who walk in and out of my life. When was this and why? If I can answer that honestly then I can handle anything coming my way. I never want to miss out on a true friend just because am focused on winning or the loss is too much. I don’t do what I do to get validation, I do it because that’s who I am. We will not hang out if by now we already don’t.

Don’t step on my toes and expect me to apologize. But Njeri what happened to being mature? What happens when you attack a bee? It will sting you. Common sense people common fucking sense. Two wrongs don’t make it right. Fuck that bullshit. Be the bigger person my ass. It’s true

We have all had instances where we have let God down by forgetting we are Christians. You never thought you had it in you until that fateful time *evil laughter*. Allow me to laugh at all of us *moment of loud laughter*. Good times *wipes off imaginary tears*. What a long process.

Never forget how far God has brought and delivered you so much so that when you win, you make about yourself. There are people who will genuinely wish you well and those who will always remind you of the hard times you have had to endure. You deserve to win. Not based on hardwork but because it will be your turn. Your time. God will bless you simply because He is God. Don’t be alarmed when the very same people will want association and change the story from opposing to supporting you when you win. Even in the presence of a harvest weeds will show up.

Don’t ever forget who you are even when you win. Sometimes even wins are short lived. Capitalize on every opportunity. Some wins are rare. With every loss comes an unexpected win most people miss out on. With #MyMagazineThoughts you can be the few who can identify and grab the win.

I couldn't hold back the tears

Dear soulmate,

Today is not one of those days I write to you of how I miss or can’t wait for us. There is something you need to know about me. Before you walk in my life aware that it’s me you are choosing above everyone else, I need you to read this. It’s okay for me to cry.

Today was a hard day at work. God has been gracious through out this pandemic. It’s not business am worried about. It’s the people I care about. I know God knows how to take care of His own and I say it all the time but sometimes I worry about them.

I tend to worry more for them than I do over myself. Baibèé I am a warrior. As my bestfriend tells me, I always find a way to pick myself up and fight some more. Today somehow I lost that strength. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hold back the tears.

I know so much more awaits and that is what broke my heart on their behalf. I locked myself in the washroom and I had my moment with God. So I wept and let it all out. I wasn’t talking to my friend, I was pouring out my frustrations and moments of weakness to God my father.

Sometimes you have to do what you must do to get to the other side. I wanted God. I needed God more today than I did yesterday. As I write this, I feel my strength has been renewed because I believe all things work for my good and those who not only love but seek God.

There are days I will look at you and lock myself in the washroom praying on your behalf because I will want greatness more for you than you will want it for yourself. Out of all the cute nicknames you will have for me I hope Blessed and warrior are your two favorite things about me. It’s okay to cry. That doesn’t make me a little bitch or weak. It makes me human. It means it means I care so much more that what meets the naked eyes. 

I just thought I would share #MyMagazineThoughts . 

Until we meet,

Yours faithfully, 

Njeri.

It exists

There is nothing wrong with hooking up with someone who is physically attractive. Am past that. I know there are still so many men out there when they humble themselves before God, hell trembles. Men who love God but you wouldn’t tell as some of them don’t even look the part.

There is just something powerful about a God fearing man. It doesn’t have to be that deep where you speak in tongues but that #FatherSon connection makes a difference. See you don’t even look, speak or walk the same. You have that heavenly vibe to you. Ladies, think about it.

I know am confusing people right now. Seriously what does Njeri want? I don’t want it all. Because I might lose the most valuable of them all. But what I want the most, has to be it all. That godly love tends to withstand the test of time. I was brought up with it. It exists.

I don’t want what my parents have, I want what God has for me. At this day and time are there legible men who bow their heads and pray? Pray as in prayer not prey as in player? See what I did there *laughing mischievously*. Sometimes I wonder. I am hopeful all the same.

God has his ways. He always does. He knows, He sees and He provides. I used to view life from a all is not lost perspective. Now I view life differently. God hasn’t even began His magic yet. This is His introduction. Much more awaits ahead and not behind #MyMagazineThoughts

More baggages

You can’t fake fate. I believe fate is God given. How do you fake something that can only be offered by God. Where would you even begin with all due respect? I believe in living in my truth. Especially if it’s something am passionate about, I will catch you in your lies.

When you fake interest that’s where I draw the line. Are you that uninteresting that you have to pretend to be someone you are not? So when are you planning to ever be yourself? The lack of consistency in the pretense throws me off. Where is the juice? That’s it?

Some people had mental and psychological issues way before the pandemic and as a result with everything else going on in the world and their world it has gotten worse. It’s so much deeper and bigger than what meets the eyes. It’s a serious issue that needs to be tackled gently. We all look well put together from the outside yet most are empty. Two broken people can’t fix each other. Listen, you are both expecting each other to heal because you have “something in common” which in this case is being hurt. Until history repeats itself. More baggages.

When was the last time you were honest with even if not someone else, yourself? When was the last time you genuinely enjoyed your own company. What do you like about yourself something no one you have ever slept with has ever said? What do your friends like about you? What do people say they like about you? Is it in line with what you tell yourself? Do you even like yourself? Why do you always do that to yourself? Why do you even allow that whatever that is? If you woke up as a random citizen, would their opinion of you change? Do you even like the people in your life to begin with? What do you like about them? If they stopped being themselves would you still stick around? If you took the time to understand who you truly are on your own, as slow as life seems, things would align themselves somehow.

I have come to realize this, people don’t want somehow, they want to belong if not somewhere or anywhere, everywhere will do. You can’t be everywhere with everyone. That’s why you are getting shallow to baseless answers.

 Me: What do you like about me? 

Him: Everything 

Me: What do you mean? 

Him: I can be anything you want me to be.... I like you, I really like you. 

Me: What do you like about me? 

Him: Wow, everything.

That’s a pretentious person right there. That’s a toxic conversation. People would rather hide their pain than be honest. The few who have mastered reverse psychology use their pain to bait unknowing victims.

No one is perfect but I admire people who have accepted their past. People who don’t allow the pain and hurt hinder them from moving on. With that comes communication. I thought technology was supposed to improve communication but it’s not. People are using it to escape reality.

And so when you meet me, the first question I will ask is this,”Who hurt you. What’s your story?” Anyone can handle your good side. I want the side that you think doesn’t deserve an audience. Understand that your “hurt”  is your biggest strength in disguise #MyMagazineThoughts

I will come as I am

Dear soulmate. I am sure what God has for us is quite the adventure of a lifetime. Let’s be realistic. You will have your past and so will I. I am sure there are ladies you fell inlove with and was sure you would spend the rest of your lives together. That had to happen.

Am sure part of you still feels like someone got away. Maybe if you fought enough or did a little more, things would have turned out different. She would still be here. I am sure you have had regrets and sometimes replay the situation differently in you mind. 

What if?

What if they stayed? Where would the two of you be now? What if you overcame your insecurities and asked her to marry you, perhaps she would make you the happiest man alive. What if she had your babies? That would have sealed your union till death. Men, what if? ..... RIGHT!?

What if? 

What if you gave your all? What if there was nothing else left to do or say? What if she was the one to teach you how to open up even though she left you hurt? What if she is the reason you have waited for so long? What if that was meant to lead you here? What if you are to blame for having too many expectations on someone who only loved you. What if there is no what if? What if you are really mad at yourself for wanting it to work when all you had to do was walk away? What if you are too scared to try again? What if you want to be wanted?

What if? 

What if secretly you are ashamed it never worked out and feel like it never will with anyone else? What if you are too needy and in a world where men don’t show emotions you are scared of being rejected and branded as weak?

I am sure there are ladies who have done right by you and some who have betrayed your trust. I am not coming into your life to erase those beautiful memories. I am not here to compete by trying to set higher standards. I will come as I am.

There are times you will fall hopelessly inlove with me and there are times you have no choice but to fall hopelessly inlove with me. I know you already have a bestfriend so we will create a special position for me. I already have one for you. I already have a bestfriend as well.

I thought of someone from my past and his memory made me smile. That’s how I knew it could only work with you and no other man. I miss you. Another man made it easier for me to accept and receive all the love you have to offer me. #MyMagazineThoughts are on my soulmate only

If they only knew .......

#Truthsday being with a gentleman I really like and wishing I wasn’t celibate. I would have rocked your world. Everyone in your life would hate me right now. I am not hypocritical that’s why am sharing my truth. I am purposefully celibate because I know what am capable of. 

It’s not easy. Being celibate is the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life. Especially when God sends attractive gentlemen my way. Seriously God? It doesn’t help the fact that am extremely imaginative and a certified day dreamer. If all I do is smile alone AM SORRY!

Before, my biggest fear was if I don’t give it up, he might leave. Now, that is my greatest strength. Knowing I am celibate. It has helped me focus on myself enough to walk away from gentlemen who only have selfish needs towards me. Am flattered but no thank you. I want different. From how do you walk away from all that to I am actually walking away from all that, and I am okay with that. Not because it’s not what I want but I would rather lose you than lose myself in trying to please you. I am so worth the wait. If they only knew ..........

No one wants to be vulnerable enough to be honest. Listen Romeo, before you, someone else fucked up!!! We both did. I thought he was special only he wasn’t and I made the decision to not make that mistake ever again. It took a while to get over him. Then I started dating myself.

I still stayed open minded to meeting an amazing man and when that didn’t happen, I realized I actually enjoy my own company. The more I discovered myself the more aware and protective of my heart and body I got. See, I already have this system where, the only man in my life is God. My father and brothers already have their lives figured out although they are great supporters. Somehow I have managed. I don’t know you. I would hate to say this but I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE. I have seen it play out. That’s what my mind is telling me. You scare me.

I thought I was doing okay on my own until I started feeling this sudden urge to NEED you. Unlike the past experiences, I have never needed anyone before. Since it’s strange, am allowing myself to ignore the feeling and you, hoping you and it will go away.

I was just getting comfortable. I was hoping for different. I was praying for different and when it never showed up, I assumed I had unrealistic expectations. I can’t recognize you as I have never had different before. That’s my TRUTH. These are #MyMagazineThoughts on celibacy

Who is this man?

 I view the world differently. I like surrounding myself with things not people things that look impossible to achieve especially considering everything I have gone through. Realistically speaking I can’t afford that right now and even if I could mysteriously it wouldn’t make me happy. I love luxury cars. Growing up with my brothers I didn’t play with dolls we built cars. If we did that with just cartons and bottle tops what if I worked hard and God decided to multiple my blessings and I could design a real car. That would be epic. That’s the ambitious side of me. 

Then there is the hopeful side. Cars are a brilliant idea but knowing myself that would be too easy as it’s not what my heart truly desires. I want something specially designed in Heaven. Not something but someone. I seek true love.

 I love myself enough to spend the rest of my life alone but the fact that I know my soulmate is out there wont let me settle in peace. The fact that he exists bothers me. I want God to take me on a personal journey and for both us to observe you from afar. The one thing I miss the most about him is his face. How does he look like? I want to be there and for him to not recognize me. I don’t even want a relationship yet, just to see who God has a mind when He formed me in my mother’s womb. 

Who is this man?

Even if you drove past me in my now to own car, I wouldn’t notice leave alone be bothered. Am about things that are not tangible. When it comes to trends am out. Am like an old fashioned man whose only concern is his land and his family. Do what makes you happy.

That’s why it’s so easy for me to walk away from things and people who no longer have that fight in them anymore. Comfortable people concern me so much so I never want to be around them. Am constantly dreaming thus always changing.

I have never been attracted to anyone based on their success and achievements. It’s your story which got my attention. Am into faces. I wouldn’t know if you were dressed or not. Your eyes are the windows to your soul. It’s what I will pick up when I draw my attention to them that will determine if I will stay or walk away. If I can’t offer my help or support I will respectfully leave. If there is something to offer, I will stay for a while then leave. Forgive me if I don’t come off as aggressively ambitious as everyone else. I am sorry for that.

I am not sorry however that whatever I have to offer is priceless. Love conquers all. Love wins. It’s not much to most but to me, it’s EVERYTHING. The kind of love I have to offer is different. It will break everything in you yet uncover something in you. It will be uncomfortable.

I am sure you have loved and lost and loved some more to a point right now you are just winging it. In loving you, I will teach you how to love yourself but most importantly how to love God more by putting him first in your life. That way even with me gone, you will always win. Those are my #MyMagazineThoughts 

How to handle it all

I feel a #SundaySermon storming up inside me. That’s how God does it. One day in advance. When God is done with me, the things that used to upset me sending me to a corner to cry are the very same things that will bring out the David in me. Am making my way towards a but this time am not going to cry, am going to talk to God. I need to know He is with me. I need to be sure He is the one speaking and not fear. I need him to go before me. I am on my knees as a sign of humility because they who kneel before God can stand before anyone. And as soon as I say Amen and open my eyes, it will have happened all too fast I have to slow it down for you to understand. I have been in corners for so long, I know where the stones are even with my eyes shut.

In humbling myself, God will hasten my legs and by the time I am on my feet, am already in a battle zone. Well equipped. Let’s go back to David. The best of the best and am not referring to the action movie here, came to fight Goliath.

When they were done going through all the available options, here comes David. He was a shepherd. That’s all they saw. I recognize David as a trained soldier. You just don’t wake up as King, you are trained and prepared to be one. If you can be entrusted with little, you can be entrusted with much. From herding sheep to later ruling the people. Greatness comes with work. It doesn’t start at the top, it starts from the bottom. Read the Bible and see how God used to do it. How He still does it.

Some of you are in training what looks like of all the blessings God has in heaven, He gave you “the worst job ever”. If Jesus the son of God spoke in parables what of God? He is a master of plot twists in my humble opinion.

When it’s you time, that training has not been in vain. We don’t serve a God who tease, He delivers. The way you look has nothing to do with where you are headed next. It’s what’s in you that is required and will qualify you to being set apart. No one can ape your capabilities 🔥

They may look a certain way. Good for them.They know people on the inside. Wonderful. They have been there for years. Beautiful. Can we now get to the plot twist. The highlight of it all. They are not the people for the job. Njeri, Me? Yes you. There is no BUT here. You are what they have been waiting on and they didn’t know it until Goliath showed up. God will not reveal you until what He has prepared you for is ready. You will not be humiliated or have to wait because God will keep you busy in the training stage. How to handle it all.

Why are you angry when you should be giving thanks. It’s not in your place to tell God when you are ready, for He already knows. If it’s taking way too long it means Goliath is bigger but the leadership or reward is the biggest out of all this mysterious puzzle.

Rejoice and again I say REJOICE 🔥🔥🔥. This will mark the rest of your life. You are not forgotten, you are the element of surprise. You are that special. He can’t go flashing you out just anywhere. You are the man/ lady for the job. You are David #SundaySermon

I am Ruth

When I lost those friendships back then, I was scared. They would obviously have on thing in common which was they no longer liked me. That didn’t hurt me. Are you kidding me ? That broke me. Having people who knew you turn their back on you is like walking into a battle field with nothing to protect yourself with and outnumbered. God how did you do that? When you learn to accept the harsh reality, you automatically become cautious of everyone around you. Just like that I became my own soldier.

I have my weak moments but that only happens when I love. I have given love a try or two or whatever. This date a broke guy grow together, get with an ambitious gentleman he will invest in you madness, yes I have tried and failed miserably. People are out here only for themselves. I avoid drama and where I can I walk away and where I can’t I block it out. LITERALLY!!! So now what am teaching myself of late is this. To not and avoid saying am already used to it. In a way am hindering myself by uttering and projecting the past results.

If am not good at borrowing what makes you assume I will even attempt to beg for something or someone to stay in my life. If anything I will be the first to encourage you to leave. Please let me hold the door for you and kindly don’t ever look back. There is so much more outside. That’s neither fear nor arrogance. It’s knowing I no longer have it in me to entertain and tolerate people or things that don’t grow and push me to grow. That’s why my bestfriend is my best friend. We don’t share the same dreams but we bring out the best in each other as friends. As for my soulmate I remember praying and dedicating that son of a woman wherever he is that if he doesn’t understand and see Gods purpose in my life, don’t let him near me. Erase him from my mind and teach my heart to not love him.

I joke around about alot of things but when it comes to God, I don’t even hesitate. Am a fool for God. It doesn’t have to make sense as long as it’s God ordering it. I will show up. I will deliver. If  God sends me your way, clearly you will learn the hard way. I am Ruth.

There is a reason why my parents named me Ruth. I don’t use my first name because it’s who I am and not just anyone is worthy of my undivided devotion and commitment. For me to do all that you are either a Naomi or Boaz. I must discern your spirit. I have nothing to offer you in the flesh. But as along as when I kneel and call upon the name of God, baibèé I have everything to offer you. I would rather lose the love of my life than who I am in God. No hard feelings but let me walk you out. Bye

I blog because it’s one of Gods gift to me. You don’t need an army by your side to feel safe, secure and loved. You just need to get your relationship with God right and forgive yourself. Learn to love yourself. Accept your shortcomings. Be a decent human being. God will bring everyone who is meant to be in your life stay & newness will blossom. Let them leave. Stop clinging to closed doors. You are amazing to look at and be around if only you paid attention to yourself long enough to realize that. In everything give thanks to God #MyMagazineThoughts

you are what I want

Tonight is one of those nights where I am not going to share poetry as I am awfully generous 😉. I was hoping if I could possibly borrow you for the night. Just for a few hours. You can bring the warmth of your heart and I will allow the sparkle in my eyes to set the mood.

I see that has your attention. Good. I can work with that. Am starting to feel cold and get chills. I wonder why? That’s right, you haven’t closed the distance between us. So am going to need you to draw me in closer to you. As you do that, am slowly starting to feel silly.

What I should have said is now am starting to feel vulnerably shy. Am excited, anxious, scared, confused yet with all these mixed emotions I am still standing inches from you. I want to run away but I can’t. It’s not what I want anyway. This is what I want. You are what I want.

But I can’t tell you. Not just yet. So as I hold your hands and I look deep into those mysterious breathtaking eyes, I stop and let out a long sigh. Then I smile and quickly look away. You just stand there. With a gentle squeeze you allow me to just be lost in my own silence then in almost a whisper I begin opening up. Who you are, what people see and what they say. None of that matters because there is who you are to me, what I see and what am about to start saying for not just tonight, but endless nights to come if God grants us more ahead together.

I always keep my word. I asked to borrow your heart for a few hours and I intend to let you go. I just didn’t want this night to end without reminding your heart how important it is to not only you but to me as well as it’s part of #MyMgazineThoughts . How is that for poetry 💜💜

please don't fall for me

I always trust my gut feeling. If I don’t like you, nothing you ever do or accomplish will ever change my mind. Earning my respect is more valuable than acquiring any material possessions. Am built differently ask anyone who knows me. Impressing me is a job. Many have failed at.

How do you impress me? It’s so easy. Be yourself. If you are bad, come fucked up. I have a soft spot for people who are messed up coz secretly I think am the same in some ways. If you are nice stay true to yourself. Two faced people annoy me. They lack consistency.

I don’t know how to be cute. I wouldn’t know where to start. Am naturally sexy and in charge. It’s in my DNA. My mum is tough while my dad is charismatic. Life is full of choices. I know when to use either, neither and both. Then ofcourse I have my own God given gifts as well.

If I come off difficult, Njeri is not for you. If I come off too easy, again, am not for you. I always speak my mind which has landed me in trouble seeing as I only have one true friend. I embrace the truth. I don’t know how to lie. That sounds like a job on its own.

Pretentious people in my humble opinion are worse than murders. I used to be in girl groups before and was tiring. The lies, unnecessary drama. I have witnessed the shallow shows, make believe. You hear of what ladies do from men and my mind is blown. Sometimes I feel like a man.

What makes me beautiful is my story. What will make you stand out to me is your story. This is real life and not social media where I will offer you free emojis. I don’t offer such services here. When you are wrong, I will not agree with you to stroke your ego, I will be honest.

If I like you, I genuinely will show you and if I don’t, we all can’t be popular now can we? Fuck am not. Welcome to my life. In the words of Kendrick Sit down! Be humble. Such is life sweetheart. Familiarize yourself with the system. Know your place.

Am rare baibèé. You will never find another Njeri like me out there. God took His time with me. Not to brag but am special. Even the compliments I get are different. You’re a bitch, you’re not okay in the head. See, SPECIAL. That’s from people who don’t know me. Thank you all

At first when you meet in person you will be shocked. The magic is in my mouth *stops and stares at the imaginary perverts reading this* BEHAVE YOURSELVES. The first time I speak you will be shocked. I speak my mind with no filter. The second time, you will be torn. You will slowly start to expect the same reaction. Oh I never disappoint. The second remark is always worse than the first. The third one will get you smiling. Am my father’s daughter remember. I am very charismatic. You will start liking me. You will be sold on my bullshit. I am my mother’s daughter. I come off tough and uninterested until you get used to me and finally realize am actually charming. PLEASE DONT FALL FOR ME. Don’t be greedy either. You can’t have me all to yourself. Don’t get attached. That’s where most men have gone wrong.

Every man has something to offer each lady. I have so much to offer so I always walk away if you have less to match what am already offering. What am I supposed to do if you can’t even turn me on? Am yet to meet a man who meets my needs. You are not the problem, I am. I want MORE.....

My purpose in life is not to change anyone. If you are not happy with yourself no one can make you happy. I am honest with myself to stay and be alone until I meet the man / my soulmate who makes me as happy as I make myself #MyMagazineThoughts

dont set yourself up for failure

#Freeday I wish people knew this. Don’t ever play games with people who have been hurt because it makes it so much easier for them to walk away. It brings back a familiar disappointment. Sometimes, the wrong action can lead to the wrong reaction. Don’t set yourself up for failure.

You still wonder why people are always leaving. No one wants to be put on the spot. Everyone is too afraid of you to even bring it up. They become scared of you. Not me though. Am brave enough to tell you the truth then distance myself from a meaningless investment. You walk around broken and way guarded as if someone wants something from you. Such people amaze me. Am a giver not a taker. Sometimes life knocks you out so many times you assume everyone is out to get you. Get what exactly? Learn to relax. Calm down.

I prayed and still pray for God to open my eyes. I want to see and not overlook my blessings because sometimes they are disguised as something completely different. Stay open minded. Accept what is for me and walk away from what isn’t. But not dwell. No sir, life has to go on. My bestfriend thinks mind games are hot. I think mind games are childish. A complete waste of time. Go work on yourself but don’t be selfish enough to assume I will put my life on hold to wait. If am ready, my soulmate is equally ready.

In playing mind games aren’t you pushing someone away? Aren’t you giving them reasons to replace or notice someone else who is actually forthcoming with them? Why are we mad when we get what we want? Don’t gamble with peoples emotions.

What if one day your child will come home crying. Before consoling them, am sure you would think of ways to get even with the culprit behind it. Only for them to tell you someone is misleading them. Wouldn’t that break your heart? You are someone’s child. Life has already tested you enough times. This Godly gift that is free comes with its ups and downs. I want to play mind games with you first then hopefully if am convinced that I like what I see, I might think of pursuing you. MAYBE!!! No promises. Isn’t that utter rubbish? That’s the way I see it. You want to juggle as you keep other options open and entertaining. That’s immaturity. Such people have no place in my life. I value God, honesty and loyalty in that order. No one should ever tolerate such antics.

There is something someone told me today. You are bold. I happily agreed with a smile on my face. I will tell you what I told him. I am bold because I have no room for fear in my life. I know whose I am. I only fear God. That’s where I draw my strength to #MyMagazineThoughts

numb to pain

It’s so easy now for someone to look at you and like you. It’s so easy for someone to fall for you. You can read through my feed and draw conclusions of how easy I might come off. Goodness it took the very best to get me ready for now. God has worked wonders on me.

There were times I never looked at myself coz all I saw was failure and the insecurities rubbed in like a motherfucker. My playlist was full of sad songs. Understand this, when someone hurts you and betrays your trust you can’t brush it off. That pain stays with you for a while. 

That’s why am over protective of myself. I had to relearn myself. What my strengths are. What my weaknesses are. I wasn’t in a dark place. Baibèé I took that darkness everywhere I went. I embraced the darkness and became it. I was dead on the inside. Numb to pain.

I was done with God. Life. Yet for some reason I wasn’t ready to pack and accept the job in hell. Silencing the voices in my head was hard. Year after year after year. I didn’t find God. God found me. He didn’t give me much to work with but He made sure I felt his presence.

I never forgot and I never want to as that’s what keeps me from ever going back. It motivates me to achieve the impossible.

Am not the way I am because someone disappointed me on the contrary am tough because it took God a long time to perfect this masterpiece you see here today. It took alot of work and the right people to be this amazing. I can’t afford to let them down.

I will never settle for anyone less than what God has envisioned for me. As a matter of fact, God take your time to perfect him to my specifications. We need to fit each other perfectly. Don’t ever rush God or life will knock you down. Take your time baibèé .......

To my Soulmate, as long as God grants me life, where do you think your fine ass is heading without me? The old me was too messy and it would have been unfair to place that much burden on someone’s son. You deserve the now me. Crazy af but still under construction. Let’s be honest, would the younger immature you have noticed me or you were busy chasing skirts left, right and center? I ain’t mad. Am not even jealous. I just hope that experience won’t go to waste when it’s out time if you know what I mean *wink*. God is still working on me darling *laughing sheepishly*

It’s so easy to fall for something finished. Somedays I will come off broken but I won’t stay that way. I will never take it out on you. I promise to share #MyMagazineThoughts throughout. Sometimes I will be more loyal to others but never question my unwavering loyalty and love

WAKE UP!!!

There are two types of people. Those who wake up motivated and those who take their time to get motivated. Then ofcourse there is Njeri. Listen if I don’t live motivated ama lose my damn mind. I almost lost my mind remember. Awww you are NEW here. Welcome to #MyMagazineThoughts

 I don’t know what September has instored for me but I am sure there is something or someone NEW for me. That’s one way to look at it. Whatever bullshit this month has, fuck it am down!!! That’s another way. Neither is better than the other. That’s all on you to decide. The way you view and value yourself this month doesn’t depend on anyone other than yourself. Guess who is to blame if nothing works out? YOU!!! If you are waiting for someone, anyone, anybody to come show you how to live your life, kindly slap yourself on my behalf. WAKE UP!!!

Wake the fuck up sweetheart. From your dirty pity party and get into the shower. You don’t own a shower? No problem. Get a friend who owns one coz basin water won’t work. You need to scrub that lazy mentality of waiting for a hero to come in and save the day to depart your life. 

Guess who your NEW hero is? YOU!!! Who is to say life won’t bring you what and who you want? On a scale of life and death, how willing are you to ensure whatever you desire is accomplished? Get back in the game. Play it like you never stopped. No more room for giving up.

Forget everyone else and what they are or have achieved. Focus on yourself. Your strengths. It might not be much but no one else can do it the way you can so use that & bank on it because that’s what makes you a masterpiece. There can only be one you so be freaking amazing at it.

What about your flaws? What about them? They make you human. That’s what. Listen, let your flaws be your motivation of never allowing anyone or anything get you back to the comfort of sitting out life when you should be exploring it. Enjoy September reading #MyMagazineThoughts

we are all looking for a connection

It’s Saturday. I know you know what day of the week it is. Am not going to blog. I have just woken up. Am in an honest state of mind. I will never lie to myself like that. This is not liar liar. Am not Fletcher Reede. No more excuses. I guess am blogging then. I am extremely cautious when it comes to how I present myself. I carry myself as a very ethical lady atleast that’s what I think am putting out there most of the time. So when men come onto me in a sexual manner am offended.

This is what I have come to realize about myself. When I really like a gentleman, I dress down. Am more comfortable in jeans, vest and sneakers. My party has never been on the outside. It’s always on the inside. Let that sink in. You figure it out. Am not going to expound. Am not a man. I don’t know what goes on in the minds of men. From the few strands of hair on my head to my satanic toes, ain’t no one is created like me out there. I have sarcastic answers for everything. Even when I say I don’t know, trust me, I know.

We are all looking for a connection. The type of connection where you don’t have to say much for the other to understand. That bestfriend and soulmate rare bond where you think alike. Feel each others pain and always know what to say to get through life.

So when a random man tells me on meeting me the first or second time am sexy that throws me off. Am a basic dresser and come off as one of the guys with a different honest opinion. How is that sexy? Sexy in my female humble opinion is making an effort. I stopped making an effort. Gentlemen, what kind of vibe are you picking from me? I don’t understand why every man I meet on saying hi eventually turns it into a sexual thing. Where am I going wrong? There was this guy, this one was not okay in the head. He took it upon himself to call me. It was work related then he followed it up with a text. Check your WhatsApp only to find erotic pictures of himself with a caption,”Do you like it? Is it big enough for you?” I threw up a little in my mouth and threw my phone in the dustbin. I think when I got home, I cried. I didn’t understand why I was attracting mannerless pricks. I hate confrontations especially from a less than smart person which was devastating. I never led nor attracted him so why was life sending me unfair situations.

Some people struggle with self esteem, am always fighting off mannerless men. The more rude I am the more determined they become. So I decided to flip the script and be cautiously nice. Story of my life turned to  #MyMagazineThoughts

leave Your Mark

Let’s go back to the basics. Manners. When you walk into a room do you remember to say hello? If it’s people you don’t like, hey am not judging. Am right there with you. Maintain your peace ✌🏾. It’s amazing how a hi changes things. It warms up the environment. Yes, am blogging

When was the last time you said thank you? Even after paying for services rendered or purchasing something do you remember to intentionally warmly say thank you. Have you ever taken the time to look at the smile or shock on the person’s face? I do. Try it. See how you feel after. When someone goes out of their way for you, do you return the favor or it immediately registers in your mind you are that important? Flattery will get you everywhere especially when used the right way. Timing is key. Let’s use this example below 👇

You: Hi Njeri. How are you? 

Me: Hi. I am good thank you for asking. How about you? How are you today? You look amazing 😉 incase no one has mentioned it. 

See that’s not trying too hard. That’s coming off friendly in a polite way. That either triggers a conversation or good vibe

That’s what happens when you walk into a room even when you are having a bad day, the positive energy somehow finds its way back to you. Don’t just do good. Be good. I know of days I could have really used that goodness in my life. So I started it with myself.

When you wake up in the morning think of something you really admire and like about yourself. Cheer yourself up with that. Take your flaws as well and learn to work around them. Stay true to yourself even when the world around you changes. Being odd is ridiculously awesome.

Leave a lasting impression when you walk away. Have a good day. Have a delightful day. Have a wonderful day. It’s going to be okay kind of talk. That is what makes you memorable. Don’t be forgettable. Leave your mark. One day, it will make a difference #MyMagazineThoughts

#SundaySermon

We don’t serve a God who recycles . We serve a God of order. That’s why things are messy & seem out of place. This is a new decade thus new strategies. New platforms, new faces , new ideas, new perspectives. The one thing that is constant is NEW #SundaySermon

Don’t be stuck in and on the old & miss out on new opportunities. You can’t rely on what used to work before to a new unknown. This is the new reality. That old season is over. Stop holding on to closed doors when there is an open door open in front of you.

You can’t recognize the open door as it’s NEW. Don’t approach it with old ways. Those days of staying comfortable are over. You are not doing anything wrong but you are meant to move but you won’t unless your old routine fails #SundaySermon

Don’t be hard on yourself as you are doing the best you can. You thought what you had was the best? Wait until you get the hang of the NEW. The more you resist the harder it’s going to get. Think of the possibility NEW brings with it. NEW beginning. A fresh start #SundaySermon

I didn't walk away

There is something I was supposed to tweet on but I forgot. I felt it so strong but I didn’t know how to go about it so I ignored it. I shouldn’t have done that. Now I have a second chance to blog on something personal yet motivational. Are you ready? Read on 👇🏾

The most hurtful thing then when someone I considered a friend said this to me. You remind me of nene. Why? I asked. She is so loud and ghetto. *spear to my chest* fast forward to today. I don’t know about anyone else but have you ever viewed a certain situation differently. Have you even seen someone who reminds you of a “I have been here before” moment. That nasty taste that makes you forget for a quick second of how far you have come to not be who you used to be? You find yourself angry then all of a sudden quiet. Then your mind goes blank.

Now that am calm and have regained my uniqueness, I can do what am good at. Turn that bull into shit. It’s a good thing. Let’s address the negative remark from my less than smart former friend. I would like to thank her. Genuinely say thank you even when I can’t stand her. Thanks.

Am from the village and proud of it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I mean if am a byproduct of ghetto and God has made someone out of me, there is something there. That keeps me grounded from allowing the immediate go to my head. I see it as a gift of humility.

Everytime am in doubt I always listen to what people say about me. Correct me if am wrong but isn’t nene married to a billionaire. So you see that in me? That’s how you see me yet I had it all wrong? You see a man of substance putting a ring on this? Girlllllll

The I have been here before scares me as I know how it ends. I stand to lose. Or do I? Is it recalling losing when God offers you better? That’s why something calmed me down. That was winning whispering only this time I listened. I didn’t walk away.

How can the odds be against me when I have been prepared and equipped with exposure for years? Shame on you fear. Shame on you for trying to scare me away when am ready for this moment. If it weren’t for it all, I wouldn’t share #MyMagazineThoughts

MERCY!!!

On Saturday’s I blog. Not that I want to but I have to. Do you ever have those moments where you have this feeling that someone is supposed to communicate but they don’t. I spend most of my time on Google trying to figure out some of these random thoughts I get. Those moments where it feels strange but clear. Am still in bed waiting for it to be a good morning. Being a lady sometimes sucks. I am trying to figure out how to wake up and prepare breakfast. This would all be different if I was dating.

After a night of heated passion and total satisfaction ofcourse my soulmate would be delighted to serve me breakfast in bed. Am talking about bringing his entire being to life the previous night so much so this morning he would offer me options in my breakfast. I like options. Then would come the awkward part. So, when are you leaving my house? He wouldn’t definitely say it but am sure he would feel it to a point he would kinda show it with his eyes. That would be the end of our relationship. Am weird. Let me explain

Am not the clingy type so I expect him to be aggressively possessive. There are two types of ladies. One who invites herself over to your house and now me, the unless he invites or is somehow sick, I will never show up. Even when he invites me over, i will never show up but knowing I have an open invitation excites me. Unless he comes and gets me, again i will not show up. Am sturbborn like that. Anything that requires my presence is of uttermost importance. If I avoid business meetings and these are sources of making me money, you think I will show up to a random residential for a “good time?” Are you demented? What? Wrong lady sir. Am not available and ever will be.

Am not a car yard where you will depreciate my value making it hard for the next man. The day I will show up in my soulmates house, he will have checked right everything on my list. Boy do I have a long list. I call it the list of possibilities. Everything he is can I match up?

Am intentionally celibate. Don’t ever get it twisted. I could be sexually active but am not. I don’t want a basic relationship with basic benefits. Where is the fun in that. I am saving myself for my soulmate. Listen, am talking about a man .....With just his presence my entire body shivers in excitement. Him being alive is sexy. He is so good it makes me wannabe so bad but just enough for him to notice. He doesn’t need to say much as his eyes already got me weak and running to him. MERCY!!! A type of intimacy which makes everyone uncomfortable. A type of love which only God can use to restore humanity to mankind. Such purity and intensity. An exchange of mental, spiritual and emotional bond which can only be explained by onlookers. Being lost in each other’s minds and words it’s draining yet refreshing. It’s bonkers yet makes perfect sense. A telepathy, a once in a lifetime love. We haven’t met yet we feel familiar and fond of each other. Our bodies don’t know each other yet our minds have explored one another’s soul. It’s not about sex. Our level of love making will only be explained as a bestseller novel. It’s that’s healing. That will be the overall gift to each other.

I already have a speech prepared to thank everyone in his life who have held him down. From God, to his family and his exes. Thank you. Thank you all. You have played your part tremendously. I thank you all.

So, is there such a man? Yes. Does he exist in real life? Yes. Have I met him? Yes. Am I still single? But Ofcourse 💯. Am I still celibate? Happily because I know good things come to those who wait. Do I like him? Yes. Enough questions as these are #MyMagazineThoughts